How To Make a Better Vampire
by arabean
Summary: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves - spoiler: it's Damon! while friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world. Damon/Elena, Stefan/Caroline, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Rebekah, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline
1. Not Yet

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 01 – Not Yet [Featured Characters: Elena, Damon, Stefan, Jeremy, Matt and Meredith]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 4,891  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fics. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

* * *

**Chapter 01: Not Yet**

Jeremy stood quietly just staring at her and Elena could only gaze back at him, all of the regret, the pain she was feeling bleeding from her eyes. His were teary, but his body trembled with relief and a smile flitted about his lips. He held out his hand to her and she found herself smiling back, her first genuine one since ... her mind skittered away. _Not ye_t, she thought. _I can't go there, not yet_. She took a deep breath, marveling that she still could. She had never thought of that. She was dead but she was breathing.

"Elena," he said her name, his voice soft, bringing her back into the present. "Please come in." She stretched her arm toward her brother, her fingers reaching for his hand and she easily passed through the barrier. Thank goodness they'd put both her and Jeremy's names on the lease after Jenna's death even if his age technically made Jeremy's ownership less-than-legal. A little compulsion from Damon and the officer had contentedly added a 16-year-old to the official document.

"Jumping the gun there, kid. She doesn't need an invite until she fully transitions." Elena looked at Damon, who offered up a ghost of a smile.

"We didn't know," she said softly, unable to smile in return. Stepping inside, Elena expected it to feel different, but it all felt, looked the same. There were the stairs just to her right, the entrance to the kitchen to her left, and the living room ahead. Beside her was the shelf full of pictures and bric-a-brac, the stupid bowl full of fake, fuzzy fruit. Absentmindedly, she let her fingers brush over their surface, wondering if it would start to feel ... _more_now or only after she fully transitioned. A shudder ran through her body at the thought. Jeremy reached for her, but Damon swiftly stepped inside and between them, an apologetic look on his face.

"Too soon, Jere, she might …" Damon's fangs popped out for a split-second, and Jeremy nodded in understanding, moving back.

Elena heard Stefan hesitantly enter behind her and then Meredith's low heels clicking on the floor. The doctor moved to Jeremy and gave him a hug; Elena heard her whisper that it would be alright. She wondered if that was thanks to vampire hearing or if any human could. _So many questions_, she thought. _So much I don't know_, and then a quick, unbidden surge of anger towards Stefan for keeping so much of what a vampire was from her. She knew bits and pieces, but most of what she knew she'd learned from Damon or Caroline. Not Stefan. Never Stefan, the eternal boy.

She laughed, and now she was the eternal girl. Well, eternal young adult. "At least I'm legal," she muttered.

Everyone was quiet, the silence building before Jeremy broke it, his voice high with anxiety. "So, you're not a vampire?"

Damon shook his head. "Not yet, Jeremy. She needs to feed." He reached out and touched Elena's arm. She was still and then she turned towards him, flashing back to when she'd first seen him upon waking.

xxxxx

_Elena jerked upright, releasing a huge gasp. She looked to her side and there was Stefan, steady, safe Stefan, but with a haunted look in his eyes. She didn't know where they were, why she felt like this, what had happened. The last thing she remembered was Rebekah standing on the bridge, the truck going down, the weight of the water trapping her again, and then Stefan. Elena turned to fully face him, the first round of questions on her lips when the doors burst open and Damon came rushing in._

_Amidst everything, all of her confusion and pain, there was a sudden rush of relief so intense that she closed her eyes at the feel of it spreading throughout her body. She remembered in that moment that he was supposed to be dead, she had said goodbye to him, broken his heart for the last time. She remembered – her eyes flew open and she looked back at Stefan. They were both supposed to be dead._

_"What happened?"_

xxxxx

Stefan shut the door behind the group of them and cleared his throat. Elena tore her gaze from Damon to look at … well, she supposed he was her boyfriend again. They'd never officially broken up anyway, but attempted murder and a general air of douchbaggery pretty much signaled a relationship's end. But when he was safe, steady Stefan once more, Elena chose that safe and steady and now she had a vampire boyfriend again.

And he had a vampire girlfriend again.

Elena laughed and this time it was very nearly a giggle with a hint of hysteria that she quickly stifled. Damon's fingers tightened momentarily and Stefan cleared his throat even louder. She dropped her arm from Damon's grasp, his touch starting to burn and faced Stefan. His eyes were kind, sad and so full of sorrow. His brow was furrowed and she suddenly wanted to cry.

She didn't want to be a vampire. As if reading her mind Stefan finally spoke, reminding her again. "You don't have to do this."

Jeremy made a low sound, an incoherent cry. Without looking to him, she straightened her shoulders and nodded slightly. "Yes, I do. I do, Stefan." _Why are you telling me I don't? Why are you making it harder?_She wanted to scream at him, but swallowed it into a bitter thought.

She turned to Damon. "We don't have any blood bags here."

Before he could respond, Jeremy took a step forward and piped up, "you can drink my blood." Elena looked at him. He nodded, his gaze sincere. "I want you to."

"Elena …" Stefan began, his unspoken words telling her that she didn't have to do this. She could just not transition, die a natural human death and leave Jeremy all alone. No parents, no aunt or uncle, no guardian, no one who loved him completely, who he loved in turn. She didn't even bother speaking again; she just gave a sharp shake of her head and turned to her brother.

"I won't drink from you," she held up a hand before Jeremy could protest, "but if you put it in a glass -–" Elena paused, and fought a sudden wave of weakness. She was so tired, aching so badly, having been in the not-quite-a-vampire phase yet for almost two hours now.

xxxxx

_"That's a good fucking question!" Damon spit out angrily, sparing a glance at his brother before turning his gaze back to Elena._

_She looked at him beseechingly, without words begging him to calm down. He was still for a long moment and then he nodded sharply, releasing an unsteady breath. Elena sent a smile his way. "Thank you," she whispered, and then louder. "I thought -– I thought that Klaus was dead, and all of you …" Elena trailed off._

_Damon shook his head. "I guess Klaus wasn't our great times a thousand grand-pappy after all."_

_"But Ric, he's -" she couldn't finish. Damon gave her a terse nod and looked away as she began to silently cry. He turned to his brother, an edge in his voice. "Your turn."_

_Elena wiped at her tears and took a deep breath. She looked at Stefan who remained silent. "What happened? I just remember being on the bridge. Matt was driving. We were in his truck." She stopped and closed her eyes, seeing Rebekah standing before them, the headlights shining brightly on her. Elena swallowed deeply, noting a steady ache in her mouth when she did so. She pushed through, not stopping to question it. "Rebekah was there, Matt swerved and then we -" she couldn't continue for a moment, her lips pressed tight._

_"The truck crashed through the bridge and you were in the water. Elena, I'm so sorry," Stefan nearly whispered; there was anguish lodged in every syllable. "I couldn't get to you in time. I couldn't save you."_

_Damon swore angrily in a low, fast murmur. Elena glanced at him. He stood stock still, but he was positively vibrating with emotion, his fists clenched tight. She had to look away._

_"Matt? Where's Matt?"_

_"He's - he's fine, Elena." Stefan's voice was still low and there was something, something she knew that he wasn't saying. Her eyes flitted close as she tried to remember and then she did. _I told him to save Matt, not me and he did. Oh, thank God, he did._ But …"Why am I here? Stefan?" Her voice started to rise as the implications of his words - 'I couldn't save you' - began to sink in. "I should be dead." Damon practically hissed from the edge of the metal table she lay upon. She gazed down at the gurney. "I'm in the morgue," she breathed. "Oh, God! I'm dead, but -" Elena broke off and looked to Damon._

_"The good doctor gave you some vamp blood for your undisclosed apparently near-fatal concussion earlier." Then he let out a soft sigh, and his voice lowered, the edge disappearing. "Elena?"_

_She wouldn't look up._

_"Elena, look at me."_

_She wouldn't. She wouldn't look up, she wouldn't face him, wouldn't hear the words. Not yet._

_"Elena," Stefan said, pain in his voice and Elena couldn't deny them both, but she couldn't deal with the heartbreak on Stefan's face._

He never wanted this for me. He knew I didn't want this. _She raised her head and met Damon's piercing gaze. He nodded, his lips parting and she knew that nothing would ever be the same once he spoke._

_"You're not dead, Elena. You're in transition." And he didn't mean what he said next, she knew he didn't really, but she appreciated that he said the words none-the-less. "I'm sorry."_

xxxxx

"If you want me to stay …" Meredith offered. Before she could respond, Damon stepped up.

"Yeah, no, you've done enough. Thank you, on your way."

"Damon -" she began, but he shook his head sharply. Elena watched their interaction, as if from a distance.

"I know, I know," he said, his tone softer now. "You go home, sleep and I'll deal with the council and the mess that Ric left behind." There was just the slightest catch on his best friend's name. "Don't go into work tomorrow, though. I've got to pull stuff together first before I dazzle them into obedience with my charm and take advantage of their cluelessness." He smirked, doing that eye thing of his.

_He's being so kind_, Elena thought, even as she felt a completely ridiculous flicker of jealousy. _He's showing her the Damon only I see. He's not pretending to be the big jackass that everyone is supposed to hate. Was it Ric's death? Mine that is making him drop the act? _She almost asked him, but then Jeremy called out from the kitchen, asking how much blood was needed. She shuddered, her stomach clenching, her jaws aching at the very mention of the word.

Elena couldn't turn to Stefan, who had closed the door behind Meredith and she could feel the weight of his stare upon her, the reminder that she could just die. She looked desperately at Damon, his attention once more focused on her. "I don't know," she whispered. "Not a lot, Damon. I don't want to drink - please, just what I need. Please." Tears danced at the corners of her eyes, her throat felt raw. Her body was so heavy. _Please don't fight me on this_, she thought. _Please_.

He nodded, and reached out, his fingers cupping her face. She moved closer, breathing in the feel of him. He would take care of her, she knew that he would. He always did.

"Elena," Stefan murmured and she felt a sudden pierce of guilt. She chose Stefan, she chose to be with him and here she was turning to Damon, relying on Damon, accepting comfort from Damon. She stepped back and turned away. The distance between them suddenly felt like a million miles.

"You two wait here," Damon's words were clipped, emotionless, as he looked past her gaze. "I'll help Jeremy measure." He almost smirked, but couldn't quite pull it off. Instead, his mouth tightened into a bitter line and he walked away just like he had in the morgue.

xxxxx

_Before she could respond to Damon, Meredith came rushing in. Elena looked at the doctor, knowing that she was here, that she would be a vampire because of this woman. "What did you do?" Elena asked, the anger she expected wasn't there, but rather pain._

_Meredith was quiet, her expression filled with such apology that she was near tears. "I'm sorry, Elena, I never – I never meant for this to happen to you. I'm so sorry."_

_"Sorry," scoffed Stefan. "You shouldn't have done it." His voice was low, resentment at the situation simmering in every word. "You have no right to be playing God with people's lives."_

_"Oh, shut up, Stefan. Elena's still here, that's what matters." Damon shrugged. "It would have happened anyway eventually." He spared a look of bitterness towards Elena. "After all, you can't have always without forever."_

_"Stop it!" Meredith cried out. "The paramedics who brought Elena in don't know anything about the vampire situation, but the higher-ups do and if they hear about a girl who was brought in dead but is walking around looking very much alive, they'll figure out that Elena is -" she paused and took a deep breath, "they'll figure it out."_

_She looked up at Damon. "I tested their blood. They don't have vervain in their system so you can compel them. They have to believe that she and Matt both lived."_

_Damon nodded, then cocked his head to the side, confusion clouding his face. "Wait, the higher-ups know what?"_

_Sighing, she bit her lip and quickly brushed a tear away. "I didn't get to tell you yet with…" she waved her hands around, "everything, but Ric warned me yesterday that the council, including members of the hospital board, know about what I've been doing. They're going to get the medical board to revoke my license." She let out a shaky breath. "Damon, I think the council knows everything."_

_"Right, right, they know about Blondie and wolf-boy, and that Liz and Carol know about Blondie and wolf-boy. Psycho!Ric probably told them about me and Stefan too." He began pacing the room. "Think, think."_

_"Think later," Meredith bit out, and then added with a worried frown, "well, not too much later. Now you have to compel those paramedics and get Elena out of here."_

_Elena slowly slid off the gurney. "You do that Damon, I have to go see Matt before I leave."_

_She expected him to argue but he just nodded and walked out. Meredith trailed behind him, leaving Elena alone with Stefan in the tension-filled room._

xxxxx

"Please, don't try and change my mind. Jeremy needs me." Elena faced Stefan, trying to smile. "And, we'll have forever." Her smile wouldn't come. Unbidden, the thought danced in her mind, _I never wanted forever with you_. If guilt had pierced before, now it stabbed her in the gut. She pushed past it. "I chose you, Stefan. I was coming back to Mystic Falls to you."

He didn't point out that by making that choice, she died. Neither did Elena. Stefan simply nodded, smiled and then folded her in his arms. It didn't feel right; she didn't feel safe … not anymore. _You let me die_, she thought, but said, "You saved Matt."

"You wanted me to." He paused, and she could see the guilt was still there, the fear that as time passed she would realize that she hated him for letting her die. She couldn't do that to him. He had too much guilt, too many demons weighing him down. He respected her decision; he accepted what she chose. She couldn't, wouldn't fault him for that. "You did, Elena?" The press for reassurance broke her heart. She couldn't break his.

"Of course, you did what I asked you to." Leaning up, she gave him a quick kiss. "Thank you." A quick smile ghosted his lips, and the warmth and love in his eyes reminded her exactly why she chose him.

Leaning in, he pressed his forehead against hers, murmuring softly. "I do love you, Elena."

"I love you too," she whispered back, but her eyes closed and she choked back a cry because their declarations didn't wrap her up in the same warmth of only six months ago. Still she nodded, determinedly reinforcing her words, and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"If you two are done making up for lost time, we've got a vampire to make."

Elena pulled away from Stefan and turned to Damon, but was unable to meet his gaze. She mused that maybe the first thing she should do as a vampire was switch her damn emotions off because making a choice hadn't made things easier. She shook the thought away and nodded at Damon, Jeremy hovering behind him. "Let's do this."

The four of them walked up the stairs. She expected it to feel like the longest climb, but in seconds they were in her room. She and Jeremy looked at each other nervously, a small glass of red liquid in his hand. Stefan looked out the window while Damon leaned against the doorjamb, nonchalant boredom faked across his face. Moments passed and no one did anything. With a roll of his eyes and a quick movement, Damon plucked the glass from Jeremy and handed it to Elena.

"Drink."

She looked up at him, fear taking hold and then the smell of her brother's blood flooded her senses. She felt the heavy pooling beneath her eyes and the sharp pinch as her fangs popped out for the first time. She let out a cry, mirrored by Jeremy's response. There was a thud to her left, Stefan hitting the wall.

xxxxx

_"I should have saved you." Stefan's head was bowed. "I went back for you, I did, but it was too late. You were gone, Elena," his voice cracked, full of emotion and he was so the boy that she fell for that Elena's heart was flooded with relief again, this time at the realization that Stefan was still here and not gone, taken with Klaus' destruction._

_She took a deep breath, easily falling back into the role of the concerned, absolving girlfriend. "You would have if you could. I know that, Stefan." He looked up then, the touch of uncertainty lessened in his eyes now. "I needed you to save Matt, and you did." He was quiet, but nodded, managing a smile. Elena sat still for a moment longer before turning and easing herself off of the gurney. Stefan rushed to her, but she stood steady. "I'm fine," she assured him. "And speaking of Matt, I do want to see him."_

_"Of course you do."_

_She looked around the room, the morgue, struck anew that she was ... gone. She sighed. "Does he know? About me?"_

_Stefan nodded._

_Pausing, she let out an unsteady breath. Her head tilted slightly to the side, and she felt a heaviness begin to develop behind her eyes. "And Jeremy?"_

_"I didn't tell him, but Dr. Fell did. She called him when we came in, but told him not to come here because it could bring too much attention to your, uh … you." Elena wiped away a teary streak. "He's waiting at home for you," Stefan hesitated, and then reached out to hold her hands. "Elena, he'll be there waiting. For whatever you decide to do."_

_She shook her head. "Do?" And then in a rush, her eyes widened and she gasped. "I don't have to ..." she trailed off as he shook his head, his soft eyes full of sympathy. And pain, but there was understanding as well._

_"Not if you don't want to." He blinked quickly, and his eyes watered, but no tears fell. He even managed another halfhearted smile for her benefit. "It's your decision."_

_Elena pulled away. She turned to face the wall, bringing her hands to her face as she realized what he was saying, what she could decide and what it would mean, who she would be leaving behind. Stefan, Damon, Bonnie, Caroline._

_Jeremy._

_"Oh God, Jeremy," she cried and her decision was made. She couldn't leave him alone. Elena shut her eyes tight and didn't fight the tears, mourning her humanity, allowing herself the moment to regret her decision. And then she was done. She took a deep breath, straightened her back and wiped her tears away. Turning to face Stefan, she threw on a shaky smile and nodded. "I have to. For Jeremy."_

_"Elena, you don't have to decide right now. You can think -"_

_"I need to see Matt." Her voice was sharper than she intended, but she couldn't, she wouldn't second-guess herself._

_Stefan closed his eyes, his mouth a grim line. Then he nodded. "I'll go with you."_

_She shook her head. "No, you go find Damon, take care of everything. After what Meredith said, we can't have any loose ends. Besides, Matt probably isn't too happy with you right now." A flash of pained regret crossed his face. "No, you did what I wanted, but he -" she sighed. "He probably won't understand, not right now, so I think it's best you just ... don't come." She reached out and grabbed onto his hand for a quick squeeze of comfort. "I'll meet you guys in the parking lot, OK? About twenty minutes. Then we'll go home, and do what has to be done."_

_"You don't ..." he tried again._

_"I do." Elena nodded firmly. "For Jeremy."_

xxxxx

Damon lifted the glass, bringing the blood closer. Elena's body trembled, screaming for the taste. She couldn't move.

"Elena, please." Jeremy's voice dropped to a whisper, and she could hear the threat of tears in his tone. "I can't lose you."

She nodded, but had one more question before she took the blood. "Will I get kicked out the house once I drink this? Or is there a time delay?"

From her left, Stefan's voice was low. "It will take an hour or so before the blood fully transitions in your system. Jeremy will have to invite you in later."

Elena let out a shaky breath and accepted the glass, her gaze never leaving Damon's steady look as she downed the few mouthfuls. A sensation unlike any she'd ever felt before filled every part of her. She could feel the blood running, racing, dancing through her veins. The taste buds on her tongue flared in her mouth, Damon's eyes suddenly looked brighter, more beautiful than ever before. She absently dropped the glass and reached up, her fingers tracing the inhuman beauty of his face.

"Is she done, Damon?" Jeremy's plaintive voice broke through her trance and she turned to look at him, a cry escaping her. _Oh, Jeremy_, she thought. _My baby brother, you're so young, so precious, I love you so much_. Elena took a step towards him and found her attention immediately captured by the cut on his arm. He smelled like heaven. And then a new scent distracted her. She turned; Damon had bitten into his own wrist and the smell of his blood was filling the air and it was different, but interesting.

He moved to Jeremy and told him to drink up. She heard Jeremy's protest as if from a distance, Damon's sniping response that if he didn't heal up that fresh cut, the temptation would be too much and he'd be his sister's first real-live snack from the source. Elena recoiled at the image his words presented. She flung herself onto her bed.

"No." She gulped, breathed heavily and felt her veins smooth out, her fangs recede. "Don't give him vampire blood. Jeremy, go to the bathroom and clean up. I'm fine." She looked up at Damon who had an eyebrow raised in skepticism. "I'm fine. I just need something to control the edge." Her mind went searching.

"Here," Damon said as he walked over to the dresser and picked up a bottle he'd apparently brought up with him. "Scotch. It will help." Picking up the fallen glass, he filled it to the rim and handed her the drink. She gulped it down quickly, not even feeling the burn.

Jeremy came out of the bathroom, smelling of antiseptic sitting atop the blood, but she was fine. _I'm fine_, she thought vehemently.

xxxxx

_"You're fine? Really, Elena? I just - God, I could kill Stefan. I could just -–" Matt broke off, his face red, tears wetting his cheeks._

_"I'm fine, Matt." She held back tears of her own. "Stefan did what I asked him to. He saved you. If you had died because of me, I couldn't have lived with that."_

_"And I can? I took you out of town to begin with. It was my fault."_

_"No!"_

_"Yes, it was! Jeremy and I planned it all behind your back. If I hadn't ..." He trailed off, unable to speak, too choked up._

_Elena leaned forward, and pulled him into a hug. "No, Matt. This is not your fault. Not yours, not Jeremy's."_

_He shook out of her grasp and looked her straight in the eyes. "Elena, this is wrong. I shouldn't be here." He pulled his arms free and punched the bed angrily. "You should be here. It should be you in this hospital bed with these stupid needles stuck in you. Alive. Stefan should have -" he broke off again, shaking his head._

_"No, Matt, I wanted him to save you."_

_"I'm sorry, Elena, but I don't care what you wanted and Stefan shouldn't have either. You save the girl you love." He scoffed. "Not her ex-boyfriend."_

_"Matt," she began, but he was still talking._

_"And Rebekah? God, I'm so stupid. I'm such an idiot. You know I thought she kinda liked me. But, nope, hey, Matt, why don't you take another dive?" His voice dropped to a low mutter. "I hate vampires." And then he shook his head, "Elena, I -– I'm sorry."_

_"No, no. Everything that's happened, it's my fault." She sniffed back tears. "I'm so sorry," she whispered._

_He shook his head. "It's not, Elena. None of this is. You're just as much caught up in this crazy mess as all of us. This started hundreds of years ago, right? We're just, I dunno, the consequences. I don't blame you. I don't hate you." He swiped at his tears and took a deep breath. "I don't even hate vampires. Not Caroline, not even Damon, and I don't, I couldn't hate you, no matter what you are."_

_"And Stefan?"_

_He grimaced._

_"Matt, he was doing what I wanted."_

_"I'm sorry, Elena, but I'm not ready to not hate Stefan right now. He should have saved you, not me." He offered a bitter smile. "Damon would have saved you."_

_She looked down, biting her lip. "I know. And I don't know if I could have forgiven him for it."_

_Matt looked at her; he wore a bittersweet smile. "You would have. You always forgive. Even Damon." He nudged her with his hand until she looked up. "Especially Damon."_

xxxxx

"Wait, what?" Jeremy looked up, confused.

Elena shook her head. "Damon, I'm not leaving my home."

Squinting his eyes, and with a click of his tongue, he nodded. "Yeah, you are." Before she could protest, he held up placating hands and continued, "you'll wake up and be thrown out of here because you haven't been invited in -"

"But I did," Jeremy protested, clearly not having been paying attention earlier, Elena thought with a sigh, realizing that Damon was right. _Damn him._

"As a vampire, fully-transitioned." Damon finished with a look Jeremy's way. "So, you stay at the boarding house without the presence of baby brother's succulent blood to tempt you and we get you started on the road to calm, cool and in control vampire-dom. Then we can try and return you to some semblance of normal."

Elena looked over at Stefan. He nodded, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Damon stiffen slightly. She ignored the tension between the brothers and looked towards hers. "Jeremy, are you OK with that? Will you be alright alone?"

He hesitated for a moment, and then met Damon's gaze. After a silent exchange between the two, he looked back to Elena and nodded. "Yeah, I'll be good. You need to take care of yourself right now." He stood up and began to walk to her, then stopped. "Uh, I'd hug you, but you might …" he mimed a vampire attack and laughed nervously. Damon was the only one who joined him.

Shaking his head, he clapped Jeremy on the shoulder. "No sense of humor, these two, Jere." Elena noticed that it seemed to comfort her brother. She wiped away a tear and stood up herself.

"OK," her gaze swept the room, including both Stefan and Damon. "Let's go."


	2. Enlighten Me, Please

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 02 – Enlighten Me, Please [Featured Characters: Elena, Damon, Stefan, Rebekah and Matt]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 3,453  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

* * *

Previously - Elena decided to transition as she remembered waking up in the morgue, talking to Stefan and Matt - who blames Stefan something fierce. Jeremy gave her his blood to complete the transition, and Damon convinced her it was best to come to terms with being a vampire at the Boarding House, away from Jeremy.

**Chapter 02: Enlighten Me, Please**

Damon poured two glasses of bourbon. Without a word, he handed one to Elena and took a deep swallow of his own. She held it between her hands, craving something else, but she wasn't ready to start hunting bunnies yet and she absolutely refused to drink another drop of human blood. She took a sip of the alcohol and absently realized that this was why Damon drank so much with so little effect. It was like drinking water; it had that much potency. She took another sip. It was helping with the craving though. But not with the tension.

Stefan stood at the window, looking out. Damon leaned against the edge of the desk, staring into space as he drank. And Elena completed the triangle, sitting primly on the couch, not saying a word. In the distance, she could literally hear crickets. Stefan sighed. Elena bit her lip. Damon poured himself another drink. The silence stretched out, nearly unbearable.

Damon broke first. "Fine, I'll get the party started. How the hell did our girlfriend die, Stefan? If I recall correctly, you were on keep-Elena-alive duty." He slammed his glass down, the sharp noise like a crack of thunder in her ears. "Need I point out the obvious? She's not alive, Stefan!"

"Damon ..." he began and then trailed off. He turned from the window and faced his brother, anguish etched on every line of his face. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me what the fuck happened, Stefan. I'd like you to explain to me why Matt Donovan is water-logged but alive in the hospital, while the other occupant of that piece of shit truck is sitting here with her brother's blood still on her breath, very much *not* alive."

The two stared at each other across the room and Elena shook her head slightly, knowing she had to speak, knowing that Damon was going to be furious, and that Stefan - with that eternal guilt weighing him down - was going to welcome whatever punishment his brother doled out. "Damon," she began, and it was a few seconds before he dragged his gaze from Stefan and turned to look at her.

"We were in the water and Matt wasn't conscious. I was, my seatbelt was stuck and I couldn't move, then I saw Stefan." Damon closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. She could just tell from the way he went still, his lips tight in a grim line that he knew what was coming. "He would have saved me, Damon, he would have, but I wanted him to save Matt and so he did that. He respected my choice. He let me decide."

"He let you die." He said the words flatly, no emotion, his gaze burning into her. And then with a sudden rising of his arm he flung his glass hard across the room, his voice now a roar. "HE LET YOU DIE!"

Startled, she jumped even though she'd expected his rage. Closing her eyes, Elena tried to gather her strength to deal with Damon's anger and Stefan's guilt when all she wanted to do was curl up and cry herself to sleep.

"Damon," Stefan tried again, and she opened her eyes, looking to Damon, but his heated focus was solely on his brother. Elena bit her lip, knowing that ignorant slumber was not to be hers yet. His fists were clenched, and then in a flash his eyes darkened, veins rising and his fangs popped out.

When he threw himself at his brother, Elena jumped to her feet. She'd seen them snark and even yell at one another, but she'd never seen them fight with more than angry words. This was different. Elena watched, paralyzed, as Damon drove Stefan to the ground, delivering vicious blow after blow to his face, his head, his body. In between hits, she heard muttered profanity, threats, her name all delivered in a savage tone, and she could only stand still in shock while Stefan just lay there, taking every bit of reprisal that Damon dished out.

"Stop," she whispered, too horrified to appropriately respond. Horrified at the violence she was watching unfold with such ferocity. Horrified that she could smell blood in the air, tempting, tantalizing blood. Horrified that she could feel her own blood racing in excitement at the brutality on display. That shocking insight finally moved her to action. "Damon, STOP!" And then she was there, beside them and pulling at Damon with all of her strength.

He went flying across the room.

Stunned silence filled the air. Damon lay on the floor, paintings from the wall where he'd hit lying next to him. Stefan slowly rose to his feet, the many bruises and busted flesh taking their time to heal, why she didn't know. Elena looked between the two, taking in Stefan's expression, so full of remorse and sadness, contrasted with the barest hint of a smile on Damon's face, his eyes alight as he gazed at her, something akin to wonder there. She couldn't look at him, at either of them, as she sank slowly onto the couch.

_This is real. I'm a vampire_, she thought, the full reality of it hitting her for the first time and what that reality meant. Not just drinking blood, but also super-strength, super-hearing, violent impulses, powers of compulsion. She would become something not herself. Become something that she never wanted to be. She was too tired to cry, but a wave of desolation made her body and soul ache.

"I never wanted to become a vampire."

XxxxX

Matt was asleep when Rebekah entered his hospital room. She stood at the foot of his bed, uncertain if she should stay, be here when he woke up, or if she should just go ... and not stop until she was far, far from this town. He shifted uncomfortably, and before she could make her decision, his eyes opened. Those beautiful eyes, blue like Damon's, but not cold, closed off and mocking. They were soft, sweet and so very human. Just like the boy.

"I'm sorry," she whispered before he could say anything.

Those soft, sweet eyes focused on her and then he looked away. "Get out."

Rebekah gripped the side rail so hard that it creaked then bent slightly. "You have to understand," she said, feeling tears tremble at the corner her eyes.

"Understand what?" He demanded bitterly, turning back to her and proving her absolutely wrong. There was no mocking, but his eyes were closed off and very, very cold. "That you tried to kill me?"

"I didn't -"

"No, right, you tried to kill Elena. My friend, someone that I love. And what? I was just collateral damage or whatever?" He scoffed. "Is that it? Is that what I have to understand? Don't worry, I get it." And there came the mocking glint. "I understand. Revenge for your psychotic brother was worth killing two innocent kids."

She was quiet, as she tried to gather her strength, as she tried to convince herself that she didn't truly care and that she should just turn around and leave this town forever. It had brought her nothing but heartbreak. Stefan completely repudiated her, Damon used her, Elena betrayed her, Elijah and Kol in and out, and Matt, the one bright light recently, she had betrayed.

Rebekah looked at him, and even as he stared her down, even as the anger and bitterness was so raw and real, she could see a question there. He thought he understood, but he didn't really and he knew that. She had this chance, this one last chance to get to him before everyone turned him completely against her. He wanted to believe, at least right now, that there *was* something to understand. If she could only say the right words, make him see her side, she would stay in Mystic Falls.

XxxxX

_Rebekah stood at the edge of the woods after the truck went down, but all she could see was Nik's body burning up, her brother, one thousand years and just like that, her invincible, impossible brother was gone, and flickering over that image, Elena's face behind the windshield. The face of Tatia - the woman who had betrayed Nik and Elijah, then died for her sins. The face of Katherine - the woman who had turned Elijah's heart to stone, and kept Nik trapped for another five hundred years in their mother's prison as a creature less than he wanted to be. It was a face she hated._

_It was the face of a human girl who appeared to befriend her, who listened, who cared, who convinced her to betray Niklaus ... and then stabbed her in the back. Literally. She hated this one wearing that face most of all. That killing her would save her family just made it necessary as well as satisfying. So focused was she on her goal she barely took note of the blur to her right. It wasn't until Stefan emerged from the water, dripping with an unconscious Matt Donovan in his arms that she realized what was happening ... what had happened, what she had done._

_She had wanted to kill Elena, not Matt. She didn't want to hurt him. A cry escaped her and she flew to his body, Stefan once more under the watery depths. She spared a moment to wonder why on earth he had pulled Matt from the crash and not his beloved Elena, but that thought fled when she placed her hand on the still boy's chest and realized that his heart was slowing down. His final breaths were ghosting away. She concentrated, listening and she could hear an ambulance in the distance but it was so far away, too far away. Stefan would come back, she knew, but not in time for Matt, and he would be focused entirely on Elena._

_There was no time. No time. She looked wildly about for a moment and then just stopped thinking. Rebekah bit into her wrist, bending down to dribble her blood between his lips. She hoped that he wasn't too far gone, that he would, could instinctively still swallow. Her attention was split between saving Matt and listening for Stefan's return. She could hear her former lover slicing through the water, but Matt wasn't healed, not fully yet. He needed more blood, but there ... she paused, praying to a God she stopped believing in centuries ago, _please, please, please!_and there it was! A long breath escaped him, his heart beat faster and she knew he would live._

_Rebekah heard a gasp as Stefan cleared the water. She spared one final glance at Matt before speeding away into the darkness. He would live. At least one good thing would come from this terrible day. Matt Donovan would live._

XxxxX

"Nik is dead." She took a deep breath. "My brother is dead."

"Yeah, I get that," Matt muttered, not caring at all.

Rebekah closed her eyes and then opened them to find him looking at her. Waiting. "You had a sister."

His lips trembled and his mouth tightened. "Don't ..." he started.

"Why not? You loved her, she died, and were you thinking straight, were you thinking of the good, the right thing to do? Or were you just grieving, angry at the world, wanting someone to blame?"

"Don't," he whispered.

"Multiply that by a *thousand,* Matt." She let go of the side rail and moved closer to him. "I am sorry that going after Elena hurt you. I just - Niklaus and I have been together for almost one thousand years. For so many of those centuries, it was just the two of us. Elijah and Kol came and went, but for the first nine hundred years - NINE HUNDRED YEARS, MATT! - it was just me and Nik. And I watched him die in front of me tonight. I was ..." She paused, fighting to hold back the tears. "I am devastated. I wanted something, someone to blame and there was Elena."

Matt sat up straight, his voice impassioned. "Elena didn't want Klaus to die! She was trying to save him, giving him to Elijah because she knew that if Klaus died, she'd lose Damon and Stefan. And Caroline and Tyler. No matter how much we hate Klaus, NONE OF US WANTED HIM TO DIE!" He slumped back down. "Especially Elena. She loves Damon and Stefan. And Caroline is one of her best friends. God, Rebekah, she'd give herself up to Klaus to keep him alive if it meant keeping them safe. She'd give herself up to save any of us. Told Stefan to save me, not her. That's why I'm sitting here alive."

Rebekah looked away and muttered softly, "No, he didn't."

"No, he did Rebekah. I'm alive because Stef-"

"I saved you!" She bit out. He was quiet, shaking his head. "He went back for her, I wondered why he pulled you first, but of course, Elena the martyr," She scoffed with a roll of her eyes. "You were dying. You would have died but I gave you my blood, Matt. I saved your life. Stefan failed. Like he always does." She shook her head, a lone tear streaking her cheek. "I never meant to hurt you. I didn't. And I am sorry."

He was silent.

"Please understand. I had just lost Nik. Elijah and Kol are all I have left. Killing Elena would kill the monster that my mother created out of Alaric Saltzman. She was the key. Nik was in Mystic Falls because of her. We all were." She paused and stepped closer, hoping her movement would make him look at her again. It worked; he met her gaze.

"My brother died, Matt. I watched him die," her voice broke, but she pulled herself together, refusing to let another tear fall. "But I saved you."

"Rebekah ..." he began, but then he shook his head swiftly and looked away. "Just go."

She was motionless for a moment and then nodded. He was still angry, she could see that. He wanted to hate her still, but his eyes were soft, full of pain, yes. But the ice was gone, emotion was there. She could live with that.

So she left his room, but she would stay in Mystic Falls for now.

XxxxX

Damon straightened the bookshelf and put the artwork back in its proper place, taking a moment before turning to face Stefan and Elena. She noted that even when he looked at his brother, still not fully healed, he showed no regret. There was only anger and disgust in his gaze.

For his part, Stefan had yet to offer up any resistance or defiance to Damon's words and actions. Instead he spoke to her. "I have to go and hunt." He sent a quick glance of worry his brother's way before looking back to her. "Do you want to come with me?"

Damon scoffed. "I'm not gonna attack her, Stefan. Yeah, she's none too high on my favorite people list what with the whole martyred determination to die for everyone else. But hey, she was in a tight spot and could only rely on the stupidity of others, i.e., you brother, to make that self-sacrifice reach its glorious conclusion." He looked at Elena, his expression softening, even though anger still simmered beneath the surface. "I wouldn't hurt you."

"I know." He held her gaze for a moment, about to reply but then with a bitter smile and a shake of his head, he looked away. She turned to Stefan.

"No, I'll stay here."

"Elena—"

"I think Damon and I should talk." She reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it for comfort.

"Yeah, no, I don't think Damon and Elena need to talk," Damon snarked as he finished straightening up. "You lovebirds go kill an innocent Thumper or two. I'm going to bed. It's been a long day and I'm done with the two of you and your sacrificial bullshit."

"Damon ..." Elena began, but he just waved his hand dismissively in their general direction as he walked out. She turned to Stefan. "You go, I'll get through to him."

Stefan shook his head, "I don't think anyone can get through to him right now. Even you."

"I have to try." She took a deep breath. "I'm going to need you both to get through this, Stefan."

A flash of pain crossed his face and she stamped down her immediate impulse to comfort and assure Stefan that she loved only him. Whether he liked it or not, Damon had become someone she relied on while Stefan was gone and that wasn't just going to go away. She wasn't sure what it was that she felt for Damon; she just knew that it was nearly as strong as her feelings for Stefan. _And he just has to deal with that_.

Nodding, Stefan stood up. "Of course, I get it. I'll go, you talk to him." There was a tightness in his voice. He didn't agree with her, but he was letting her do what she wanted. It was partly why she held onto him so strongly, why she had chosen him. She knew that she could count on Stefan always doing what she wanted.

He offered a glimpse of a smile before he turned and walked out. She watched his departure, noting how he paused at the foot of the stairs and stared for a long moment up their length. Elena honestly didn't know if he was worrying about her relationship with Damon or his own. He gave a quick shake of his head and then headed out.

Elena sat still for a few minutes. And then a few more minutes. She was surprised that she couldn't hear Damon above her, but then remembered that she had to focus. Biting her lip gingerly, she looked up towards the direction of his room. She listened intently and with almost an audible pop, the white noise of sound around her narrowed into restless footsteps, low mutters that she could barely make out but for a few words here and there. Closing her eyes, she concentrated harder and heard "Where is she?" and Elena realized that he was expecting her. Despite what he'd said earlier, he was waiting for her to come to him.

A sudden flush swept through her body and heat pooled in her belly. The last time that she and Damon had been alone had been in Denver. The long motel balcony popped into her head as she remembered the mad rush into his arms, his kiss consuming her as his hands wandered possessively over her body, lips trailing down her throat, her chest. Their gazes locked, so many emotions running through his eyes and each one finding a soulmate in hers before she found herself lost in his kiss once more.

If it hadn't been for Jeremy, she honestly didn't know where things would have stopped that night. Would she have let him take her right then and there, backed up against a concrete column, so lost in the passion of everything that was Damon that it didn't matter where they were? She could not say no to that question no matter how many times she asked herself.

And she was going to walk up those stairs to his bedroom, just the two of them, and face him and all of his passionate intensity. She was going to look into that face, those eyes, and know that despite what she'd said to him on the phone, she'd let him go just as much as he had her. Which was to say not at all.

However, it had to be done. She meant what she said to Stefan. She needed them both to get through this. Stefan's restraint and guilt reminding her that she needed to hold onto her humanity. Damon's pragmatism and love for the life he had reminding her that while she may be dead technically, she was still alive in every other sense of the word.

With a deep sigh, Elena got to her feet. Reaching the foot of the stairs, she lay her hand on the rail and took one step, and then another. She was still so focused on the room above her that she heard him pause in his pacing. He knew she was coming now. She climbed the rest of the stairs in absolute silence.

Damon was waiting for her.


	3. They Weren't In Denver

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 03 - They Weren't in Denver [Featured Characters: Elena, Damon, Jeremy and Bonnie]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 6,162  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

**The follows and favorites this story has received has been wonderful, but reviews would be really appreciated as well. Thanks and enjoy. :)**

* * *

Previously - Jeremy told Bonnie about Elena, while she told him about Klaus and Tyler. Damon found out that Stefan saved Matt over Elena and beat the crap out of him. Stefan went off to bunny hunt, but Elena chose to stay behind and talk to Damon.

**Chapter 03: They Weren't in Denver**

Damon's door was open. She could see the flood of light from his room spilling out onto the hallway. He hadn't made a sound since she'd begun her climb and as she stood just out of his bedroom's entrance she debated the wisdom of following through. She could wait; she could talk to him in the morning when he was calmer, when she was feeling better. After all, in the last three hours they had both been through incredible emotional turmoil. Dying, not dying, turning, believing they'd lost people they'd love, losing people they loved. That phone call.

It was almost funny how now that the both of them were still here that she was re-evaluating what she had told him. Why hadn't she lied? Why hadn't she said that she was trying to reach him, that she loved him? Or at the least, that if it weren't for saying goodbye to Caroline and Tyler, along with Stefan, she would have gone to Damon? But she had not. Because they were honest with one another. That was one of the bedrocks of their relationship ... that honesty. And so even though she knew it would break his heart and he wouldn't have known that it was a lie, she told him the truth. Now he was still here and she was questioning why she'd chosen that route even though she'd be paying the consequences of that lie.

Elena sighed, and leaned against the wall, not ready to venture into his room yet. She closed her eyes, remembering the pain and anger she'd seen flash across his face that night. And that's why she was questioning what she had thought were her last words to him. She didn't like him in pain, didn't like being the one that caused him pain. But she had and then Stefan's actions had piled fury on top of that. Now she had to fix it, fix things between she and Damon. She just hoped that the brothers could repair the damage to their relationship without any help from her because she couldn't handle being their referee right now.

"Elena?"

So lost in her thoughts, she hadn't heard Damon move and so when he spoke she jumped. Opening her eyes, she saw him standing in his doorway just looking at her. His face was as close to expressionless as she'd ever seen it. Elena straightened and offered up a small smile. He didn't return it, just waited a beat and then stepped back into his room. Her smile stretched into something lacking any happiness; she let out a long breath, fighting the urge to cry. And then she followed him.

He stood in front of the bed, one arm casually resting against the post. "So..."

"Damon -" She broke off, a bitter laugh escaping her. Because really what could she say that she hadn't already said to him a million times? It wouldn't change his feelings on what Stefan had done, on what she wanted.

He ignored her laugh, and continued looking just past her, refusing to meet her gaze. "What are you doing here?"

She sighed. "Damon, I told Stefan that I need you both for this and I do." She tried to smile again, but could only manage a watery, halfhearted version. It didn't matter. He still wasn't looking at her.

"Yeah, well, maybe I'm not ready to offer a helping hand just right now." He flashed her a quick look and then just as swiftly turned his gaze away.

Elena closed her eyes; she knew that if she wanted to break through to him they had to deal with the elephant in the room. This tension and bitterness between them had nothing to do with her death. And they both knew that. She had made her choice. It wasn't him and he was upset. What had happened on Wickery Bridge just exacerbated that.

"Would it have been better if I lied?" He looked confused. "When I called you?" He nodded, understanding coming to him like a light being switched on.

"Would I be less pissed right now if you told me that you loved me more than life itself? That for the first time Stefan wasn't the chosen one?" His voice soared with artificial sweetness, but his eyes remained hard. "That, of course, absolutely, it's you Damon. It was always you, Damon. It always will be you, Damon."

She crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for him to finish, refusing to look away. Refusing to dignify his sarcasm with a response.

"No. Because, first of all, I wouldn't have believed you. I knew. You knew. Stefan knew. Hell, anyone who's known you for five minutes knew you'd choose Stefan. That it would always be Stefan. Second, since you're technically dead, I'm still around, and I'm pretty sure you haven't switched teams, right about now I'd have to stand here and listen to platitudes justifying why you lied to spare my poor, pathetic feelings. No, thank you."

Elena relaxed her stance, and nodded hesitantly. Damon dropped his arm then and took a step forward, the hardness momentarily leaving his face and when he spoke, his voice had lost its bitterness. He finally, fully looked at her.

"Lastly, Elena, I wouldn't have wanted you to lie to me. Whatever our faults, how much we hurt each other, that's the one thing we have. We don't lie to each other, not really, not when it matters."

He moved close, keeping his eyes locked on hers. "Even if it hurts, it's real. And that matters to me."

She was unable to respond, unable to move, to step back. She was captured by that vulnerable sincerity of his and then it was too much. His love for her that shone so brightly, refusing to be undimmed by her rejection in light of everything else that had happened in the last few hours ... she couldn't deal. She just couldn't.

Her gaze dropped and like so many times before when the air around them sparked with tension she found her eyes glued to his lips. Her breath, her heart stopped as a wave of desire so intense washed over her. It was like Denver all over again, that passion pushing her into his arms with an unstoppable force that was unlike anything she had ever felt before. But now, this, it was a thousand, a million times ... more. More than anything ever.

She felt like she had just been kicked in the gut. Swaying forward, Elena reached out, her hand holding onto his arm to keep upright, to stop from falling into him. But the feel of his skin under her fingers burned, their now mutual lack of body warmth bedamned. She needed him. She needed -

"Elena," his voice was soft, but ... Elena shook her head. She dropped her hand. There was no heat in his tone, only warm concern. He wasn't feeling that wild yearning that was rushing through her. There was only tenderness, only sweetness coming from Damon. His arm reached up, his hand reaching to cup her face and she flew back, moving so quickly with such unexpected force that she knocked the door shut with a thunderous slam. She couldn't let him touch her. Her entire body felt like it was on fire from just that brief contact only moments ago, and if he touched her now, the light pressure of his fingers upon her face, she would go up in flames.

Bewilderment and then a flash of hurt widened his eyes only to be replaced with a hard look, his emotions blanketed.

Pressing her hands flat against the door behind her, Elena let out a long, unsteady breath, desperately trying to get herself under control. Ignoring the insane rat-a-tat of her heartbeat, the inferno dancing beneath the surface of her skin, boiling her blood, she raised her chin affecting an act of calm. She tried to gather the threads of their conversation, coming up mostly blank, which was probably for the best. Firmly, Elena reminded herself that her only intention in coming up here had been to talk about her choice to save Matt. Not her choice between the brothers; obviously that discussion led to a path she wasn't ready to travel.

She took a deep breath. "Damon, I need you to understand."

The impassive expression gave way to a bitter smirk. "Understand why you went all suicidal for Matt Donovan? Yeah, that's not gonna happen."

"Damon, it wasn't just Matt. When I died that ... monster that Esther made of Alaric died with me. That saved all of you."

"Ah, so the role of Mystic Fall's martyr is played by one Elena Gilbert."

"Damon -"

"You must be thrilled. You finally got to play the part you've been *dying* to take on ever since you heard about Klaus."

"No," she cried.

"Yes," he barked back. "And you and Stefan are *such* a good team that he made sure you got your final curtain call."

Elena pulled away from the door, standing straight, a new kind of heat, fueled by anger, pulsing through her. "It always comes back to finding some excuse to blame your brother." He rolled his eyes; she narrowed hers. "This is not his fault. It's not on him, Damon. I'm the one you should be mad at, not Stefan -

"Oh, don't worry, I'm plenty mad at you both," he interrupted with an icy smile.

She shook her head in aggravation. "What you did to him downstairs, Damon, was brutal. It was uncalled for, and you had no right -"

"I had every right. He's my brother, that's between me and -"

It was her turn to cut him off, "No you don't. This isn't about your messed-up relationship with him. What happened tonight was about me, and you and I both know it. I have every right to be upset."

"Hah, we both know that's not why you're upset. You're upset because you still expect me to fall into line when you bat your doe eyes at me." He sent a sarcastic wink her way. "Honey, that's not how this is gonna work."

"Damon -"

He interrupted, a musing note to his tone as he looked away, one finger tapping at his lip as he pretended to think. "Of course, why you even need that from big bad me I have no idea since I'm right, aren't I?" He dropped the act and looked straight at her, his eyes shining like lasers. "You're sticking with tried and true Stefan." It wasn't a question.

Elena swallowed thickly. "Of course I am."

Damon laughed dryly. "Yes, of course you are. I mean, after all, why wouldn't you want to be with someone who thinks it's more important that you're not mad at him rather than, you know, alive?"

"That's not fair!" she shouted, stepping forward, her fists clenched in anger at her side.

He didn't move nor drop his sardonic smile as his eyes flashed at her. "But it's oh so true."

"You don't know -" She began, determined to defend her and Stefan's actions. She didn't even care at this point if he understood - _to hell with his understanding_- she just wanted him to realize that he was wrong. That his way of handling things, of deciding what she should and shouldn't do with the always-on-hand rationalization that as long as it kept her safe there was justification, wasn't right. She wanted him to finally get that.

"I know, Elena, I know," he said, his voice a soothing mockery, interrupting her thought process. He walked right up to her, leaving only a few inches of space between them. She wanted to move, needed to get away from the heat that threatened to engulf her again from the very nearness of him. But she wouldn't back down; she wouldn't give him that satisfaction. Elena raised her chin, meeting his gaze head-on. His eyes were hard and his sarcastic smile disappeared.

"I also know that you're a fucking hypocrite."

She gasped. "I am not."

Damon cocked his head to the side, but didn't move back, and she was frozen still at his accusation.

"Really? So tell me what would happen if you were the friendly vampire neighbor who'd been there ready and willing to offer roadside assistance." He took a few steps back and gave her breathing room. His eyes grew wide in feigned surprise, "And, oh, look, it's Jeremy and Bonnie in that drowned wreck. What would you do, Elena?"

She looked away.

Creating a heavy pause between each word, he repeated his question. "What. Would. You. Do?"

"I - I would save them both," she very nearly whispered.

"Ah, but who would you save first? What if Jeremy told you to save Bonnie, then come back and get him? Hey, he *might* still be alive by the time you got her to ground and went back."

She tried to speak, but her mind was filled with an image of the bottom of the lake and Jeremy in place of her father, Bonnie instead of Matt and she couldn't. She couldn't answer him. But he wasn't done. Damon continued as he moved closer and closer to her once more and his voice was silky smooth.

"You'd be down for that?" His tone grew incredulous. "You'd leave your baby brother in that car slowly dying in a watery grave because he asked you to save his ex?"

Damon leaned forward, his lips so close to her cheek, she could feel his breath on her flesh. "Really?"

Elena stared helplessly at him for a second and then stepped back, her fists clenched at her side. Unable to meet his mocking gaze any longer, she turned and headed to the closed door

XxxxX

Bonnie stood still on the front porch. If anyone could accept without question what she had done, she knew that it would be Elena. Well, and of course Damon. Bonnie imagined that he would be all for keeping Klaus alive since it meant that he and his brother would be safe. Shaking her head, she admitted to herself in her weariness and worry that while he may not act like it, the elder Salvatore actually cared about more than just himself, his brother and Elena. He'd saved her life and even worried about the risk to Jeremy when she had done dark magic. Damon would definitely understand, but it wasn't his support that she needed, that would assure her that she had done the right thing. She needed to talk to Elena.

Keeping Klaus alive was a necessary evil if it meant that both Salvatores, Caroline and Tyler would live, and Elena would confirm that she took the right action. But even though she believed in what she had done despite what her 'sisters' would think, right now Bonnie needed assurance that she had. That Caroline and Tyler's lives were worth dealing with Klaus for the time being.

Knocking, she waited for her best friend's appearance, going over the words she would say in her mind. When Jeremy opened the door, she went blank, surprised to see him just because she was so prepared to face Elena.

"Jeremy?"

"Hey, Bonnie," he responded, his voice weary, but warm. "You heard?" Confusion filled her, showing on her face. He sighed and stepped back to let her in. "Yeah, you're gonna need to sit down."

She entered and followed him into the kitchen. He was quiet, running his hand through his hair. Sitting down, she drummed her fingers softly against the island, trying to be patient, her curiosity waning under her own guilt. After nearly a minute of silence, she burst out her confession.

"Klaus isn't dead."

Jeremy's face went slack with shock, and then he laughed, a broken one that held no humor. "Of course he isn't." He shook his head. "That's probably for the best at this point."

"What?" Her planned speech lay unspoken at his surprising reaction to her words. "I mean, OK, so you get it. Klaus is not dead. That means -"

He cut her off. "I can't say I really care all that much at the moment about Klaus." He looked at her intently, seeing her puzzled expression. "Bonnie, Elena and Matt were on the road. They crashed on Wickery Bridge. Matt is okay, but Elena ..." he trailed off and took a deep breath. "Elena -" he began again, but his voice cracked. Jeremy bent down, his head falling into his bent arms on the counter, his shoulders shaking.

"Jeremy?" Bonnie whispered, forcing her mind blank because thinking would mean ... _No!_She wouldn't think. Standing up, she moved over to where he was. She laid her hands against his back and at her touch, his sobs became audible. She felt something beginning to break inside of her, comparable only to when she'd lost her Grams. Jeremy's words, his grief could mean only one thing. Her eyes filled, and tears began to silently slip down her face.

He pulled up and turned to look at her, his own cheeks wet, his eyes reddened. "Elena died, Bonnie! She's dead."

She knew that. It could be the only answer and yet, she still wasn't ready to face the reality of his words. "What?" Her voice was barely audible. "Jeremy, no, no, no. She's not." But he had said the words; she had to face them. Bonnie's hands dropped, she backed away.

Jeremy shook his head, his hands held up. "Wait, no, I'm sorry, no. She isn't ..." He paused and took a deep breath. Bonnie stood perfectly still, waiting for an explanation. "I mean, she is, but, Bonnie, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it like that, not like that. She is dead, she is, but she's not gone."

Bonnie shook her head, trying to make sense of what he was saying, but she was so tired, so tired and so grief-stricken with all of this that she couldn't think.

"She had vampire blood in her system, Bonnie."

_Of course. Of course she did._"Oh," she breathed, her eyes closing for a brief moment as the realization hit.

"And now she's a vampire. She drank my blood and she's gonna transition. But she's not the same. She'll never be the same again."

She let out a light sigh, a tremulous smile on her face and a bloom of true happiness sparked inside of her. "But she's still here! She's not gone, Jeremy." _So what if Elena is a vampire?_she thought as relief flooded through her. So was Caroline, and Bonnie still loved her. Elena was still here in their lives and with all of the death and darkness around them she wouldn't be ungrateful for that fact. She said as much to Jeremy.

"I know, I know. I am grateful that she's ... still around and I didn't let her see how I felt about the whole vampire thing. I didn't. I put on a brave face. I couldn't let her know that it was upsetting because I'm not even sure she would have transitioned if she hadn't thought I was one hundred percent for it. As much as I hate the idea of what she is now, I couldn't lose her. I couldn't lose someone else.

"But she didn't want this, Bonnie. I know she didn't. And now she's one of them."

"No, Jeremy, she's still one of us. Just like Caroline and Tyler are. Even Damon, and I suppose Stefan if he's not all psycho on us. They're on our side. They're not the bad guys."

Straightening up, Jeremy wiped at his face and laughed. "Who are you and where's Bonnie? Damon isn't the bad guy?"

Her smile turned wry as his words brought to mind her predicament. "Let's just say I'm kinda getting his whole deal of making the hard choices. He's always the one making them and we not only let him do it, we stand justified in labeling him the bad guy for doing what has to be done."

Jeremy shook his head. "I don't understand. Bonnie?"

Taking a deep breath, Bonnie confessed. "Klaus is not dead because of me, Jeremy. I made the call. I could have let Alaric, or whatever that thing Esther made out of him, kill Klaus but that would have killed Caroline and Tyler, and God, probably Elena since I figure it was Damon's blood..." She trailed off, an inquiring look on her face.

"I don't know. It was blood that Dr. Fell had at the hospital so maybe, but I don't even care. Bonnie, what about Klaus? What did you do?"

"I couldn't just let them die. I couldn't and I wouldn't and I don't care if all the witches hate me for it!" Her voice rose, driven by anger, self-justification and not a small degree of guilt. She took a steadying breath and spoke more calmly. "I wasn't going to let my friends die because they have taken it on themselves to decide everyone's fate. I'm done with them controlling me, using me, expecting me to follow their decisions."

Bonnie met Jeremy's gaze, her eyes hard and determined, her expression set. "I'm making my own choices now. And it doesn't include helping them kill my best friends."

Jeremy was silent for a moment and then nodded, offering up a smile of assurance. "Yeah, I get it. Good for you." His smile turned crooked. "But how did you do it? I mean, *what* did you do?"

Sighing, she sat back down. "That's the tricky part. I had to transfer his consciousness, I suppose, into another vessel and the best way to make sure that the spell worked was to transfer him into a like," she paused, searching for the right word, "being."

"A like being?"

"A hybrid. Tyler. Tyler's still in there, but right now Klaus is in control of his mind and body."

"Oh man, Bonnie!" Jeremy stood up. "But is he - is Tyler gonna be okay?"

"Yes!" She rose to her feet as well. "I mean, I think so. When Klaus possessed Alaric, you know at the 60's dance, once he was out, Alaric was fine. It should be the same with Tyler."

"Should?"

"Yeah, I mean, once we get the situation with Klaus' body straightened out."

"Bonnie!"

"I know, OK! I didn't have a lot of time. I had to think of something quick, and ..." she trailed off and leaned against the counter, cradling her head in her hands. "I'll figure it all out. I will." She was still for a moment and then she straightened up and looked to Jeremy. "But first I've got to get to Caroline. I don't trust that Klaus won't try anything with her using Tyler's body."

She reached out and rested a hand briefly on Jeremy's arm. "We'll get through this. And Elena will be fine." She nodded determinedly. "We all will." She smiled. "I have to go, I have to get to Caroline like yesterday."

Heading out, Bonnie stopped at the door and turned back to give him one more glance. "Are you going to be okay?"

Jeremy nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I just - I think I needed to let it out. She's still here. You're totally right. That's all that matters right now. My sister is still here. Well," he laughed, "not *here* here. She's at the boarding house dealing with the transition." He shook his head. "I don't even want to think about how that's going right now."

XxxxX

Elena heard Damon sigh behind her and she paused just on the verge of reaching for the knob. She wanted to open the door, walk out and leave his room. But it wouldn't push out the images of a drowning Jeremy that he had put in her head. Instead they would just sit there, swirling in her mind alongside the empty weariness that had filled her before she'd stepped in here. She could stay here, fight him, fight his words, and make him understand that he was wrong. At least then she'd be feeling something, anything other than this soul-aching lethargy.

She spun around, catching the quick flash of surprise on his face. Marching over to him, she took a deep breath, preparing to battle. But the closer she got, the more aware of him she became. She found herself noting the brilliance of his eyes, the softness of his lips, the energy that exuded from him. Even as she tried to hold onto her anger, her frustration with him, the attraction that she felt that she couldn't deny kept rising to the surface. There was the breath, the scent, the feel of him overloading her senses, but she wouldn't let it happen. She would face him. She would calm him down and they would find that bearable balance that they'd perfected before Stefan left, before he'd kissed her, before Denver, before she'd left him to die all alone. Marshaling her wits together, she took a step closer, meeting his gaze.

"The scenario you're drawing, Damon, it's not the same thing." She gave her head a slight shake, a grimace of a smile flashing across her face.

"It's exactly the same thing and you know it," he countered.

She shook her head. "No." _It wasn't, it wasn't. It was not._

Damon let out a dry laugh. "Hmm, so you're not just a hypocrite, but also a liar -"

"I'm not -"

"Oh, give me a break. I know you, Elena!" Damon dragged out her name. "You wouldn't care if Jeremy hated you for an eternity as long as he was safe. And you would sacrifice anyone, including a girl he once loved and your best friend, to do it." His voice dropped to a low murmur as he moved his head, his mouth just by her ear. "If Stefan really -" He broke off, a pained note shading his tone. "If he ..." He stopped again and then just straightened up, backing away.

She stared at him, her eyes wide. He was doing it again, bringing up things that were so much better left unsaid. And the meaning behind what he *wasn't* saying made her heart beat a wild dance, sending so many emotions flooding through her that she didn't know where one began and the other ended. It was all a jumbled mix of crazy that it threatened to overwhelm her.

"Never mind. Go downstairs and wait for Stefan."

_No_, she thought unexpectedly, frantically. _I can't, not yet, I can't._As he pulled away, Elena found herself desperately reaching out to him because she knew that the second he closed her off completely, she would walk out of his room for real this time. And once alone, she'd fall back into that weary pit of confusion and misery that had weighed her down since she realized what she would become.

"No," she bit out. And then louder. "No!" Stepping forward, she grabbed his arm and, for the first time mindful of her new strength, forced him to face her. She quickly dropped her hand once his gaze met her even as she ignored the surge of heat. Thinking on his words, his actions, his _fucking_attitude, she refused to attribute her fervor to anything but her anger. "What?"

He looked away and shook his head.

"Damon, if Stefan really what?"

"You know what," he muttered, still not meeting her gaze.

She ignored his words, ignored the truth of his statement, determined to make him say it. _If he's going to open the door then we are damn well going to walk straight on through._"If Stefan really what?" It was her turn to move closer and she dared to touch him again, but not his flesh. She reached out, snagging his shirt between her fingers in a tight grip and pulled, forcing his attention back to her.

He whipped his head around, his eyes blazing. The silence lengthened and tension bloomed in the air surrounding them and in an ever-expanding knot in the pit of her stomach.

"If he loved you like I love you, Matt Donovan would be lying in the morgue right now and you would still be human."

Tears danced at the corner of her eyes. She let out an unsteady breath and stepped back, shaking her head in a long, silent no. _How could he not understand? How could he not know?_

"I didn't want that," she finally breathed. "I *couldn't* want that, Damon! Matt dead because of me? God, you don't get that. Stefan did. Stefan does!" She beat her fist against her chest, her voice rising.

"Oh, I get it, Elena. I understand." His voice rose to a shout. "I just don't care!"

She shook her head again, fighting the rain of tears that threatened to fall. "And Stefan does. He respects my choices, he respects me!"

"It's not about Stefan respecting you," Damon scoffed. "It's about the fact that you have him wrapped so tightly around your finger that he'll do anything for you. Even let you die! You have him so whipped -"

"No, Damon, that's called love!" She cried out, stepping closer to him again.

His voice dropped and he sneered with a roll of his eyes. "You really are just a little girl if that's what you call love."

She laughed harshly. "Oh, and you know all about love, what with your 150-year old obsession with a woman who never gave a damn about you!"

Elena's eyes widened, her hand rising to cover her gasp. She reached out with her other to touch him. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't resist that urge. "Damon, I - I'm sorry. I didn't ..."

Damon just shook his head, a bitter smile crossing his face. He shrugged. "You're upset, I get it. When I'm upset, I say, I do crazy things." His eyes grew wide, a manic light brightening the blue, and he let out a bark of laughter. "Right? That's my specialty." He bent down, his voice dropping to a soft purr, "maybe you can join my club. We can wreak havoc together."

She pulled back and quickly wiped a stray tear away. "Because that *is* what you do, Damon. That's all you ever want to do. Like tonight, beating Stefan so horribly, or snapping Jeremy's neck, or forcing your blood on me. You just do what you want to do, just give into your impulses, damn the consequences! No control, just let it all go."

Stepping away, she shook her head. "You asked in Denver what would happen, would I take a chance on us if you didn't screw up, if there was no bump. Well, I can't answer that, Damon, can I? Because it will never not happen. You always screw things up! There's *always* going to be a bump!"

They stood still, barely inches apart, staring at each other, breathing heavily, eyes locked on one another, and then he cocked his head to the side, genuine curiosity in his gaze. "Why," he began, his voice soft. "Why would you bring up Denver? Why would you bring that up?" She shook her head, but he wouldn't stop. "What happened between us meant nothing to you. Nothing."

She continued shaking her head, her lips parted, but no words were forthcoming. Her eyes fluttered close to escape his burning gaze and then opened again drawn like a moth to his flame.

"Not at that motel when you gave into your lust - you made that clear at Scary Mary's when you shut me down faster than a gin joint during prohibition. And when you called Stefan the very next day all girlish and flirting, asking him to your stupid high-school dance, clinging to him, turning to him for support and comfort."

Elena took a step back, and another, but he kept coming.

"Oh, you made it perfectly clear that I, that we, meant nothing to you. There was no 'we,' no 'us,' not since you finally scratched that itch and got me out of your system."

She found herself against the door again, but this time Damon stood in front of her, pressed against her, his face close to hers, his breath fanning over hers. "So why, why, *why* would you ever bring up Denver again?"

He laid his hands on either side of her, pressed flat, his eyes burning, and that sweetness, that tenderness from before was gone completely from his gaze. Like her, he was feeling the burn now, the fire. She could tell. She could see it radiating, emanating from him like a conflagration, the same one that filled her when she touched him, when she found herself surrounded by that magnetism between them.

Every word he said, every syllable battering into her like a driving force meant nothing; they were gibberish. It was his voice, it was the timbre therein, his face, his lips moving as he spoke. The tension coiled in his body, in his every movement, his scorching eyes ... all of it bringing forth that hot night in Denver. The wind rushing around them, over them, inciting their passion as they clung to each other, mouths fused together, hands, fingers touching, exploring, grabbing, reaching, holding, clinging to one another.

But they weren't in Denver. This was no memory. They were here now, in his room, no Jeremy to interrupt them, no humanity to keep these inflamed passions at bay. She could feel every inch of him pressed into her, his breath dancing over her and she yearned, she craved, she ached. She had to have that memory back, that memory made into reality.

"Elena." And it was like Denver all over again. Standing on that deserted balcony, the wind failing to soothe her heated flesh. She'd stood there determined to resist the pull, the desire that had been clawing inside of her, begging to break free. And he'd said her name then, just like now. Damon lowered his head, nuzzling against her neck and once more he said it. "Elena" falling from his lips like a plea, a prayer, passion lacing every syllable and she couldn't deny it. She couldn't deny him. She couldn't deny what she wanted. What she needed.

She wanted this, needed this. She literally felt like she would die without this. This. Him. Damon under her skin, in his arms, flesh of his flesh. She wanted to be fucked, she thought, as his mouth parted, as his tongue dipped out licking the curve of her throat. God, how she wanted.

Now, here, in this moment, she didn't want to make love, she didn't even want the politeness of sex. She wanted to be fucked and fucked hard. By Damon. Only Damon. The desperate desire to be his, for him to be hers filled her with an aching power that shook her to her very core.

When his mouth found hers, ravaging her lips, his tongue fighting a mating dance with hers, Elena didn't even think of stopping. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her hands gripping the back of his neck. Breaking free from her kiss, he met her gaze. The most incredible, intense longing she had ever seen - an intensity she'd never fathomed could exist - filled the blue and he whispered her name, and then again, and again until she pushed against him, until she lunged forward and silenced him with a bruising kiss of her own.

His fingers were soft, brushing against her skin, her cheek, her collarbone, then hard, digging into her hips as he pulled her against him. She moaned against his kiss, feeling the rock hardness of his erection pressing into her. And she wanted, she needed. God, she wanted so badly. She was going to die. She was going to fall apart and splinter into a million pieces if he wasn't inside her right now. Her fingers fumbled at the waistband of his jeans, pulling at the fly, pulling down the zipper.

Damon broke from their kiss and hissed into her ear as he tugged at her jeans, jerking them down her thighs, ripping her panties clean off. His hands slipped behind her, cupping her bare ass. Pulling her up, he entered into her with one hard thrust, his lips plastered to her neck, blunt teeth biting into her neck. He groaned against her, pushing in and out in a hard frenzy and the bluntness turned sharp.

His teeth pierced her flesh just as he adjusted and angled to hit the perfect spot and Elena screamed, the sound ripped from her throat as wave after wave of the most astonishing orgasm exploded inside of her. And she was wrong, it wasn't the not having that splintered her and tore her apart. It was the having.

She was undone.


	4. She's Not Katherine

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 04 - She's Not Katherine [Featured Characters: Elena, Damon, Stefan, Caroline, Bonnie and TyKlaus]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 8,089  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

* * *

**Chapter 04: She's Not Katherine**

Damon leaned his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. He was spent, satisfied beyond measure by the fan-fucking-tastic sex he'd just had with Elena Gilbert. Elena. Fucking. Gilbert. He wanted to look at her. He wanted to say her name. He wanted to tell her that he loved her. He wanted to sweep her up in his arms and carry her to his bed and make love to her for the rest of eternity.

He did none of the above. Because he knew. He absolutely, positively knew that the second he spoke, moved, did anything at all that she would freak the fuck out. Whatever tight rein she'd had on her feelings for him, heightened vampire emotions so raw and uncontrollable had clearly taken over. Even as he wanted to glory in the fact that she *did* have feelings for him – and strong ones at that – he knew that she would hate herself. And probably him once reality descended and it hit her that she had just been fucked and good by her boyfriend's brother. The guy that she didn't choose.

So he was still and silent. He wanted to savor this moment, savor the girl of his dreams in his arms, breathing him in, holding him tightly inside of her. He didn't want to let go of the moment. Ever.

Ever didn't last very long.

She shifted a little, a light moan escaping as he slipped out of her. He waited for reality to smack her upside the head. _One. Two. Three._

"OH MY GOD!"

_And there it was._

Elena shoved at Damon, once again clearly forgetting her new strength, and sent him flying ignominiously across the room, jeans tangled around his damn ankles. _Fuck_, he thought as he scrambled to his feet with as much grace as he could muster.

Pulling himself together, he stayed where he was, eying her warily. She'd jerked her own jeans up, shakily zipping and buttoning as her eyes flew around the room looking anywhere but at him. It was obvious when they alighted upon her underwear – a sweet pink bikini pair – because they widened and the most delightful blush painted her face.

Elena stood still, staring at the discarded item for a ridiculously long amount of time. She took a step forward as if planning to retrieve them before appearing to reconsider and leaning back against the door.

Just as it had been when they returned to the boarding house earlier, Damon supposed it was up to him to break the silence. He knew that if he didn't and it grew to an unbearable length that Elena would begin to internalize and don the self-flagellating role of sacrificial victim that she had too easily taken on since her parents died. She was going to feel guilty as hell. Possibly as guilty as she ever had because unlike the death and destruction lurking behind every corner due to the whole 'Look at me, I'm a doppelganger!' thing, this had not been beyond her control.

At least, she certainly wouldn't see it that way. He disagreed, but this wouldn't be the first time that their take on incidents differed. He'd accepted a long time ago that there was something real and undeniable between them. No matter how hard she tried to fight it, to pretend it wasn't there, it kept rising to the surface. And he should have realized. He absolutely should have realized that the two of them without any distractions or interruptions so soon after her turning was *not* a good idea. There was no way that she could have controlled herself once things grew tense between them as they invariably did whenever they were alone.

But everything in the last few hours had been even crazier than their norm that Damon hadn't realized. And so here they were, standing ten feet apart, both of them still smelling of hot sex. And while he knew she was suffering through a storm of regret to say that he felt any at all would be a lie. And the one thing in which he took great pride was that he was always honest with himself.

Sure, he knew that he *should* be sorry, but he wasn't. Not one bit.

Even though he was confident that eventually he and Elena would tackle this *thing* – especially with the possibility of forever stretching before them – he wasn't expecting it to happen anytime soon. So, yeah, call him an asshole, but when years could pass before she was willing to give them a chance, he wasn't going to regret having her now this once.

Even if she would. And of course, *of course,* she would. He needed to find the right words to say that would keep her off the ledge. Stepping forward, he sighed. The soft sound drew her attention to him before she could stop from looking in his direction. She blinked quickly, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Elena, it's OK."

She shook her head forcefully, tears coming faster. Damon began to walk to her, but she pushed herself back hard into the door, her hands raising to stop him. So he stopped.

"You're a vampire now." Elena nodded, squeezing her eyes shut. "I know that you know that things are heightened, amplified. That's what happened here."

She looked at him, that damn guilt written all over her face. "So what? This doesn't matter? This didn't happen? I didn't just – we didn't just ..." she threw her hands out, her voice dropping to a whisper. "This?"

He couldn't stay still. He couldn't stand there, see her in such devastation and do nothing. Before Elena could react, he rushed to her and had her in his arms, raining soothing touches and murmurs upon her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and buried her head in the crook of his shoulder, sobbing.

They stood there, neither speaking, just holding onto one another before she finally pulled back and met his gaze. "This isn't me. This is wrong." Her voice broke. "Damon, this isn't me. I'm *not* Katherine."

"I know, I know." And then he felt the guilt and regret sweep through him. Fuck his baser instincts, he loved this girl more than anything ever and she was hurting because he couldn't fucking restrain himself. He knew better. He didn't have the excuse of being a new vampire. No, he was just a selfish bastard who wanted her so damn badly that he gave in when she lost control.

Lifting his hands, he cupped her face and looked intently into her eyes. "Elena, you are a new vampire. You can't control what you're feeling. All of it, everything that you feel in such vivid color ... that's what being a vampire is all about. And you get used to it. You do. But," he broke off, wiping away the tears that streaked by his thumb, "you're so new. Just a few hours old.

"When you're used to it, when you get a grip on what it means to be a vampire, this kind of thing won't happen. I promise you."

She shook her head slowly. "But why?" Her face crumpled. "Why did this happen? Why did we? I didn't mean ..."

"Elena, there is something between us. We know that and it's been here for awhile and it's been building. Before, when you were human, you could just shove it aside. You convinced yourself it wasn't there, that it wasn't real. But because of our proximity, because we were fighting and things got tense, your ... your feelings for me were amplified."

"Feelings?"

"Anger. Frustration. Lust. And other softer emotions we won't name."

"But I love Stefan."

God, it hurt. It was like she had just stabbed him straight in the heart. He knew that she hadn't meant to. She was most definitely not Katherine, who sought to sting whenever the chance presented itself. Elena would never seek to hurt anyone so desperately. He knew that. After all, it wasn't as if it was some secret. He knew. Dear Lord, how he knew that she loved his brother. And right now she was confused and guilty and just trying to understand why the hell she just fucked him if it was always going to be Stefan. He got that and he didn't feel even a second of anger towards her. But it still hurt like a son-of-a-bitch hearing the words so baldly stated as she stood there in the circle of his arms, the smell of sex clinging to them.

Damon shoved down the hurt. Right now, this was about Elena.

"You do, of course you do. But, Elena, you care about me too and things just got out of hand."

She laughed, a note of hysteria there. She pulled his arms down, his hands falling from her face and she slipped out of his embrace. Running her hand through her hair, she covered her mouth, trying to push back her laughter. Elena looked at him, her face streaked with tears that wouldn't stop falling. "Out of hand?" She managed. "Out of hand, Damon." She let out a long, sobering breath. "You just fucked me against your bedroom door. I'd call that a little more than 'out of hand.'"

"Elena ..." He moved toward her, but she sidestepped him.

"I can't do this. I can't do any of this. I –"

"Elena, I know you're upset –"

"Upset? Yeah, upset's not quite the word. Ric is dead. Matt almost died. I died. Now I'm a vampire. And I just had sex with my boyfriend's brother like five seconds after I recommitted to Stefan."

Turning away from him, she reached for the doorknob.

"Elena, don't go. Not like this. Not when you're still feeling like this. We can talk. We can -"

She turned to face him. "Do what? There's nothing we can do, nothing we can say. Nothing can fix this." She shook her head. "I have to go."

"No -"

"Yes! I have to go! I'm going home. To my home." She paused, briefly closing her eyes, gathering herself. When she spoke again, her voice was measured, almost calm. "I'm not going to touch Jeremy. Then I will see Stefan tomorrow and I will tell him." And then a note of panic drove her voice higher. "And then I don't know what."

Damon held himself still, fighting the urge to take her in his arms again. She'd made it quite clear that in his arms was the last place she wanted to be right now. _Forget that,_ he thought. _If she could fly to another continent right now, she'd be gone already._But he couldn't let her go, not in the state she was in. "Stay in a guest room. Hell, stay in Stefan's room."

She numbly shook her head. He sighed. "Elena, you shouldn't be near a human tonight."

"I can't stay here now. I'll tell Jeremy to go to Matt's, OK?"

He sighed again, his mind racing. He didn't want her to go. He had a no good, very bad feeling that if she left here without them resolving anything that Elena Gilbert's life could actually get a whole lot worse.

"Damon," she cried out, interrupting his flow of thoughts. A fresh flood of tears tracked down her face. "I can't stay here!"

He couldn't resist her, not when she was practically begging him to let her go. Not when she was falling apart right in front of his eyes. He tried to convince himself. _Maybe it's the right call. Maybe she needs to be in her home, in her bed, among her things. Maybe that will help._

"Damon," she all but whispered, those doe eyes of hers pleading with him. So, of course, he caved. _Of course._

Against his better judgment, against his instincts screaming to keep her there, he nodded. "Go." He shut his eyes, already feeling regret.

When he opened them, she was already gone.

XxxxX

Caroline flicked through photos on her phone of Tyler, Tyler and herself, Tyler and Matt – some even going back to when she was dating the latter. She wiped at the tears that just kept falling. She kept seeing the closed-off expression on Tyler's face as he pushed her to leave him to die all alone down there. It wasn't fair; none of this was fair. Vampires, werewolves, crazy spells. God, to think that one year ago her biggest concern was getting the Founder's Day float absolutely perfect. What she wouldn't give for a parade-related headache tonight.

The phone slipped from her fingers onto her bed. Caroline rested her head back against her wicker headboard. Just as she did, her doorbell rang and her eyes popped open. Even though she knew that it couldn't possibly be Tyler, nothing could squelch the hope that arose in her like a firestorm. Jumping to her feet, she practically flew to the door, flinging it open with barely restrained strength.

"Hey," said someone who was not Tyler. Her heart dropped.

"Hey, Stefan." She tried to smile, because they were still alive, but on the heels of that thought was the reminder that Tyler was not. Her face crumpled, tears fell just as she fell into Stefan's arms. He wrapped her up, murmuring sounds of comfort.

In between her sobs, she talked into his shoulder. "We're still here. We're alive and I should totally be grate – grateful for that." She nodded, her face smushed against his dark shirt. "And I am, I am grateful, but Tyler is go-o-o-one. He's gone, Stefan. When I left him, his face, God, his face." She buried herself deeper into his arms, her sobs taking over.

"Ssh, ssh," he whispered as he brushed a hand over her hair and held her tighter with his other arm. Taking comfort from his touch, she calmed down just the slightest, but the thoughts that kept running in circles in her mind begged to be released.

"I wanted to stay with him until the end, you know, but he wouldn't let me. He just pushed me away, made me leave." Shaking her head, she forced herself to pull up and pull away as her cowardice hit her, and now instead of a slow, steady drip of words, they flew from her so quickly that she practically tripped over them. "What is wrong with me? I never should have left him. I should go. I should go back to him. I have to go. I need to be with him. He could still be –"

"Caroline," Stefan interrupted, gripping her shoulders in both hands. She looked at him, meeting his gaze and waited for his acquiescence.

She didn't get it.

"Sage and that other one, they were gone within an hour of Finn dying." He was so calm, so logical. But Caroline wasn't listening.

"But Tyler's a hybrid! It could be different."

"Caroline," he shook his head slightly, his face soft with compassion.

"Stefan! It could be!" She jerked away from his hold, anger shading her normally smiling eyes.

"It's been over four hours. He would have called you by now otherwise." His voice lowered, and his brow furrowed in sympathy. "He's gone, Caroline." Reaching out, he pulled her into another hug. "I'm sorry." As he clung to her, she had the sense that he was holding onto her for himself as much as her. For all they had gone through in the last few days, weeks, months.

Caroline took a deep breath, and then another. And then one more. Her voice was soft and muffled, but of course he heard her. "I was just thinking, before you came, that a year ago I was *so* upset because the Founder's Day parade committee wouldn't let me wear a recreation of Scarlett's curtain dress because they were afraid of copyright or something." Pulling away slightly, Caroline met his somber gaze. "That's the thing I was the most upset about."

"I know, I know." He nodded, his tone as gentle and comforting as the tender rubbing of her back.

Sighing, she stepped back and wiped at her tears. Stefan followed her inside, closing the door behind him, his expression somber. Looking at him, she suddenly wondered what he was doing there, why he had come to her. Ever since he'd gone to the dark side, they'd barely spent any time together and so that it was him that showed up to comfort her was a bit of a surprise. Surprise enough that she couldn't help but ask him about it because she figured there was probably more to why he was there then remembering seemingly out of the blue that they were friends.

"Stefan, not that I'm not grateful, but why are you here? I mean, with me? I appreciate it, I do, but you've kinda been keeping your distance with your whole, you know, ripper thing." She smiled to take any unintended sting out of her words because, really, the guy looked miserable, brow furrowed more than usual.

He sighed and offered up a weak smile of his own. "I know I bailed on everyone. Not just Elena and Damon. I'm sorry." She nodded, offering understanding with just a look. "With everything else going on I thought maybe you could use someone. Because of Tyler."

"Thank you, but ..." she began, thinking, thinking. _He should be with Elena right now, Elena needs him._"You shouldn't be here. You should be with Elena right now. I do, I appreciate you stopping by, but Stefan, go to Elena, things have been so bad for her, let at least one of us have some happiness. You're still here, Stefan, I can't imagine how relieved she is." she managed a watery smile. "You should go, be with her. I expect Matt to stop by any time actually."

He parted his lips, paused and just shook his head before finally speaking. "Caroline, I have to tell you something."

_No_, she thought. Something in his tone told her that she did not want to hear what he was going to say. _Can I handle any more bad news? I do not think so. _She shook her head slightly, desperate to stop Stefan from talking. "Oh, no. No. I can't."

He pursed his lips, a pained determination filling those puppy dog eyes of his. _God! _She took a very, very deep breath. "What?"

Biting his lip, Stefan looked at her, and he was tearing up and she could not, did not even want to imagine what had him so upset.

"Elena's a vampire."

_That would do it._

Caroline was quiet, shock flooding through her as she tried to take in what he was saying. She opened her mouth to respond, but found herself at a loss for words. She looked away, and then down at her feet, back up to him, skirting away from the pain on his face, circling around the room. _Elena is a vampire?_The words kept repeating on loop in her mind. Finally, she broke through, managing one word, full of incredulity. "What?"

He sighed, and slipped his hands in his pockets, switching his weight back and forth on both feet as the silence grew.

"Stefan? What the hell?!"

"Matt and Elena crashed on Wickery Bridge."

"Oh my God!"

"I was there in time to see the truck go down. I went after them," he paused, guilt overcoming his features. "And Elena wanted me to save Matt."

Confusion filled her as she digested what he was saying. "So you saved Matt?" It was a question, but judging by his expression, clearly it was not one he wanted asked. She rephrased and kept the question mark out of her voice this time. "So you did."

"Yes," he responded, a touch of defensiveness there. "She wanted me to."

"Right." _He saved Matt and not Elena. I don't understand. I am confused. _

Clearly reading her bewilderment, Stefan hastened to explain, a plea for understanding in his tone. "When I went back for her, God, Caroline, I thought I'd have time. She was - it was too late." His voice broke, and tears slipped down his cheeks.

"Oh, Stefan. Oh." She moved to him, enfolding him in her arms, her turn to provide support. She pulled back and tried to smile at him. "But she's OK, right? She had vampire blood in her system? I mean, did Damon ...?"

"No, no. When she hit her head, it was worse than Dr. Fell let on. She gave Elena vampire blood to heal her. She would have died otherwise." Stefan let out a humorless bark of laughter and stepped out of her embrace. "She would have died otherwise," he repeated slowly.

"Oh, oh, I see." She managed a genuine smile. "Of course, I get it."

He wiped the tears away. "What?"

"You knew Elena had vampire blood in her system. So you saved Matt. Wait! Matt?! He's OK?"

"Yeah, he is." He paused, a twinge of confusion crossing his face. "Actually, yeah, he's doing remarkably well. Barely a scratch on him."

Despite their losses that night, her smile burned bright for a moment at the news. "Good, good." And then what had happened to Mr. Saltzman, and Tyler - _God, Tyler, I'm so sorry! _- hit her anew. Her smile dimmed, but she still managed a watery laugh. "Hey, things could be worse. We could have lost two more people tonight." Her smile broke, and she let out a shuddering sob. And then just as quickly as it came, she shook her head sharply and pulled herself together.

"No, right now, it's good, I'm thinking of the good. Matt is fine, and Elena is OK. She's a vampire. That's OK. We're vampires and we're OK." Caroline crinkled her brow a bit and sent a sideways glance Stefan's way. "Well mostly," she added and a teary, but irrepressible smile found its way onto her face.

Once again, it faded into a frown as Stefan just stood there, a heavy pause filling the air, devastation and guilt screaming from him. "Stefan?"

"I didn't know she had vampire blood in her system, Caroline."

It was her turn to pause for a very, very long time. When she finally spoke, that confusion had returned. She spoke softly, slowly as if trying to make sense of what he was saying as she spoke to him. "But ... you love Elena. And that's what you do, you save the girl you love." She shook her head. "I don't understand. I mean, I'm glad because Matt's OK and Elena's OK, but, Stefan, you save the one you love. Right? What am I missing?"

"She wanted me to save Matt, so –"

"But Stefan," she interrupted, and then just kept silent, her thoughts whirling. _But why? You love Elena. Why wouldn't you save Elena first?_

He was quiet and then began pacing, his words now coming out in a rush, his voice rising. "I've been so selfish for the last three months, thinking of just myself. Thinking about *my* feelings, what *I* want so that I don't have to feel anything." He paused, slowing down. He turned to face Caroline, his eyes pleading with her to understand. "Seeing Elena in that moment, Caroline, I couldn't keep doing it.

"I'd pushed her away, what she wanted from me over and over again. She'd begged me and I turned her away so many times. I couldn't do it again. I needed to put her first. I needed to do what *she* wanted." His voice rose again, and he was adamant now. "And she wanted me to save Matt!"

He rested his fists on his hips and faced her practically defiant. "So I did."

"But ..." she began, but then trailed off as she looked at him. He looked like he was near his breaking point. She wondered what he'd already been through tonight. Thinking he'd let Elena die, then finding out she would turn, something that they both knew Elena never wanted. And Damon. Oh, if Damon knew, he would be furious. Tension was set so tightly on Stefan's frame, she couldn't, wouldn't add more. She would accept his plea.

"OK. OK, you did what Elena wanted and it worked out. It's OK and now you two can be together. Since the whole 'oh who should I be with?' thingie is over." She reached out and rubbed his arm, a quick smile flashing across her face.

"Yeah, well, she's with Damon right now."

Confusion crossed her face. "What? Why? No, she should be with you, not him. She chose you." And once again Caroline's smile was bright and genuine. "Elena was coming back to Mystic Falls to you. She thought she was losing you both." She paused and shook her head a bit. "OK and me and Tyler too," she clarified, her voice breaking slightly on Tyler's name, "but mostly it was you and Damon on her mind. And in the end, she wanted to be with you. She chose you, Stefan." Her shoulders lifted in a tiny shrug of happiness. "So at least someone gets a happy ending sorta. Yay."

Stefan was quiet. Caroline waited for the joy to break out on his face, but he just stood there as if he needed to absorb what she was telling him, his frown intact. "I know," he said softly, and his words weren't accompanied by a smile. "But she's not Elena anymore, not really."

"Of course she is."

He laughed sourly. "No, she isn't. She's a vampire now, Caroline. She's not the same person she was. We change. I'm not who I was when I was human, Damon certainly isn't. Not even you are."

"Stefan!" And her understanding disappeared in a snap. "That doesn't matter. She's STILL Elena!"

He shook his head, leaning forward intently. "But how do we know that? How do we know that she won't be like ... Katherine?"

"She won't!" she exclaimed, recoiling automatically at the older vampire's name.

"You don't know that. I fell in love with Elena because she *wasn't* Katherine. She wasn't like her. I followed her for five months because I had to make sure that she wasn't Katherine playing pretend, that she was nothing like her. And now ..." he trailed off, worry clouding his features.

Caroline slumped slightly, mulling over his words. She'd never realized that Katherine or rather Elena not being Katherine had played such a part in the early stages of Stefan's relationship with Elena. It was a little disconcerting. To think that his feelings for her best friend were predicated not only on her looking like someone he had loved before, but also on the fact that she wasn't like that person. She shook her head, trying to make it make sense in her mind. Stefan loved Elena. Of that, Caroline had no doubt, but it was clearly mixed up in some way with his whole crazy relationship with Katherine, and that Caroline had not realized before this moment.

But it didn't matter. And Katherine certainly did not matter. Elena did, and disabusing Stefan of this really, really stupid notion that Elena was anything like that bitch mattered. Caroline stood straight and moved close to Stefan. Pointing her finger, she jabbed at his chest in time with every word.

"No, no, no. Stefan, stop!" He stepped back, lowering his head, but not looking away from Caroline's determined gaze. "She's still Elena. She always will be. Whether she's a human or a vampire. Period." She paused, her eyebrows were raised exclaiming her point. "Period." And then she gave an emphatic nod.

Stefan was quiet, offering a slight shake of his head. "Caroline, I want to bel –"

He was interrupted by a knock.

"Caroline!" Bonnie called through the door.

Caroline sighed and rolled her eyes. She gave Stefan one more sharp look and repeated her final pronouncement. "Period." Then with a flip of her hair, she walked around him. "Coming, Bonnie." She opened the door, greeting Bonnie with a forced smile. "Hey."

Bonnie offered a smile just as strained. "Hey." She looked away as she bit her lip before turning back to Caroline, her eyes wide and worried. "I have to talk to you." She took a deep breath. "It's about Tyler. " Caroline let out a small whimper. "And Elena."

At hearing their best friend's name, Caroline reached out and grabbed onto Bonnie's hand. "I know, I know." She stepped back, revealing Stefan. "He told me. Elena's a vampire. Oh my God."

Bonnie nodded, her eyes flitting close briefly. She took a step, about to enter when a voice suddenly came out of the darkness.

It was Tyler.

Caroline gasped. Bonnie's eyes widened in frustration and Stefan moved to stand by the girls as Tyler walked into the light of the porch. He faced the three of them, a half-smirk on his face, a lilt in his voice.

"What's that about Elena then, love?"

XxxxX

As Elena walked up to her house, the porch light was shining like a beacon beckoning her in. As she grew closer, the daze that had kept her thoughts at bay on the walk home began to dissipate. Tears slipped down her cheeks, but she ignored them. Wearily she took the steps, wondering at her complete lack of energy, but then she figured that emotional exhaustion overruled even vampire vigor.

She stopped at the door and leaned forward, resting her head before reaching for the knob. It was locked. _Of course_, she thought and cut off a hysterical bark of laughter. Sighing, Elena headed to the swing, and pried the white key holder from the bottom. She pulled it out and slipped it into the lock, but it refused to turn. Letting out a little cry, she remembered that Jenna had changed the lock after John came back to Mystic Falls, and no one had thought to replace this key. Damnit!

She sighed, and replaced the key holder. She felt like she weighed a thousand pounds with every movement, every step. She just wanted to go upstairs and go to bed. But of course she had to tell Jeremy to head to Matt's first for his own protection. _Because I'm a vampire now. A new vampire who loses control and has sex with her boyfriend's brother. _

She buried her face in her hands, trying to control an overwhelming wave of self-pity that swept through her. Straightening up, she wiped at the smudged tears and took a deep breath. As much as Elena wanted the comfort of her brother, she knew that it was too dangerous to be near him right now. _Not as dangerous as being around Damon, though._She shook her head, determined to get any and every thought of him out of her mind.

_Breathe in, breathe out. Think of Stefan_. She did and guilt swamped her. _No, no. Think of Caroline, still around. Of Matt, safe and sound. Of Bonnie. Of Jeremy, her only family left. _

Calm filled her as she focused on those she loved without reservation, without confusion. She knocked on the door and waited. Long moments passed and she knocked again, frustration filling her. _Come on, Jere. Get down here, let me in. _And then she laughed bitterly as she remembered. Even if the key had fit, she would still have needed Jeremy to invite her inside. The early invitation didn't count before she had transitioned.

She knocked again. And then louder. When several moments had passed and there was still no response, she banged hard on the door with her fist, leaving a deep dent. Falling back, Elena brought her hand to her mouth, her gaze taking in gash. _I've got to get used to this super-strength thing, _she thought with a sigh. _Yet another thing to worry about._

Shaking her head, Elena knocked again with more care. There was still no response.

"Jeremy!" She called out, nervously looking around to make sure that lights weren't coming on in the surrounding houses. She grimaced then whisper-shouted his name. She wondered if maybe he'd gone to Matt's on his own, but then remembered that Matt was in the hospital. She slipped her hand into her back pocket to snag her phone.

It wasn't there. _Where?_ she thought and then let out a whimper as she remembered that she had set it down at the boarding house. "Jeremy," she whispered, frustration lacing the word and she began to cry again. _Where are you? _Her eyes slipped close and she fell back against the door, listening to the silence around her.

Suddenly she heard a strain of music. She opened her eyes in surprise, looking around and then realized that she'd been focusing so intently that she was picking up noise from the nearest distance. Stepping forward, Elena looked up. It was Jeremy's room. Concentrating, she closed her eyes and could make out one of those emo songs he so loved. She could even hear him singing along and wondered at first how she could separate them when it hit her that he had his earphones on. She could scream at the top of her lungs and he wouldn't hear her and without an invitation in, she didn't want to risk trying to jump to his window, even if she could figure how out to do it without falling to the ground.

Stepping back under the porch roof, Elena leaned against the door, wiping at the tears falling in vain. Finally, she gave up and just gave into the desolation that was begging to take over. Banging her head lightly against the door, the sobs began to rip from her throat, taking over her body. She slid down and wrapped her arms around her knees, her head bent.

She didn't know what to do, where to go. She couldn't get into own home, she certainly couldn't go back to the boarding house. And after what she had done with Damon, she just didn't have it in her to face Bonnie or Caroline, they'd read her like a book. Opening her eyes, Elena looked out into night, indifferent to the remarkable details and vibrancy of her surroundings.

As she sat there, quiet, focused on nothing, unbidden came thoughts of Damon, of the two of them entwined, the way his kiss had tasted. How good, how right he'd felt moving inside of her, the powerful orgasm that had taken over her when she came, the very same moment when he bit her.

She squeezed her eyes shut. _Stop, stop, stop! _She didn't want to think of this, of him, of them, of what had happened. It meant nothing, it meant absolutely nothing. Just sex. It was just this whole, stupid vampire thing intensifying the lust she felt. _Yes, it was only lust. That what drove me. _It was just sex. She loved Stefan. Only Stefan. Always Stefan.

_"I love you, Elena and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you. Why you can't know this. I don't deserve you but my brother does." _

Elena sat up with a start, her eyes wide, her tears forgotten as the declaration suddenly popped into her mind. _What? When? _It was Damon standing in front of her, in her room, and he was looking at her with so much *feeling* and telling her that he loved her. But he'd never... not in her room, no. No. He'd told her on his supposed deathbed, and at the Mikaelson ball. But she could hear him, see him, this moment in her mind as if it was something that had taken place.

Elena shook her head. _No, no, this had never happened._But it was so real, like a memory hidden in the recesses of her mind suddenly coming to light. And then as if a rewind button had been hit she remembered seeing Damon sitting on her windowsill, her necklace in hand. She gasped. Damon had returned it to her. She had known that some mysterious force was behind the return but hadn't wanted to question it too much for some reason. And then he was talking, and she was nervous. Elena could remember that, and it hit her why in a flash. She had lost her necklace when Rose kidnapped her and so Damon showing up like that, in her room, unexpectedly would have been the first time since the night he had snapped Jeremy's neck. No wonder she'd been thrown.

_He stood there, looking at her so intently. "God, I wish you didn't have to forget this. But you do." And his eyes filled with tears, their incredible blue misted, and then in a split-second he was gone._

Eyes narrowing, Elena was incensed with the return of her memory. "He compelled me!" She said aloud, indignant disbelief lacing her words. She couldn't help but feel betrayed because Elena had honestly never believed that Damon would compel her... which in turn made her feel stupid that she had believed such a thing when clearly it wasn't the case. At the same time, she couldn't deny that a part of her was moved beyond measure by his words. Words that he told her he had to say, just once, committing an action that he named one of the most selfish things he'd ever done. And yet, as angry as Elena was with him right now, she couldn't agree with that. It was the opposite in fact.

_"Katherine?"_

Damon stood on the road outside the falls.

"No, uhm, I ..." Looking behind her, Elena looked to see who he was talking to but saw no one else around. "I'm Elena."

Confusion crossed his face, followed by a moment of thought before he smiled at her. "You just look... I'm sorry, you just really remind me of someone. I'm Damon."

Elena slowly drew her hand to her mouth. _Again? God, Damon!_Letting out a sharp exhalation of breath, she shook her head and just let the memory play out.

_"Not to be rude or anything, Damon, but it's kind of creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere." He was so good looking, and mysterious in his leather jacket, Elena couldn't help but inject a little flirtation in her voice._

"You're one to talk. You're out here all by yourself."

"It's Mystic Falls. Nothing bad ever happens here."

And that brought her back to the present as she couldn't help the snort of laughter she released at the absurdity of that statement in light of just about everything in her life right now. _So when was this? When did this happen?_She couldn't place the timeframe.

_"Got into a fight with my boyfriend."_

He looked almost curious, his tone matching his words. "About what? May I ask?"

"Life, future, he's got it all mapped out."

Matt! She was talking about Matt. And then the 'when' hit her. If she was talking about Matt and their differences this clearly, it was right before she broke up with him, which was the night her parents died. A sob escaped her. This had to be the night of the crash. When Stefan saved her. *Before* Stefan saved her. Once she realized where she was, what was going to happen, the recollection pushed its way to the forefront of her thoughts again.

_"And you don't want it?" Elena looked away from him, feeling oddly at ease telling this stranger about Matt. Or maybe that's why it was easy, why she felt so comfortable sharing. He didn't know Matt, but with his question, she found her gaze coming back to him, wondering how he seemed to know her._

"I don't know what I want."

"Well, that's not true." A smile danced on his lips, and she couldn't stop her own returning smile. In the moment, here with this new guy, Matt was the furthest thing from her mind even if she was talking about him. Elena gazed at this Damon, charmed and intrigued. She couldn't help that think maybe he was just what she needed in her life. A gorgeous stranger, full of mystery.

"You want what everybody wants," he continued.

"What, mysterious stranger who has all the answers?" He laughed lightly, turning his head as if surprised, looking a little coy as she challenged him. It didn't last long. He moved towards her, and the closer he got, the closer she wanted him to get.

"Hmm, well, let's just say I've been around a long time. I've learned a few things."

"So, Damon,"

Damon_, she savored the name in her mind. "What is it that I want?"_

Elena closed her eyes, half-mortified, half-charmed at the memory. She had flirted shamelessly with him, never mind that she still had a boyfriend. Her younger, more innocent, naïve self saw only his ridiculous good looks, his mystery, his teasing nature egging her on as he moved ever closer.

_"You want a love that consumes you."_

And again, Elena was pulled from the memory as she recalled saying almost those exact words to Matt only a handful of hours ago ... about Damon.

_"You want passion, an adventure, and even a little danger." She was mesmerized by him. By the scent of him when he got so close, the soft curve of his lips, the way those piercing blue eyes looked at her, staring deep into her soul. He met her breathless gaze with a smile of his own, the slightest of nods, confident that he was so very right in his assessment of her. And he was. He definitely, definitely was. But it was time to turn the tables._

"So, what do you want?" She asked him with a playful smile, but there was genuine curiosity there. Elena wanted to know what this man wanted who had just appeared in the night and seemed to know her. And she could see it on his face, the surprise that she would care enough even after just meeting him, to bother asking what he wanted.

A tear slipped down Elena's cheek as time gave more weight and meaning to that moment, the look on his face. It wasn't just that this stranger cared to ask, or even that it was a stranger who looked like Katherine. It was that *anyone* cared to ask when she was fairly certain that no one else ever had. She felt a surge of fierce protection for the heart of his that had been so bruised and disregarded, and more often than not by her lately.

_The sound of a motor, the honking of a horn pulled her from his gaze. "It's my parents," she told him before he could answer her question. Elena looked away and towards them for a moment. When she turned back to Damon he was standing right before her, looking deeply into her eyes. She was captivated by their surreal beauty._

"I want you to get everything that you're looking for." He paused and the soft passion of his voice receded just a bit. "But right now I want you to forget that this happened. Can't have people knowing that I'm in town yet." A sweet smile curved his lips and then earnestness filled his gaze as the smile faded. "Goodnight, Elena." She blinked and he was gone.

And with him went the memory of the mysterious stranger. Elena was still angry with Damon for using compulsion on her – _not only once, but twice!_– but the overwhelming feeling that filled her was regret. She was sorry that he hadn't allowed her to see those sides of him at those points in their relationship, that sweetness and sincerity. A kindness that he tried so hard to hide.

If she had remembered meeting Damon, it would have been he who had filled her thoughts those months following her parent's death. The mysterious stranger would have been her last happy memory. By the time school began and she officially met Stefan, he would have just been another cute boy and not someone who represented passion, adventure, and even a little danger that had captured her heart so very quickly.

Instead, it would have been Damon's return that brought her back to life. Yes, Elena had told him on the phone that things might have been different if she had met him first, but she was just throwing him a lifeline, having no clue as to the reality of her statement. But she knew herself, knew that as much as she did care for Damon, had he not compelled their first meeting away, she probably wouldn't have fallen for Stefan, she would have been too wrapped up in Damon, the memory of her mysterious stranger.

The tears began falling faster as the dual memories made a mockery of her earlier assertion that what had happened with Damon tonight was just lust. It wasn't true. Of course she was attracted to him and she did feel lust for him. Denver was proof of that even when putting aside the hundreds of tense moments between them over the course of the last year, especially the last six months.

She cared about him, cared so deeply for him, but she couldn't give it a name because it was so different from what she had felt for Matt, and even what she felt for Stefan. And she loved Matt, she did. And she absolutely loved Stefan. So if what she felt for Damon wasn't that, she honestly didn't know what it was. She just knew that he was right, it was there and it was real, and it had just fucked things up even more than she could have imagined possible after she woke up in the morgue.

Elena sat still for several moments trying to control her emotions, the weeping that had continued unabated. She sniffed and took some shallow breaths, fighting back the tears with sheer force of will. She wouldn't do this. She wouldn't fall apart. She had to be strong, in control for Jeremy. _Stop it, Elena. Just stop it. _

Determined to make this stick, she took a deep breath and spoke, making her words a mantra. "Stop crying, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop thinking of him, of what might have been, of what any of this means because it didn't happen that way and so it doesn't matter now." She nodded doggedly. "You love Stefan, only Stefan. You are not Katherine, loving both, stringing them along. What's past is past, and as of this moment, Damon and this *thing* between us is past. So suck it up, put him out of your mind and just pull it together." Elena took another deep breath and forced a smile on her lips.

She swallowed heavily as the smile faded and wiped harshly at the tears streaking her face. She needed a plan; she needed to figure out how to deal with this, how to take charge of her life. Closing her eyes, she exhaled deeply. The first order of business was to stay away from Damon. Period. She clearly couldn't be around him without losing control.

_What had he said?_ She wondered and just like that she remembered his exact words about what she was going through: _"Elena, you are a new vampire. You can't control what you're feeling. All of it, everything that you feel in such vivid color ... that's what being a vampire is all about. And you get used to it. You do."_

So she just needed to get used to it before she went anywhere near Damon Salvatore again. She could control herself around anyone but him. Time and time again she had seen the truth of that. He got under her skin and twisted something deep inside of her, making her say and act in ways that were alien to her. As much as she wanted to blame what had happened tonight on being a vampire alone, she knew that wasn't the truth. There was Denver.

She probably, almost surely, would have stopped herself from having sex with Damon then even if Jeremy hadn't interrupted, but it wouldn't have been easy. Now with her vampirism heightening everything she was feeling, she simply couldn't trust herself around him. Simply put, he made her feel too much. And too much was more than she could handle right now.

So that was it. Tonight was it. The only way she could take control was to truly let him go. Starting tomorrow, she would have to cut Damon out of her life completely.

* * *

**One other note per guest reviews**: For those who see my portrayal of Elena as one-sided and showing her without sympathy, I honestly don't see how that take can be from someone who is an Elena-fan. The girl is a devastated wreck at the end of this chapter. Her life (or undeath rather) is completely falling apart. She's confused as hell, locked outside of her own home, balling her eyes out, completely thrown for a loop, desperately searching for some way to survive. Elena is my second-favorite character on the show and I get her, I get where she's coming from, I sympathize with her and I feel for her so hard. The only way I can imagine not feeling bad for Elena at this point in the story is if you're a die-hard Damon lover who wants Elena to care only for him and doesn't think much of what she is going through and has gone through.

I'm following canon. Right now Elena does not know what she feels for Damon and she does love Stefan, and she believes that she should be with him. She's a confused, 18-year old girl who has been thrust into an incredibly crazy life. But this story is not over, if you read the summary, it's clear that this is about Elena's journey. Starting with canon, I'm going with how Elena is on the show now and working her to where I would like to see her, but I'm not jumping through past her working through these things. If you want a happy fix, or Elena to suddenly realize she wants to be with Damon and she's done with Stefan like that, this is not the story for you, I am sorry to say. This is a love story, but it's not just a love story for Damon/Elena, it's a love story to the characters of Elena and Damon separately because I love them both.


	5. Resolutions

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 05 - Resolutions [Featured Characters: Elena, Jeremy, Damon, Bonnie and Stefan]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 6,130  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

* * *

**Chapter 05: Resolutions**

An uncomfortable heat that quickly escalated to a painful burning and then morphed into indescribable agony awoke Elena in a matter of seconds. As the sun continued to creep further over her exposed arms and hands she couldn't control the cry that ripped from her throat. Jumping to her feet, she turned to the door, her arms crossed in front of her. Her hair fanned out over her shoulders and hid the curve of her face.

"Jeremy! JEREMY!" She yelled. "Aaaah! JEREMY, GET DOWN HERE!" She tried to bang on the door but a streak of sunlight struck her now exposed fist. She screamed at the sudden pain. Tears streamed down her face, mixing with the healing burns. "Jeremy," she cried again as every twitching move of her body seemed to reveal a different strip of flesh: a line between the strands of her hair on her neck, a sliver of her back as she twisted, her top rising.

The door swung open and Jeremy stood there, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open in shock. "Elena!"

"Let me in, let me -"

"Come in," he cried as he almost simultaneously pulled her into the house. She zoomed to the bottom of the stairs, curled into a fetal position as he slammed the door shut. Shudders wracked her body. She breathed heavily, silently crying because it still hurt even as the pain began to recede. And then it was gone, the vampire healing power at work. The sun creeping up the porch, waking her, burning her, Jeremy letting her in, it all couldn't have lasted more than thirty seconds and yet it was the most painful thirty seconds she could remember.

"Elena?" Her brother's voice was soft as he moved towards her tentatively. "Hey."

Feeling safe, she unfurled her body and raised her head to face him. She shrugged even as tears continued to slip down her cheeks. "I don't have a daylight ring yet."

He sat down on the top stair next to her and reached out, carefully petting her arm. She smiled at him and placed her hand over his, squeezing lightly. "Thank you for inviting me in."

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, I just - I thought you were staying at the boarding house." He narrowed his eyes, suspicion rearing its head. "Did something happen?"

She shook her head, her eyes pleading with him not to push. "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go upstairs and take a shower and lay down. Can you make sure my curtains are drawn and I can, you know, go in my bedroom without burning up?"

"Of course, yeah." He smiled, rising to his feet. He was up the stairs and to her room quickly, calling down to her almost immediately. "It's good, Elena. You can head on up here!"

Resting her head against the wall, she took a deep breath remembering the pain, remembering last night, remembering Damon and Jeremy's blood and Stefan in the water and Rebekah in the headlights. She squeezed her eyes shut. _No, no, no. No more Damon, no more bad thoughts. Time to move on. I'm done. I am done,_she resolved to herself.

Elena stood up and craned her neck, looking up the length of the stairs. She could be up there in a second, maybe two, if she used vampire speed. She could do that; she was tempted to try, risk running into the wall. _After all, if I get banged up, I'll heal just as quickly._

"Elena?"

"I'm coming, Jere. Give me a second." She wondered if she could just think it and go, if that's how it would happen. About to take a step, she paused and realized that as soon as she did this, there was no turning back. She was making a conscious choice to be a vampire. The blood didn't count, she decided, because she needed it to survive, and she would drink as little as possible and avoid human blood. Focusing on hearing was something that came better to vampires, but the act of trying to hear more clearly at times was certainly human enough. As long as she didn't focus on it, she wouldn't be using a vampire power. However doing this, just a quick flash up the stairs, it was Elena Gilbert willingly choosing to *be* a vampire. Different from her flash inside, that had been done on instinct, without thought. But this ... it would be a deliberate, knowing action on her part.

She thought of when she first met Stefan. Even with his few slips, for the most part, he had passed for human so easily. She could do that. She could live on the bit of blood she needed and ignore every other aspect of being a vampire. She could still eat regular food, digest normally, sleep normally, not focus on hearing and once she got her daylight ring, go out and about in the sun like any other girl.

Taking a step back, Elena leaned against the wall and looked up the stairs. _It would make it easier_, she thought. _To be in control, control my emotions, control my life, keep as much order as possible, I just have to avoid acting like a vampire._If she remained Elena Gilbert, human in almost every way, she could do it. She would only drink animal blood. As it was, she could barely remember the taste of Jeremy's so Elena figured that she wouldn't even crave the human variety if it wasn't a part of her diet. She could be just Elena, the Elena everyone knew. The Elena that she knew.

A bright smile crossed her face. _I can do this,_ she thought, a resolute peace filling her. Straightening up, she put her hand against the wall, trailing her fingers along its surface as she slowly walked up the stairs.

XxxxX

Damon sprinted up the steps of Bonnie's porch and knocked sharply on the front door. Within moments, it swung open and there was the witch, a nervous look on her face.

"Sabrina." He smirked. "You called?"

She didn't react to the nickname, merely nodded. "Yeah." Stepping back, she gestured for him to enter as she moved further into the house. _Hmm, this must be serious_, he thought, but his smile didn't drop and he didn't follow her. Instead, he casually leaned against the door frame.

"Ahem."

Bonnie stiffened like a wooden plank. Damon rolled his eyes. She remained still for a moment longer - _probably counting to ten_- before turning back to face him. "Yes?" The word was clipped.

"I need an invite." He was all silky smooth and charm.

"Oh. Yeah, right. Come in, Damon." And then she turned again, moving quickly out of view.

This time the smile did drop because, _damn!_, this was fucking serious. Bonnie had just offhandedly invited him into her home. _Does she know about Elena?_ he wondered suddenly and then just as promptly, he was sure that was it. On the heels of that, he paused. _Does she know about Elena and me?_ He took a hesitant step inside, concerned that Bonnie had thrown some witchy magic on the invitation and this was all a trap to make his balls explode. He didn't move for a second, then two. No part of his anatomy went kablooey. _OK, she didn't know that Elena and I did the wild fandango. Good._ He took a few steps, then stopped. _Wait, no, not good. Bonnie Bennett just invited me, Damon Salvatore, into her home without a moment's hesitation. What the fuck is going on?_

Eyeing the place as he moved further into the house, he stepped into what he presumed was the living room to find Bonnie seated on a couch, the same anxious look on her face as before. He decided to cut to the chase.

"Do you know about Elena?"

She nodded.

"Is this about Elena?"

"No."

"This is bad?"

She was silent, and then, "I think. Maybe. I don't know."

Damon sighed and heavily dropped onto the armchair opposite her. "Hold off on the spilling. I was gonna call you, but you beat me to it." He pulled a pouch out of his jacket and threw it on the table between them. "I need you to do your daylight juju on some items."

"That can wait -"

"No, actually it can't." He cut her off. "Thanks to our favorite dearly-departed history teacher-slash-vampire-hunter-slash-psych

otic vampire-vampire killer, the entire council knows about Caroline, my brother and myself. Oh, and wolf-boy too, but he's no longer our problem."

Bonnie winced, but was silent and he actually felt a stab of guilt. _Seriously, this town! Why do I even care?_Whatever. He did; he knew it. There it was. Damon sent a conciliatory smile her way. "Yeah, I guess it sucks about that." He waited a beat and then continued. "We need to take care of this now. So daylight the jewelry. Then we'll talk about the new big bad headline invading our ever-so peaceful lives."

Bonnie opened her mouth, no doubt to argue, but then acquiesced easily enough and reached for the bag. She emptied it on the table, her eyes widening. "This is a lot of stuff."

"Well, I need the watch, anklet, silver necklace and comb for me and Blondie to face the council, and the rest ..." he trailed off, annoyed with the ludicrous beat his heart skipped at just thinking her fucking name. Clearing his throat, he continued. "The rest is for Elena. Being a vampire and all, she needs to be able to be out and about and with her being a target for every supernatural creature who steps through this town, I figured one ring wasn't enough."

She was sifting through the items while he spoke, and had already separated the jewelry he'd picked out for Elena months ago absolutely knowing that this day would come and soon enough. The gold set included a ring, a pair of earrings and a necklace all with the same intricate design containing twin jewels of golden and blue topaz. Picking up the ring, and looking closely at the gems side-by-side, Bonnie glanced up at him, meeting his blue eyes with a narrowed gaze. "Subtle, Damon, real subtle."

He began to retort, but paused because there was something in her voice, something under the derisive note, the familiar disdain in her eyes. It sounded almost put-upon, and frankly as if she was trying to not freak out. He decided not to push and simply shrugged instead.

Bonnie rose to her feet and scooped the items up. Walking to the window, she arranged them on the sill and placed them directly in the sun. Bowing her head, she whispered some mumbo-jumbo under her breath. A few moments later she was done. Turning around, she moved back to the couch and scooped up the pouch, carelessly throwing the items back in.

"Hey! Elena's set goes in there and should be treated with care. That was not cheap. The rest, give it here."

Reaching in, Bonnie dug out all but the jewelry for Elena and laid the items back on the table. "What's your plan for the council with this stuff?"

He shook his head. "No, you did your thing, only fair I let you spill. What's going on?" Looking away and upward, she let out an inarticulate sound and then was quiet. He tapped his foot. "You know patience? Really not my strong suit."

Bonnie glared at him, but there was no heat in her gaze. Finally her shoulders slumped and she spoke. "OK. Remember when we were at the storage unit? With Klaus?" He nodded. "I asked you for a moment."

"Yeah, you wanted a minute to appreciate him all staked and marbl-y. Go on."

She sighed. "That wasn't exactly the reason." Pausing, she was quiet for a moment and then continued with a determined nod. "I knew it could be done because of Mr. Saltzman and what Esther had done to Rebekah."

Damon's eyebrows rose and he nodded, understanding dawning. He didn't bother to disguise his 'I'm impressed' face. "So you did the witchy transfer thing. Got it."

Her mouth popped open in surprise. He rolled his eyes, marveling at the continued lack of faith in his awesome deduction skills from this winning group of the eternally clueless. "Oh," she finally managed. Then shaking her head quickly, she carried on. "Right. And I needed to make sure it was a vessel that could contain the werewolf *and* the vampire." She paused and smiled weakly. "So, Tyler was it."

_Ahh, clever,_he thought. "Makes sense. One question."

"Just one?" Bonnie arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah, why didn't you just tell me when you did it?"

She shrugged. "I thought you'd try and stop me."

He threw his hands out, his eyes wide in mystification. "Stop you!? Why? I'd have cheered you on." She looked taken aback, genuinely surprised and it suddenly hit him that Bonnie had been in the position he found himself all too frequently ... making the tough choice. The smile he sent her way was sincere. She didn't smile back, still looking startled and a bit wary. And just as quickly as his insight had come a moment ago, he realized that this was pretty much new ground for her and she wasn't as nearly as comfortable with making those choices as he was. _About damn time,_he thought, near-gleeful that someone in their party - even if it was Bonnie - was walking in his shoes for once.

He shrugged, playing it cool though. "You did the right thing. It was a good call." Shaking his head, he clicked his tongue. "Look at you, an actual witch not being all judgy, but using your brain." He smirked and sent her a wink. She looked uncertain, but he could see some of the weight appear to lift as she straightened slightly just as he realized something else. Smacking the arm of the chair, Damon fell back and groaned. "Shit. This means that Klaus probably, most definitely is the 'father' of our bloodline. Fuck." He stewed in that notion for a moment before shrugging. "Ah well, at least now he's contained because Tyler is nowhere near as strong so we have time to figure out how to kill Klaus without taking all of us with him.

"Yeah, could be worse."

She smiled, a tentative one, but it was there none-the-less. Shaking her head, Bonnie glanced his way wryly. "I just thought you'd be furious that I saved Klaus."

"Why? Because you think I want to die? Or Stefan? Or even Blondie?" He paused, and then a half-hearted smile crossed his face, filled with weary sadness. "You know, Elena would have died too."

She didn't respond at first, and in the silence, Damon found himself thinking of Elena, the vampire and how magnificent she was last night throwing him around, getting up in his face, not backing down, being fucked by him. _No!_He clamped hard down on that thought, determined and absolutely resolute to *not* think about her, not like that, not until she was ... better and they could deal with this thing between them.

"Why Elena? Did you? My God, Damon, did you give her your blood?"

Her words jerked him out of his distraction. _And here comes the judging._"What? No. I wouldn't do that." He paused and added grumpily, "again." Unsurprised, he noted that Bonnie still looked a tad suspicious. He sighed, and with a roll of his eyes, explained. "Since I was providing blood to the good Dr. Fell, I just figure that it was mine that turned her."

"Oh." She was quiet, her foot nervously tapping on the floor. Then, "so you think I did the right thing with Klaus?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

"Caroline doesn't."

Damon snorted. _What a shocker!_"Didn't pick up on the fact that if Klaus *had* been staked, she and Tyler would both be dead-dead by now, did she?"

"Oh!" She sat up straighter, eyes wide. "He showed up last night. I mean, Tyler. Or Klaus. You know."

Scooting forward, Damon leaned his elbows on his knees, thoughtful. "Where? Here? Your place?"

"No, at Caroline's," she paused, biting her lower lip, adding quietly. "And he knows that Elena's a vampire."

Damon exploded out of the chair. "What?! You've GOT to be kidding me. Why, why ..." He trailed off, fighting the urge to pick up the table and throw it through the window. A still-shot of Elena staked through the heart, gone forever because Klaus no longer had his little human doppelganger, flashed in his mind and his heart clenched. He shut his eyes tight, breathing heavily, trying very, very hard to not turn around and rip Bonnie's fucking heart out.

After a few moments, he felt calm enough to face her without killing her. "How did he find out?"

She rose to her feet, indignation on her face. "We didn't tell him, Damon!"

"Then how did he find out?" Damon repeated through a clenched jaw.

"I showed up at Caroline's and when she opened the door I didn't wait, I just told her that I had to tell her about Elena and Tyler. I had just seen Jeremy so I knew about Elena, but Stefan was there -"

Damon took a quick step forward, his eyes narrowed. "At Elena's? Stefan was with Elena?" He felt a stab of pain and jealousy even as he derided himself for not realizing that, of course, she and Stefan would have smoothed things over right away.

"What? No. He was with Caroline and -"

"Stefan was with Caroline? Why?" He was confused, but relieved as well. Even though he knew that it didn't matter if it hadn't happened immediately after or not because the next time he saw either one of them, they would still have already managed to slide back into their twu-wuv forever mode.

"I don't know. I just - it doesn't matter. He was there, he'd told Caroline and she immediately told me that she knew that Elena was a vampire. And then Tyler, Klaus, whatever spoke up. He was in the shadows, had come to see Caroline - probably hoping to get some alone time with her as 'Tyler' without her any wiser. That's why I was there so late. I wanted to warn her."

"And instead you let TyKlaus know that he had absolutely no need to keep Elena around anymore because her blood is now useless to him. Fantastic."

She shook her head. "No, I mean - Damon, you said it yourself. You're stronger than Klaus now. *Caroline's* stronger than him."

Shrugging lightly, he acknowledged that. "Yeah, I guess."

"No, really. He tried to go inside and talk to her. Stefan stepped up." Damon rolled his eyes. "But Caroline didn't need a hero. She punched Tyler in the face and sent him flying halfway down the sidewalk."

"When she's pissed, she certainly goes into Hulk-vampire mode." Damon granted and then paused as he did the math. "Wait, no, you're right. Even without anger, she's stronger. She's older vampire-wise than Tyler by about six months. That counts for something."

"Right, so we can all keep Elena safe and work on separating the bloodline."

He sat back down, nodding heavily. "Yeah, if we keep watch over her and *you* keep Klaus contained. As long as he knows that he needs you on his side to reverse the spell - it does have to be you, right? Any witch can't just undo it?"

"Yeah, it has to be me. The transference is connected through my power specifically."

"OK, OK, so that's good. He won't do anything to anyone you care about as long as he needs you. Which leaves everyone in our little Scooby gang safe from Klaus' brand of crazy except for me and I can take care of myself."

He sent a wintry smile her way and was surprised when she smiled, _well, it was more of a grimace, but still ..._back. He was even more surprised when she responded to his statement.

"You saved my life, Damon, even when you didn't have to, even when I certainly wouldn't have expected you to. And you cared whether Jeremy lived or died with that dark magic. I don't like you, but ... I'm not actively rooting for your death. Anymore."

"Aww, I'm touched." He placed a hand over his heart. "Really, right here."

"Whatever."

_Definitely a grimace that time._He didn't care. Her oh so grudging civility gave him a moment of satisfaction.

First sex with Elena, and yes, he was still reliving every single moment of that in the back of his mind on continuous loop, thank you very much, then Bonnie not wanting him dead, perhaps his luck was changing. He smiled brightly.

"OK, we'll work on our new latest and greatest take-down-Klaus plan when the gang's all together and," he waved away any concern over TyKlaus. "Caroline can take care of Hybrid-squared if he comes around again." Damon reached over and snagged the spelled items on the table, cupping them in his hands. "Now to my plan for retaking the council."

XxxxX

Elena stepped out of her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She rested against its hard surface and took a deep breath. She wasn't ready to face Jeremy yet. There was a craving within her that she'd never felt before and it scared the hell out of her. She knew that she craved blood. There were no blood bags in the house - not that she planned to go that route - but she also didn't know how to hunt for animal blood yet either.

So here she stood, bracing herself to go downstairs and face her brother and resist the temptation of his blood. And then get him to leave the house. And then much after that head to the boarding house so she could talk to Stefan. About teaching her to hunt.

About last night.

Elena closed her eyes. She wasn't ready. She had tried Caroline, hoping she could put off the talk, but she hadn't answered her phone and God forbid she went to her house. Sheriff Forbes might answer and the temptation to quench her hunger could take over. That would not be good. So Stefan and the boarding house, and possibly Damon, was it. Not that she could go until the sun set.

Elena banged her head lightly on the wall behind her. Forget ten more hours or so, she would happily wait ten more years to deal with any of this. She didn't want to do this. She couldn't do this, couldn't face -

There was a knock at the door. Automatically she began to focus, wanting to know who it was but she stopped. _No, no vampire powers,_she reminded herself. By the time the thought finished, she had her answer anyway.

"Stefan?" Jeremy said with a slight edge in his voice as he opened the door. There was silence and Elena tip-toed over to the edge of the stairs and peered around the corner. Stefan stood outside, clearly waiting for Jeremy to invite him in. He finally relented. "Come in. Elena's upstairs. She should be down any minute."

Stefan stepped in, his expression serious. "Do you mind if I wait?"

Elena bit her lip and sighed. _OK, scratch the boarding house._Then she straightened as she realized that meant she could also scratch Damon. Without conscious thought, she flashed back to last night, her nails scratching down his back as he thrust into her, his fingers hard on her hips, his teeth biting into her neck.

She slammed her eyes shut. _God!_Elena let out a long, unsteady breath and opened her eyes. She forced herself to block the images out of her mind, staring at the empty wall in front of her. As the memory faded, the voices below began to take form.

"—they drove off Wickery Bridge." It was Stefan; he was telling Jeremy how she died.

"What?" A wealth of pain was in that one word. "No, no, man Not - " Jeremy couldn't finish.

"I'm sorry," Stefan replied, and he was, he so was. Elena could hear it in every syllable. She couldn't blame him for not saving her life, for listening to her and saving Matt. He already blamed himself so much already.

"So what?'" Jeremy gulped. "Elena, she died on impact or ..." His voice trailed off and she wondered how Stefan would answer. Would he tell Jeremy the whole story or one of the half-truths he was so skilled at handing out?

"No, they went into the water. I got there, but the truck was already submerged." His voice dropped. "She asked me to save Matt."

_Stefan told him the truth,_she thought and was startled to realize that she was a little surprised.

"What?"

"She wanted me to save Matt -"

"She was alive?!" Jeremy cut him off, his voice rising. Elena straightened up.

"She wanted me to save Matt," Stefan tried again to explain, but Jeremy was having none of it.

"How could you? Why wouldn't you save Elena? What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Elena shook her head. Stefan wouldn't defend himself. He would just stand there and take it and she couldn't do the same. Taking a deep breath, she stepped onto the first step, making her presence known. "Jeremy."

They both looked up at her, sadness on Stefan's face, fury on Jeremy's, his fists clenched tightly.

"He let you die!" He shouted and pointed at Stefan, his hand shaking in rage as he moved towards the stairs.

She stepped quickly down them and reached for his arm. "No, he did what I wanted."

"Elena ..." He began.

"Jeremy, please." She was trembling, trying to control not only the renewed urge to cry, but to keep her fangs from emerging, to keep from feeding. On her brother.

She let go of his hand and took a deep breath. And then another. She felt better. She was in control. "I need to talk to Stefan. Why don't you go check on Matt?" He hesitated. "Please."

She cocked her head to the side, her eyes pleading with him. With a heavy sigh, his shoulders dropped and he relented. "Fine. I'll go." He turned to leave, walking around Stefan. At the door, he paused and shot him a glance as deadly as she'd ever seen from her baby brother.

Jeremy made sure that Stefan was looking at him before he spoke, bitterness lacing every word. "Damon wouldn't have killed my sister. You asshole."

"Jeremy!"

Stefan's eyes drifted close in pain. He remained silent while Jeremy stood staring at him a moment longer before walking out and slamming the door hard.

"I'm sorry," she began. "He's just - he's been through a lot."

"He's right," he laughed without any humor. "Damon would have saved - "

"You did what I wanted. *I'm* not sorry about that."

He stood still, not responding and then finally nodded with a weary smile. "I thought you were staying at the boarding house.

Shaking her head slightly, Elena released an unsteady breath. Her voice was low and she couldn't meet his gaze. "Damon and I ..." She paused, thinking, trying to figure out how the hell to tell Stefan that she had sex with his brother. "Things ... got out of hand."

"Oh," he said. But he didn't understand, she knew. He thought it was just another fight. She needed to explain. She didn't want to, but she had to tell him the truth.

"I went to talk to him and then, yeah, we were fighting and I said horrible things and he said unkind things that were probably true and," she sniffed, trying so hard not to cry. _Why can't I stop crying?_she demanded of herself.

"It's OK," Stefan reassured her. He didn't know; he didn't know. He couldn't understand why she was crying.

"No, no it's not." And the tears were slipping down, but she couldn't stop them, so she ignored their free-fall and pushed through. "He just drives me crazy and I couldn't stop and things just happened. We - Stefan."

Stefan was quiet, digesting her words and she wondered if he understood what she was saying, what she wasn't saying.

"I get it." _Do you?_

He ran a hand through his hair and let out another mirthless laugh. "I know things are unresolved with him -"

"Oh, they're resolved. I am resolved. I am done with him. I'm staying away. I need to take control and he ... I can't. I can't be around him." And it wasn't just for her sake. Somewhere between her re-awakened memories, fitful sleep and hours of quiet since then, she'd allowed herself to think of Damon. Not what they had done, but of his feelings. Of what she was doing to him. She wasn't like Katherine. She was worse. Stringing him along, giving him a little, then pulling back. Leaning on him, turning to him, expecting him to be there for her, do for her, and then turning her back on him to run to the safety of Stefan's arms. She couldn't, she wouldn't do that to him anymore. _It wasn't fair to him. At all. I'm doing this not just for me. I'm doing this for him. I'm letting him go because I don't want to hurt him anymore. I won't do it. He deserved better than Katherine. He deserves better than me._

"What about me?"

Elena was startled from her thoughts of Damon and finally looked at Stefan full-on, meeting his gaze, wiping her tears away. Confusion clouded her face. "What do you mean?"

"Can you be around me?" And he looked so hopeful, but sorrowful at the same time, that puppy-appeal of his eyes in full effect. And she realized that, no, he didn't get it. He thought things were unresolved, unfinished between she and Damon. If he had realized, there would have been jealousy, anger, something. Instead his focus was still on himself, on them. And so of course she had to reassure him before she could tell him, make him understand that what happened with Damon was the end of it.

"Yes, I didn't mean you. You're good." She nodded, forcing a smile on her lips.

"Are we? Good? You love me?" And the weight of his guilt and pain lay so heavy in his gaze, in the timbre of his voice she was again reminded of the boy she had been through so much with as a unit, the one she fell for, who helped her find a reason to live again.

"Yes, we're good. I chose you." She was quiet, expecting a leavening of his expression, but it remained the same and she realized in the next instant why. She had spoken in the past tense, and unlike last night when it made sense, it didn't now. Elena began to correct her mistake, to tell him: 'I choose you.' But then the moment had passed. If she said it now, it would be too obvious that she had misspoken in the first place. She pressed her lips tight.

A flash of pain sparked in Stefan's eyes, but it was quickly extinguished and he managed a smile that almost looked genuine. "OK, then we're good."

"Yeah."

She was quiet as was he. And in the quiet, the guilt began to curl within her again. She had to tell him.

"Stefan, I have to tell you what happened last night."

He was shaking his head even before he began to speak. "No. No, you don't."

"Stefan ..."

He moved close and cupped her face in his hands. She contained a gasp. It felt so alien, him holding her so intimately even though he had done nearly the same just the day before. Before she died. Before she and Damon ... _No!_Her mind skittered away.

"I meant what I said at the dance. Damon has nothing to do with us. You don't have to tell me anything. If you say you're done with him, then you're done with him. And so are we."

"But -"

"No, it's OK." He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

She felt nothing. Not even the slightest stirring. It was just a kiss. She forced a smile. She was numb; everything was crazy. Last night she had felt too much, today was just sanity reasserting itself, creating a balance for normalcy. They would be fine. They just needed to find their way back to each other. Elena nodded. "OK. We'll be OK."

He nodded and released her face, stepping back.

Elena smiled again, and this time it felt real. He smiled in return and she realized that it must have looked genuine as well. That made her smile wider, and for the moment things seemed almost comfortable. She suddenly ached for the familiar and so strove to create conversation between them without tension, just two people talking. "Where did you go last night? After? I mean, you hunted, but you were gone for a while ..."

"I went to see Caroline."

That surprised her; it had been so long since she and Stefan had spent any time together.

"Oh, well, that's good." She brought her hand to her mouth then, suddenly remembering and any chance at comfort was gone. "Tyler! How is she? I've been trying to call her, but I couldn't reach her."

He shook his head. "She's not that good. I mean, she's better now. She knows about you. I told her."

She nodded, taking that in.

"But ..." he trailed off, sighing. "Elena, I have to tell you something."

And she could see it in his face, hear it in his voice. It was more bad news. She took a few steps back and lowered herself onto the stairs. The damn urge to cry hit her again, but she fought it and pulled herself together. _Be strong, be in control._"Tell me."

"Bonnie showed up at Caroline's while I was there and Caroline immediately blurted out that you were a vampire. Which Bonnie knew."

"How did she know?"

"She saw Jeremy earlier." Elena nodded in understanding. "Anyway, Tyler showed up then."

"Tyler!? I thought he was dead." She shook her head, and looked up at him.

"Long story short. It wasn't exactly Tyler. Bonnie had transferred Klaus into his body."

Elena's eyes widened. "You mean like when Klaus possessed Alaric?"

"Yup."

"So, wait, why? I don't understand."

"Klaus wasn't lying. He is the originator of our bloodline and Bonnie knew that Alaric wasn't going to stop until he staked Klaus. Once he did that, Caroline and Tyler would die. So would Damon and I, but I don't think Bonnie cared so much about that. The thing is, she was determined to not let the witches take her friends from her, so she pulled her own stunt."

"So Klaus is in Tyler's body and Tyler is just kinda inside, pushed down?"

"I guess." Stefan moved over and sat next to her, and Elena had to resist the urge to scoot over. It just didn't feel right ... yet.

"How did Caroline react?"

"She wasn't happy, especially with Tyler, I mean Klaus. Apparently, he'd already spent some," he paused and raised his eyebrows, "'quality' time with her in Tyler's body earlier."

Elena shuddered. "Poor Caroline."

"Poor Tyler or Klaus."

She turned to look at him. "Excuse me."

"The second he got close, she socked him so hard he went flying twenty feet in the air. That girl can pack quite a punch." He smiled, but it faded quickly. "The thing is, Elena, he knows that you're a vampire. He overheard Caroline and Bonnie."

Getting to her feet, she began pacing. "Yeah, that's not good." She threw her hands up, circling them above her head. "Right now, I'm stuck here. I can't go anywhere and Tyler's body has an invite into my house."

Stefan hopped up. "Bonnie said she's going to get you a ring today and will be over as soon as she has it ready." He reached over and gripped her shoulders. "We'll take care of this. We'll keep you safe from Klaus and everything will be fine."

"Right." She replied even as the weight of his hands gripping her felt heavier than ever before. Even as his words gave her no confidence. Even as the sincerity in his eyes, the love in his voice did nothing to ease her mind or her heart. Still, she smiled and agreed with him. "I'll be fine."


	6. The Need For Control

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 06 - The Need For Control [Featured Characters: Elena, Bonnie, Caroline, Matt, Stefan and Damon]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 8,526  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

In this chapter, I reference a character from season 04, but I'm only using the name. The character will likely be different in the show.

* * *

**Chapter 06: The Need For Control**

Elena was hoping that by reading her diary from when she first met Stefan, she would accomplish two things. Firstly, she wanted to see if she had noted any vampire-characteristics of Stefan's that she hadn't realized were such at the time so that she could avoid falling into those traps herself. The second reason was that she hoped that by going back to the beginning of their relationship, reading her own words, it would help her remember and recapture those feelings. At least the purity, the completeness of them. Of course Elena did still love him; that was not in question. It was just... different now.

The bubble of safety and unconditional love was thinning. She had reservations where before there was no doubt and now with her change, she needed that certainty. After everything that had happened since Stefan left and then returned to town with Klaus, her faith was shaken. Even she couldn't deny that. However, she was convinced that all it would take to fix things was to simply focus on them. _And the best way to do that is to go back to the beginning_, she thought with a determined smile.

Running her finger over the words she'd written out months ago, that smile faded and Elena let out a deep sigh. She was remembering, but the recapturing wasn't quite taking hold yet. There was a bitterness rising up within her that she also couldn't deny no matter how she tried ignoring it. Stefan had lied to her in so many little ways. Not just about being a vampire, but also in how he pretended to get to know her, fall in love with her at the same time that she was getting to know him, fall for him. So much of what she told him about herself he already knew because he'd been watching her, following her for months.

And, of course, there was Katherine. That she looked like Katherine. That he watched her, followed her for months just to make sure that she wasn't Katherine. _Something that Damon seemed to realize almost immediately_, a small voice reminded her as she suddenly remembered the same the morning after Katherine showed up at the boarding house after spending weeks in the tomb. She had gathered from Katherine's snarky commentary later that Damon had recognized that it was her right away even if she tried to fool him. Stefan, on the other hand, hadn't been sure, even though he and Elena had been together only minutes before, laughing and loving. His hands pinned tightly around her neck, hissing Katherine's name had made that perfectly clear.

Tilting her head back, Elena sighed again. She shut the diary and closed her eyes. Things were still too intense, too chaotic in her brain. She could find no peace of mind to even begin to try and recapture those early, untainted. They would have to forge new bonds. There was simply too much water under the bridge. Too much she knew now that she hadn't then. And Damon. Too often in the back of her mind was Damon.

The doorbell rung. Elena's eyes shot open. "Thank God," she muttered under her breath as she set the journal to the side and stood up. Resisting the urge to focus her hearing and try and pick up any tell-tale signs of her visitor, she instead cautiously moved to the door and peered through the peephole. Just as she saw the dark curly hair, her best friend spoke up.

"Elena?"

A smile spread on her face. She unlocked the door and began talking through it. "Bonnie, I'm gonna move. Just give me a few seconds to get out of the way then come in." Elena stepped back swiftly and found her familiar spot at the bottom of the stairs.

Bonnie stepped in, first looking ahead and then to the kitchen on the left before swiveling her head in the other direction to take in Elena's crouched position. Her eyebrows rose. Elena shrugged. "Sunlight."

"Well, I have jewelry -" Bonnie began as Elena spoke at the same time.

"Stefan said you were bring -"

They both trailed off with a smile. Bonnie walked over to where she still sat and Elena rose to her feet. Pausing for a moment, the air was heavy with silence and then in unison they fell into each other's arms. Elena buried her head in Bonnie's neck as Bonnie, with tears in her voice, whispered, "I'm so glad you're alive."

Pulling away, Elena laughed lightly as she wiped at her eyes. "Well..."

Bonnie playfully smacked at her arm. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah," Elena grinned and then gestured upstairs. "Let's go to my room. My curtains are drawn."

Following her upstairs, Bonnie pulled a bag out of her purse as she shut Elena's bedroom door behind her. She snagged a handheld mirror from the dresser and settled on the bed.

"Here you go." She laid out a set of jewelry: a gold ring, necklace and a set of earrings each with a delicate, floral-accented design and flashing with gems, one gold, the other blue topaz. Elena narrowed her eyes at the jewel-tones, but as she took in the beautiful display any other thought fled to the wayside.

"Wow," she settled on the opposite side of the bed and looked up at Bonnie, a smile spreading across her face. "This is gorgeous! And a whole set?"

Bonnie shrugged. "Well, you need to be able to go out and about and since you're such a target for every supernatural creature who comes to Mystic Falls it makes sense, you know?"

Her smile dimming a bit, Elena's mouth twisted slightly. "That sounds like something Damon would say."

"Well... yeah."

Understanding what Bonnie wasn't saying, Elena sighed, the suspicion stirred by the jewels chosen confirmed. Damon had picked these out for her, thinking of the two of them, side by side for the potential of an eternity. So very Damon. As much as he tried to hide his romantic soul, gestures like this caused it to shine through his cynical shell. And as she thought of that romance and his love for her that stayed strong despite everything her heart gave a little hitch, sighed and broke all in an instant.

It would be so much easier if she just didn't care so much about him. Eyes closing, Elena brought the ring to her lips, but their cool hardness felt nothing like his kiss. Her eyes snapped open, and Elena set the ring down. _No, no, no. I am not thinking of him. It is done. We are done. I'm with Stefan. I am with Stefan._She gave herself a sharp nod then looked up to see that Bonnie was looking at her with a quizzical expression.

"You OK?"

Elena forced a smile. "I am. Thank you." She slipped the ring on her finger and admired it for a moment. "It's beautiful."

They were both silent as Elena played with the remaining jewelry spread out on her bed. Picking up the earrings, she slipped them on and held up the mirror. Setting it down, she brushed her hair behind her ears, posing for her friend. Bonnie nodded with a fleeting smile and then bit her lip. Elena looked at her, dreading a new dose of bad news.

"So, yeah..." Bonnie sighed, "you're a vampire."

"Yeah." Elena nodded, waiting a beat and then, "so, Tyler is Klaus."

"Yes."

They looked at one another and then unexpectedly erupted in to laughter. Quickly, it dissolved into giggles and both girls wiped at their tears.

"God, the absolute crazy of our lives is unbelievable!" Bonnie burst out with, mirth still lacing her voice.

Elena nodded, "I know. Trust me, I know."

She let out a heavy sigh as they sobered up, but a smile lightened her face and Elena felt more relaxed than she had since the impromptu gathering with her friends a few days ago. Meeting Bonnie's gaze, she expected to see the same release on her face, but instead she looked tense.

"Are you mad at me, Elena?"

"For what?"

"For saving Klaus. Caroline's not my biggest fan right now, mostly because I used Tyler's body do to do it."

Elena shook her head. "That's crazy. Of course I'm not mad at you. I'm grateful. And Caroline will get over it if she hasn't already. You saved her, and even if he's trapped with Klaus right now, Tyler too. And Stefan and..." she trailed off, Damon's mocking gaze filling her mind. She cleared her throat. "All of us. Probably me too. "

"Yeah, Damon said he's been giving blood to Dr. Fell, so -"

"It was probably his blood in my system," Elena finished for her, feeling a surge of connection that was undeniably ridiculous because it was Damon's blood that had turned Caroline and she clearly felt no bond with him, but it was undeniable none-the-less. Knowing that she had Damon's blood running through her, that it was Damon's blood that had fundamentally changed what she was sent a flurry of butterflies dancing inside of her. She shook her head because, really, it was just ridiculous.

"Elena," Bonnie spoke softly and Elena forced her attention back to her. "What happened? How did you..." she trailed off, unable to say the word.

"Die?" Elena had gotten used to her mortality over the last twelve hours.

Bonnie nodded. "I know that Matt was with you, and he's OK."

"Yeah, he's good."

"I'm glad, but how if you're, you know?"

"Rebekah." Elena pronounced with a sigh. "After we thought Ric," she swallowed hard at his name, wiping a sudden tear away. Breathing out, she shook her head slightly and then continued on. "After we thought Ric killed Klaus, Rebekah knew that he would come after her and her brothers. She also knew that his life was tied to mine, so she decided to end it."

"God!"

"She knew I was headed back to town and that I'd have to cross Wickery Bridge -"

"Oh, no, Elena!"

"Yeah," she let out a shaky breath. "Anyway, she was there suddenly standing on the bridge. Matt saw her, swerved, we crashed through the rail and into the water."

"But Matt's OK?"

Elena nodded. "Stefan was there. He saved him."

"Oh."

"I told him to save Matt."

"Oh!" Bonnie repeated, surprise and confusion paired in her voice.

"So he did and then he came back for me, but I was ... it was too late."

"But..." Bonnie began and Elena looked away as the confusion set in. _Here it comes_, she thought, so not ready for another round of Stefan-defense. "Why would he save ... did you know? I mean, did he?" Understanding crossed her face and she nodded. "Of course, you guys knew you had the vampire bloo..." she trailed off as Elena shook her head.

"No, we didn't." Her voice was low, and she began twisting the ring on her finger, all of her earlier ease dissipating.

"But..." Bonnie began again. "Elena, I don't understand. Why would he save Matt and not you? He loves you."

Elena took a deep breath. "Because I asked him to."

"OK, but -" she broke off, and shook her head before continuing. "Yeah, you feel guilty that you couldn't save everyone, but you save -"

"Bonnie, please don't," Elena cut her off.

"But Elena that would be like me saving," she raised her hands, looking about as if casting for a comparison, "Stefan over Jeremy! I don't get it."

"You know what? I can't do this anymore. I've already fought with Matt and Jeremy and ..." Once again, Damon's face bloomed in her mind and she forced it away, refusing to even say his name. "I just can't. OK, he did what I wanted, he did what I asked him to. That's the bottom-line."

"The bottom-line is that you're dead."

"Bonnie!"

"OK, fine, I guess I get where you're coming from. But how can you not be even a little angry that the guy who loves you didn't save you?"

A hysterical bubble of laughter escaped Elena. The one question no one else had asked her, the one that she hadn't let herself examine took her by surprise and she blurted out a truth she hadn't admitted to herself. "I am, OK! I mean," she broke off with a sigh. "Yes, a part of me is."

Elena shook her head, and angrily swiped at the tears that began to form at the corner of her eyes. "My heart hurts that he didn't just save me. The terrible, selfish part of me, but mostly I'm so glad. I'm so grateful that he did because I don't know what I would have done if he'd saved me and Matt died."

"Elena -"

"No, Matt was completely innocent -"

Bonnie interrupted her this time. "So were you!"

"No, I wasn't." Elena countered. "I stabbed Rebekah in the back. Literally. I looked at her, I smiled, I played her friend and then I literally stabbed her in the back. I can justify it until the end of time, but I stabbed her in the back. She has a legitimate reason to hate me. Not Matt. And at the end of the day, Matt is alive, and I'm still around and I can live with myself because Matt is alive."

"Elena," Bonnie said, sadness laced in her tone. Reaching out, she grasped her best friend's hand as Elena rushed on, the desperation to make Bonnie understand, for someone to understand where she was coming from.

"Stefan is so filled with guilt, he's so consumed with it. He feels terrible."

"He should!" Bonnie exclaimed, clearly not understanding.

"Bonnie!"

"No, he should. I'm sorry, I am, and I do get what you're saying, and obviously, yeah, it worked out as well as it possibly could, but he should have saved you."

Elena gave up on trying to convince her that Stefan had done the right thing. She pulled her hand loose and just looked at Bonnie. Neither one said a word, tension now filling the air.

With a sigh, Bonnie leaned back and forced a smile, her tone cajoling for a response. "Well, at least this clears things up, right?"

Thrown by the question, Elena shook her head. "What do you mean?"

"You were all torn between the two of them and now that Stefan's off the table you just have to figure out if you're actually gonna go there with Damon."

As if Bonnie's words were a key, the memory of last night flooded her mind. Elena remembered wrapping her arms around his shoulders, gripping the back of his neck. He had broken free from her kiss and looked at her with the most incredible longing she'd ever seen. Whispering her name over and over again, he had only stopped when she kissed him again.

Elena remembered the feel of his fingers on her skin, her cheek, her collarbone, digging into her hips, hard then soft. How he'd ripped at her clothes, and she had done the same to him. How he'd entered her, driving deep in and out and then brought her to the most incredible climax when his sharp teeth pierced her jugular at the same time.

"Elena?" Bonnie reached out and touched her leg. Elena jumped up, trying to control her breathing, her thoughts. She looked at herself in the mirror, at her flushed face, at the veins beginning to pucker around her eyes, the painful push of her fangs in her mouth. Just the thought of him threatened her control. She made herself breathe in and out, slowly forcing herself to think of calming things - the memory of her mother, writing in her journal, lazy days at the lakehouse with her family. The signs of her vampire nature faded and Elena turned to face Bonnie.

"I'm sorry, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just learning to control it. You were saying - I mean, what you were saying, no, I chose Stefan. I chose him when I thought they were both dying. I thought he was going to be gone from my life forever. Stefan..." she trailed off and then moved closer to the bed, capturing Bonnie's gaze, her own earnest. "I chose Stefan."

Her sincerity didn't do much to sway Bonnie's position. "But that was before you died. Elena, that was before *Stefan* let you die."

"He tried to save me -" she tried again.

"After!"

"Bonnie," She paused, giving up. "I'm with Stefan now. We're together again."

Bonnie got to her feet, her expression incredulous. "You're kidding me. Elena!"

"No, we never really ended, Bonnie. And I never stopped loving him, it was just everything that happened with Klaus -"

"And then he chose to turn his switch off and stay away from you." Bonnie's eyes widened, disbelief still marking her features.

"But he came back," was Elena's impassioned reply. "And he's Stefan again. The real Stefan. The Stefan I love. And he loves me. And we *are* together again."

Bonnie was quiet, her lips pursed and then in a clipped tone, she offered her pronouncement. "I think you're making a mistake."

Straightening, Elena felt a surge of anger and frustration filling her, turning her voice cold. "Well that's not up to you."

"Right." Bonnie turned and grabbed her purse. "I'm gonna go see Matt." She didn't look at Elena.

"Bonnie?" And the coldness was gone.

"What, Elena?"

Rushing to her, Elena grabbed at her hands, pleading with her with her gaze. "Please, don't be mad. I need you, I need all of you right now."

Bonnie squeezed her hands back and shook her head with a forlorn smile. "I'm not mad, Elena. I'm just ... I'm disappointed, I guess. I don't understand. I mean, God, I can't believe I'm saying this, but if you had to choose between those two, just those two, then yeah, I think it should've been Damon." She shook her head again, and repeated quietly as if to herself. "I can't believe I said that."

Elena couldn't believe it either; her mouth dropped open in shock. She barely even noticed when Bonnie released her hands and walked to the door. Slowly, Elena turned to watch her departure, surprise still on her face.

Bonnie shrugged. "He would have saved your life, Elena. Damon would have put you first. He always does."

XxxxX

"I can't believe that Klaus is *in* Tyler," Matt looked ahead, disbelief leaving his face slack.

Caroline perched on the edge of the hospital bed and shrugged. "When you live in a crazy town with vampires, werewolves and witches, I guess anything is possible." She sat up straighter and threw a determined smile on her face. "Anyway, I'm over it. I was a little upset with Bonnie at first, but I see now that it's for the best. And like Damon said, now we have time to figure out how to get rid of Klaus," she wrinkled her nose in distaste, "without taking the rest of us out ... including Elena."

Matt slightly shook his head and turned to meet her gaze. "Elena?"

"Yeah, apparently he's the one who's been slipping Dr. Fell," her voice dropped to an exaggerated whisper, "the healing blood of the vampire." She nodded, and then as a thought crossed her mind, a sunny smile blossomed on her face. "I guess that kinda, sorta makes Elena and I sisters in a way since we were both 'sired' by Damon." Her smile turned into a frown. "Although I guess that's kinda gross since me and Damon, you know, and he and Elena have made out."

She was silent for a moment, and then just shrugged. "Nah, I like the sisters idea, I'll just ignore the icky. Oh and speaking of Damon ... I have to tell you what happened with the council. You know that the psycho version of Mr. Saltzman spilled alllll of our secrets?" He nodded and she went on. "Well, I may be FAR from Damon's biggest fan, but even I have to admit he was awesome."

Matt shook his head. "Yeah, that's what I don't get."

She looked confused. "What? Wait, no, I'm going to tell you what happened. See -"

"No, why you still hate Damon so much."

Rolling her eyes, Caroline leaned forward and smacked him on the arm. "Duh. You remember how crappy he was to me when we dated?"

"Yeah, but wasn't that vampire-humanity switch thing you guys have in the off position?"

She paused, pursing her lips. "Well, yeah, but..." she trailed off and was silent, her eyes narrowed in thought and Matt dove into the silence.

"Yeah, just like when Stefan turned his off and was terrible to everybody, including Elena. You forgave him for that, and don't hold him responsible for anything he did when it was off, right?"

"Well, that's different," she explained without an explanation.

"He killed Chad and Dana! How is that different? In my book, it's worse."

Her eyes widened and she sat up, indignation straightening her spine. "Because I know Stefan and he's a good guy, who cares! And Damon -"

"Has like saved your life how many times?"

She opened her mouth to respond and then shut it with a snap. Matt continued.

"You were gonna die from that car crash on Founder's Day. Your mom told me that Damon saved your life with his blood."

Caroline leaned forward again, a triumphant smile lighting her face. "Yeah, but he only did that for my mom and to score brownie points with Elena." _Score, Caroline!_she thought.

"So? He still saved your life." She frowned. _Or not._"And what about when Tyler was doing his whole werewolf thing? He would have bit you and you would have died from it. I know that you think Stefan's the greatest thing, but I don't think he would have done for you what he did for his brother. You would be dead now if Damon hadn't pushed you out of the way and taken that bite from Tyler."

She scoffed and folded her arms over her chest. "Yeah, but so what? He's still a jerk. Even with this switch on." She dropped her arms and straightened up, her voice rising to a shrill intensity. "Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not defending him," he denied and she gave him a look. He sighed and relented, "Not really. I'm just... I'm not NOT defending Stefan. Look, I'm not saying I like Damon, I don't. There's just a pretty crazy double-standard here, and the guy might be a jerk, but I'll still take him over Stefan these days."

"Matt," she whined, completely not getting his point of view.

He laughed, "I'm sorry, Caroline, but when I finally got clued into everything that was going on, it became pretty clear that Damon was the ringleader, trying to keep everyone alive and get rid of the bad guys. So, yeah, he's a jerk, but he's a jerk who's on our side."

Sighing, Caroline grimaced. "I know that, OK? I get that, but it's personal and I don't like him and that's all there is to it. So Damon sucks, subject closed." She pasted on a wintry smile, her eyes far from sparkling.

Matt rolled his eyes. "OK, fine, but I still think it's crazy that you're totally cool with Stefan even though, oh, right, he let Elena die!"

"He did not! Matt, you don't understand. Yes, his switch was off but that was because he felt terrible and guilty over everything that had happened," she sent a withering look his way. "Damon never feels guilty. Stefan did and does, and Elena had begged him over and over to come back to her, to be her Stefan and he couldn't do it because he was so guilty." Scoffing, Matt started to reply, but Caroline rushed on. "But then he did *because* he loves her so much and he wanted to do the right thing. So when it came down to it, he could have been selfish and ignored what she wanted - which was to save you, I might add! - but he didn't. Instead, he was selfless and he put what she wanted first." She nodded, clear that she had effectively made Stefan's case.

"Right." Matt rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, Matt!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it. He was so selfless that he let the girl he supposedly loves so much die."

"He didn't let her die. He was going back to save her." She frowned, thinking of Elena, now a vampire. "He was just too late, but HE didn't let her die - that's all on Rebekah."

Matt winced, and Caroline's eyes widened, outrage sparking her expression. "Oh, God you don't still like kinda like her even a little after what she did?!"

Before Matt could respond, the door opened behind them. Both of them turned to see Stefan step into the room, hesitation in his frame. Matt ignored his presence and looked back to Caroline. "No, I just," he broke off and shrugged, his gaze falling to his now clenched fists. "I can kinda understand a little where Rebekah was coming from. I've lost a sibling too."

Stefan moved forward, heated surprise on his face. "You blame me for what happened to Elena, but not Rebekah?"

Shaking his head, Matt steadfastly kept his eyes down. "I'm not talking to you."

"Matt, come on," Caroline pleaded with him. He finally looked up at her and with a nearly imperceptible shake of his head turned his gaze on Stefan, his eyes burning.

"It's not even what happened to Elena, it's that it was so pointless. You didn't even save my life."

"I did!"

"No, Rebekah did." Matt sneered. "That's why I'm all fine and dandy now. She stuck around and when she saw that I was dying, she fed me her blood because I wouldn't have made it otherwise."

Caroline rose to her feet and looked at Stefan. His eyes were wide; he looked completely sucker-punched. "I didn't know," he breathed. "I thought I saved you. For Elena. I thought..." he trailed off and blindly turned around. Stepping forward, Caroline reached out and touched his arm, but he shook her off. "No, no." He looked at her, anguish in his gaze. "I have to go." He turned back to Matt and shook his head. "I'm sorry."

Watching him go, Caroline wrapped her arms around her waist, her expression twisted in sympathy. "Stefan," she cried under her breath, spinning around to face Matt. "How could you do that to him?"

He was unrepentant. "What? I'm only supposed to understand the crazy reasons why people YOU like do terrible things?"

"No," she stomped her foot and groaned. "I just... can we not? You're in the hospital, I don't want to fight." She sighed and moved back to the bed, resting one hand on the rail. "Do you?"

"No." He paused and then shrugged. "Fine, tell me what happened with the council."

"Never mind, I'm not in the mood anymore." He just looked at her. "OK, fine, I'll tell you. I mean it really was awesome even if I still don't like Damon. I don't care how many times he saved my life."

"Whatever, just tell me. No rah-rah-rahing for Damon, I swear." He smiled, drawing one out of her as well.

Caroline settled back on the edge of the bed and placed her hands in her lap as she went into storytelling mode. "Well, so I was in the other room at the Lockwood mansion. The door was open so I could see what was going on. Everyone was there and Damon was all 'I called this emergency meeting because I have bad news. Our newest member - who we let in due to his friendship with so many of us despite his lack of familial council ties,'"

She interrupted herself to comment. "I liked that: 'familial council ties.' Anyway, so he said 'Alaric Saltzman is not one of us.' And I could hear that windbag Pastor Young do his whole 'harrumph!' thing. Which Damon was totally counting on because he was like 'Yes, I know he made some insane allegations against myself, my brother and a couple of our members and their families.'

"That shut him up, but Damon was on a roll, really milking it. 'Frankly I find it astounding that anyone believed him, and yes, I'm looking at you Pastor.' And I had to stop from laughing at that point because, man, Matt if you could have seen his face. He was not a happy camper."

Matt grinned and shook his head slightly. Caroline grinned back and continued. "Anyway, Damon talked about their paranoia and he was going to prove to them that Ric was lying. And this was sad, but I knew it was coming. He pointed to the corner and there was poor Mr. Saltzman all wrapped up in a tarp and Damon was all tada! Because, of course, he was all dead with the grey skin and veins and stuff."

"So was that the end of it?"

"No. And Damon figured it wouldn't be and he was right. Mr. Davis said that maybe Damon had turned Mr. Saltzman and then staked him to sell his story, and that's when Damon walked to the window and was all 'duh! Sunlight!' But, of course, Mr. Saltzman had told them about the daylight rings. So Damon took his off, and he was fine."

"How?"

Caroline smiled, savoring Matt's confusion. "Bonnie had day-spelled his watch so even with his ring off he was fine."

"So it doesn't have to be a ring?"

"Yeah, no I kinda thought that too, but no, it just needs some specific metal compound thingie that binds with the spell. I don't know, but it worked. So anyway, then my mom walked over to Damon and she was all teary-voiced, but really strong, you know, and was like 'how could you think that the leader of our council was a vampire? That Mayor Lockwood and myself knew and were OK with it? That my daughter was one of them?' She was awesome.

"Then she pulled the hurt-mom card which got all the women on our side. She told them that since I was eighteen now and had been dragged into this against my will, she told me all about the council. That's when she called me in. I came in and stood next to her ... in the sun .. and she asked me for my ring, which I gave to her."

Matt looked pointedly down at her bare wrists. "You're not wearing a watch."

She smiled. "I know. See, I told you Damon was awesome. Seriously, he thought of everything." Caroline reached up and brushed her hair aside a bit and showed him the antique comb that secured a wave. "See my comb? Isn't it beautiful? I'm totally keeping it. Anyway, it has that compound thingie so I was good too."

"So THAT was the end of it?"

"Nope. Then Pastor Young said that Mr. Saltzman also mentioned vampire healing powers and Damon pretty much just laughed like it was the stupidest thing, and then my mom really hit it home." Caroline's smile dimmed a bit, a shadow of sadness filling her eyes. "It did hurt though because he could have lived, but I know it was necessary to keep us all safe." She shook her head quickly, banishing her unhappy thoughts. "Mom pointed out that if such a thing was even possible that there's no way my dad wouldn't be alive. If his daughter was a vampire like she'd let him die? And because, you know, he did die even though I could have saved him, I cried a little and that helped to sell the lie even more. But yeah, it was sad."

"I'm sorry, Caroline. I know how much you still miss him." He reached out and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

She sent a smile of gratitude his way and blinked her tears away. "Yeah, but it helped, saying that, even though there was still some suspicion. So Damon walked over and poured himself a glass of water and asked if anyone had vervain on them. And of course Pastor Young did. So Mrs. Lockwood took it - so Damon didn't have to hold it - and crushed it in the glass. Damon drank it all up, no problem."

Cocking his head to the side, Matt looked at her, confusion anew in his expression. "How?"

She waved her hands in the air, mostly dismissing the magic behind it and explained it simply. "It has something to do with magical healing arts or something. Basically there's a spell that's like a numbing agent and it lasts for about four hours. Bonnie whammied Damon with that so even though it was burning him up something fierce all the way down, he didn't feel a thing. And so we're good. The council is completely off our backs." She smiled, but the smile faded into a sigh. "Now, Elena just needs to get her daylight ring and figure out how to be a good vampire and keep the grrr under control. Then we're all good."

"Speaking of, have you seen her? I haven't since last night."

Caroline perked up. "You haven't seen her since the accident?"

"No, I did, she came to visit after she... woke up."

"Oh, no. I haven't. I just - it feels weird," she admitted.

The familiar expression of confusion flitted across Matt's face. "Why?"

Letting out a deep breath, she looked down. "Well, you know how bad I am at keeping secrets."

He laughed. "Yeah, it's a miracle when you manage it."

Without taking the least bit of offense, she nodded. "I know, right." Twisting her hands, Caroline looked at him, hesitating to say anything but she finally figured he couldn't possibly think any less of Stefan than he already did. "I don't know, it's just that Stefan said something last night and it threw me a little."

"What do you mean?" There was suspicion but not surprise in Matt's eyes as he narrowed them.

"It was just about Elena and Katherine and being vampires, and I know it's stupid and he'll realize that, but I just kinda wanna wait until I know they're good." She bit her lip. "Or not." She shook her head. "It's silly, I'll probably go and see her anyway, that's more important."

"Wait, go back. What do you mean?" He repeated. "We were on Wickery Bridge because she wanted to be with Stefan."

"Yeah, before she died."

Matt scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You think she's gonna change her mind?"

Caroline shrugged. "I just know that after everything went down last night, Stefan was with me and Elena was with Damon."

XxxxX

Setting her pen and diary down on the bedside table, Elena sighed, an admittance that this was another failed attempt to return her love for Stefan to its absolute stage. It had crossed her mind earlier that they just needed to start fresh, create a new beginning. But she wasn't sure that would work either if she was being honest with herself. She'd been jotting down the tried-and-true pros and cons list and well, there were a lot more cons than pros these days she was genuinely surprised to find.

And would starting new even work? When she and Stefan first began their relationship, things were relatively sane in her life. She didn't know about Katherine, about the whole supernatural world and her only feelings for a boy had been the expected, but never-really happened love with Matt. Now there was Damon. Yes, she was going to stay away from him, and yes, she had emphatically decided that what had happened last night was it for them. She had chosen Stefan; she would stick with that. Period.

However, she couldn't lie to herself and deny that what she felt for Damon wasn't there and that it wasn't real. It wasn't what she felt for Stefan, and neither was it what had been there with Matt. It was something different, maybe more, maybe less, she didn't know. She knew that she frustrated Damon, and Stefan, with her inability to give a name to what she was feeling, but she honestly, truly didn't know. She *did* love Stefan and if what she felt for Damon wasn't what she felt for Stefan, then how could it be love?

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Elena jumped, and her gaze flew to her open window.

Damon.

She pressed her hand to her chest, the beating of her heart galloping at an insane pace. He smiled, that crooked half-smile of his, but his eyes were warm, concerned and open. Elena felt a shudder of pain for the conversation to come and she didn't know if it was for her or him. But she had to do it, not only for her, but for him as well. _No more stringing him along, intentional or not,_, she thought.

Hands falling to her coverlet, her fingers gripped the fabric, but her voice was even, not betraying the emotions rippling through her at the sight of him. "What are you doing here?" She really had not expected him to show up. _Because I am an idiot,_ she chastised herself. Of course Damon would come to her after he'd felt that she had enough time to deal with what happened. _As if twelve hours is enough time._

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a couple of blood bags. "I brought dinner." He grinned, and her heart lurched, so consumed with the sight of him, that she barely reacted to the blood. _He has no idea that I can't do this with him. But of course he doesn't, I told him that I needed his help, his and Stefan's both._"I figured you weren't up for snacking on the local populace, so handy take-out." He pulled one bag apart from the others and shook it invitingly.

Elena shut her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. She cut off a laugh too.

He moved closer to the bed, his smile fading as concern shadowed his eyes. "What?"

"I've cried more in the last twelve hours than I can remember in such a short time before. Becoming a vampire turns some people into crazed psychos. Me? I'm a watering pot." And then she did laugh because it felt good to admit a weakness. It was something she didn't feel right doing since her parents died because she had to be the strong one, the one in control. It struck her then that the thought had been rolling in her head since this morning, but she hadn't felt comfortable telling Jeremy, or Stefan or even Bonnie. _But with Damon, it just pops out._

"Well, we all cope in different ways," he offered, not judging, just accepting. Still smiling, he settled on the edge of her bed. _Too close,_she thought, and in the next instant rose to her feet.

Shaking her head, she forced a civil, but impersonal tone to her voice. "No, thank you. I don't want the blood bags."

"Elena, you need to feed. I know you don't want to go chomping on any Tom, Dick or Jeremy."

She nodded. "Right, I don't want to do that and I don't want to drink human blood -"

"Elena -"

"No, I will go see Stefan in a bit." She held up her hand for him to see the ring, and resolutely ignored the flash of possession that heated his eyes the instant he saw he wearing what he had picked out for her. "He'll teach me how to hunt."

"Animals? Snacking on chipmunks and bunny rabbits?" He scoffed and stood up. "Come on, Elena, you know that doesn't work. Stefan manages to stay on that diet for months, maybe a year or two at a time before reality comes a'knocking and sends him spiraling into vampire no-man's land. Caroline doesn't even do the hunting. Much." He held out the blood bag again. "Here. You need to feed."

She shook her head. "No, Damon, I'm not doing it. I'm not Stefan, and I'm not Caroline. I'll be fine with the animal stuff."

"Blood. Animal blood. And, no, you won't be fine. You'll be barely surviving."

"Stefan manages it."

"No, he doesn't. Didn't you hear anything I just said? Vampires are not meant to subsist on Chip and Dale alone. It's not healthy, it's not good and there will be consequences if you try."

"Damon -"

"Look, when you came to me last night," _God, don't go there! Please, please don't go there._ Her eyes snapped shut and she felt him in her, his kiss, his touch - _No! _She opened her eyes and he'd dropped his head for a moment. When he raised it, he was looking at her and there was regret in his gaze, and when he continued, his voice was low and somber. "When you talked to me you said that you needed our help. *Our* help. Mine included."

"I changed my mind," she retorted with a feigned casual air and turned her gaze away. _Go away, please, please go away. I can't do this._

"Elena -"

"No, I mean it. I've been thinking about it and I don't need your help. The kind of vampire you are is not the kind of vampire I want to be. I barely remember what Jeremy's blood tastes like so I won't be craving human blood. I'll get used to the animal stuff - blood - and I'll be fine. I don't need your help, Damon. I have Stefan. Stefan and I are together and we will do this together."

He laughed then, and it was an ugly one. "Right, you and Stefan, happy as Tiny Tim tiptoeing through the tulips. Whatever. Elena, you and I both know that you not wanting my help has nothing to do with how to be a better vampire!" His voice at the end held a false cheer, and his smile was just as phony.

Lips thinning into a hard line, she wrapped her arms around her waist and stood taller. "What I know is that I need to take control of my life and being a vampire like you is not being in control. You are the very definition of NOT being in control."

Damon shoved the blood bags into his pocket and scoffed as he moved around the bed, standing just a few feet from her. "Oh please, this isn't about my lack of control, it's about yours. You can't handle what we did."

"I can. I am actually. This is me handling it. I'm over it. I'm over what we did."

At her words, the sarcasm and the irritation was gone from his expression and instead there was surprise and a deep hurt. That hurt was in his voice when he finally did reply.

"You're lying."

Elena shook her head, holding onto herself tighter. "I'm not. You need to leave."

Damon stepped closer, and everything in her screamed to back up, but if she did that then she was telling him that he was right, that she wasn't over it. So she didn't move. She just stood there as he got closer. "You can't ignore what's between us." So close, he was so close now.

"Oh, yes, I can," she lied and stood her ground.

"Elena..." and there was just the edge of a pleading note there, barely, but she could hear it.

Shaking her head again, she resisted biting her lip, resisted giving him any sign that she was affected by him. "I can. I will. I am."

Damon was silent then, his eyebrows coming together, a frown deepening on his mouth, a dark cloud hovering over him. She could see that pain building, take on that uncontrollable edge. Elena tried to step back then; she almost raised a hand in time to forestall him, but it was too late.

"Ignore this," he muttered as he covered the few inches remaining between them in a flash, his hands cupping her face, his lips finding hers in a passionate kiss that rocked her to her very core. Her arms rose as her mouth opened, his tongue slipping between her lips and for a moment that seemed to last forever she savored the taste of him. Then her hands landed on his shoulders and instead of holding onto him, she found a reserve of self-control to cling to and she shoved him away. Hard.

Once again she sent him flying across the room, and he banged against her bedroom door with a loud thud. They stared at each other and in that split-second between the push and their gazes locked, Elena felt the overwhelming loss of his touch, of his kiss. His lips parted to speak, but she was against him, rushing to him so quickly that there wasn't enough time to make a conscious decision.

Her hands lost themselves in his hair, pulling and jerking at the dark strands as she devoured his mouth, her tongue now sliding into him, exploring, tasting, taking in his every strangled breath and combining it with her own. He wrapped his arms tightly around her before one hand rose, finding space between their bodies, moving over the dark material of her shirt and finding her breast. Elena moaned into their kiss as he cupped her, his fingers dancing over, rubbing the tender puckering of her nipple.

He lowered his mouth, his lips trailing hot kisses down the curve of her neck. "Elena," he breathed and her eyes shot open. Last night, her name falling from his lips had been a siren call she couldn't resist. Tonight, it was a wake-up call. She jerked back, out of his arms. Her hands flew to her face, her neck and she tried to wipe the taste of him away as she moved back.

"No, no, I don't want this," her voice was hoarse and desperate as she tried to convince herself that she meant what she was saying.

Damon was having none of it. "You do, you want this. You want me!" But he didn't follow her this time. He straightened up, but stayed where he was in front of the door.

_He was right,_ she admitted to herself as the last few moments played over in her mind. _But_, she thought, and then spoke out loud. "I don't want to want you, Damon."

He was silent then, as was she. The silence so deafening loud in the room, she couldn't even hear the beating of her heart, the breaking of his. "I don't want to," she whispered again, acknowledging finally that she did, but _God_that she did *not* want to feel this way for him.

Her voice was still small, and there was a catch in her throat, but the tears were not falling. She would not let them fall again in front of him. "I'm with Stefan. I *want* to be with Stefan."

Shaking his head, he looked away for a moment and when he looked back at her, she could see the denial etched across his face. She'd certainly seen it on her own a million times. She couldn't do this to him, keep playing this game with him. If she was going to let him go, she had to actually do it. Elena forced a smile on her lips. "Stefan and I are together, and we're going to be fine."

He shook his head again, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He finally moved a few steps closer to her, and this time she did back away, touching the wall behind her. He laughed harshly. "Going to be? Because you're not now. You know you're not fine." And he moved even closer, only a few feet between them. "Know why?" He bent his head, leaning in closer, his voice dropping to a near whisper. "Because no matter how hard you fight it, no matter how much you try to deny it, you're in love with me, Elena."

She was quiet, because despite the fact that she was so convinced, she absolutely knew that she *didn't* know, she couldn't say anything. She could only offer a slight shake of her head; she couldn't say a word.

He could. He did. "Yes."

Elena's eyes shut for a quick second and she drew in a deep breath. _I have to do this. I have to go there. This is for him. This is for *him.* I have to make him believe._Opening them, she faced him and then stepped back, moving across the room. She stood where he started, at her open window. Then she faced him again.

"Do you love me?"

He looked surprised even as he nodded slowly. And when he replied, his tone was wary. "Yes. You know that I do."

She wrapped her arms around herself again, needing the support. "Then prove it. Do what I want, Damon. Respect my choice, respect what I want." Feeling weak, she dropped her arms and stood straight as she faced him fully. "Prove that you love me, Damon ... leave me alone. I don't want you in my life, not right now." She shook her head, holding on, letting him go. "I can't have you in my life."

Pain, unlike she'd seen since he found out that Katherine wasn't in the tomb all those months ago, fell over his face. She could see his heart breaking into a million pieces right in front of her as she shut him down, let him go. But she had to. She meant what she said. She couldn't do this, she couldn't find any balance, any peace, any control in her life if he was in it. Everything about him, everything he made her feel made her lose control, lose herself, who she thought she was... instead she became like him, almost a part of him. She was afraid that if she didn't make him walk away that he would consume her completely and there would be no Elena left. He needed to let her go.

"If you love me, Damon, you'll let me go."

Silence stretched out between them, and it took everything in her not to break, not to crumple before him, not to try and take his pain away, but she had to do this. She had to be selfish, she had to put herself first. And in the long run, it was better for him too. She knew that, absolutely. So she met his gaze and hers was steady and hard. She didn't blink; she didn't cry. There was only a sheen there, shimmering at the corner of her eyes.

Damon finally looked down. He looked away. And then he turned, quietly opened the door and walked out without a word.

Then the tears fell.

* * *

I get that people are not going to feel bad for Elena for the most part here. I do. I can't help it. She is a massively, massively screwed up 18-year old GIRL whose life has once again been ripped asunder. She is trying to do the best thing for herself, but for Damon too. She just has no clue how to get it right. She hasn't even been a vampire for 24 hours. I will say that this is the darkest chapter for Damon/Elena. It's all uphill from here. I promise.


	7. Surprise, Surprise

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 07 - Surprise, Surprise [Featured Characters: Damon, Meredith, Stefan, Rebekah, Elena, Caroline and TyKlaus]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 5,619  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

* * *

**Chapter 07: Surprise, Surprise**

Damon threw back his third, _fourth?_ drink and then slammed it down on the top of the bar. Giving a quick shake of his head, he raised one finger and caught the attention of the perky blonde bartender with a wink. She sent a flirtatious smile his way and headed straight over for a refill.

"Thanks, Darlin,'" Damon offered with another wink and that shameless eye-thing that Elena pretended not to be affected by every time he did it. _Ah, Elena. Elena, Elena, Elena,_ he thought, pain and love twisting together in a dance that he was infinitely familiar with.

A movement to his right dragged his thoughts from the girl he wished was his. "Dr. Fell." Damon lifted his drink in greeting as she settled into the stool next to him.

"Damon." She sent a nod in the direction of his raised glass. "Drinking alone, I see."

He shrugged and took a small sip. "Well, my drinking buddy is gonna be buried in a few days, so, whatchu gonna do?" He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her shoulders slumped and she let out a heavy sigh.

"Yeah." Meredith blinked a few times and forced a smile without cheer on her face. She turned to look at him. "Will it be here in Mystic Falls? Do you have a plot for him?"

Nodding, he looked away and down into the amber liquid. "There's room in the Salvatore crypt. Fuck it, he's going out in style." He held his glass up and swallowed it down. "To Ric."

Meredith reached out and laid a quick comforting hand on his arm. "I'm sorry."

Damon shrugged it off. "It's fine. I'm taking care of it, even made an appointment with the funeral director. He's an old geezer. Never gets out so it'll be easy as pie to compel a decent explanation for good ole Ric's unsightly corpse. I'm thinking some exotic disease."

"Where is his body?"

"In the trunk of my car."

She was quiet. He turned to look at her and her mouth was hanging open, her eyes narrowed in disbelief. "You've been driving around with his desiccated body in the trunk of your car?"

"Just today. Well, since last night when he bit it." He rolled his eyes. "You were there this morning. I needed it for the council thingie and until we get him into a pretty coffin, he's fine where he is." Damon bit his lower lip, nibbling lightly in contemplation. "I'm thinking mahogany, it would go with his hair." He sent a questioning glance her way. "Or maybe chestnut? A hearty oak?" He cracked a grin. "As long as it's not white?"

Meredith shook her head, nearly smiling. Damon gave a fake full-on body shiver. "Nah." His light expression dropped and he snapped his fingers with a sudden frown.

"What?"

"I forgot to tell Elena about it. The meeting with old geezer," he clarified. "I figured she and Jeremy would want to come with me." He sighed heavily, drawing it out in exaggeration. "Ah well, I guess I'll just do it alone." He faced her, an eyebrow raised. "Or you can come with me if you want?"

Meredith's eyes widened in surprise. Damon's expression shifted as he strove for careless indifference. The fact that he really didn't want to face the disposal of his friend alone wasn't something he wanted to broadcast. _Heaven forbid people realize that Damon Salvatore has actual *feelings*! The world might end as we know it,_ he thought sarcastically while displaying not a whiff of it on his face.

Shrugging, he added as if an afterthought. "I mean you may have dated him for only like five seconds but you were there at the end. That should count for something." He offered a wintry smile. "You in?"

She laughed drily. "Thanks, but no thanks." _Of course not._ "I'll leave it to family, which you kinda were." She smiled, a sweet smile and it almost made him feel better. He reached for his glass, disappointed to find it empty. Sighing, he thought about what she said. Back when Stefan took off after Homecoming, for a short period there it did actually did feel like they were a family almost. Him and Ric, Jeremy and Elena. They had each other's backs. And then Jeremy went off the rails, quitting work and befriending and beheading hybrids. Stefan came back and Elena started to realize she didn't need Damon anymore since she had the saintly brother back in play potentially. All she had to do was get through to him and turn her back on Damon. Easy enough to do. _And done_, he thought with a wince remembering that fucking Original ball. _At least it ended with a good fucking._

"The appointment's tomorrow?" Meredith broke into the silence. He nodded. "Well, you can just call Elena before you go, see if she and Jeremy can meet you, right? Then you don't have to do it alone."

_Busted!_ He rolled his eyes. _And so pathetic. So much for the exterior of the cool loner._ And now he had to talk about Elena. _Yeah, cuz that's what I really want to do. Explore my pussy-whipped feelings._

Damon looked at Meredith and damn if she didn't look as sympathetic as all out and he realized that he *did* want to explore his feelings. _At least she's not playing at Elena's parental unit._ Damon gestured for another drink, and let out a short bark of laughter remembering the look of distaste that his friend couldn't disguise whenever he'd break and piss and moan about Elena after they'd been drinking way too much. _Good times._

Accepting the fresh drink with a smile, he sighed, his tone once again attempting to cover any vulnerability and dove into the sordid tale. "Elena cut me out of her life. And Jeremy hates me." He shrugged. "I did snap his neck once." He didn't bother to explain despite the surprise on her face. "Without Elena as a buffer, ain't gonna happen. No big, he's annoying anyway." _Stupid emo teenager._

"I'm not gonna even ask about Jeremy. I don't think I want to know. But what do you mean Elena cut you out of her life? I mean, she cares about you, Damon." She rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath, "even if you snapped her brother's neck. But hey, she's all down with Stefan the ripper too."

Damon nodded, responding to her snarky comment first. "Yeah, she's kinda twisted that way. Has this weird, over-developed empathy thing going like you wouldn't believe. I bet that bitch is gonna be what's hyper-elevated by the whole vampire thing. God, martyr-Elena as a human is gonna be Sherman marching on Atlanta in comparison to a vampire with a savior-complex. Geesh."

"Damon? The cutting you out of her life thing?" Meredith reminded him.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I just came from seeing her. She pulled the 'if you love me you'll let me go' card." He took a quick swallow. "I'm impressed it took her this long to play it actually. Kudos, Elena." He raised his glass in salutation and downed it.

"You don't seem that upset."

He let out a short bark of laughter and turned to fully face her. "I don't?"

Shrugging, she shook her head. "Ric told me a few stories of you on your benders. This doesn't look like one."

She was right, he realized. Even though Elena had gutted him good, he hadn't even thought of killing anyone. Hell, he hadn't even indulged in suicidal sex. Either he didn't love Elena as much as thought or he was actually getting a handle on his meltdowns. Shrugging, he threw back the rest of his drink. Even if he was finally learning how to control his temper, he knew there was more to it than that. And while it was certainly wrapped up in Elena, it wasn't about any lack of feeling on his part, he damn straight knew that.

Damon was quiet for a moment, thinking. He looked to Meredith with expectation on her face and he decided to do his thinking out loud. "Yeah, I am actually doing OK. The thing is I know Elena. She's very, very stubborn and lives deep in denial-ville." He nodded and tapped the bar top absently. "She and my brother are very alike in that way. That's why they connected when they did. And it was good for them actually. Both of them. She brought him out of his shell a bit and he dragged her out of the darkness. Metaphorically and literally."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Of course he threw her right back in, same location. Bottom of the damn lake, but still, he was there when she needed him the first time." He shrugged. "He's her first real love, I don't have a problem with that."

She looked confused. Considering all she'd heard about him and his devotion to Elena, he wasn't all that surprised. He did tend to lay the whole heart on your sleeves bit pretty thick. Meredith's next words confirmed that thought.

"OK, but Damon, even the little bit I've seen and, yeah, mostly heard from Ric, you're crazy about Elena." She paused.

"Yup," he offered in the gap.

"So is this just some practiced speech to deal with her dumping you?"

He scoffed. "She didn't dump me! We had to be together at some point for her to dump me. And trust me if we were ever together at some point, we'd still be together."

Now she really looked confused. "But you're going on and on about this great love she shares with your brother."

Shaking his head, he lifted a finger and wagged it slightly. "Uh uh. Not great. First love. There's a difference and it won't last. I don't think so. Admittedly," he dropped his hand and picked up his drink not happy to find the damn thing empty again. He held it up to show the bartender. "I could be wrong, but yeah, I don't think so. See she wants to be with Stefan."

"You say that like it's a good thing in your favor."

"It is," he explained, actually pleased that Meredith was giving him this opportunity to coalesce all the thoughts that had been swirling in his mind since he left Elena's. All of the odds and ends that he'd observed over the last year or so were now creating a bigger picture in light of what had happened in her room. That bigger picture was offering up some relief for his heartache.

Accepting his drink, Damon took a quick sip and continued. "Because, you see, Elena wants to be with him because she believes she *should* be with him." He smiled and ignored the look that Meredith sent him that clearly told him she thought he was crazy. "The thing is she doesn't want *him.* Not anymore. He's her past, I'm her future." He nodded confidently. "Elena just hasn't realized that yet. She and Stefan, they never actually broke up, you know? There was no closure. Then what happened with Ric, losing more family again, it was too much. Elena needs a safety net, an anchor. Then with her whole turning, that just threw her even more for a loop. So she clings to Stefan, he's her safe, familiar place and she's holding onto that. I get it. I understand. I understand her better than she realizes." He said almost to himself.

Damon gave Meredith a genuine smile. "And I'm OK with it because I know her, and I know what she really wants and what she really wants is me."

Her brows raised in obvious skepticism. "Really?"

His smile shifted into a sly grin. "Oh yeah. It wasn't Stefan she was knockin' boots with last night after she took a turn for the vamp."

"What?!"

Wincing, Damon looked warily at the drink in front of him. _Oops!_ He held a finger up to his lips. "Ssh. Probably shouldn't have said that." He picked up his glass and swirled the contents. "I think maybe I am a bit drunk." He looked at her, a stern expression on his face. "Pretend you didn't hear that. It's a secret." The memory of Elena panting and orgasming in his arms, her rich blood coating his tongue brought a delicious smile to his face. "A dark, dirty, very, very dirty secret."

Meredith was silent beside him and Damon turned to her. Her eyes were wide as she digested what he had just said. Finally, she spoke. "OK." She nodded. "I'm just gonna go with you being drunk off your ass and spewing crazy talk."

"Works for me." He grinned and winked.

She shook her head with a slight laugh. "So you were saying?"

"Right. I'm not upset," she raised her brows in incredulity. He rolled his eyes. "OK, I'm upset," he admitted, "but I can deal because Elena just needs to get Stefan out of her system. She just needs to grow up, grow out of this fantasy she lives in with him."

"Oh, so now it's a fantasy?" She tapped the side of his glass. "How much have you had to drink?"

He chuckled. For the first time, he could see what Ric liked so much about her. _Psycho Doctor is not so bad,_ he thought and he responded drily. "Not nearly enough. Hey, I can be all philosophical about it, but girl ripped my heart into a million pieces tonight. Again."

She frowned, her eyes sympathetic. "I'm sorry. You do love her, I know. I can see that."

Shrugging, Damon looked away. "I'm getting used to it. Besides, like I said, she just needs to grow out of this relationship. And then it will be time for us." He looked to her, sincerity in his gaze. "Meredith, I know her and I *know* how she feels about me now even if she doesn't." She actually looked like she was listening to him and not just dismissing it out of hand. He continued, forgetting to pretend that he didn't care.

"You know, she never even had a thought of turning for him. Not once, didn't want to be a vampire. You can't have always without forever and you can't have forever if you don't turn." His face broke out into a wide smile. _So much for 'it's always gonna be Stefan,' Elena._

Meredith nodded. "I can see where you're coming from here," she offered with a smile of her own.

He nodded. "And now they actually have the potential for forever which means that they have to deal with reality." Damon leaned closer to her, his hand over his mouth and whispered loudly, "they're not very good at that."

Straightening up, he grinned. "You know it's almost funny, until she played that card tonight, I still believed the 'always Stefan' line. But I do know Elena. And she's had her moments of being a real bitch, but she's not cruel, not deliberately and she would never do something that in your face, you know, shoving how much I love her in *my* face and using it as a bargaining tool. That's not Elena Gilbert. She just doesn't just operate that way." Damon was practically talking to himself at this point, Meredith a mere bystander to this epiphany that was practically putting all the pieces of his heart back together.

"No, she wouldn't do that unless she was desperate." He turned to look at the good, non-psycho doctor again. "And she wouldn't be desperate unless she desperately, *desperately* wanted me and couldn't control her feelings with me around." He let out a triumphant bark of laughter. "Ironic, isn't it? Her big move to push me away has given me hope that I'd just about lost completely."

She tilted her head to the side and looked at him. "I hope you're right. Someone deserves some happiness after everything that's happened."

"Yeah, and it's gonna be my turn. Finally." Damon nodded with a smile returned her way. "So I'll just sit this out. I'll respect her wishes, respect her choice," he rolled his eyes cheerfully. "We've got forever-potential too. I may strike people as impatient and impetuous, but when it comes to things that really matter?"

"Yeah?"

"I have the patience of Job." He held Meredith's gaze for a moment and then tapped on the bar, looking towards the bartender. "Hey, pretty lady, pour one for my friend. It's on me."

Meredith smiled, nodding her head in acceptance. "Ric liked you. He said you were a better guy than you pretended to be. You were his best friend, you know? Even though Esther was working to make him hate vampires, he couldn't hate you."

Damon's smile dimmed a bit, his newfound confidence over his future with Elena falling to the back of his mind as he thought of Alaric Saltzman, the best friend he'd ever had, in the moments before his death.

"I know. He told me that before he tried to kill me."

XxxxX

"You tried to kill Elena!" Stefan cried out as he burst through the doors of the Mikaelson mansion, determined to confront Rebekah.

"Tried? I thought I did." Rebekah raised a disdainful brow, unruffled by his abrupt entrance. "Oh and you're just now calling me on this? What is that saying?" Looking away, she ignored his furrowed brow and angry expression. "Oh, yes, a day late and a dollar short." She looked back to him with a bright smile.

Stefan closed his eyes for a brief moment before meeting her gaze. "I didn't know what you had done. I knew you were planning something, but I didn't know you'd actually gone through with it, Rebekah, until Elena told me."

She shrugged. "Well, now you know. " Pursing her lips, she tilted her head to the side. "Hmm, Elena ... the vampire." She slanted a sideways glance his way. "I wonder how much like Katherine she'll be?"

Shaking his head, Stefan was silent and then in a flash moved to her, his hands around her neck, her body slammed against a wall. Rebekah's eyes widened in amusement and with one casual push, flung him away. He fell to the ground, anger coming off of him in heavy waves now. Sighing, she stepped to a nearby seat and lowered herself into it. A considering tone once more entered her voice. "You know, I'm really not the one you should be blaming."

He scoffed. "Really?"

"Yes, really. After all, it was my mother, and that little witch, Bonnie Bennett, who turned Saltzman into what he became." She paused in contemplation for a moment, then sent another dazzling smile his way. "Actually, you should be thanking me."

Standing up, he shook his head in disbelief and let out a bark of laughter. "Thanking you!?"

"Yes, thanking me. When I killed Elena, I also killed Saltzman. When I left the storage unit, he was stalking your brother." Rebekah looked away with a light clearing of her throat. Unable to meet his gaze, she felt a small rush of guilt run through her. Her voice soft, she continued. "Or you could blame Damon for what happened."

"So everyone is responsible except for you." He looked away, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

A hint of vulnerability laced her words no matter how she tried to hide it. She couldn't help but see Damon in her mind's eye at the storage unit. "He saved my life. Your brother did. His friend would have killed me, but Damon saved me." She forced flippancy in her voice. "So I suppose I returned the favor, killing Elena." Rebekah was finally able to meet Stefan's gaze again. "Saltzman would have killed your brother and we all know that if you have a choice between saving Damon and anyone else, even your precious Elena, you'll choose Damon."

She managed another shrug. "Her human death meant that Damon didn't become a desiccated corpse like my brother," she finished bitterly.

Stefan was silent, clearly absorbing her words. Looking at his face, it was obvious that as much as he wanted to hold onto his anger over Elena's death, the thought of losing his brother forever was weighing heavier. It was faint, but too little time had passed for her since they'd been together that she could still read him like an open book. It may have been eighty years or so for him, but for Rebekah, it was a matter of months. She knew him too well, all of him. Ripper Stefan was just one of many sides. _He was my friend and my lover too,_ she thought as he tried to hide his feelings, but there was relief, even if just the tiniest bit. She'd never told Nik, but during her time with Stefan, she knew that her brother had never been anything but a replacement for *his* brother.

"You saved Matt," he blurted out then.

Rebekah parted her lips to respond and then pressed them together, genuine surprise filling her. She hadn't realized that he knew about that. Finally, she simply nodded.

"Matt told me." He explained, and then stumbling slightly over his words, he continued. "He told Caroline, I mean and …" trailing off, Stefan looked away, his voice strained as he continued. "I don't know why you did it, but thank you. I didn't realize that he needed help."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course not, you had to get to Elena." Pausing, she added with bite in her tone. "I didn't do it for you so no need for gratitude. It was Elena who needed to die so that the rest of my family could live. I never intended to hurt Matt."

"Innocent bystander?" He sneered.

Rising to her feet, she moved closer to him. "I was grieving the loss of my brother whom I'd loved for one thousand years, Stefan. I wasn't exactly paying attention to anything other than how to save my other brothers." She released a steadying breath, knowing he would be hurt by her next words, but that he would also appreciate their truth. "Of all people, you can understand the love of family, the desire to save one's brother, consequences be damned."

Again, he was silent. Their gazes held for a moment and it struck Rebekah suddenly in that moment that this was the first time that they had been alone, open and honest with one another since she'd been undaggered in Chicago, since they'd been in love all those decades ago. His eyes softened and tension seeped out of Stefan's form; she wondered if he was realizing the same.

He glanced away finally with a long sigh. "You should talk to Bonnie."

"Why?"

Stefan looked back up at her and shook his head, as if surprised at himself. "Because Klaus isn't gone."

Her jaw dropped, her eyes widened in shock. Questions hovered on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't form words. By the time she could even manage his name, he had disappeared. Rebekah fell back down into the chair, her hand rising to her parted lips. "Niklaus," she whispered as confusion and astonishment flooded through her wrapped up in a spiraling bloom of happiness.

XxxxX

Elena licked away the blood at the corner of her mouth. Caroline smiled encouragingly at her and handed her a baby wipe. "You did good for your first time." Glancing over at the brown furry creature half-hidden among some bushes to her right, Elena couldn't control the guilty shudder that passed through her.

"I know it's hard," Caroline continued. "You see the cute animal and you think how horrible it is to snap its little neck, but if you don't want to drink human blood at all, you don't really have any other alternative, Elena." She smiled brightly. "And Stefan is back on the animal diet only too so you guys can do it together. That's something at least."

Elena nodded.

"Well, how do you feel? You said you haven't had any blood since you drank Jeremy's to transition so you must have been starving."

Taking a deep breath, Elena stood and leaned back against a nearby tree. "I feel fuller. Not tired and weak like I did before."

"You know," Caroline began and then paused before continuing slowly, hesitancy in her words. "If you drink even the blood bags, you'd feel a *lot* better. There are definite downsides to the whole vampire thing, but the upsides are pretty awesome. On a full human-blood diet, you feel amazing physically."

Elena looked away, allowing herself to think of what Caroline was saying. Then with a quick shake of her head, she met her friend's gaze. "No. I'm OK. I don't need to feel amazing. I didn't feel that way as a human. I was weaker, slower, less than vampire-awesome physically and I was OK with that so that will do now. I can't crave or miss what I never had."

"Trying to pretend you're human isn't the answer, Elena."

"Maybe not for you, but it is for me. I never wanted to be a vampire and if it wasn't for Jeremy, I wouldn't be one now."

"But Stefan …" Caroline offered with another bright smile. "You and Stefan get forever."

"Just like you and Tyler," Elena returned, not missing the animation fade from Caroline's face. _You idiot_, Elena thought, mentally smacking herself. "I'm sorry, I know you're worried with the whole Tyler/Klaus thing."

"Yeah." Caroline forced another smile. "Never mind, we'll deal with it. Do you want to try a squirrel or chipmunk? They're not as cute as the rabbits so it's a little easier. At least I've found it easier. Sorta." She frowned. "They're still kinda cute." Sighing, she shrugged. "That's why I go more for the blood bags."

"Caroline …" Elena warned.

Laughing lightly, Caroline held up her hands. "I'm just saying. That's me. If you want to go full-bunny-diet, I am here to help you."

"Thank you." She took a step closer, gratitude in her eyes. "And thank you for meeting me, helping me with this." And then it struck her suddenly in that moment that she should have called Stefan. She had intended to; she'd even told Damon so. She honestly didn't know why she'd called Caroline instead. Maybe her friend wasn't wondering the same thing, maybe Elena was just imagining the question in her eyes, but none-the-less she felt compelled to explain even if it was with a lie. "I tried Stefan, but he must have been away from his phone."

She looked at Caroline and even though she felt guilty for lying to her, Elena didn't want to tell the truth because that might open the door to discussion of Stefan. Which was ironic because of all of her friends, Caroline was the most likely to be on Stefan's side. Elena offered a tight smile and turned away, looking around her, deliberately avoiding Caroline's gaze now because just as she thought it, she quickly got it; she knew why she didn't want to talk about it with her. With everyone else, Elena was on the defensive and it made it easy to concentrate on why she was happy that Stefan had done what he did. But to someone who saw Stefan's point of view, how could she not question all the reasons that there were to be upset? _There are certainly enough,_ she thought wearily. Shaking her head, Elena closed her eyes for a quick second and turned her face up, enjoying the sunlight raining down upon her.

Breaking into the silence, Caroline moved closer. "It's OK you called me. I wanted to see you anyway." She shrugged. "I was with Matt, but it was definitely time to go. Past time." Elena looked at her, a question in her eyes. "Ugh. He has some *thing* about Rebekah -"

"What?"

Caroline hand-waved that away and continued, frustration in her voice. "And he's suddenly all Team Damon now. So annoying."

Elena was quiet, digesting this, Rebekah forgotten once Damon's name came up. She wasn't surprised that he wasn't on Stefan's side of things, but to go so far as to say he was with Damon was unexpected.

"Team Damon, huh?"

"Yeah," Caroline confirmed, annoyance in her voice. "Well, no, not really, but he's all defending him, and I don't get it!"

"Believe it or not, Bonnie's seeing his side too now," Elena offered, even as she desperately wanted the conversation to move away from Damon too. _No Salvatore talk right now, please._

"I know!" Caroline burst out. "They were practically chummy when we met before going to the council meeting thingie. Well, I mean, they weren't insulting each other every five seconds and Bonnie wasn't giving him the brain whammy." Rolling her eyes, Caroline walked over and sat down on a tree stump. "At this rate, everyone except for me is gonna be Team Damon. Seriously, what is wrong with you people? I guess I kinda get you since he's all in luuuuuv with you and you two have this *thing* but Bonnie? Matt? Ugh." She shook her head. "It's just wrong."

Elena was quiet. _Prove that you love me, Damon ... leave me alone. I don't want you in my life, not right now. I can't have you in my life._ A heavy weight filled her as she remembered those words, but she knew that she made the right decision. Not just for her, but for Damon too. She was not going to string him along anymore. It wasn't fair to him and she cared too much to continue to hurt him so deeply, intentionally or not. She was giving him his freedom, letting him go. She was giving him his chance to find happiness.

Sighing, she straightened up and cleared her throat. Caroline looked up and groaned. "I really am not up for another round of rah-rah-rah Damon, OK?"

Elena shook her head. "No, I just - I figured I should tell you that there's nothing with Damon. I chose Stefan, I'm with Stefan and it's just easier with Damon out of my life right now. Completely." She nodded firmly.

Caroline's eyes widened, her mouth dropping open in surprise. "You're like cutting him out? For real? I mean, I have issues with the guy, but I thought, I mean, I *know* you and him... you're close." She stood up and smiled in understanding. "Look, I'm not blind. I know that Damon was majorly there for you after Stefan left. In a way no one else was. In a way you didn't let anyone else be."

"That was then," Elena offered with a shrug.

"OK, what happened? What did he do?"

"Nothing! He didn't do anything. He just is... Damon." She slipped her hands in the front of her jean pockets and looked down. "We had a fight. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't mine, we just butt heads and right now, I can't deal with it. So, yes, I'm cutting him out for real." And she was determined to ignore the hurt that came with saying those words aloud. _This is the right thing to do. I have to do this. For him, for me, for Stefan. For all of us, it's for the best._

"Elena!? You two have been like super, super-tight and just that's it? Seriously, details!"

Pausing, Elena gulped and kept her eyes firmly planted on the ground, ignoring the laser-like stare from Caroline. "Things got... physical." She prayed that Caroline would think that meant nothing more than what she'd told her about in Denver.

"Oh." Elena finally looked up, taking in Caroline's surprised, but not too surprised face. "This was last night?" Shutting her eyes briefly, Elena gave a quick nod. "OK."

And then the need to explain rushed out of her. "He makes me lose control, Caroline!" She cried out. "I can't have that, I can't deal with that right now. You know, you know that when you first turn..." she trailed off, damn tears beginning to choke her voice.

Reaching out, Caroline rubbed her arm, giving a sympathetic nod. "Yeah, everything is crazy." She paused, giving a quick squeeze and then dropped her hand. Concern filled her face. "I get it, I do, but..." she sighed and then in a rush continued. "You and Stefan, you're gonna put things on hold then?"

Elena's head shot up, surprised confusion on her face. "No. No, why - no."

"Elena!" Caroline took a step back in dismay. "That's not fair to Stefan -

"Caroline, we've been on hold for six months!" Elena shot back, baffled at her friend's reaction. "We need to get back -"

"But you're into his brother!"

A bubble of guilt rose inside of her, the scene that had played out in her room last night popping into her mind, the devastation on Damon's face, the devastation she had felt at hurting him so badly. She snapped her eyes shut for a quick moment and then opened them to meet Caroline's frustrated gaze. Elena took a step forward, her voice a whisper as she denied what they both knew was true. "I am not."

"Elena! Just admit it! You. are. in. to. Damon!"

Elena shook her head, a furious rage beginning to build so quickly that she could barely contain it. Her fists clenched at her side as she repeated the lie, anger darkening her tone. "I am not!"

"Tsk, tsk, my vampire lovelies." Elena and Caroline spun around to face a smirking Tyler fully possessed by Klaus. "Are we going to get physical? If so, by all means, carry on. I do love a good cat fight."


	8. A Matter of When

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 08 - A Matter Of When [Featured Characters: Elena, Caroline, TyKlaus, Stefan, Jeremy, Ghost!Alaric and Damon]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 6,366  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie).

* * *

**Chapter 08: A Matter Of When**

"So, Elena …" Klaus began, the wintry smile so familiar on Klaus looking out of place on Tyler's face. "You are no longer any good to me. And by me, of course, I mean when I'm out of this body. Your friend, the witch, is working on that, yes?"

With his attention focused on Elena, Caroline took the opportunity to reach into her pocket for her phone. Risking a quick glance at her contacts, she scrolled surreptitiously through them. Reaching 'Stefan,' she pressed the call button and prayed with everything in her that Klaus was too busy baiting Elena to hear Stefan's greeting because she certainly heard it.

"Hello? Caroline? Caro –" He broke off when Elena spoke.

"What are you going to do?" Elena was putting on a good show, probably enough to fool Klaus, but Caroline had known Elena since first grade and she could hear the fear in her friend's voice. As strong as Elena was, this was one situation where Caroline definitely had more leverage.

"Yeah, Klaus, what are you going to do?" she demanded, pulling his attention away from Elena.

He didn't answer at first, simply gazed at Elena for a moment longer with a cocked head, that impish, evil smirk lighting his face. Caroline gulped, still freaked out at seeing so many Klaus characteristics on her boyfriend.

"Katherine turned herself!" Elena suddenly burst out, her voice impassioned. Caroline sent an anxious look her way as Elena continued, a note of desperation in her voice. "I didn't want to die! You know I didn't want to die. You can't punish me, the people I love, for something I didn't want, something I never would have chosen if I had a choice!"

Crinkling her brow, Caroline was still for a moment, regretting that she tended to block out Katherine-talk because of her history with the older vampire. She had no idea what Katherine had to do with what was going on with Elena now.

"Tsk, tsk. Elena, I'm well aware that your situation is quite different from Katerina's. From what I hear, my little sister had a hand in your death."

"*Your sister* had more than a hand, she's the reason Elena died!" _Finally!_Klaus turned to look at Caroline, the winter of his smile heating and his eyes softening. A shudder ran through her. It was Tyler's smile, Tyler's warm eyes, but it was Klaus' smitten gaze that held a promise of so much more. It was so different from the boyish ardor of Tyler. And as strong as the revulsion was – and it was freaking strong! – she would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that there was a thrill too. He was terrible, the very worst and yet somehow, she got to him. Caroline Forbes, everybody's second choice, but not for him.

"Yes, which is why I haven't been to see her yet. Let her mourn my loss a bit. It might teach her to not take away my playthings." And then he turned to Elena again. "Bonnie? She is working on getting me out of this body?"

Elena ducked her head quickly and then with a deep exhalation met his gaze again. "I think so, but I don't know what she's going to do because," she paused and then continued, her voice slightly shaken, "Ric staked your actual body and I don't know, I didn't ask Damon but if you were staked wouldn't your body have burned like he told me your father's did?"

Klaus shrugged lazily, a genteel grace in the gesture making it so different from the jerky shrug that was Tyler's adolescent norm. "When we last spoke she informed me that in addition to transferring my, aah, soul into my hybrid –"

"He's not YOUR hybrid! He broke your control, remember?" Caroline interrupted sharply, a sneer presented with bravado in her voice.

_Fat lot of good that did,_she thought with a mental groan when Klaus continued as if she hadn't spoken at all. "Bonnie also put a protection spell on my body. I should be fine. The re-transfer just needs to happen. Soon." His smile turned tight. "You best make sure that Bonnie gets on it. I have no reason to not kill you and everyone you love now that you're of no use to me."

"What about Caroline?" Stefan's voice called out and Caroline felt a rush of relief flood her. She turned to see him striding into the clearing and was so happy to see him, she could have kissed him.

Not so happy, judging by the fading smile on his face, was Klaus. "Ah, are you going to acknowledge me this time instead of letting Caroline do all the talking?"

"Since you were there to play games with her, I figured it was up to her what to say, or do, to you." With a tilt of his head, Stefan smiled mockingly. "Like kick your ass."

With a derisive laugh, Klaus nodded his head. "Yes, you're so good at letting others make the decisions for you, aren't you, mate?" He glanced over at Elena. "Right, Elena? After all, it was your decision to die. And your loving boyfriend respected that decision."

Caroline looked at Elena and was surprised to see her stiffen for just a moment. It was brief, but noticeable enough that Caroline saw it. Turning her head, she saw Stefan give a slight wince and realized that he caught it too. She bit her lip, feeling a surge of sympathy for him. While Stefan was freaking out over Elena last night, feeling guilty as hell, Elena was macking on Damon. _Again!_

"Trouble in paradise?" Klaus said. Caroline frowned as she realized that even he was picking up on the tension. She knew that Elena felt *something* for Damon, but she hadn't realized that it was something enough that was causing a real, noticeable strain between her and Stefan. Then she thought about Stefan's comments last night and suddenly wondered how much the strain was just between Stefan and Elena period. Especially after her outburst before Klaus showed up. _Klaus! God! This is so not the time to be worrying about Elena's love life, Caroline!_she admonished herself.

With a determined nod, she turned to face Klaus once more, grimacing at the sight of Tyler instead. _He's right about one thing, Bonnie *really* needs to get a move on and get him out of my boyfriend's body!_ She shook her head. _Focus, Caroline!_

"Klaus." It wasn't a question, it was a command and she couldn't help but be gratified when he turned to look at her immediately, Tyler's eyes melting again with that stirring smitten look that was soooo Klaus. "If you won't keep your ancient, hybrid killer hands off of my friends because of Elena anymore, would you please do it for me?"

He froze, his eyes narrowing. She could hear Elena and Stefan both shifting on either side of her, but she kept her gaze locked on Klaus. She could see whatever there was left of his soul so clearly that, for a moment, she would have sworn it was Klaus she was looking at and not Tyler at all. Taking a step towards her, his expression was open, almost hopeful for just the slightest moment and then like a mask slipping over his face, a petulant smirk curved his lips, lighting his eyes. "Are you asking me for a favor, luv?"

Caroline took a step back as he moved closer and then Stefan and Elena were by her side.

Klaus laughed. "Really, now. You can't kill me or you'll all die." His gaze flashed to Elena. "You too, my lovely, since, no doubt, it was Damon who fed you his blood." His smile spread as he took in all three of them. "Oh, and you can't stake me either because that would kill poor Tyler." Then ignoring the presence of her two friends on either side, he stepped even closer. "Caroline?"

Quick as lightning, Stefan stepped between them and shoved Klaus hard. "Get out of here, Klaus." He clenched his fists at his side, getting right up into the hybrid's face. "I may not be able to kill you, but I can kick your ass now. Until you're back in your thousand-year old body, stay the hell away from Elena *and* Caroline."

Still for a moment, Klaus considered Stefan and then gave a slight nod. "Whatever you say, mate, just bear in mind … when I'm back in my thousand-year old body?" Caroline stiffened because she just knew what was coming next. "I won't forget this." And then he smiled. "And neither will you."

Stefan let out a short bark of laughter. "But you wouldn't kill me, Klaus, or anyone I love."

"I wouldn't, then?"

Shaking his head, Stefan stepped back, arms spread out and Caroline marveled at his devil-may-care attitude. "If you do, you'll never get your little buddy back. And hope springs eternal, doesn't it, *Nik?* And, hey, we do have eternity."

It was Klaus' turn to laugh then, a genuine one. "Well played, my friend. Well played." He held Stefan's gaze for a moment and then looked past him to Elena. She shuddered beside Caroline. And then Tyler's eyes with Klaus' fascination lighting them locked onto her. "Caroline. I won't be in this body forever and my time *will* come." Just like Elena, Caroline shuddered.

It wasn't entirely for the same reason.

XxxxX

The house was quiet and Jeremy found he liked it. It made it easier to pretend that everything was still normal. His parents were just out buying groceries; Elena was hanging out with Bonnie and Caroline. There were no vampires, no witches, no werewolves. His family – all of them – was still alive. Sighing, Jeremy began sifting through the pile of random papers he'd shoved aside throughout the last year. He needed a mind-numbing activity and his room was a mess, so why not?

_Look at me, being all responsible,_he thought with a half-smile. Even that faded as he found a picture from a few Thanksgivings ago. Grouped around a gorgeous spread, the golden turkey proudly on display, stood his parents, Aunt Jenna, and slightly younger versions of himself and Elena. They were all smiling. They looked happy.

They were happy.

His fingers gripped the edge of the photo and he looked up, staring straight ahead, seeing nothing. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry. He let out a deep breath, and then another. His body relaxed; the picture slipped from his fingers. Jeremy opened his eyes, waited a beat, and then bent over to pick it up. He managed a smile and set it in a box of stuff marked 'to keep.'

Leaning over, he picked up the next set of papers and his smile widened. "A+," he said aloud, taking in the bright red mark on his vampire mythology paper submitted to the once upon a time new history teacher. Shaking his head, his expression grew serious, resentment building in him as he flipped through the report. "No vampires, right."

"When you submitted that paper, I knew that I had the right town."

Jeremy spun around, surprised, but not to see Ric standing there, a gentle smile on his face. "Hey, Jeremy."

Dropping the report, Jeremy smiled again, this time it spread wide across his face. "Hey, Ric!"

They were both silent then, and long enough that it began to feel a bit awkward. Jeremy cleared his throat. "Uhm, so how's the afterlife?"

"I'm adjusting right now." He sat down on the bed, bouncing a few times, and then glanced up at Jeremy. "So, I guess you were thinking of me when you saw that paper?"

"Uh, yeah."

"That must be how it works then. I've been checking on you, Elena and Damon since I, you know, but I wasn't here. So, if you wanna talk, just think of me."

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, that's how it worked with Anna and Vicki, well, I mean, they had to be thinking of me too, I think."

"Well, I was thinking of you."

Ducking his head, Jeremy set the paper into the box, and then he looked up with a jerk, a sudden thought grabbing him. "Hey, have you seen Jenna?"

Ric was quiet for a moment and then shook his head. "She's not where I am. Wherever that is. She never killed anyone, never went evil so you won't be seeing her, Jeremy. Neither will I."

"Good, I mean, you know… " Jeremy trailed off.

"Yeah," Ric nodded with a smile. "I know. So, how are you doing?"

"Elena's a vampire."

"Yeah." Ric nodded again.

"Yeah." Making a fist, Jeremy shook his head, frustration clear on his face.

"Hey, Jere, she'll get through it. She's strong, and she has tons of support."

"Yeah." Jeremy laughed harshly. "Like from Stefan? He let her die, Ric! That's why she's a vampire."

"I wasn't thinking of Stefan actually." He waited until Jeremy looked at him. "I was thinking of you, the girls... and Damon."

Rolling his eyes, Jeremy plopped down next to Ric. "Damon, yeah, things are gonna be easy as pie if *Damon* is one of her best bets to pull through."

"Hey, cut him some slack. He's really not as bad as he pretends to be."

Jeremy raised an eyebrow, unable to stop the laugh that escaped him. "You do know he snapped my neck."

"Yeah, well," Ric paused. "OK, that was bad."

"Ya think?" Jeremy laughed, but as it faded, a slight smile still played along the lips. "Actually in a twisted way, he kinda saved my life when he did that." Pulling back, Ric shot a surprised glance his way, eyebrows raised. He was silent, waiting for Jeremy to continue. "You know why Elena forgave him for that?"

"Because she has a limitless pool of forgiveness that defies sanity?"

Jeremy let out a bark of laughter, but spoke through it. "Beyond that."

"Because she cares about him, more than she wants to, even though she doesn't even want to care at all?"

"Well, that, yeah, but mostly it's cuz I told her what happened earlier. I told her that he came to see me, offered to compel the bad feelings about Anna away." A note of bitterness entered his tone. "Unlike Elena ever does, he gave me a choice." Jeremy tilted his head back, letting out a sigh as he let go of the resentment and thought of that night. His pain, his desire to just let go of it all and then there was Damon saying the right words that pushed him to take that risk with Anna's blood.

He straightened up and looked back at Ric. "I asked him about being a vampire, if it would help with the pain and he gave me an honest answer. So the next night, in Elena's room, he already knew what I wanted. I really don't think he was trying to kill *kill* me, you know? I mean, sure, yeah, he was pissed, but I think he was maybe trying to give me what I thought I wanted."

"Jeremy… " Ric began, trailing off when Jeremy shook his head.

"I did really think I wanted that... that or death." He shrugged. "So either way, he was giving me what I wanted.

"Jeremy," Ric murmured again, pain in his eyes.

"Ric, you don't know. I was just so done. Done with everything. After my parents, then Vicki, then all the crazy vampire stuff, Elena lying to me, then Anna was the last straw... I was just done. When Damon did that to me, it gave me a new direction."

Jeremy smiled, his eyes lighting up slightly as he tried to explain his state of mind. "What he did, me dying? It made me realize I wasn't done, I still had a life worth living, I had Elena, I had my future, I had my life. I mean, God, it was terrible what he did, but when you live surrounded by dead people and supernatural shit everywhere, it just doesn't seem that bad when I think of how what he did made me want to live. It made me *realize* I wanted to live."

"Did you tell Damon that?"

He scoffed. "No."

"But you did tell Elena?"

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, so she forgave him." He snorted. "Which she would have anyway. Like you said, she always forgives everybody. Plus she so has a thing for him. No matter how mad she gets, no matter what he does, she always lets him back in."

Letting out a breath, Ric rose to his feet and looked through the open bathroom door across to Elena's empty room. "Well, maybe not this time."

"Yeah, right. Tell me something I'll believe."

Ric leaned against the doorjamb, turning to face Jeremy. "She's going through stuff right now."

"Duh, she's a vampire."

Shrugging lightly, Ric slipped a hand into his jacket pocket. "Like I said, I've watched her a bit and she's taking a breather from all things Damon. I don't think it's a good idea personally, but, you know your sister, she's very stubborn."

Jeremy rose to his feet, suspicious suddenly. "What happened?"

He pulled his hand out and held both up in a display of innocence. "Not for me to say." He shut his eyes for a brief moment, giving a slight shudder. "God, wish I didn't know. Talk about mental scarring, couldn't get gone fast enough," he muttered under his breath, but Jeremy heard him.

"What happened, Ric?"

"Never mind. Trust me, you don't want to know. Just know–"

Jeremy cut him off with a scoff. "Probably making out again. Denver all over, I bet. Guess she can't be alone with him and not jump his bones." He rolled his eyes.

"Something like that," Ric confirmed. "So she *doesn't* want to be alone with him."

Dropping back down, Jeremy gave the bed a hard punch. "Right." His voice rose to a high falsetto. "Because she's with Stefan." Then just as quickly, he lowered his tone, anger lacing his words. "She's so stupid, Ric! He let her die."

"I know." And for the first time Ric showed some anger, alongside the sadness. "Her death– " he broke off and then continued, his tone level. "It was her death that saved Damon. When she died, that's when I did. I was about to kill him."

Jeremy's eyes widened. "Oh," was all he managed.

Ric shook his head. "It's done, it happened. She may be technically dead, but she's still here. And she has to figure this whole mess out– including whatever the hell is going on with Stefan *and* Damon. And she's stubborn–"

"And stupid!"

"And it's going to take time, but she needs to figure it out herself. No one can make things right for her except for her. Do you understand that?"

Sighing, Jeremy threw himself back and gazed up at the ceiling. "Yeah, I get it."

"Good. In the meantime, I have an outrageous favor to ask."

Jeremy sat up, a wary look on his face. "What?"

"Damon's all alone." Ric shrugged. "You know, he pretty much had me and Elena with an occasional side-helping of the Sheriff, and that was it. Now Meredith," he paused, a smile flitting across his face. "She might become a friend, but right now, there's so much she hasn't been a part of and so he's alone."

Rolling his eyes, Jeremy laid back down. "He's got Stefan." And then under his breath. "Stupid Stefan. Asshole."

Ric chuckled. "No, not like that. He and Damon, they have too many issues. Stefan loves Damon, but he also hates him. And he's so caught up in that struggle that he sees only the best or the worst in his brother. Or whatever the hell Damon lets him see. Which isn't much." Ric walked over to the bed to sit down again. "Stefan does have Elena and Caroline, probably Matt and Tyler when this mess is straightened out."

Jeremy shot up. "Yeah, dude, Klaus is in Tyler!"

"I know." He paused, his expression stern. "Jeremy, listen, this is important to me and right now, even though Elena won't admit it, it's important to her too. Damon needs someone on his side."

Sighing, Jeremy turned to face him fully, confusion lighting his eyes. "So what? You want me to be his buddy?"

Ric laughed. "No. Just when you see him, don't assume the worst. Don't pile on like everyone always does. And if he's being a particular brand of nasty, get him alone, tell him I told you to kick his ass – metaphorically-speaking – and get whatever the hell is bugging him off his chest. Hell, tell him I'm there even if I'm not and get him to talk at least a little. He needs an outlet or he'll explode."

It was Jeremy's turn to laugh. "Ya think?"

Ric's laughter faded, his expression serious. "I know. Can you try and do that for me? You might actually be surprised to find out he's really not all that bad."

Shrugging, Jeremy stood up and turned to face Ric, looking down at him. "Fine, I'll try to be there, I guess." His brows raised and he shot Ric a determined look. "But I'm gonna be on guard. With him you never know when the other shoe's gonna drop, you just know that it will."

Ric nodded. "Fair enough, and good call." He stood up, stepping forward and reached out a hand, before dropping it with a shake of his head. "Oh well. No touching." A smile flashed across his face. "Thank you and," he paused, his smile fading. "I'm sorry."

Jeremy shook his head. "None of this is your fault. Hey, I'm just glad I still get to see you, talk to you. That's something."

"Yup. Better than nothing."

Suddenly, a car backfired outside. Jeremy's gaze shot towards the window, his attention captured by the sound. With a shake of his head, he looked back to Ric, but he was gone.

Jeremy sighed, missing him already, but he felt better. "Better than nothing."

XxxxX

Damon pulled into the driveway of the boarding house and hopped out of his car, whistling as he headed to the front door. Pausing, he took a moment to listen intently and was rewarded with the ever-so earnest tones of Stefan.

"Enough about Klaus. How was your first hunting attempt?" Damon could just see the puppy dog gaze of his baby brother, staring deeply into Elena's eyes, trying to communicate wordlessly how important every single, solitary syllable that dripped from her lips was to him.

"I didn't like it," was the dulcet reply of his heartbreaker.

Then there was a pause which Stefan filled. "You could have called me..." he trailed off tentatively. _Interesting_, thought Damon, pettily pleased at the undercurrent of discomfort in the statement and the tone.

"I know, I just–" she broke off and Damon rested against the door, determined to capture her every sound. She sighed. _Success!_ "I hadn't seen Caroline since..." she trailed off, obviously not ready to just fucking deal with it. _You're a vampire, Elena, get over it._She sighed again. "I didn't like it," she repeated. "It was a cute, innocent bunny. I murdered a cute bunny today."

"You don't have a choice, Elena."

She was quiet for a long moment, and when she did speak, her voice was soft, vulnerable. "I know." Damon waited for Stefan to respond, to say something, anything to make her feel better because even if he couldn't see her, he knew the look on her face, in her eyes, tears unshed, but this close to falling. She was using *that* voice. And then it broke. "I never wanted this."

And Damon's heart broke for her even as a surge of frustration filled him. _Right, Elena, you *never* wanted this. Not even for Stefan. How do you not get that this is not the truest love that ever loved if you can't see yourself together for more than a couple of teenage years, let alone for an eternity? God damn._

"Elena," the non-love of her life (undead or otherwise) finally spoke up. "I think it's great that you're not even going near the human stuff." _Pfft, stuff? Really, Stefan?_"I know there was Jeremy's–"

She cut him off with a weary note in her voice. "Honestly, I don't even remember the taste of it. I just remember feeling awful that it was his."

Not looking at her, instead just hearing her, the strain was so evident in every word he was surprised she hadn't just fallen apart under the tension already. But Damon knew Stefan and knew that he wouldn't see it even as it sat right in front of him. Damon knew that his brother would be too busy trying to make Elena the perfectly behaved vampire that he would blind himself to what she was going through. He would just plaster over her pain with misplaced, albeit heartfelt, understanding and offer up useless words about a better tomorrow! They both operated on a daily basis inside a bubble of pretense just to get through another day of merely coping, as opposed to confronting the situation head on. It didn't matter how many times it popped, they just blew another one. And another, and another. And here we go again.

Elena might be playing her little keep-away game, but he was going to do his damndest to interject some reality into this situation even if he pissed her off even more. _What else is new?_ Living in fantasy-land where a vampire could subsist on cute forest animals alone was only going to lead to a meltdown of epic proportions. Lord knew the girl had a major, major one due. _It's not a matter of if, dot, dot, dot._

Quietly Damon opened the front door and carefully shut it behind him, not ready to announce his presence. He waited a beat for a conversation lag to see if they'd noticed him. There was none. Moving to the open passage of the drawing room, he leaned against the jamb and watched the pair, their backs to him, oblivious for the moment.

He used that moment to observe not only the two of them, but the level of heartbreak he was feeling at seeing them together... again. After their six months of solidarity and togetherness when they were the 'we' in the triangle instead of she and Stefan. After Stefan kidnapped her, force-fed her his blood and played a game of chicken with Klaus. After Denver. After fucking in his bedroom. After she played the 'if you love me' card and his magnificent epiphany _ala_ Jack Daniels. He figured that 'it's always Stefan' was a ten, while Caroline getting over him in like a piddly-ass week was a one. Narrowing his eyes, he took in the two of them, their physical closeness, totally in each other's dance space and decided he was at a three. Elena sighed and shifted a smidge closer. _OK, fine, four._

She shook her head and laid a quick hand on Stefan's thigh. Damon rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, Stefan, I don't want to be like..." She paused, and Damon waited for her to say his name because, of course, he was the worst.

Elena surprised him.

"You," she said and she was referring to Stefan. _Go figure. OK, she's not a complete moron._

Damon could hear the rueful smile in his brother's response. "I'm not your normal vampire when it comes to blood. You've seen what happens…" He trailed off again, unwilling to paint an unpretty picture.

"I don't get it." Moving to the right, Damon could see the side of Stefan's face and he looked as confused as Damon. Elena threw back her head with a sigh. "You drank my blood." Narrowing his eyes, Damon recalled first hearing about that and felt another small pinch of jealousy, and then frustration as he suddenly realized that now he would never taste Elena's human blood, at least offered willingly and when he wasn't out of his mind in a feverish delusion. _Fuck me. __  
_

"Yeah," Stefan prompted, still confused, but Damon figured out where she was going with this. Her response proved him right.

"After Katherine showed up, you drank my blood and you were fine, so I don't get why it's a problem for you. You drank human blood."

Laughing lightly, Stefan reached down and squeezed her hand that was still on his fucking thigh. "Elena, most vampires can drink one to two blood bags a day if they want. I drank the equivalent of a handful of bags over the course of two *months.*" He sighed, releasing her hand. "I don't know, maybe if Klaus hadn't forced me to go all out, I could have learned moderation eventually." He leaned back with a sigh. "Damon says he wants to teach me, but things with us are not," he paused with a quick shake of his head, "good right now."

With a shout-out, Damon figured it was time he made his presence known, woefully aware that any vampire who actually drank human *stuff* would have already picked it up no matter how quiet he was being.

"You can say that again." He moved into the room, delighting at their reaction. Stefan's expression went blank, while his fists clenched in self-conscious defense as if he could even dream of taking Damon right now. Elena? Now that's where the real delight came from. Her eyes widened and he was listening oh so intently. Her heartbeat began doing the mambo and her breath caught as her gaze met his own. Quickly, she looked down and then snatched her hand from Stefan's thigh. And his brother stiffened. It was almost enough to make him rub his hands together in glee.

Feeling his hope rejuvenated by their response, he smiled, beaming at them across the room. He continued, satisfaction absolutely resplendent in his tone. "After all, you did kill our girlfriend. Tsk, tsk."

Stefan rolled his eyes, but there was an undercurrent of anger in his voice. "Are we gonna go through this again?"

Shrugging, Damon leaned against the doorjamb, cool as a cucumber. "Nah, she may be dead, but at least she's a living dead person. I'm getting over it."

"Good." Stefan nodded, getting all super-serious and down to business with a slap of his hands on his thighs. "Elena and I were talking about how she's going to handle the blood situation."

"Yeah, got that memo. Human blood, bad. Cute, fluffy bunny blood, good."

Stefan sent him a look of annoyance and then with a brisk shake of his head turned to Elena. He took her hands. Damon rolled his eyes, well-used to his brother's passive-aggressive nyeah-nyeah-nyeah tactics. _Whatever, dude, you got the girl now. 'Now' being the key word, baby bro._

"Elena, one of the worst things about being a vampire is the blood. But it's something you have to deal with–"

_You've got to be kidding me!_"Seriously?" Stefan sighed and glanced over at Damon, while Elena finally looked at him, oh so casually slipping her hands from Stefan's grasp. "Drinking blood is not one of *the* worst things. It's one of the *least* not worst things, well, for those of us who don't go crazy over it." He waggled his eyebrows in Stefan's direction, pulling away from the doorway and stepping into the room.

"No, the worst thing for the rest of us non-rippery-vampire types is the amplification of emotions. Anger, fear." Damon paused and looked directly at Elena, determinedly capturing her gaze and locking on hard for this next one. "Lust." _Bingo!_She blushed beet red, and the mambo of her heartbeat went into double-time. Damon looked to his brother, and fortunately for Elena, Stefan was still looking at him.

"Damon–" he began.

"Stefan," Damon interrupted, saying his name in a sing-song manner. He rolled his eyes and continued. "It's all about controlling those things and, while yes, I've had my issues in the past." Stefan scoffed. "Hey! Really, I'm getting better. I've been really pissed off the last twenty-four hours and I haven't killed anyone, haven't even thought of it." He smirked. "And I didn't go calling Rebekah for a good time either– oh, wait, I'm still mad at her seeing as how she was numero uno in the 'let's kill Elena' brigade." Stefan winced, but kept the perma-frown and furrowed brow going at full-attention. "OK, fine, I beat the holy hell out of you but you deserved it, and we both know you did."

"Damon!" _She speaks!_

"Elena," Damon shot back mockingly, drawing her name out. She was quiet once more. _Ah well._ "Back on point. The darker side of vampirism is not drinking blood, it's emotion control and it's about the desire..." he offered up a deliciously long pause letting that sink in. _Bull's-eye._She broke eye contact with a start and looked down and away. Then she abruptly stood up and turned her back on Damon. He shrugged, continuing. "The desire to kill. Those are the things you need to worry about, not sipping on a blood bag or two."

The two of them were quiet, Stefan unable to argue with what he damn well knew was the truth, and Elena not willing to deal with it. She finally turned to face Damon once more and her expression was hard. _Uh oh, she's sticking to her guns. Oooh! I'm scared._He didn't even try and fight back his grin.

She paused at the smile, momentarily thrown, but then she stood up straight, firming her resolve. "I told you, Damon, I don't want your help. I have Stefan."

Instead of even a ripple of a pain, he found himself rolling his eyes and wanting to walk over and chuck her on the chin, a measure of both pride at her incredible strength and amusement at her refusal to pop the damn bubble once and for all. _Oh, Elena._

"Right, you have Stefan." And he meant it. He wasn't being sarcastic. She one hundred percent had Stefan. Damon just very much hoped that his brother could help her hold together until she was ready to let go of the fantasy. But he needed to remind her of the reality of the situation, even if she chose to ignore it. "Stefan, the Ripper, Salvatore... that's your vampire model?"

She raised her chin, determination settling over her like a cloak. _Of course, she was going to choose to ignore reality. Of course._Shaking his head, Damon clicked his tongue. "Don't think there's gonna be a happy ending here. Just sayin.'" And he hoped that she saw past her expectation of his pain to hear even a glimmer of the sincerity in his words. Her eyes flashed; her fists clenched at her side and he knew that she hadn't. He sighed and, with a shake of his head, walked out.

Despite her avowal to have nothing to do with him, he wasn't the least bit surprised when she left Stefan behind and came charging after him, her Chucks pounding on the floor. Elena spun him around. Gently, he noted, as if she was finally getting a hang of her new strength. Her eyes were bright and her face was flushed; she was angry and frustrated and struggling to not go vampire-psycho on his ass, but all he could think was how beautiful she was and how proud he was of her. Yes, she was shutting him out – or trying to anyway – but she was keeping control as best she knew how and as much as he wanted to, in this department, his brother wouldn't be a lick of help.

Neither would her friends. Everyone was too acquiescent to her wishes, loving her so much and too damn young and inexperienced to know that sometimes you had to play the tough love card. But she was so responsible with that rigid moral compass – never mind that her morality was pretty whacked by the definition of most humans at this point – that the others just followed her lead because they were followers and never called her out when she was being so, so stupid.

So she was doing this, taking control of her life as best as she knew how all on her own. It was stupid. It was reckless. It was going to end in disaster. But he couldn't not respect the fact that she was doing it on her own terms. Love makes you stupid. If what he was feeling right now wasn't proof of that, he didn't know what was. It took everything in him not to reach out, brush the loose strand of hair back into place, kiss her gorgeous mouth, promise to stand by her forever. Even when she was being an unbelievable idiot.

He sighed, even as she was sighing, clearly gearing herself up for some lambast or such. She wasn't ready for him, for them. He got that now. But he had said it months ago and he knew it then, and it was just as true, if closer to fruition, now as it was then. They were right. They definitely would be right. Just not right now.

Elena breathed out, unclenched her fists. Instead of anger, she was going for a tone of appeasement. "Just because you're mad at me, don't take it out on him."

He shook his head. "I'm not mad at you or Stefan. Elena, I'm not mad at all." He smiled and he could feel it stretching across his face, the sincerity of it in every pull. "I'm good." Damon inclined his head to the drawing room. "Go on. Go have fun with your boyfriend." With a raise of his brows, he shrugged. "His time is now."

She was silent. Damon nodded, and then swung away, leaving her standing there. Whistling, he headed up the stairs and glanced over his shoulder when he reached the turn of the stairs. Elena was still looking up at him, unmoving and looking very, very perturbed.

He winked at her, kept on moving and then she was out of sight.


	9. Reality Comes A'Knocking

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 09 - Reality Comes A'Knocking [Featured Characters: Elena, Caroline, Bonnie, Stefan, Jeremy and Damon]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 4,606  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

Just a heads-up, obviously TVD has returned, but nothing in this fic - despite some similarities you may note - is inspired by anything seen in season 04. Nor will it be - if I start adding things from the show it might wind up messing my planned story!

* * *

**Chapter 09: Reality Comes A'Knocking**

It had been a bad day. Not one of Elena's worst. No, there had been too many truly horrific days for this one to fall under that category, but still... a bad day. A very, very bad day.

It all started this morning when she woke up, her stomach cramping with hunger, her skin feeling just a little bit drier than was comfortable. So she did what any normal person does in that situation. She lathered up with extra lotion after her shower, and then ate a big breakfast of toast, eggs, burnt bacon and then she downed four cups of coffee. Feeling somewhat sated, she was ready to begin her first day of school as not quite a normal person.

When Jeremy asked her on the drive if she had drank any blood, she'd merely shook her head determined to ignore that even the word set her teeth on edge with craving. Having partaken of a fluffy rabbit the day before, Elena was sure that she would be fine until after school. As long as she drank enough to survive, she would be fine. She just had to train her body to not expect copious amounts of the stuff. It would take some time, and while she adjusted, she would just have to deal with the craving. She could do that.

No problem.

When he started to press, she glared at him, shocked when he recoiled slightly. "Your eyes, Elena!" He breathed out.

Grateful for the red light, she looked up in the rearview mirror and gasped, recoiling slightly herself. Dark veins popped up under her skin, her eyes a murky shade. Shutting them, she let out a long breath using the technique that Caroline had taught her. After a few moments of that, and a horn blown behind her, Elena opened her eyes and turned to Jeremy.

He nodded hesitantly. "You're good, but go. The light..." he gestured ahead as another horn blare filled the air.

And that was just the start of the day. Once she got to school, the overwhelming smell of the blood encased in human flesh all around nearly brought her to her knees. She had to stand at the car, holding on tightly to the handle in order to stand straight. And she had bent the damn metal. Eventually she'd managed to block out the smell of all those bodies with all that blood running through them.

Then there were the heartbeats. No matter how hard she tried to *not* focus on their thumping sounds, they were beating in discordant rhythm all around her. She finally had to escape to the bathroom, turn on the faucets in every sink, flush every toilet, jack up a song on her Iphone and lock herself in a stall for a good five minutes of deep breathing.

That was where Caroline and Bonnie found her. And she was fine... until she stepped out and saw Bonnie's pulse pounding in her throat. This time she felt the veins bulging under her skin and her fangs emerging with a sharp pop. Two seconds later, Caroline shoved Bonnie out of the bathroom and locked the door.

"Girl... you so need help!"

"I'm fine," Elena insisted even as she was ready to tear out of there and rip into the nearest human blood bag, even if it was her witchy best friend.

"You're so not. Here." Caroline reached into her purse and pulled out a small flask. "You need this more than me."

Elena breathed heavily, feeling her face resume its human form and took the flask. "What is this for?"

"It's brandy." She smirked. "Damon's good stuff." Her voice dropped to a faux-whisper. "My mom only gets the cheap stuff, so I ransack Damon's supply whenever I'm at the boarding house." She set her hands on her hips, an order in her tone. "Drink. Now."

Shaking her head, Elena unscrewed the top. "Why? What will it do?" But she took a sip before Caroline responded and had her answer almost immediately. As the alcohol swam through her body, she felt a lessening of the tense craving that was holding her hostage in this bathroom. She drank more, and then with a deep swallow, finished the whole thing.

Caroline sighed and reached in her purse again for another flask. "Good thing I have a back-up. Take it easy this time."

Elena nodded, eagerly taking the brandy from her friend and allowing herself more moderate sips. Satisfied at last, she was happy to note that there was still more than half of the contents left.

"Have you had some bunny today?" Caroline asked sweetly, but there was an edge of deep concern in her voice.

"No."

"Elena..."

"I was gonna go after school." She explained.

Caroline parted her lips to respond, then paused and took a breath. "Please tell me you at least went hunting with Stefan last night before you went to bed?"

Confused, Elena shook her head. "Why would I do that? You and I had already gone earlier."

"Oh my God, Elena! You are a baby vampire! You need to eat more or you'll- you'll... do this!"

"I'm fine."

Caroline raised a brow. "You were in the bathroom, hiding in the stall trying to flood the school to the strains of, eww, James Blunt. And *then* you were this close to chomping on Bonnie. Bonnie! You are not fine."

"I am, Caroline. I just needed to take the edge off the craving so thank you for this." She screwed the lid back on and slipped it in her bag. "I'm good. It's just gonna take some getting used to."

"You should go home." Caroline pronounced.

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

Caroline had been right, Elena thought, banging her head on her window frame. She had so not been fine. Managing to get through the first two periods, she had sent reassuring looks Stefan's way during the second which he accepted way too easily, she had to admit. Then some idiot got a paper cut two lockers down from her between second and third period.

Back to the bathroom she went. And if Caroline had shown up one minute earlier what happened next wouldn't have happened, but she didn't... and so it did. Same twit with the paper cut walked into that very bathroom and the next thing you knew, Elena had her arms wrapped around the helpless girl, her fangs buried in her neck.

Fortunately for Elena (and the twit), Caroline was only a minute behind Elena, not two. She entered, a cry falling from her lips. Pulling the girl from Elena's tight grasp, Caroline quickly bit into her own wrist and dribbled her blood into the girl's mouth. Elena just stood there staring, unable to comprehend what the hell had just happened.

"When you came into the bathroom no one was here. You fixed your lipstick and walked out feeling like a million bucks because that color looks *fabulous* on you." Caroline nodded, her eyes still locked on the girl's. "Go."

The girl went. And Elena started sobbing the second the door closed behind her. She fell into Caroline's arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Caroline, I didn't mean... I never meant to..."

"Ssh, ssh. I know." The bell rang loudly signaling the start of the next class. "The halls will be clear, let's get you home. I'll text Stefan, get him to clear our departure with the office."

Elena could only nod.

Caroline drove her home. Elena took a crazy-long shower, finding herself thinking desperately of Damon and how he would know exactly what to say - words of tough love injected with a heady dose of reality. But she had cut Damon out of her life. So no Damon. Which left Stefan. Right. Her boyfriend. He showed up within an hour, with Jeremy following minutes behind, walking in on their conversation. _And that had just gone swimmingly,_she thought back wearily.

"Why didn't you tell me you were having a hard time?" Stefan had asked, his voice full of solicitous concern.

"I thought I would be fine." She explained and waited for him to call her on her stupidity.

He didn't. And she disloyally thought that Damon would have.

"It's just going to take some time, Elena." He stepped closer, and took her face in his hands, those beautiful green eyes of his so warm and sincere as he looked into hers. He made her want to believe that this would happen. It would truly just take some time.

But she kept seeing that girl, her neck torn and bleeding before Caroline's blood healed her. Elena could still taste the rich, thick blood in her mouth. She didn't believe him, not completely. "Are you sure?" She sounded like a child, she knew she did, but she was so lost. And she felt more alone than she ever had before.

"Yes. This is what you want to do, right?" She nodded and if it was reluctant, he didn't call her on it. "Then I will back you one hundred percent. It's your choice." Stefan smoothed her hair down, smiling softly at her. "You know that I will always respect your choice."

"Oh we all know that, asshole."

Stefan broke away. Elena turned to face Jeremy who stood in the doorway, a sneer marring his face.

The look he shot Stefan was full of so much loathing that it broke her heart to see it on her brother. "While you were respecting my sister's choice did it cross your mind for even a second that if she died I would have lost every family member in a year?"

Stefan looked down, guilt settling over him like a cloak.

"Jeremy..." Elena began, but she stopped when he turned to face her. There was a look of heated anguish there that she hadn't seen directed at her since he found out that she had asked Damon to compel him after Vicki died, that she had kept so much from him, lied to him time and time again.

"Did it cross yours, Elena?"

Without waiting for an answer, he shook his head in disgust and walked out. She stood there, struck dumb, it hitting her with a powerful blow that no, she had not. She hadn't thought of Jeremy and his loss at all.

"Elena," Stefan began, but she held up a hand.

"No, I can't. I just-" she broke off, not sure what to say or how to say what she felt because she couldn't just blurt it out. That would only make him feel guiltier. And for the second time that evening she longed for Damon because if it was him standing right there, she wouldn't have to think before she spoke. Even if she pissed him off, even if she knew he would feel guilty, she'd still say it. And he would take it.

And he would do the same for her, to her. Elena shut her eyes, lamenting the pristine memory of what she and Stefan had once had. What she had let herself believe they had. The lies and the omissions, the pretense and the sugar-coating of so much was in stark contrast to the honesty to the point of pain that she shared with Damon. The honesty that she was finding herself unable to deny that she badly needed right now.

"Just go," she finally managed. And then when a flash of pain flared in his eyes, she quickly continued. "I just need to be alone, talk to him." Elena forced a smile. "I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow." Walking over, she gave him a quick kiss and headed into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, giving him no choice but to leave.

That had been an hour ago. Half a bottle of her father's scotch later, Elena sat on her window seat, diary in hand thinking about her *wonderful* day. Looking down at the blank page in front of her, she closed the book and threw it on the ground.

She turned to face her reflection in the window and smiled the saddest smile. "And that was my day."

XxxxX

Bonnie opened the door, a smile on her face when she saw Jeremy. The smile quickly faded at the look on his.

"What's wrong?"

"I just-" he began, pausing as he unceremoniously pushed inside and threw himself on the couch. He looked up at Bonnie, his eyes wide, full of anger and pain. Bonnie moved to his side.

"Jeremy, what?"

"I can't even look at him without wanting to punch him in his stupid face!" He burst out, and then flew to his feet. He turned and began pacing. "I know what happened today, Bonnie! I know that my sister, the vampire, attacked some girl and if it wasn't for Caroline, she probably would have killed her."

Bonnie nodded, watching him nervously as he tried to wear a hole in her dad's carpet. Gone was the sensitive boyfriend, standing in front of her was the sullen, pissed-off younger brother of her best friend who didn't care about anyone or anything after his parents died.

"I get home, anxious to see her, see how she's doing and *he* was there. All sweet and sensitive. 'Oh, Elena, everything's going to be OK. I'll do whatever you want. I'll respect whatever decision you make. Even if it means you kill someone. Even if you die!' Ugh!" He stopped pacing and looked down at Bonnie. "I seriously hate him."

"Yeah, I'm getting that."

Jeremy ran a hand through his hair. Sitting down next to her, he let out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry. I just- I just barged in here. I'm sorry. He just makes me so mad." And then he shook his head, his voice quiet. "She does too. How could she do this to me?"

He looked at Bonnie. "What if she hadn't had vampire blood in her system, Bon? She would have died. Dead, gone. I would have buried my last family because she wanted to save Matt!" He laughed harshly. "And now I sound like an asshole. Of course I'm glad that Matt is OK, but it's like she chose him over me. And I need her. I can't lose..." he trailed off and lowered his head into his hands.

"Jeremy," Bonnie murmured. Reaching out, she wrapped one arm around his back and drew him to her. He turned into her embrace, his face buried in the curve of her neck. "She wasn't thinking. Not just of you, but of anything." Her voice was quiet as she spoke, saying things aloud that had been running through her mind in the background ever since she found out what happened that night. "I think there are things going on inside of Elena's head right now that no one gets, not even her. She's really confused and we've all lost so much and, Elena, she feels responsible for it all. Because of who she is. What she is."

Jeremy pulled away and looked at her. Bonnie shrugged and managed a small smile. "If she had thought of you, she would still be alive. I know that absolutely."

He nodded; his eyes were downcast. "And Matt would be dead."

It was her turn to nod. Jeremy looked back up at Bonnie, his eyes wide, his lips parted and her smile faded. His gaze dropped to her mouth, and before she could react, he leaned closer and pressed his lips to hers.

She responded for the briefest moment and then jerked back, rising to her feet. "Jeremy..." she said warningly, her voice trembling.

"I'm sorry, Bonnie. I'm sorry."

"I haven't talked to Jamie since everything has gone down, but things are, were, at a maybe stage. I'm not jumping back into anything with you."

"Right, right. I'm sorry." He laughed harshly. "And it's not like I even deserve another shot after how I totally screwed up last time."

Trying to lighten the mood, she sat back down and gently punched his arm. "That you did." He looked at her. "But we've moved on. It's OK. No more ghosts."

"Right, just Jamie. And my sister, the vampire, and her stupid boyfriend."

"Yeah." She laughed. "You know I actually told her that if I had to choose between the Salvatore brothers, at this point, I'd choose..."

"Damon!" Jeremy said before she got the name out. "I know, right? He wouldn't have let her die. And I wouldn't be as worried about her now because Damon, well, he'd take care of her. He wouldn't let her do this stupid thing she's doing."

"What *is* she doing?"

He rolled his eyes. "She thinks that if drinks only a little bit of blood and doesn't use any of her vampire powers, she'll pretty much be human again."

Bonnie's jaw dropped. "Seriously?" He nodded. "And Stefan is going along with this?"

Jeremy's voice rose in a very bad impersonation of Stefan. "It's your choice, Elena." He spoke normally. "Of course he is. Asshole."

"Wait, what about Damon? He won't just stand by and let Elena be this stupid?"

"Yeah, that's another thing."

Bonnie pulled away and slumped back against the cushion. "Do I even want to know?"

Jeremy laughed. "Nah, he didn't do anything this time. I mean, I don't know. Apparently, he and Elena got hot and heavy again and Elena freaked out."

Bonnie sat back up, surprise in her tone. "She told you this?!"

"No, Ric did."

"Ric? You mean Alaric? Mr. Saltzman-Ric?" And now she was incredulous.

"Uhm, yeah, so... one more ghost left. Ric dropped by the other day."

"Oh my God. What did he say?"

"That Elena and Damon got hot and heavy and she freaked out. Now she's decided that she's gonna stay away from him-"

"Like that's gonna happen," Bonnie scoffed.

"I know, right?" He laughed. "Anyway, that's what she says. So, yeah, we're relying on Stefan to see Elena through this vampire-thing."

Bonnie smiled. "And Caroline."

"There's that." Jeremy nodded, and then spoke, musing almost to himself. "Ric asked me to kinda be there for Damon." He turned to look at her, obviously gauging her reaction.

"What do you mean?"

Shrugging, Jeremy leaned back, his arm stretching behind on the couch and Bonnie found herself conscious of the heat and closeness of him. Clearing her throat, she thrust that awareness to the back of her mind and concentrated on what Jeremy was saying.

"With Elena being all 'no, stay away!' and Ric, well, dead, he said that Damon's pretty much alone and everyone kinda hates the guy." Bonnie agreed with a quirk of her lips. Jeremy sighed. "Ric swears he's not that bad."

"Well," Bonnie began, and then with her own deep sigh, continued. "I think he's right. I mean, yeah, Damon has done some horrible things, but most of it was when his switch was off. And, sure he's all sarcastic and jerky, but he's not evil. He saved my life after Esther used me as her vessel."

She looked at Jeremy. "He didn't have to, but he did it just, I don't know, because. And remember when you volunteered to 'die' so we could stop Klaus' heartbeat?" Jeremy nodded. "He made me promise to make sure you came back, and he actually sounded like he meant it. Plus, he really was there for Elena in a *major* way after Stefan took off."

"I guess. He's better, yeah." He met her gaze earnestly. "But I'm telling you, I'm gonna be on guard whenever I go see him."

"So you're gonna do it?"

"Yeah, for Ric. And honestly, I think things have gone far enough with Elena that he wouldn't kill me again. She forgave him once, but if he ever wants to get with her, he better not kill me again."

Rolling her eyes, Bonnie laughed, but she didn't think he was wrong.

XxxxX

Damon whistled as he swept up a pile of his clothes. It was Monday, laundry day. Glancing down, he saw a few items had slipped from his grasp... including that sweet pair of Elena's undies from the other day. Dropping the full load on the ground, he bent down and scooped it up. He could still smell her on them.

"Damon!" His baby bro suddenly shouted, his manly, urgent voice in full effect. Damon snickered. He glanced down at the pile, sighing at the thought of leaving his room in such disarray. "Damon, I want to talk to you!"

_Fuck_, Damon whined mentally with a roll of his eyes. Clean-up duty would have to wait if he wanted to wash in peace. "Coming, Stefan," he called out sweetly as he threw Elena's panties onto his bed. The reminder of his extracurricular activity with his brother's girl sent a delicious thrill through him. It wasn't very gentlemanly, or brotherly of him, but fuck it, Stefan got all the fun most of the time, Damon was damn sure gonna savor his.

Stefan was in the drawing room, pacing back and forth, his perfectly-coiffed hero-hair not moving a millimeter of an inch. "You summoned."

"We need to talk."

"Yeah, picked up on that when you yelled out 'Damon, I want to talk to you' like five seconds ago."

Stefan's determined expression didn't budge. Rolling his eyes, Damon walked over and began to pour himself a drink. He paused, noting that the contents of his best brandy appeared suspiciously lower than the last time he'd partaken of it. He turned to his brother. "Stefan, have you..." he held up the bottle.

"What?" He shook his head in annoyance. "No, I haven't touched your thousand-dollar brandy. This is important."

Damon shrugged and poured himself a glass. _Probably Blondie._"So, it must be about our girlfriend."

"She's not *our* girlfriend, Damon. She's mine."

"Ooh! Touchy." He mock-pouted. "What happened? Did you have a fight? Is the course of true love not running smoothly?" Stefan was silent for a moment, long enough for Damon to realize that, indeed, things were not exactly falling into place with the two lovebirds. _Aha!_He felt a rush of elation because despite his growing confidence that things would definitely go *somewhere* with Elena, he'd be lying if pesky little insecurities and doubt weren't constantly creeping in, eschewing all rationale and logic. Being the object of countless rejections had a way of lingering.

"No, we're fine, Damon." Stefan finally bit out. _Liar, liar, pants on fire._"This is about Elena, yes." He took a deep breath, as if preparing for an explosion. This worried Damon. What the hell was he going to say about Elena that would make him explode?

"Stefan?" The warning was explicit in his tone. Stefan needed to speak and like Taylor Swift opined, speak now. "What?" His voice was like ice.

"You agreed to our deal." Stefan stood still, his hands clenched in fists at his side.

Damon looked away, his eyes narrowing in confusion. _What the fuck is he talking about? Our deal?! Wha -?_Then he remembered. He glared at his brother, his eyes wide in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me?"

Stefan shook his head. "No. You agreed that if Elena chose me, you would leave town."

"That was before you let her die and she became a fucking undead vampire, Stefan!"

Shrugging, Stefan moved around the heavy desk. _As if that will protect him if I decide to kick his ass again._"Doesn't matter. You heard Elena last night. She doesn't want anything to do with you. She has me. All she needs is me."

"Hah."

"No, Damon. You need to go."

Damon took a long sip of his delicious brandy and casually settled in his favorite chair. In that moment, all the insecurities and doubts quieted down. If things were going well with Elena, even remotely well, Stefan would not try to get rid of him. No way, no how. He looked up at Stefan with a cool smile. "Nope."

"Damon..." Stefan said, and he had the cutest note of warning in his voice. Really, it was adorable. It brought to mind when he was five years old and Damon would threaten to take his wooden train away.

"Here's the deal. You and Elena? Have an expiration date stamped on your teenager-y foreheads." Stefan froze, his expression struggling for neutrality, but misgiving was all over his face, confirming every word that Damon said. "You are not going to last." Stefan flinched. "You can't play the 'hey, let's pretend we're ostriches and bury our heads in the sand' game anymore. Reality is here and it's knock, knock, knocking on your door."

Stefan let loose a strained laugh. "Right, and then Elena will come running to you? Is that how you see this playing out, brother?" And like when Elena played her 'if you love me, you'll let me go' card, Stefan saying the very thing that Damon hoped for, was truly beginning to think would happen, his confidence grew that indeed that is exactly what would happen.

"You think I'm delusional because I believe I have a shot?" Before she'd had sex with him, before she found herself barely able to resist him, before Stefan starting trying run him out of town, he would have agreed. But not any longer. He had a very, very good shot. A damn good one, in fact. He smiled at his brother. "I've outgrown being that pathetic."

"OK." And Stefan laughed again, and really, rising confidence or not, it was pretty insulting. Damon eyed Stefan, well aware that he could be around that desk with a pencil stabbed in baby bro's gut in about five seconds flat. Of course, he would recover too quickly from a physical wound. Words were such a better weapon, and it was about time Stefan got a bite or two.

"Oh, Stefan. It's only a matter of time. Reality? You and Elena aren't so great at dealing with it and, yeah, reality's here and it's smacking you both upside the head." Stefan shook his head, but in his eyes there was uncertainty. "Oh, please, it's written all over you. And this whole act of bravado? If things were so perfect between you and Elena, you wouldn't need me gone. But you do... because you know. I know, and she knows even if she's in more denial than you, that the two of us, me and Elena, we have something and it's not going away."

"Shut up, Damon." But Stefan's voice was grimly quiet.

Damon rose to his feet. With a shrug, he headed out of the room. And he felt guilty, of course he did. This was his brother. He loved him and he wanted him to be happy. But he could never be happy with Elena, Damon saw that clearly now. He couldn't be happy because he couldn't and wouldn't be himself with her. Stefan was too scared he'd lose her so he did what he thought he should do, so desperate to keep her that he wasn't willing to risk making any waves.

However as much as Damon loved his brother, there was a selfish part of him that was so tired of seeing Stefan always chosen, always the one who won that in that moment when he'd struck a nerve, when maybe, just maybe, it would be his turn soon and Stefan would be the one to get a taste of rejection, Damon couldn't resist one final, parting shot.

"It's not like she *ever* wanted to turn for you, right."

It hurt, Damon knew, but it was the truth and his brother knew it.


	10. What Love Should Be

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 10 - What Love Should Be [Featured Characters: Elena, Matt, Rebekah and Damon]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 6,491  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

Just a heads-up, obviously TVD has returned, but nothing in this fic - despite some similarities you may note - is inspired by anything seen in season 04. Nor will it be - if I start adding things from the show it might wind up messing my planned story!

Also, I made a few changes to the last chapter since a few people commented that Damon was too confident. After some thought, I agreed and so did some editing. Hopefully it works better overall now.

* * *

**Chapter 10: What Love Should Be**

The sun shining brightly through the window greeted Elena when her alarm clock went off. Despite the gratitude she still felt for the protection her ring provided, she woke up feeling lousy. Frustration and confusion gnawed at her just as it had the day before. It had been two days and although she had tried to ignore it, her last conversation with Damon kept popping up in her head. And no matter how much she tried to tell herself that she did not care what Damon Salvatore did or said, or rather what he *didn't* do or say, she kept replaying their encounter.

_"I'm not mad at you or Stefan. Elena, I'm not mad at all." He smiled and it wasn't snarky or sarcastic, but one of those rare genuine smiles, beautiful and real. "I'm good," he said, that smile still on his face. And then even as sincere as his words had sounded, what he did next threw her for a greater loop. "Go on. Go have fun with your boyfriend." And he meant it. He totally and completely meant it._

"His time is now."

"His time is now," Elena repeated and she knew exactly what Damon was saying. Stefan had now because Damon didn't expect that she and Stefan had any shot at a future. Throwing her arm over her face and blocking out the sun, Elena couldn't deny that Damon could be right. She had to admit that things were not going well with her boyfriend. They barely spent any time together and when they did, things were just a bit uneasy, both of them tentative with each other. Elena sat up and bit her lip, thinking her way out of her disloyal thoughts. _It has only been a couple of days, of course things aren't going to be perfect. We just need time._As for Damon…

Elena threw herself back down, seeing his smile, the certainty and sincerity in his voice, in his words and she just couldn't figure it out. When she had last seen him here in her room, she'd kicked him out of her life, used his love for her to get him to stay gone. And instead of bitterness, recrimination, instead of anger and sarcasm covering a world of hurt, he'd been sweet and well, as he said himself, good. He had been good.

But she knew he loved her. With all of the crazy uncertainty in her world, that was something of which she had no doubt. Damon loved her. And yet… he wasn't acting like she had feared he would. She was happy about it; happy that he wasn't off on some bender which would likely lead to disaster not just for others, but for himself. Seeing him so confident and practically carefree gave her a sense of peace that she had done the right thing for him, letting him go.

And yet… She was confused as hell. Why wasn't he freaking out and being all Damon-y about it all? She was usually so good at reading him, but his attitude had her completely mystified. Elena sighed, her mind going a hundred miles an hour. She reached over and grabbed her other pillow, pressed it to her face, letting out a small scream of frustration.

It helped a little.

Sitting up, she reached over for her diary and the pen sitting nearby. Flipping open to thelast entry, the pros and cons game with Stefan, she considered the list. _Yeah, that worked out real well_, she thought with a grimace. Elena read it over again, still thrown by the fact that there were quite a few more cons than pros. Shaking her thoughts away, she settled her pen on a blank line and jotted down the date. And then she paused. She couldn't think of anything to write. She didn't know where to start. _Damon? Stefan? The fact that I didn't attack anyone yesterday? Ugh!_

Throwing the diary and pen down next to her, she glanced over at her bedside table. Without thinking, she grabbed her phone and dialed the number of the only person she knew who would be up… and who was becoming her Salvatore confidant extraordinaire. As the phone rang, Elena wondered what it said about her that the best person to discuss her romantic turmoil with the Salvatore brothers was her ex-boyfriend.

"Hey, Elena!" Matt answered without a hint of sleepiness in his tone.

"I'm the world's worst ex-girlfriend," she began without a hello.

"OK," he laughed and then trailed off, but she could still hear the smile on his face. "Let me guess? Damon? Stefan? Two for the price of one?"

Elena covered her eyes in mortification. "Seriously, I'm the worst. I'm so sorry, Matt."

"Really, it's OK. At least you make me feel useful. Shoot."

"I don't know, I just can't stop thinking about what's going on with Damon."

"Damon. Right. What happened?"

"He came to see me the other night and he really was nice, but I pushed him away since I'd already decided I needed to stay away from him because I go crazy around him. And crazy and a baby vampire I'm finding out is not a good mix."

"Yeah, I heard about Beverly."

"What? Oh, Caroline –"

"Caroline." He responded at the same time.

"No, well, yes, but that wasn't Damon's fault. He came over, he was nice and I was a bitch –"

"Elena, don't –"

"No, really, I was. I was awful. I justified pushing him away because I was only hurting him by holding on, but Matt, I just hurt him so badly all over again." She sighed. "I just broke his heart into a million pieces. I'm worse than Katherine when it comes to him."

"Elena —"

"No, I am. At least she gave him something for his trouble. Me, I just expect him to be there for me, to comfort me, support me and then I throw it all back in his face." She stopped and took a deep breath. Elena waited a beat, a part of her wanting him to interrupt this bout of brutal honesty that made her want to stake herself. But Matt was silent on his end. She sighed and continued, determined to lay it all out there if he was willing to listen.

"But no more. I told myself that I was doing this for him. I wasn't going to hurt him anymore and if that meant kicking him out of my life, it had to be done. It was best for him in the long run. And, OK for me too because I'm selfish and awful and I can't control myself around him. So I did it, I kicked him out and I used how he feels about me to make sure he stayed out." Elena paused, Damon's face completely at peace when she last confronted him, flashing in her mind. Shaking her head, she continued. "Matt, he should hate me right now. Or be miserable or off killing someone or sleeping with Rebekah again!"

"Rebekah? Again?" And there was a choked note in his voice, enough that it pulled Elena out of her rant.

"Matt, what?"

"Nothing, I just," he laughed, and this time there was no humor in the sound. "I didn't know she slept with him. Never mind, it doesn't matter. So I take it that Damon is not doing any of those things?"

"Wait, are you OK? Caroline mentioned something about you and Rebekah. There's maybe something there, right? I mean, if you want to talk about it…"

"No, no, it's fine. Damon's acting cool?" There was strain in his voice, as he strove to sound cool himself. Elena wanted to push him, but if he didn't want to talk, she wasn't going to force him.

Elena waited a beat, and then two, but Matt remained silent waiting for her to carry on. With a sigh, she dove back into the subject of Damon. "Yeah, he's acting cool. I saw him the next day and he was fine. Not pretend 'fine,' but really, truly fine. Matt, he was telling me to enjoy my time with Stefan. Yeah, he threw a few jabs his way, and he so does not agree with how I'm dealing with this whole vampire thing, but, yeah, he was cool."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No, it's good. I'm glad for him because I *don't* want to see him hurt. But I'm just confused."

Matt was quiet again, and she wondered if he was thinking about her Damon-issues or if he had Rebekah-issues that his mind was stuck on. _Really? Rebekah? What is going on there?_When he spoke though, his voice was normal, if hesitant as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how she'd take it.

"Elena, maybe there's all this confusion because you picked the wrong brother?"

"What? No." She shook her head even though he couldn't see her. "Why would you even say that?"

"Because Stefan– look, you know I'm not the guy's biggest fan. I don't get some of the things he does, and he's certainly not the good guy we all thought he was when he first showed up. I mean, the dude lies a lot, Elena."

"Matt –" Even if it was a truth she was beginning to accept, it wasn't one she was ready to confront.

"I'm just saying. Look, the thing is… in the truck, I asked you who you wanted to be with, but I thought it was just a formality. I was all ready to keep driving to Damon because, Elena, I thought it was Damon."

"You did?" Her voice was low, surprised, but not as much as she probably should have been.

"I'm not saying I agreed with it, but I don't think Stefan's a prize either. In my book, there was no good choice there. I just thought that between them you'd pick Damon."

"But I was with Stefan before he took off and you know we never broke up." Elena lay there, reminding herself of that fact. She was with Stefan. She was *with* Stefan. Yes, her feelings for Damon rang deep and she hadn't allowed herself to actually think about, let alone voice her decision until the end, but how could Matt have been so sure when she was still trying to figure out her own heart?

"Yeah, but Stefan took off. Then when he came back, he did that whole switch thing and was a real jerk. And that whole time, you and Damon got closer. When you talked about them, especially that night, when you talked about Stefan, you sounded a lot like –" He broke off then continued with a sigh, "Elena..." before trailing off this time.

"Go on. I sounded like what?"

"A lot of things you said, you know like what love should be, what you should do, it sounded a lot like when you were giving me all the reasons why you broke up with me." There was apology in his tone.

"Oh," was all she could manage in response, taken aback by his words.

"I don't know, Elena, when we talked, it just sounded like Stefan was the safe choice, while Damon was what, I guess, what your heart wanted."

"Matt... " she began and then trailed off, having no clue how to respond.

Matt spoke into the silence. "I just wonder if everything that happened, Mr. Saltzman becoming what he did and then thinking they all were gonna die made you decide to go with the safe choice. And that's what Stefan was, not your real choice."

"Of course he was," but her voice was nearly a whisper.

"I'm just saying. You didn't choose Stefan to *be* with him, Elena. You chose who you were gonna say goodbye to. That's not the same thing." She was quiet, and an awkward tension filled the line. With a sigh, Matt spoke again. "But, hey what do I know? I'm the ex, right?"

"Matt," she protested.

"Hey, I'm fine, it took me a long time, but I *am* over you. The thing is I still care and I just think maybe there's some soul-searching about Stefan you need to do. You seem to do that a lot when it comes to Damon because you can't really see how you can be with him because of who he is, what he's done. I just don't get how it isn't the same deal with Stefan. Considering all you know now. It's just something to think about, I guess." She could practically hear his shrug over the phone. "But, yeah, really, what do I know? I don't know your heart, Elena. Not anymore. Maybe I never did."

"Matt," she began, misery sweeping through her. She never should have called him, never should have put him in this position. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and she was saying sorry for everything.

"It's OK. I'm good, Elena." In the background, Elena heard the doorbell ring. "Hey, I gotta go. Some crazy person is ringing my doorbell at 5:30 in the morning! After another crazy person woke me up at 5:00 to discuss her love life." He laughed.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, but more by rote. She knew he was joking by the sound of his laughter. She could practically see his smile over the phone and it filled her with relief knowing that he really was OK.

"I'm kidding. I was awake. You know I work out in the morning. It's good, it's all good." And then he turned serious. "You'll be good, Elena. You can get through this, I know you can. You just need to figure it out." The doorbell rang again. "Coming!" He called out and then continued talking to her. "Just stop thinking about what you should do. You've been doing that ever since you found out about the whole doppelganger thing. Try thinking about what you want. OK?

"OK."

"Good, I gotta go. Bye." Before he hung up, she heard the doorbell once more and he called out again, annoyance in his voice. "I said I was coming!"

"Thank you," She murmured even though she knew he was gone even before the line went dead. Setting the phone down, Elena thought about all he had said. He was right; she had to figure things out. But dealing with Stefan and the choice she had made that night was too much for her to handle right now on top of the whole vampire thing. On the other hand, she did have to come to terms with what she had done to Damon or the guilt would eat at her. Even if he was fine with it, she wasn't.

The next chance she had she would talk to him, clear the air. But first she needed to figure out what to say even if it was only to offer up an apology. It was the least she owed him. She sighed, knowing that she owed him more than the least she could manage. Reaching over, Elena picked up her diary again. Staring at the blank page for a moment, she sighed and wrote one word: 'Damon.'

She stared at his name for a few seconds and then with a determined frown she began to scribble her scattered thoughts, hoping to make sense of the chaos in her mind.

XxxxX

Tapping her foot impatiently, Rebekah resisted the urge to knock again. Suddenly she wondered if Matt was taking so long because he had been in the shower. She imagined him opening the door, body wrapped in a towel, glistening muscles, wet hair– The door opened. He was wearing clothes. And was dry. _Damn,_she couldn't help but think with an inner sigh. Still, she pasted a smile on her face. "Matt!"

He frowned and then gave a slight shake of his head. "What are you doing here, Rebekah?"

"I have a surprise, and good news. Well, it's good news for me. You probably already know and, I guess," her smile faded as her voice trailed off into a low murmur. "It's not good for you."

He raised a brow. "Klaus? He's alive and living inside my best friend? Yeah, heard that." His voice was flat. "Congratulations. You got your brother back."

"Yes, well, he's mad at me right now but–"

"Why is he mad at you?" Matt interrupted with a scowl. "By killing Elena didn't you save him and all of your family?"

"Yes, but he doesn't see it that way. Nik is upset that I took away his human doppelganger. No more hybrids now." She rolled her eyes. "My brother isn't exactly the bigger picture kind of fella. I took away his plaything and he's pouting."

Matt's eyes widened in surprise, and then with a shrug, his expression tried for blank. "Well, sucks to be you, I guess."

"I–" She began, but he wasn't done.

"No, wait. Sucks to be Elena."

_And I'm done._"Get over it, Matt. OK, fine, she's dead. Whatever."

"Whatever?" He sputtered, but she continued over him.

"It's done, it happened. She's a vampire now, thus undead and still around. And a lot of good came out of it," she strove to remind him. "Alaric Saltzman is dead therefore the one being with the power to kill the Original bloodline which would have led to the death of half of your friends is dead. Since she's no longer human, my brother's obsession with her is done and over with. And since it wasn't her choice, he doesn't even want to capture and torture her like he does Katerina."

Rebekah took a deep breath, smiling broadly and finished up her spiel. "Lastly, as a vampire she's no longer the pathetic, weak thing she was who needed to be saved every five seconds. And, of course, she'll have the Salvatore brothers to moon over her for all eternity. What fun for her," she finished with a scowl.

"I don't believe you. You just don't get it."

Stomping her foot, Rebekah pouted. "What is your problem? Look, I know you're upset about it, but you can't *not* understand. Killing her was the only way to save my family. Of a THOUSAND years. How can the life of one seventeen-year old –"

"Eighteen."

She rolled her eyes. "Eighteen-year old girl compare? And she's not gone. You're alive, she's… here. Tyler, Caroline, everyone you love is still here. How long are you going to be so mean to me? I wasn't plotting to kill her. She was… collateral damage. And I am sorry that it upset you, but can't we move on now?"

"Rebekah, I'm not a vampire. I just found out about all this stuff like six months ago and it's still crazy to me. I haven't been around a thousand or even a hundred years! I'm eighteen and my first girlfriend dying and coming back as a blood-sucking monster who attacks our classmates is not something I can just 'move on' from!"

Turning her head to the left, she cast her eyes down, a frown upon her face. They were both quiet. Finally, she glanced back up at him, her eyes filled with a yearning she couldn't hide. "I can't change what I did. And I wouldn't even if I could. But," she broke off and stomped her foot again, a whine entering her voice. "I got you a surprise! To help make up for it. To show you that I am sorry." Rebekah tried a small smile, looking up at him from beneath her lashes. "To show that I do care."

"It's not that easy."

"But can't I try?" She entreated and when he was silent, not immediately shutting her down, Rebekah took a few steps to the side and looked over her shoulder. "Take a look."

Matt sighed, froze and then gasped. Striding past her, he practically ran to the car parked in his driveway. "What? What!? What is this?!" He reached out as if to touch the vehicle and then pulled back, his hands instead rising to cover his open-mouthed shock. Turning to her, his eyes were wide and delight filled the bright blue.

"I remembered from the ball. You said that this is what you wanted, right? A Maserati. So I got you one." She smiled, thrilled with the happiness radiating from him. "I mean, it's my fault that your truck is no longer… operational. So, surprise!"

Matt stood gaping at her, his head swiveling between her and the Italian car. Reaching out once more, he finally touched it. A satisfied sigh, nearly a purr, escaped him as he gently ran his hand over the smooth, dark metal. "It's… this is amazing." His voice nearly shook with emotion. Rebekah clapped her hands at this reaction. "I don't even know what to say…"

"I'm glad," she murmured. And then, as if her words had broken a spell, Matt dropped his hand. He stiffened jerkily, stepped back and cleared his throat.

"I can't–" He broke off, gulped and then continued, his voice pained. "I can't accept this, Rebekah."

"But… but why not? You need an automobile. You want *this* automobile. Matt," she cried, stepping forward. "You obviously love it!"

Shaking his head, he sounded resolute. "You can't buy me a car to make up for what you did– Wait! You did buy it, right? Rebekah, you didn't compel some car salesman? Right?!"

She pulled back, stung. "Of course I bought it. I wouldn't have you driving around a pilfered automobile."

"OK, good, but still–"

"No 'but still.' It's my fault your truck is at the bottom of Willow Creek. Here's a replacement. Consider me your insurance."

"Rebekah–"

"Look, my family is wealthy. Fabulously so. The cost was nothing to me. And I owe you." Matt tried to speak again, but before he could manage another prideful rebuttal, she rushed on. "I know it can't make up for what I did, but she *is* still here. And you *don't* have an automobile." Then she smiled. "Well, you do actually. This," she pointed to the gleaming metal sports car, "is in your name. Free and clear."

"I can't–" he began, but he was shaking his head, a longing so intense on his face. "I shouldn't."

"Matt, from where I sit, you're always doing what you should, not what you want. You want this and who does it hurt?"

"No one," he whispered, his gaze locked on the car.

"No one," she repeated.

Reaching out, he laid a hand on the door and sighed deeply. He turned to look at her. "Where are the keys?"

Rebekah grinned and pulled them out of her pocket, holding them up with a little jiggle. Standing still for a moment longer, Matt then gave a sudden decisive nod and walked over to her. As he grabbed at the keys, his fingers brushed over hers. Their eyes met.

She grinned. "So... give a girl a ride?"

XxxxX

Elena carefully covered the brown rabbit with some leaves. Stepping back, she considered the arrangement and finally conceded that nothing could disguise the fact that she'd just killed and drank the blood of a defenseless bunny. She sighed.

"This sucks," she muttered. And it did, but still she felt better. More herself. Feeding in the morning and before bedtime, and drinking like an alcoholic coming off a forty-year-bout of abstinence during the day had taken off the edge. And after purging a zillion thoughts about Damon into her diary earlier, she was ready to face him, apologize and even try to explain herself honestly. She'd even dealt with some of her concerns about Stefan, attempted that soul-searching thing with his name on it like Matt suggested. And that was all wrapped up in what she had to say to Damon. _After school today_, she reminded herself, _she would go see him after school._

"Hey."

_Or not._Elena looked over her shoulder as the elder Salvatore brother came into view. She was quiet and then with a deep breath, she allowed a small smile. "Hey."

He returned her smile, his eyes widening a bit in surprise. "I was just heading to the Lockwood caves." He pointed in their direction and then held his hands up in a flash, grinning. "I wasn't stalking, I swear."

Elena shook her head. "I didn't think…" she trailed off and then unable to deny her curiosity. "Why are you going to the caves?

"We're talking?" He said to himself and then continued in a normal volume before she could respond. "There are a *lot* of caves and winding corridors down there and I figured there just might be more beyond the Original stuff we already found."

"Oh."

"Yeah, we got distracted with the whole Homecoming-non-Klaus-kill-fest, Stefan leaving, Esther rising from her coffin, etc. etc. and we kinda left off exploring." Damon grinned. "So I'm going spelunking," he paused and squinted. "Hopefully to caves that are not vampire-zoned-out."

Elena nodded, still not sure how to broach the other night. "Uhm, will you tell Bonnie if you find anything?" _Coward_, she chastised herself.

"Yup. She hasn't made me go all 'aahhh' recently." He held his hands to his head, mimicking the 'brain whammy,' as he liked to call it.

Kicking the dirt, she glanced up at him from underneath her lashes, a ridiculous shyness taking over. "Yeah, she's kinda coming around... about you, I mean."

"I know, shocking, huh? I spent almost an hour with her the other day and not one brain-whammy." He grinned again, looking ridiculously good.

Elena looked away again, managing a nod. "I think what happened with Esther changed her perspective. She realized that the witchy way of things isn't always the right way." She sent a quick glance his way.

"'Bout damn time some witch learns it," he gave a quick wink, doing that eye-thing of his, a beautiful smile stretching across his face. She couldn't help it; she smiled back. Then she realized what she was doing and stopped. She shouldn't be smiling at him. *He* shouldn't be smiling at her, not after what she had done to him.

Damon's smile faded as well; he sighed. "How are you?"

Looking at him head-on, she was surprised that he asked, which was silly because of course he would ask. "I'm fine. I'm good."

His eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Really?"

Elena was quiet. "I'm better." He rolled his eyes. "Fine, I attacked a student the other day. Beverly Marshall." She glanced down at her foliage-camouflaged bunny. "That's why I'm having a before as well as an after-school snack. So that I stay better."

"Ah." He paused and then asked her a question that was just a matter of fact in his worldview. "Did you kill her?"

"No!" She cried, and then sighed because she remembered that a minute was the difference between Beverly's life or death. "Caroline... took care of her."

"Good," he shrugged. "I mean, I don't care, but I know you do." Pausing, Damon looked at her, sincerity in his gaze. "You know this is really stupid what you're doing?"

"Damon–"

"No buts. You–" He broke off with a sigh. Reaching out, he traced a gentle finger down her cheek and Elena had to bite back her own sigh, one of pleasure and longing. Her lids flickered, but her eyes didn't close by sheer force of will. Damon pulled back, his gaze sincere. His eyes were wide, so startling blue that she would have found herself lost in their beauty if the absolute earnestness within them hadn't held her captive. "You miss being human. You want to be human." He paused and then spoke, his voice hushed as if sharing a secret. "I get it. I understand."

Elena's lips parted because his eyes, his voice, the slight hint of uncertainty that hung over him made her realize that it *was* a secret. This was something new about Damon, something that had never even crossed her mind before. Damon was who he was, accepted what he was because he didn't look back. He accepted and embraced reality because it hurt too much hoping, dreaming, wanting something you couldn't have, but it didn't mean that he still didn't hope and dream and want. She blinked again, trying to fight tears that threatened to spill, but she was unable to stop their fall.

He shook his head as if trying to contain the flow with the action. "Elena," he murmured, but didn't touch her again. "You are not human. You are a vampire. Vampires need blood. Vampires have a killing– let's call it a hunting, instinct. Vampires feel... everything. Magnified. If you continue to try and pretend to be what you're not anymore, it's going to end badly." Unable to tear her gaze away, she did manage to give a quick shake of her head and brushed away her tears. "You are not a human. Not anymore. You are a vampire, and you need to open up and embrace that reality."

"Like you have?"

He nodded. She sighed, tears beginning to well once more. Finally, she spoke. "Maybe, I don't know. I just– Damon, I can't not try this, because I'm not you. Maybe it will work for me. I just– I need to figure this out my way."

Damon was quiet for a moment and then he nodded. "I know. I respect that. I just think at the end of it, there's gonna be a very hard lesson learned. And you'll probably regret it. But, hey, it's your choice." He offered up a quirk of a smile. She was quiet, and he continued, his tone laced with humor. "I'm gonna go. I know I'm violating the stay-away-from-all-things-Damon mandate." He held up two fingers in the sign of a cross and grinned.

_And there's my opening. Elena, do it._"Damon, about that–"

He interrupted. "It's OK."

And she was shaking her head before he finished speaking. "No, it's not. I've been thinking, trying to figure things out and I don't know where my head is, I don't know where my heart is. Everything is just, I'm a mess. But Damon, I do know that I am sorry for what I did to you." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "What I said."

He moved a few steps closer, those eyes of his so warm and sincere. He nodded. "I know."

She shook her head. "I don't want to hurt you. I know I do, but I don't want to. I don't mean to. It's just– I say things because I'm scared and confused and then I'm awful to you." He was shaking his head, but she rushed on. "I just– everything is so chaotic and crazy right now and when I'm with you, I lose control." Tears began to slide down her cheeks. Elena looked at him, begging him to understand. "I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose myself."

"I get it." There wasn't even a trace of bitterness or anger in his tone. He truly understood. "You know it's not forever. It's not. It's just–" she broke off, unsure of the timeframe. But he knew just what to say.

"Right now. It's not right now."

Elena nodded. "Right. It's not right now. I care about you, I do. You have to know that!" He nodded. "But I can't keep doing this. Pulling you closer, relying on you and then pushing you away, breaking your heart when you get too close. It's not fair. It's not right." Her voice was thick with tears as she moved closer to him, needing to be closer.

"Hey, I was a baby vamp once upon a time I get it–"

She cut him off, very nearly angry with him. "Stop! Stop being nice. I did this to you before I turned too, I just couldn't admit it. I'm all messed up about you, me, this," she gestured between them, the space so much less than it was moments ago, "thing between us."

Damon was quiet, listening to her, looking at her so intently as he took it all in.

Her voice dropped to a near-whisper. "I'm afraid that everything I believe has been wrong, that everything with Stefan is a lie. Going back, remembering, there've been so many lies. And I just went along. What does that say about me?"

He shook his head. "It's not. It's not a lie, you love each other. You have been good for each other." She looked at him, struck silent at his words. Damon continued, earnestness in his tone. "Elena, you just need to figure out when to let go." He nodded. "And you will."

"Damon, how can you— " she broke off, completely flummoxed at how understanding he was being about all of this. "I don't get it," she cried out. "Why aren't you furious with me!? I hurt you! I don't deserve your understanding."

Shrugging, he took another step closer. "But you have it. I get you. And you were right the other night, sending me away."

With a short laugh, Elena scoffed. "I was right? I was cruel to you." She sniffed and wiped at her tears.

Nodding, he grinned. "Yeah, that too, but, hey, you know how the song goes." He started to sing a song she found vaguely familiar. "You gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure…" He trailed off at her slightly confused look. "No? Kids today, the music you don't listen to. Anyway. You need to do what you have to do to be a better vampire, and if right now, being around me makes that harder, then, yeah, you need to not be around me."

Damon reached out, gently brushing at the tears staining her cheek and she found herself wanting to lean into his touch. "That doesn't make the other stuff you're doing anything other than really, really stupid. REALLY stupid."

"Damon–" she started to protest.

"And it's not just stupid," he overrode her objection. "It's dangerous. Think of Beverly Marshall."

Elena opened her mouth and then closed it without saying a word. She shook her head. "I'm getting better, Damon. I just didn't have enough blood. That was it. See, blood? I can say it." He shook his head and she rushed on. "No, really, I hadn't had any since that first time the night before. That's all it was."

"Elena–"

"Damon, listen to me!" She stepped closer, right next to him. "I'm doing what I have to do. I *need* to do this my way."

He was silent and the stillness grew in the air between them. Every sound around them faded, all she could see was him and her tongue felt tied, she could find no more words. Elena found her gaze drifting from his eyes to his lips, parted slightly, lush and soft and she remembered the feel of them, the taste of him and before she could get a grip on her emotions, she was pressed against him. She didn't know if he had kissed her, or if she had made the first move, but she was in his arms, their mouths fused together. There was not a breath of air between them, that desperate hunger building like wildfire as she lost herself in his embrace. He gripped her hips hard with his hand before sliding it around, under her rear.

With a gasp, she pulled back, her eyes wide, her chest heaving. "God, no!" She flew back.

"Elena."

"No!" She cried and turned to run, moving so fast that the trees blurred around her and the wind rushed past her like a tornado. Finally, she slammed against a tree, the breath knocked out of her.

"I can't," she sobbed to herself. "I can't be near him. I can't…" Elena slipped to the ground, wrapping her arms around her knees as she cried. "I can't do this, I can't." Throwing her head back against the rough tree bark, she looked around, seeing how far she had come in just a handful of seconds. She'd managed to avoid using any of her vampire powers since the morning she'd decided against it. And five minutes alone with Damon, that resolve disappeared.

Elena wiped the tears away, getting a hold of herself. She wasn't going to fall apart again. This wasn't like the other night. She closed her eyes and began breathing deeply until her reckless emotions found some semblance of peace. She could think clearly again. He knew. Damon knew what she was trying to do, why she was pushing him away. He understood. She didn't have to feel guilty anymore.

He got that she needed to work though this situation first before dealing with this connection they had. _A connection I no longer have with Stefan_, she admitted to herself now that she was calm. _This is a problem,_Elena realized. Beyond a few kisses that had barely affected her, she and Stefan had shared very little physical intimacy since she'd turned. And yet alone with Damon, she found herself in his arms... again. She couldn't keep going like this, caught up in a vicious cycle that just kept repeating.

Going over all of the conversations she had had with Stefan, with Caroline and Bonnie and Matt and Jeremy, Elena replayed them word-for-word in her mind. She thought about what she felt, what she wanted to feel, what she said, and what she was doing. Damon, Damon, Damon. Every word, every moment, everything with Damon.

And she realized something.

She kept telling herself that she wanted things to work with Stefan, but that wasn't going to happen if she didn't put action to thought. What she felt for Damon was real, but so was what she felt for Stefan. Closing her eyes for a quick moment, Elena straightened her spine and nodded to herself. While she was trying to become a better vampire, to use Damon's phrase, she would figure out if she had a future with Stefan or if Damon was right and she and Stefan were only right now.

Rising to her feet, Elena released a long, steadying breath. Damon was right. She had to open up and face reality, and that included opening up to Stefan and definitively trying to make things work with him as what they were now, as opposed to who they had been. If she didn't do this, didn't actually try, Elena would just be stuck playing pretend forever. A pretend human in a pretense of a relationship. The latter leaving her snagged in this endless triangle of wanting to be with Stefan and wanting Damon which made all three of them miserable. It was time to put up or give up. If she wanted to be with Stefan then she had to *be* with Stefan.

No more pretending. Time to face reality and see if their relationship could withstand it.

* * *

So I feel silly for doing this, but I am getting a wee bit discouraged. I have followers, and the story has been favorited which is awesome, but a small amount of reviews comparatively. I do enjoy writing this, but I'd also like to know that people are enjoying reading it... so if you're reading it and liking it, dropping me a quick review (or longer, whichever you prefer) would really be appreciated. A lot. :) Thank you.

Oh, and I swear that I came up with the idea of Rebekah giving him the car months ago when I did the outline. I couldn't believe it when she gave him the truck on the show, LOL!


	11. Forging Connections

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 11 - Forging Connections [Featured Characters: Bonnie, Caroline, TyKlaus, Damon, Jeremy, Stefan and Elena]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 6,915  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline).

Special thanks to **ancholia**for her Latin help. :)

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I realize that there are tons of little(ish) things in my story that happened in the show, but I swear I wrote this all before. *sigh*

* * *

**Chapter 11: Forging Connections**

Caroline sat on a stump in the clearing. She looked to her left, feeling a mixture of fear and curiosity about the witch house not too far off in the distance. She bit her lip, anxiety dancing across her every feature as she watched Bonnie pace back and forth, muttering the transfer spell under her breath over and over again.

"This is going to work, right, Bonnie?"

Bonnie smiled. "Yeah, all I need is the proper spell, my blood and Klaus and Tyler's body. He should be bringing those last two."

Biting down so hard that she drew blood, Caroline let loose a bitter smile, almost enjoying the prick of pain as a distraction before it healed. "So what did you do? I mean, where did his body go? How was it safe from the catching on fire thing?" Bonnie stopped, a brush of exasperation flickering on her face. Caroline grimaced. "I'm sorry. I don't really care. I'm just nervous. You know me, when I'm nervous, I babble."

With a friendly roll of her eyes, Bonnie grinned. "You always babble, Caroline." She gave a quick shake of her head, and sent her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. It's going to be OK. You'll have Tyler back as Tyler very soon." She nodded firmly. "I promise."

"I'm trying to not freak out. I want this over. It's just really, really weird looking at Tyler and seeing Klaus. It's freaky."

Bonnie nodded again. "Yeah. But you know that I had to do it. You and Tyler, my mom, you would all have died if I hadn't."

Caroline rose to her feet, remorse on her face. "I know, Bonnie, and I'm so sorry I was so awful when I first found out. I mean, God, we would all be dead if you hadn't." She shrugged. "I just wasn't expecting, you know, that."

Exhaling, Bonnie frowned. "Yeah, I know, but very soon it will all be over." She clapped her hands together. "Details. You wanted details. Well, I just put a protection spell on Klaus' body. That was a simple thing, even if I didn't quite think it through." She winced.

"What do you mean?" Caroline demanded, her voice rising.

"Well, it's OK, I mean, Damon must've distracted Mr. Saltzman or else he probably would have noticed that Klaus wasn't bursting into flames, just sparking a bit."

Caroline nodded, determined to be calm even as she began pacing in the small area. _More distraction, I need more distraction._"So where's his body?"

With a sigh, Bonnie shrugged. "I dunno. When I saw him after the transfer he said he was gonna retrieve it and keep it somewhere safe."

"And I did," Klaus entered the clearing, dragging the coffin behind him on a hand truck. Carefully, he lifted and placed it on the ground, then waved his hands with a flourish. It looked really strange coming from Tyler's jock hands. "Here you go," he continued, anticipation lighting his face. "I've done my part. Now you do yours, Bonnie Bennett."

Caroline avoided looking at Klaus-in-Tyler, but couldn't help the rush of concern anew at the anxiety on Bonnie's face. She opened her mouth to speak, but Bonnie was already moving to stand before the coffin, determination in her every step. _Patience, Caroline, patience. Let her do her witchy thing. She's got this!_

"You need to stand on the opposite end of the coffin," Bonnie instructed the hybrid. He did so, and Bonnie closed her eyes. She raised her hands, floating them above the dark wood casket, and began to chant in a low murmur. "_corpus involucro novo re libera et id ab involucro origine mitte. corpus involucro novo re libera et id ab involucro origine mitte. corpus involucro novo re libera et id ab involucro origine mitte. _

Caroline looked at Tyler's face, seeing the composed stillness of Klaus in the purse of his lips, the frame of his shoulders, his hands folded behind his back. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. She was fascinated despite herself. It was the oddest thing, how she could so clearly see *Klaus* standing there even though it was Tyler's body.

And then he gasped and shuddered. Suddenly the grace, the stillness was gone. His hands flew apart, landing on his hips as he bent over slightly. His mouth was agape, his eyes wide, a youthful light filling them once more as the aged experience faded away. Just like that, he was Tyler. Standing straight, he turned to Caroline, an exultant smile spreading across his face. "Caroline!" She ran the short distance to him even as he moved towards her. In the span of a few seconds, she was in his embrace, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck.

She pulled back to look into his face. _Tyler's face_, she thought with a relief. "Tyler," she managed softly before he captured her mouth in a fervent kiss. A creaking sound behind her drew her attention and she withdrew slightly.

"What?" Tyler whispered. Caroline shook her head swiftly and pressed her face into the curve of his shoulder. Lifting her head slightly, she opened her eyes and found herself caught by Klaus' gaze. The top half of his coffin was open and he sat up, straight and still, staring intently at her. She found herself unable to look away.

Bonnie cleared her throat. Caroline guiltily jerked her eyes upward to meet her friend's questioning gaze. Caroline gave a quick shake of her head and dipped her chin back down, burying it in Tyler's shoulder again. As she breathed in the scent of him, she shut her eyes, unable to say if she was trying to avoid the judgement in Bonnie's gaze ... or the promise in Klaus'.

*Latin Translation - Free this body from its new shell and send it to its origin of birth.

XxxxX

Sketching a rough map of the winding caves below the Lockwood estate, Damon paused, reaching for the red Sharpie and marked an entrance with an X indicating another no-vampire zone. With a frustrated sigh, he set down the marker and ran a hand through his hair. The list of humans he could enlist for help was growing very small.

There was Liz, but with her sheriff-y obligations there were some things he just couldn't share with her. Jeremy. _Please._ Donovan. _Motherfucker should be dead._ Meredith? _Eh, too soon._A very short list and not one single person he trusted completely with Ric and Elena's services no longer available.

His cell rang. Damon glanced over at the number. _Speaking of …_ It was the old geezer, director of Mystic Fall's one and only funeral home. This would be his third call, and if he didn't answer, the third that Damon ignored. His finger hovered over the phone as he pictured Ric's still-desiccating corpse in the trunk of his car. One good thing about dead vampires, for some reason, they didn't stink. _Thank goodness for small favors_, he thought with a nod to his Camaro.

The cell stopped ringing. Damon sighed, looking at the missed call. He had been driving around with a dead history teacher in his car for about a week now. He had to let go sometime. He sighed again and hit the redial button.

Minutes later, he had a meeting set up for specifics, with a tentative date for the day after tomorrow for the funeral and burial at the Salvatore crypt. _Done_, he thought, but felt little satisfaction. He could admit to himself that he didn't want to say goodbye to his friend, even if all that was left was a graying, marbled husk of the man he used to be.

The phone rang again. "What?" Damon whined before reaching for it and seeing Jeremy's name pop up. Rolling his eyes, he answered, not disguising his annoyance at the interruption. "What?" He repeated, his voice sharp.

"Hey, uh, Damon, can I come and see you?"

"Why?" And then Damon sat up straighter, realizing the obvious reason. "What's wrong with Elena?"

"What? No, nothing. Uh, well, yeah, she attacked this student the other day."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, heard about that one. What else?"

"No, no, she's OK. I guess."

"You guess," Damon scoffed, but let it go. "OK then. What do you want?"

"It's about Ric."

Having just relaxed back into his chair, Damon straightened again, on alert. "What?"

An exasperated note entered Jeremy's voice. "That's why I want to come over." And then he added under his breath, "dick."

Despite himself, Damon grinned. He'd never tell him, but the fact that the kid still gave him attitude even after the whole neck-snap-incident impressed the hell out of him. "Fine, I'm home." His gaze fell upon the sketch. _Eh, I guess he'll do._"Scratch that, meet me at the Lockwood caves. Good timing, Gilbert, I need a human."

"Why?"

"Just meet me there. And bring a camera." Damon hung up. Folding up the map, he wondered what Jeremy had to say concerning Ric. Ten minutes later, he was leaning against the entrance to the caves playing Angry Birds on his phone, still curious, while he waited for Gilbert to get there. Hearing his approach, he glanced up as he paused his game. "Finally," he muttered.

Jeremy walked into view, wariness in his every move, and in the shifting glances of his gaze.

"Took you long enough," Damon groused.

"Dude, it's been like ten minutes." Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Why here?"

Ignoring his question, Damon asked his own. "You bring a camera?" Jeremy slung his backpack off of his shoulder and set it down. He pulled out Ric's camera and held it up for Damon to see.

"Good. Let's go." He turned, heading down the steps. "We never checked out all the caves down here because of the crazy going on. But, hey, I figure with Klaus temporarily out of commission and things on the down low, it gives me something to do." He looked over his shoulder and noticed Jeremy squinting. Damon clicked his phone's light on. "I found a few more no-vampire-zones earlier. So, human." He was silent as they navigated the first turn. As the path straightened, he cleared his throat. "What about Ric?"

"Oh, yeah, I've seen him."

Damon stopped without a sound. Jeremy ran right into him. Foregoing the urge to slap his forehead at his stupidity for not realizing that, _of course!_, Ric would visit Jeremy, he took a step forward and turned to face him.

"You've seen the ghostly specter of the late, great Alaric Saltzman." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, twice."

Damon didn't respond at first, fighting the pinch of jealousy that Jeremy could still communicate with Ric and he couldn't. "Does Elena know?"

"No. Not yet, I haven't– I don't know how she'd react. She's not quite Elena yet."

Nodding, Damon was quiet for a moment longer and then turned the subject back to Ric. "So how's he handling the afterlife?"

"Adjusting."

"Hmm," Damon offered, and then turned, walking again. He heard Jeremy begin to shuffle behind him, more careful now.

"He wanted me to, I dunno, hang out with you."

Damon stopped walking. Jeremy walked right into him again. "DUDE! I don't have freaky vampire vision. I can't see that well in the dark, stop... stopping!"

Ignoring his outburst, Damon shook his head, bewilderment clouding his voice. "Hang with me?"

"Yeah, I know, stupid, but he said that Elena's written you off—"

"For now," Damon interjected, finding it easier to discuss Elena's no-Damon-decree with Elena then with anyone else. Jeremy was quiet, and Damon felt the ridiculous need to explain, but damnit, it's not like she hated him again. It wasn't like *that.* "She just needs to get her baby vamp emotions in check." He shrugged. "My presence gets her all hot and bothered."

Jeremy scoffed. "Yeah, so I've seen."

Grinning, Damon started walking again. "Well, I have that effect on people. Especially girls." He waggled his eyebrows, a leer in his voice. Damon's smile faded with a shake of his head as he got back to the discussion at hand. "Hang with me?"

"Yeah, Ric said you need someone on your side."

Damon winced, pissed off that Ric knew him so well, and *really* pissed off that he told Jeremy. "You're a kid," he muttered, annoyance in his voice.

"Who's lived through more than most people twice my age," Jeremy shot back defiantly.

Shrugging, Damon acknowledged what the kid said. "Fair enough." He paused mid-step, realized what he did a moment later. "I'm stopping, don't—" _Too late._Jeremy bumped into him again. Damon sighed, backed up and turned to face him again, looking him up and down. "You know, you kinda remind me of myself a bit when I was a human."

"Really?" And damn if Jeremy didn't sound just the slightest bit flattered. _Can't have that._

"Yeah, I was a pathetic prissy-pants."

"What?!" Indignation filled his reply. _That's better._

"Just sayin'. A fool for love. Heart on my sleeve, blah, blah, blah— that's why I snapped your neck."

Jeremy let out an exhalation of disbelief. "You're just, like, bringing that up?"

Damon shrugged. "You're the one who wants to hang. I figure we should clear the air."

Huffing behind him, Jeremy was quiet for a moment, and then with a surprising lack of anger or even resentment in his tone, he upfront asked him. "OK, fine, why did you snap my neck, Damon?"

For the second time, Damon had to give him credit. For all his oh, so annoying teenage-ways, Jeremy Gilbert had his moments of not being completely lame. Damon figured he deserved some honesty. "Well, mostly because I was pissed at your sister." He paused, thinking. "And Katherine." Memories of that God-awful night flooded through his mind.

_"It was always Stefan," she said with pity in her gaze, standing before him, her blouse torn, black bra taunting him._

Her doe-eyes stared up at him as she fervently held onto his hands, desperation in her voice striving to make him understand. "It's always gonna be Stefan."

"And my brother."

Jeremy scoffed. "What does that have to with me?"

Shrugging, Damon waved a hand in the air, invisible to Jeremy's eye. "Wrong place, wrong time." Jeremy let out a sigh of frustration; Damon grimaced. "Look, that was mostly what it was, Jere. I was pissed. You showed up. Wrong place, wrong time." Damon heard Jeremy slow down behind him, and in the darkness of the caves, the memory of that night fresh in his mind, amid all of his personal growth, _thank you very much_, Damon found himself telling the whole story.

"I knew you had vampire blood in your system. And you were so pathetic the night before." He shrugged. "And I got it, what with Katherine ripping my heart to shreds all over again. It reminded me of *my* pathetic human self, and Elena just gave more bang for the buck. So I snapped your neck, OK?" He took a few quick extra steps, stopped and turned around, holding the cell phone up high so Jeremy could see that he had stopped.

"I figured it was what you wanted. You'd turn, flick the switch and be spared the pain." He waited, watching emotions fly across Jeremy's face before it finally settled on incredulity. "Yeah, I know. Once you get to know me, I'm such a selfless guy. Shocking." He spun around, heading once more down the path.

Ignoring his sarcasm, Jeremy took him at his word. "Yeah, Ric said I'd find out you're really not all that bad."

Damon scoffed. "Ric lied. You do know how much alcohol he consumed when we were together, right?"

Jeremy was quiet for a long moment, and then he suddenly spoke, the words bursting out of him. "You saved my life that night."

"I killed you that night."

'Yeah, but I had the ring, I lived."

"Luck."

"Still… The way I see it, if you hadn't done what you did, I would have kept on trying, either to turn or to... just die."

Damon stopped and once more Jeremy ran into him before falling back a step. Neither made another move nor spoke. Damon replayed Jeremy's words in his mind. He hadn't lied when he said that Jeremy reminded him a bit of himself back in his human days. Thinking of what the boy was like the night he'd offered to compel his memories away, Damon thought of how similar he'd sounded the night he'd awoken from the dead after Katherine had been taken from him. Damon had been ready to die himself.

Finally, he spoke and there was no hint of sarcasm, condescension. "Why?"

Jeremy didn't answer right away, and then with a sigh, he did. "Because I was done. I mean, I thought I was done. But when you killed me, and I came back, I realized I wasn't. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to *undie.* I wanted to live."

They were both quiet again, and in that silence Damon began to walk again. Jeremy followed. Damon waited for Jeremy to say more, but when he didn't, Damon found himself thinking not only of his words, but of how he had shared them. It was as if he was telling a story; there was distance in his voice. It was an account he'd told before, more than once.

"You told Elena that?" It was a question, but Damon was pretty damn sure what the answer was.

"Yeah."

"Hmm," Damon smiled, finally getting the resolution to that little matter that he'd let go of after his deathbed pity party with Elena. "That's why she forgave me."

"Well, yeah, I mean when she did. I lived, so we all know she would have forgiven you eventually. My telling her just kinda made it happen sooner."

Damon nodded silently as he took the final turn. He stopped at the entrance. "Here's the cave. Get to it, kid." Jeremy shot him a disappointed look. Rolling his eyes, Damon sighed. "Fine, yeah, you talking to your sister helped. Want a medal?"

"No, I mean, yeah, it was no big," Jeremy shrugged. "Like I said, she would have forgiven you anyway." Still as he set his bag down and began to play with the camera, Damon saw him smile. He wiped it clean before looking back at Damon. "So what am I doing?"

"If you see any drawings, take some pictures. We can check 'em out later at Ric's apartment."

"We?" And the smile was back.

Unable to help himself because, _damnit, it was nice not being hated every once in a while_, Damon grinned, but then it slid easily into a smirk. "Whatever, just invite Ric along this time." _Speaking of…_He cleared his throat. "Hey, I arranged for Ric's burial. It's the day after tomorrow. The Salvatore crypt." He looked down, not sure he wanted to see Jeremy's expression. "You should come."

Jeremy was quiet long enough that Damon finally glanced up. He was smiling again. "Yeah." He nodded. "Yeah, and I'll let the others know. If that's cool or is it just us?"

"Yeah, I figured just us. Everyone else already said goodbye the night of the big dance. This is just, you know, his body, but I figured those of us who were closest to him should be there."

"Yeah, OK." Jeremy nodded. "I'll just let Elena know." He laughed as he looked down at the camera. "She can skip her no-Damon-rule for Ric." He shot a quick look at Damon, smirking. "I mean, temporary no-Damon-rule."

"That's right, it's only temporary."

XxxxX

With determination marking every step, Elena walked up to the boarding house. She'd skipped school yesterday, and had managed to avoid Stefan today, but it was time to make this happen. She needed to put her words into actions; she needed to actually *try* with Stefan instead of just going through the motions. Pausing at the door, she bit her lip and allowed herself to focus her hearing. She hated doing it, but she needed to be prepared if Damon was home.

Instead of Damon, she was surprised to hear Caroline. Elena thought that she and Stefan were barely friends anymore as little time as they spent together compared to when she first turned.

"I don't know, Stefan, I just— why don't I hate him? Everything he's done. I should hate him, right? Right."

_Was she talking about Damon_, Elena wondered, but even as she thought it she couldn't imagine that it was him. Her friend practically reveled in her Damon-hate.

Shaking her head, Elena leaned against the door, hearing Stefan sigh before he spoke. "Sometimes we don't always feel what we think we should."

"Yeah, I know, right? It's just— you know?"

"I do."

Brow furrowed, Elena ran through a list of everyone they knew, trying to figure out who they could possibly be discussing, but Damon was the only name that fit.

"You *know* it sucks, or *you* know..." Caroline said, her voice low, and Elena straightened, her hand reaching out for the knob wanting an answer.

"I know what it feels like. I hate him, Caroline, I do, but there's a part of me that doesn't. When Klaus gave me my memories back from before... we were best friends."

Elena pulled her hand back, shock flooding through her. They were talking about Klaus. *Klaus.* Talking as if they felt *something* for *Klaus.* A surge of anger with a healthy dose of disgust swept through her. That Caroline could even go there about Klaus. Who had tried to kill all of them. Who would happily have done so on numerous occasions had fate not intervened. Who had killed Jenna.

Taking a steady breath, Elena leaned against the door again, trying to control her anger, breathing through the rage. She was concentrating so intensely on smoothing the veins that had popped out under her eyes that she almost missed what Stefan said next.

"I really liked the guy, and the things about him I like are still there."

Elena gasped. He'd never— Stefan had never led her to believe that he felt anything but hatred for Klaus, but he was telling Caroline that he liked him? She felt a fresh wave of shock and anger at Stefan's words, and the control she'd begun to exert faded as she felt her vampire face take over. Choking back a sob, she bowed her head, breathing heavily. Finally, she felt her human self reassert itself and she straightened again. This time, though, she didn't reach for the knob. She couldn't help but wonder what else Stefan had to say that she was clueless about.

His voice was soft and understanding as he continued. "And I hate it. I hate that I don't hate him. But, Caroline, we don't always feel what we should."

There was silence, and then in a small voice, Caroline responded, her words making Elena feel sick. "He makes me feel safe sometimes. It's awful, I know." Reaching up, Elena wiped away at tears that had begun to fall. "After Mr. Saltzman went all psycho and tortured me at the school, I got away and Klaus was there. He made me feel safe. What's wrong with me? "

"Nothing. Caroline, when you become a vampire, your moral compass jumps to a different level. You know that. Sometimes it happens right away like when you turn the switch off, but even if you don't, it happens. Just gradually. It's not the same as when you're human. Because you're not. You see, you feel things differently."

Closing her eyes, Elena thought of how she felt when she attacked Beverly, the exultation she felt physically with Damon. Even though both things were wrong, she still felt that thrill and she realized that she wasn't being fair. She couldn't judge Caroline or Stefan. _Or Damon._Elena had only been a vampire for a week and she understood a little of what Stefan meant. All three of them had been dealing with that moral decay for longer, much longer in Stefan and Damon's case.

Caroline cleared her throat and Elena's eyes opened. "Enough of him, speaking of humans and not... What do you really think of Elena and her whole plan to act like she's a human?"

Resting against the door, Elena nodded to herself, convinced that at least in this Stefan's words would reassure her that she was making the right choice.

"I hope it will work." _He hopes?_Elena wondered with a sinking feeling.

"But you don't think it will?

"I hope so." His voice was quiet. "I hope so, Caroline," he repeated. "She feels so strongly that this will work. And it could, maybe it will. She's strong, Caroline, stronger than just about anyone I've ever met. If anyone can do it, she can."

"Do you really believe that?"

He was silent for a long moment and Elena held her breath waiting for his answer. "No. But she wants to try, so I'm going to support her

"But you can let her know your concern—"

"No! I can't let her think I'm second-guessing her. Then she'll second-guess herself. I can't do that to her. I won't."

Elena heard Caroline get up, her heels clicking in a dull thud on the carpet as she paced. "OK, fine. But I think you're making a mistake. You both are."

"I won't stand in her way, Caroline. I will support her 100%."

Elena forced a smile, getting that it wasn't that he didn't believe in her, he was just worried. He was keeping quiet because he wanted her to believe. She could understand that, but still it was frustrating that he was being so honest with Caroline and not her.

"It probably helps that this plan of hers includes no Damon in her life."

Stefan laughed, a short bark of laughter that held no humor. "Yeah."

"Does that bother you? The whole Damon-y feelings she has?"

Elena waited for his answer, wanting to find out what Stefan truly thought of this thing between her and Damon. _Because I'm obviously not going to get it from him firsthand,_she couldn't help the bitter thought from popping into her head.

"Oh, yeah," was his only response much to her disappointment.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned it."

Stefan was quiet and Elena reached once more for the doorknob, but before her fingers touched it, he burst out, frustrated anger lacing every word.

"I don't get it. I don't get her. Everything he's done and she does have," he paused, and distaste filled his voice. "Feelings for him. Real feelings. There's times I've thought-"

"What?" Caroline demanded, and Elena shut her eyes, feeling sick for a completely new reason. She very much did not want him to answer. She almost turned the knob, but a morbid curiosity kept her hand still.

"That maybe she's even in love with him." The same thing that Damon had said to her. Elena put her hand to her stomach, that sick feeling hardening in the pit of her stomach. _I'm not. I'm not._She denied softly to herself.

"No, no, she's not." Caroline proclaimed with more conviction than Elena's own thoughts. "She's just— you know, it's the whole bad boy thing and, well, he's a total jerk, but, Stefan, he's hot. And Elena's so not shallow, but she is a teenage girl. I hate him and I still think he's hot." She paused, and then murmured, "ohh, Stefan." She was quiet, and Elena could just see Caroline standing there with a look of compassion on her face. "I don't think— I mean, no, no she's not... in *love* with him. No, she can't be. She has you."

He was quiet and then in low voice spoke. "Apparently I'm not enough."

Elena bit her lip, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye.

"Stefan! That's not fair. You left. You left her and all of us."

Nodding, Elena turned and leaned her back against the door. _Yes, yes, he did. He left me. And Damon was here._

"I didn't have a choice, Caroline."

_You had a choice, Stefan, you just didn't choose me._

"I know that, but, you can't blame her for turning to him when you were gone. She loves you. And you just need to remember that. This Damon thing is just, I dunno, it's just lust."

Elena shook her head, refusing any longer to give that lie even a moment of consideration. She knew there was more to what she felt for Damon.

"It's more than that, Caroline." And clearly so did Stefan. "I get that she cares, I'm fine with that. That's Elena, but I hate that it's more than that." He was silent, and then Elena heard the sound of something breaking. She flinched and her heartbeat sped up, guilt sweeping through her. Admitting it to herself was one thing, but finding out that Stefan knew as well created a brand new kind of guilt. It suddenly made what she felt for Damon more real, if Stefan was so aware of it then she was much deeper into his brother than she'd even allowed herself to admit.

Wiping at the tears streaking her cheeks, Elena straightened, ready to leave. She knew she had come to talk to Stefan, to reconnect with him, but, _God!_, how could she face him knowing that he knew what she felt for Damon?

Elena took a step back and then froze. She was doing it again, grabbing at any excuse to not make it work with Stefan. She knew why; she knew that it was because she was afraid that if she did try and it still didn't work, they were over. And she wasn't ready to let go of Stefan and everything he represented yet.

Still…

They couldn't keep this half-hearted relationship going. Screwing up her courage, she stepped back to the door, ready to enter, ready to face him, but Caroline and Stefan's ongoing conversation stopped her as he let out a short bark of laughter, halting her momentum.

"Yeah, but, you know… rah, rah Damon. "

"I know, right?" Caroline laughed, her laughter fading into a sigh. "Bonnie and Matt are, like, not hating him anymore and it's just, it's weird! Look, I know he's done a lot for us, I guess. I get that. And my mom totally thinks he's like her best friend." She broke off with a frustrated groan. "OK, fine, he does care about her. And he does love Elena." She paused, squeaking out an apology. "But it's true. And he has saved like all of our lives a million times."

Elena sighed, not sure that it was any better that Caroline was actually aware of all that Damon had done, since she still held on so tightly to her hatred of Damon despite it all.

"It's just— he acts like such a jerk. It's like he wants everyone to hate him."

"It's his defense mechanism. If he acts like a jerk and everyone hates him, it's justified and has nothing to do with the real Damon."

Elena let out a slight exhalation as Stefan put into words something that she had figured out about Damon so long ago.

It didn't matter to Caroline. "Well, it works. I hate the way he acts."

"Yeah, that's my brother."

A cajoling note entered Caroline's tone. "I think Jeremy still hates him at least."

"Huh. Yeah, not really caring about him right now."

"What do you mean?" _Yeah, what do you mean, Stefan?_

"You think Bonnie and Matt have a problem with me? I can't get within five feet of Jeremy before he starts giving me all kinds of attitude." Elena shook her head, surprise filling her at how annoyed he sounded.

"Oh." Caroline's voice was soft. "Well, he's been through a lot."

"He's not the only one. He doesn't have to be such a dick." Stefan laughed, but there was a thread of anger contained in it. "He's really pissing me off."

"Well, have you talked to Elena about it?"

_No, he has not!_, Elena thought angrily.

"Talked to her? She's there when he pulls his crap! She just coddles him, 'oh, he just needs time.' He needs a good knock upside the head is what he needs."

"Stefan," Caroline admonished.

"What? We've all been through stuff, and he's the only one acting like a little asshole. I don't even want to go to her house anymore because I could run into him. I'm tired of him. I'm tired of putting up with his bullshit."

Elena shook her head, shocked almost as much by this reveal as she had been by their comments about Klaus. Stefan had never been anything but completely understanding about Jeremy with her. But *this* was how he really felt? _Talk about an eye-opener._ She wasn't upset that he was mad at Jeremy. She got that. Jeremy was being a jerk to Stefan, but it did bother her that he wasn't being honest with her about it. _Chalk up another one._

"He is Elena's brother."

"Yeah, so I put up with him. And I pretend I don't want to punch him in the face."

"Stefan!"

"What?" He laughed. "Like you don't hate pretending to be nice to Carol Lockwood?"

"Well... yeah. I really don't like her. But she is Tyler's mom."

"And he is Elena's brother."

"The things we do for love." They both laughed and Elena shook her head, not sure how she felt right now. The upset was fading and all she was left with was sadness that there was such an emotional and dishonest distance between her and Stefan now. And as easy as it was to blame him, she certainly hadn't been honest with him either.

"I'm so glad." Caroline said happily, and Elena felt a moment of confusion matched by Stefan judging from his next works.

"That I can't stand my girlfriend's brother and you can't stand your boyfriend's mother?"

"No, silly. That we're talking again. Friends. After you took off and even when you came back, we just were doing our own things. I missed you."

He was quiet for a moment, and then responded softly, sincerely. "I missed you too."

"So I'm glad we're on track again. You know I have your back. I mean, as long as Elena's cool with you. BFFs first."

"Of course." And Elena could hear the smile in his voice, and she imagined it wasn't even remotely forced.

"I'm so happy you two are together again. I mean, I know I was all jealous in the beginning because *I* saw you first!" Caroline laughed. "But, Stefan, she was such a wreck after her parents died and you... you brought her back to life."

Stefan sighed heavily. "Yeah. Now I just need to figure out how to do it again. She's not happy, Caroline. I want her to be happy."

Elena leaned back against the door, remembering that first night when she had invited him in, how he had smiled and she had felt the first bloom of happiness since her parents had died. She shook her head, banishing the memory. So much had happened since then, but she did love him and he had, as Caroline said, brought her back to life. OK, maybe he wasn't being honest with her now, but again, she wasn't being honest with him either.

They just needed to recapture that happiness they had found that autumn night and they would be fine. Elena nodded determinedly and reached for the knob, this time turning it. She walked inside. Reaching the living room, both Caroline and Stefan stood up, a bright smile on Caroline's face.

"Elena! Tyler is Tyler again!"

Elena forced a smile, forced herself to be happy for her friend even if she was still reeling from her comments about Klaus. She couldn't summon enthusiasm, but she faked it as best she could. "That's great. When did it happen?"

"After school. Bonnie did her witchy thing. Thank God, huh?"

Elena nodded, her smile coming more naturally because it really was great that Tyler was back to himself again. Then a sudden thought struck her. "Why aren't you with him?"

"Oh," Caroline rolled her eyes. "He's with his mom. But," she paused, glancing between Stefan and Elena, "I'm sure he wouldn't mind my company now. So I will leave you two and let you have some alone time, while *I* go have some alone time with Tyler." She grinned, threw a wave Stefan's way and hugged Elena quickly before heading out. "Bye."

Elena looked to Stefan, noting the warm, open expression on his face as he watched Caroline's departure. She realized that she couldn't remember the last time that he looked at her that openly without a hint of concern or darkness in his gaze. Giving herself a mental shake, Elena was determined anew that she would make things right. Walking over, she took his hand and pulled him to the couch. _Let's do this,_she thought, opening the door for some honesty.

"I heard you and Caroline talking— " He looked concerned, but didn't say anything, and Elena couldn't help but realize it was something he did often. He kept quiet, refusing to offer up any rope with which to hang himself. He only ever gave details, and watered down ones at that, on what he was aware that she already knew. "About Jeremy."

"Elena," he sighed. "I'm sorry you heard that. I've just been frustrated. I don't really— I was just venting."

She smiled, squeezing his hands. "You should vent to me. If it was bothering you, you should have told me. You *should* tell me!"

"No." He shook his head. "You are dealing with so much right now, I'm not gonna burden you with my issues. I'm fine. He's fine. I'm sorry. How are you? I haven't see you at school."

Elena cocked her head slightly to the side, realizing that he wouldn't say anything bad about Jeremy, not to her. He was going to protect her feelings. Elena told herself that this was sweet and wonderful of him. She blinked quickly, hushing a mental voice that pointed out that honesty would be better.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just working at keeping it under control there, so I skipped yesterday and I've been hiding out in the back of the library whenever I'm not in class. Avoid everyone else."

"Oh." He sat up straight, his brow furrowing. You should— I'll join you." He smiled.

Elena offered him a matching one, hiding her sudden fluster. "OK, yeah" she responded even as she realized that she didn't want him to. Guilt swamped her. _I should want to. I should. _She brightened her smile and pushed ahead. "So, we're alone."

He looked surprised, and then pleased as a smile, full of sexy promised stretched across his face. "We are."

Leaning forward, she kissed him, and it was sweet and familiar, but her blood wasn't singing, her heart wasn't racing. She deepened the kiss, determined to feel what she once had. Stefan pressed her down on the couch as he began trailing kisses down her neck, his hands running over her body. Huskily, he whispered her name.

"Elena," but it wasn't Stefan's voice she heard, but Damon's as he kissed her neck before biting sharply. His body pressing her against his bedroom door. His hard thrusts driving into her, her name falling from his lips like a prayer.

Elena pushed at Stefan, stumbling out from under him. She was flushed and shaking, wiping her hands nervously on her jeans. Turning, she let out a long, unsteady breath and then forced herself to face him again. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head, his smile now somber. "It's OK."

"It's not. I know it's not. I am sorry, I just— Stefan. I need a little more time. With us being apart so long, and this vampire thing. I'm just— I need time."

"OK," he said simply, no fight, no censure, but she felt terribly guilty.

Elena began to back out of the room, desperately trying to make this right. "I'm sorry." And then she stopped, looking at him, not ready to give up. She took a deep breath. Painting a smile on her face, she met his earnest gaze. "I'll call Caroline, maybe we can meet up with her and Tyler later, have a double-date? It will be fun. Yeah?"

Elena needed him to say yes, she needed him to help make this better. Help make them better.

"Yeah." He nodded and she felt relieved. "Sounds good." He smiled, but she could see he was upset. _Of course he's upset,_she berated herself. Stefan stood up, and walked over to her. He cupped her face in his hands and gave her a gentle kiss. "We'll be good. Like you said, it's just gonna take time."

She nodded with a tentative smile and then backed away. Walking out of the room, she headed to the door and stepped outside. Elena stood still, tears slipping down her cheeks again. She tried to hold onto his words, as she pressed her fingers lightly to her lips, trying to hold onto his kiss at the same time.

But it felt like goodbye. Elena admitted for the first time that maybe all the time in the world wouldn't be able to fix them.

* * *

Erm, so yeah, I severely underestimated my slavish devotion to this show. When new episodes are airing, I just am so immersed in what's happening on the show, writing about it, icon-ing, gif-fing, responding to others that I don't have time to work on/post/deal with the fic. So I'm thinking that hiatuses will be the time for posting. I'm going to try and get a jump-start on chapters and post two a week or so until the show comes back.


	12. Wanting… and Not

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 12 – Wanting… and Not [Featured Characters: Damon, Meredith, Bonnie, Jeremy, Elena, Caroline, Tyler and Stefan]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 4,982  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Bonnie/Jeremy, Caroline/Klaus).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

* * *

**Chapter 12: Wanting… and Not **

Damon hesitated a moment before knocking, still not sure this was the right move. However, he honestly didn't see much choice. Stefan was useless at this point. Liz, while fairly cool about the whole vampire-thing, still preferred coming to him rather than the other way around. And, yeah, Jeremy had helped earlier, but Damon needed an adult with some smarts to toss ideas back and forth. Besides, he figured that the lovely Dr. Fell would appreciate hearing about Ric's ghostly visit. Decided, he knocked on the door.

A few moments later, Meredith opened it, a welcoming smile on her face that faded into surprise when she saw him. And then much to *his* surprise, her smile returned, warmer than before. "Damon! This is a surprise. Come on in." She stepped back, gesturing him in, leveling him another surprise as he'd just been about to ask for an invite, skeptical of a positive response. _Ric really must have talked me up._

Entering, Damon looked around. "Cozy." He looked back at her as she shut the door. "By which I mean small."

She rolled her eyes, but didn't look offended. "I've driven by your boarding house. It's huge."

Damon nodded, looking around again and back to Meredith. He raised his brows with a smile, feeling a tad uncomfortable. This was so not his thing.

"Have a seat. Would you like something to drink—I mean… a soda or… Scotch! I have Scotch."

Smirking, Damon rolled his eyes. "I'm not here to snack on you, Dr. Fell."

"Call me Meredith." She smiled with a faint look of embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I know, I highly doubt you'd drop by just to… do that." She clapped her hands together. "So, Scotch."

"Scotch."

She walked past him into the kitchen while Damon settled himself on the couch. "You know Jeremy can see ghosts, right?"

"What?" Meredith looked up from pouring two glasses, spilling some of the drink on the counter. "Yes. Sorry, yes, I knew that." She cleared her throat, reaching for a sponge.

"He saw Ric."

Her eyes wide, she paused in wiping up the mess, then with a low exhalation of breath, finished up and grabbed the Scotch. Carrying the glasses to Damon, Meredith handed him one before sitting down across from him with the other. "Wow. Well, I guess that's to be expected. Still, ghosts, wow," she repeated. "Is he OK?"

"Jere said he's adjusting." He paused, realizing, that no, he did not want to talk about Ric. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something else. That's why I'm here."

"Is it Elena?"

He shook his head. "No, why would you think it's Elena?"

"Isn't it always?" She raised a sardonic brow.

"No. Not always. Just… a lot." He shifted with a frown. "No, it's not about Elena. Did Ric tell you anything about the Lockwood caves, the information we found in them?"

Taking a sip, Meredith was silent before slowly shaking her head. "He told me it was proof that the Originals were here a long time ago, but that's about it."

"Right. Me and Jeremy found a few more caves with some *new* old drawings. I was thinking you might join us this weekend at my huge boarding house." He took a sip of the brandy, eyeing it with distaste and then sat down the glass. "Take a look at them, play a game of Original Pictionary?"

Meredith looked down at his glass. "Not feeling the drink?"

"It's been aged, what, one week? Did you buy it at 7-Eleven?"

"Mystic Falls doesn't have a 7-Eleven." She paused with a grin. "But it was a 24-hour store." Taking another sip herself, she grimaced. "Yeah, this sucks." Laughing, she set her glass down as well. "Sorry, I hadn't tried it yet. Anyway, yeah, I guess I'm up for some guesswork." Smiling, Meredith nodded slowly. "I have to admit I am curious."

"Curiosity's good." He smirked. "Even if it can get you killed."

She shot him a glare that wasn't all that heated. "Not funny."

Damon shrugged. "How 'bout we get some decent alcohol? Head to the Grill, I'll fill you in on what we already know?"

"Is this a date?" He looked at her, sincerely hoping she wasn't being serious. Meredith knew how he felt about Elena. And she was the only one who knew where things stood with him and Elena right now. As he had a flash of Elena climaxing in his arms - _Yeah, that memory just wasn't getting old anytime soon_ - he knew that even the idea of being with anyone else didn't interest him. Not to mention that with all the emotional upheaval and disaster waiting to happen that was Elena in her newly-vamped-out state, seeing him with another woman would probably send her jealousy sky-high and that would only lead to no good, very, very bad things.

Meredith laughed. "I'm kidding." _Thank God._ "This may be hard for you to believe, but you're not my type. I like the good boys, not the bad boy in leather."

He scoffed. "I'm everybody's type."

Meredith reached out and petted his arm soothingly. "Don't worry, Damon, you haven't lost your looks. I just definitely have a type." She wrinkled her nose. "You're not it. I like accountants, nerds." Her voice turned wistful. "High school history teachers."

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Well, good. Cuz I'm not into you either. I mean, you're hot." He looked her up and down with a flirty eyes. Meredith set her hands on her hips, trying not to laugh. Damon grinned, then turned serious. "It's just—you know, Ric. It'd be weird." Standing up, he turned away. "And I did already sleep with his wife. That's enough sharing."

Stopping at the door, Damon looked over his shoulder to find Meredith staring at him, eyes wide in shock. "Is there any female in this town you haven't slept with?"

"Sure, lots of them."

She shook her head and grabbed her purse. "Good to know."

"Besides, Isobel and I hooked up in North Carolina." He opened the door for her, then waited while she followed then locked up. "And it was before I even knew Ric, so don't be judging me." Damon tried to deny it, but it had been nice thinking for a few minutes that there could possibly be someone on this planet who wouldn't judge him. _As if._

Meredith held up her hands. "I'm not judging." _Oh, OK then._ Just…" She paused and looked him over with a quick shake of her head. "So not my type."

He grinned, offering up his sexiest smolder. "Really? Studs don't do it for you?"

She was silent for a moment and then, with a quick shake of her head and quirk of her lips, she answered shortly. "Nope."

XxxxX

"So was it weird?" Bonnie asked with a sideways glance as she settled on the couch.

Jeremy shrugged. "Not really. Well, I mean once we cleared the air."

"Cleared the air?"

"Yeah, you know that time he killed me," he offered a broad, fake smile which relaxed into a real grin. "Actually, we really did. I mean, you know I had vampire blood in my system." She nodded. "He knew that, knew I wanted to turn." Jeremy looked away, seeming lost in the memory. "He was giving me what I wanted."

"He said that?"

Jeremy shrugged again. "In so many words. Anyway, it was cool." He laughed lightly, and ran his hand through his hair, his ring glinting in the glow of the lamp behind him.

"You're wearing the ring again?" Bonnie sat up straight, her eyes wide, concern in her voice.

"Uh, yeah."

"Jeremy!"

"No, it's OK." He protested.

"No, no, it's not OK. After what happened to Mr. Saltzman..." She broke off, shaking her head.

"It's different, Bonnie, it is."

"How?"

Jeremy threw himself back, locking his hands behind his head. "Ric is there. He's watching over me. If something happens to me, he'll protect me from Esther."

"Yeah, but—" Bonnie broke off, sighing. "Yeah, I guess. I still wish you wouldn't wear it."

He let out a bark of laughter. "Bonnie, I'm hanging out with Damon!"

She shook her head, not quite able to believe how easily the thought popped into her head, but if she was being honest... "I don't think he'd do anything to you now. I don't. Do you? Really?"

He was silent for a moment, and then with a quick shake of his head, he spoke. "Actually, I don't. But, Damon's not the only vampire in town."

"Yeah, but he's the only one who killed you," she pointed out wryly.

"Yeah, but Klaus compelled Tyler to get me killed and he's back in business." Jeremy paused, then added quietly, "and he's not a baby vampire handling the whole vampire thing really, really badly."

Bonnie blinked a few times, her lips parting as she struggled to respond. "You think Elena's more of a risk than Damon?"

Shrugging, Jeremy leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, looking down. "I don't know, but better safe than sorry. At least that's what Damon said."

Frowning, she tried to catch his gaze. "It was Damon's idea?"

"Yeah."

She pushed, clarifying. "Because of Elena?"

Jeremy was silent, and then finally he looked back up at her. "Yeah." His voice was quiet.

"Wow."

"Yeah." He shook his head. "Anyway, it's fine. He's just being careful because she's all aaaah! But it really seems to only be Damon who gets her going, so—"

"What do you mean?"

Jeremy waved a hand. "Nothing. Anyway, Ric said a few things about her that made me think Damon might have a point. I don't know. I mean, yeah, it's stupid. Elena would never hurt me. But," he laughed. "I *am* hanging out with Damon."

"So it is about Damon."

He was quiet and then he met her gaze, a despairing intensity there that he couldn't hide. "That's what I'm telling myself." He shook his head. "And Klaus. Who knows with Klaus, right?"

"Right. Klaus." Bonnie nodded. She smacked her hands against her knees and pasted on a bright smile. "So, have you seen Ric since the last time?"

"Nah. But I kinda expect him to show up whenever. He'll probably show up at the funeral."

"Huh? What funeral?"

"Oh yeah, we're burying Ric's body tomorrow. "

Smiling, Bonnie nodded. "Oh, that's good. Closure is a good thing. What time?"

"Uh," Jeremy paused, flushing slightly. "Noon, but, uhm..." He laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's just like, you know, family."

Her eyes widened, a bit surprised. "Oh."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, but it's not like it's even really Ric anymore. And we all said goodbye to him already the night of that 20's dance."

She smiled sadly, thinking of that night, watching Alaric as he watched them pay their respects to the man he still was. Jeremy was right; they had all said goodbye. "Yeah, we did." She leaned forward and rested a hand on his arm briefly before pulling back. "I get it, you want that moment to say goodbye just as... family. I think that could be good for Elena right now."

"Yeah."

Bonnie nodded and then frowned suddenly. "Wait, in the middle of all of this she set that up?"

Shaking his head, Jeremy looked down. "No, uh, actually Damon did."

Surprise lit Bonnie's face as she digested that for a moment. _Damon is family?_ The thought sounded so crazy in her head she had to say it aloud. "Damon? Family?"

After a long pause, Jeremy met her gaze, a wistful look in his eyes. "Well, he and Ric, you know?"

She was quiet, thinking of what she knew about their friendship, the circumstances of their lives and how Elena, Jeremy and Alaric had formed a family unit of sorts after Jenna died… and how Damon, as Alaric's best friend and Elena's confidant/protector/whatever, had become a part of that unit in a way. "Yeah, I know."

"Crazy, huh? A vampire and a ghost, BFFs." He smiled, and it was quick, but genuine.

"Have you been 'hanging' with Damon when Mr. Saltzman showed up?"

Jeremy shook his head. "Nope. Not yet, but I'm sure it will happen. As long as Ric is around and I'm thinking of him, he'll show up."

Bonnie hesitated then, wondering if that still worked for any ghost. One in particular: Anna. As if reading her mind, Jeremy caught her eye with a self-conscious smile. "He's the only one I've seen in a long time."

"You haven't seen Vicki or... Anna since I sent them all back?" He shook his head. "What about Ric? Has he seen her?"

"Anna? No." He shrugged. "It's for the better. I don't— I don't want to see her again. Don't want to hear about her. She's my past. I should have remembered that."

"Jeremy-"

"No, I was an idiot. I threw away this amazing thing we had for a ghost." He laughed harshly. "A ghost who was using me... again." Jeremy reached out, lightly touching her hand then withdrawing before she could. "Bonnie, can you ever forgive me?"

She laughed. "It seems so stupid. Not able to forgive because of a kiss when the rest of us are forgiving each other for lies and murder. We're talking neck-snapping. Literally."

He shook his head, reaching out this time to hold her hand. "No, it is important. I was wrong. A stupid jerk. Just because of everything, all this crazy, don't think your feelings matter less."

"Jeremy—" She broke off, a sigh escaping her. "You know I care about you a lot. I still do. I forgive you, I do, but if you want more… I just, not yet. I can't. Things are crazy, but…" Bonnie trailed off, not sure what she was thinking just that her heart still ached when she thought of him. And sometimes that ache was the sweet kind that filled her pleasure when she looked at him, or he looked at her like he was now.

His eyes were warm, melting as he captured her gaze, a slight smile curved his lips. "But…"

"Jeremy," she murmured his name, but she couldn't not respond to that smile of his. And then she got a mental grip on herself. Sitting up straighter, she tightened her lips. "Jeremy," she said less breathlessly. "I can't. It's too soon." She shook her head. "Not yet."

Standing up, Bonnie smoothed down her skirt. She was about to turn and leave, but he reached out and snagged her hand. He was still smiling.

"I'm gonna hold on to that 'but.'"

Once again, she couldn't help but smile in return.

XxxxX

The Grill wasn't crowded when Elena entered. She looked around and saw Caroline and Tyler sitting at a table near the bar. Smiling, she moved towards them. "Hey!"

"Hey. Stefan's not with you?" Caroline asked, her smile dimming a bit.

Elena shook her head. "I went home first. Stefan's gonna meet us here."

"Oh." Caroline looked confused. "But I thought you two were together?"

Sighing, Elena dug her hands in her pockets, feeling self-conscious as if her friend could peer into her mind and see what happened after Caroline left the boarding house. "No, I had to go home."

"Why didn't Stefan just go with you?" Tyler piped up, and Elena bit back an urge to bite his head off.

"He just didn't, OK?" She held his stare for a moment. He put his hands up, his eyes wide in defensive surprise. Elena took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Tyler?" He looked warily at her. "I'm glad you're… you again."

Relaxing, a smile spread across his face. "Yeah, me too."

Elena turned back to Caroline and smiled at the happy look on her face. "Wanna go to the bathroom?"

"Sure," Caroline reached over and grabbed her purse. "Be back in a sec," she chirped to Tyler. "When Stefan shows up, tell him we're making ourselves beautiful."

"Impossible. You're already there," he shot back with a grin. Her giggle trailed after them as they made their way to the ladies' room.

Caroline had her purse open right away, pulling out lipstick as she looked into the mirror.

"God, it's amazing having Tyler back." She curved color over her lips. "I mean, it's still a little weird because I keep expecting him to do something that's not Tyler-y, and I'm not totally comfortable, you know, making out because…" She shook her head. "Never mind." Smacking her lips, she turned to face Elena. "Spill, why didn't you and Stefan show up together?" Elena started to protest that it wasn't a big deal, but Caroline cut her off. "Don't even. You're so tense you're making *my* shoulders ache. Did you two have a fight?"

"No, no. It wasn't anything like that. It's just..." Elena sighed, and walked over to the mirror, blindly staring at her reflection. "We haven't been… together since…" She trailed off again, rolling her eyes as she thought about it. "God, it was before Jenna died, before the sacrifice, before Klaus first showed up."

"Wow, it has been a while."

"Yeah."

"And it's weird cuz you've gotten a little freaky with Damon in the meantime?"

Her eyes shutting, Elena saw them on her porch, in Denver, in his room - _God, in his room!_ - in *her* room, in the woods. _Freaky,_ she thought, _yeah, that's one way to put it._

"Something like that."

They were both quiet for a few moments and then Caroline sighed heavily. "Look, Elena, I know it's hard for you. You love Stefan, but you feel… a pull for Damon. He touches something in you that maybe," she paused, another sigh escaping her, "maybe Stefan doesn't."

Nodding, Elena met Caroline's eyes in the mirror. "Yeah, but it's more than that. It's… more."

"I get it. I mean, it sucks when you feel that pull even though you *so* know you shouldn't. When that person is everything that is wrong and you shouldn't feel anything but hate and anger and flat-out disgust for him. It makes you crazy." A bitter smile crossed Caroline's face, as she looked away. "I understand." She met Elena's gaze again. "If you ever want to just talk—"

"No," Elena whispered, an emotion akin to horror filling her, making her skin crawl as she realized just exactly where Caroline's thoughts were coming from. A rage she had never expected, never could have imagined feeling for this girl she'd known her whole life took over.

"Elena—"

"Don't." She hissed, slowly shook her head.

Confusion flooded Caroline's face. "What?"

Turning around, Elena looked at her head-on, seething anger radiating from her. "Don't you dare compare Damon to Klaus. Everything that Damon has done, his switch was off or his crazed, vampire emotions threw him out of whack." Elena threw a dismissive hand up in the air. "Fine, it doesn't excuse it, but it also doesn't make him a monster." She stepped closer to Caroline, her finger coming out and pointing at her chest as she emphatically made her point.

"That is what Klaus is. What he does, when he hurts people, it makes him happy. *He* is evil, Caroline. He *killed* Jenna! He killed her."

"Elena, I know–" She tried explaining, but Elena was having none of it.

"No, no, no, no." She turned away, not wanting to look at Caroline a moment longer. "You badmouth Damon all the time, and I let it go because of your history with him." Swallowing hard, Elena forced herself to face Caroline once more. "Because he was awful to you, I know that. His switch was off, you know, but he did— he treated you badly. I know. I get that, so you go on and on about how awful he is and I just let it go, but I will not let it slide anymore if you're comparing Damon in any way to Klaus."

"I'm not. I'm really not, Elena." Caroline's eyes darted away and then back to meet Elena's. "It's just—"

"No, there is no 'it's just.' Yeah, Klaus may be hung up on you, but the rest of us he'd kill like that unless he needed us for whatever." Elena shook her head, her eyes beginning to well up. "Damon has been there for more than just me, you know? He's been there for Stefan, for Ric. *Your mother.*" Caroline looked down. "For Jeremy. He even saved Tyler and Matt's life. And Bonnie's. And yours! More than once." Elena stopped, breathing heavily. She forced herself to relax, tamped her anger down. "Caroline?"

Slowly, Caroline raised her head, meeting Elena's gaze. "Yeah?"

"I know you hate him, but Damon is nothing like Klaus. Nothing."

Caroline was silent, her face flushed. She gave a jerky nod. "I know." Her eyes shut, a tear seeping from beneath her lid. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, her voice stronger. "I know, OK. I get it. Yeah, I don't like him because of what he did to me, but you're right. He's helped all of us, even me. And he's not like when he first came to town. But it's taken a long time for me and everyone else to see that because *he* doesn't let anyone see that. He's so mean all the time."

"Caroline!"

"No, I took it. You let me talk now." She raised a brow. "It's my turn." Elena was quiet, her fists clenched at her side, but then slowly she relaxed them and nodded. Caroline continued. "He's mean all the time, so it's easy to not notice when he's actually doing, you know, good stuff. You've seen his good side. He doesn't act that way with you. So that's why you fell for him, that's why you look past all the terrible things that he's done and the crappy way he acts because you see a side of him that the rest of us don't. Right?"

Again, Elena nodded.

"So, yeah, he's not evil. I get that. And I know that Klaus is. And I'm not comparing Klaus to Damon. I know that it would take a thousand Damons to be as bad as Klaus. I wasn't comparing them, I was—" She broke off, and wiped another tear. "You have Stefan and you love him and he's the good guy. But you have these feelings for Damon, and good or bad, they're there and you can't make them go away. And I *know* that you want to. Don't you?"

Elena was quiet. She turned away, considering Caroline's question and she realized that, no, she didn't want them to go away. What she felt for Damon meant too much to her now. But… "It would make things easier."

"Right." Caroline nodded. "I have Tyler, and I love him, but, even though it's wrong and terrible, I can't change the fact that I've seen a side of Klaus that none of you have, and I hate it and I hate him, but I can't make the fact that I… I don't completely hate him go away." She was quiet, and then continued softly. "That was the comparison. Just having feelings you shouldn't."

Elena didn't say anything at first. Closing her eyes briefly with a sigh, she turned back to Caroline. "OK." She let loose a weak smile as she teared up. "I'm sorry, I'm just on edge."

"I know." And then Caroline's face crumpled as she rushed forward and pulled Elena into her arms. "I'm sorry. I'll try to stop badmouthing Damon. You're right. His switch was off and he's saved all of us a gazillion times. Plus," she laughed. "He's like my mom's only friend." Pulling away, her expression grew serious. She looked at Elena. "And he loves you. And would do anything, like *anything* for you. And I know that you… care a lot, like a super lot, about him. So, I'm done. Damon Salvatore is officially off of my shit list."

Elena smiled, pulling from Caroline's embrace to wipe her tears away because, _of course, of course!_, she was crying. "Thank you." She nodded. "And I am sorry for tearing into you. I'm just… I'm really stressed out."

"I know." Caroline reached out, and wiped at Elena's cheeks, smoothing away the tear stains. "OK, you look good." Pulling back, she looked into the mirror, and swiped at her own face. "And I look good." She wrapped an arm around Elena. "We're totally hot."

Elena giggled, and then sighed heavily. "Stefan's probably here now."

Caroline's lips parted as if to speak, but she gave a quick shake of her head. "Yeah, let's go."

Stepping out, Elena saw that Stefan was indeed there. He smiled, and she felt a familiar rush of comfort at the sight of him.

"And one for the lady." Damon's voice grabbed Elena's attention. Turning to look past Stefan's smile, she saw that Damon was now sitting at the bar… with Meredith? What followed was a mix of the familiar rush of desire, confusion and pleasure that seeing Damon now produced, and a new addition: jealousy. The likes she had never felt before. It didn't come even close to comparing to what she had felt when she found out he had slept with Rebekah. That was then, before she had been with Damon. Now? Now, a violent surge of possession filled her.

"Elena?" Caroline's voice broke through the haze. Elena turned to see her friend settling down at the table, concern on her face.

Feeling his gaze on her, Elena's eyes flickered from Caroline back to Damon. He was looking at her now, a gentle smile on his face, but he held up a glass and his eyes twinkled as he toasted it mockingly in her direction. And then he looked away… drawn away by Meredith. Another surge flooded through her. She was about to take a step forward, toward the pair when Meredith slid from her barstool. Elena stilled.

As the doctor drew closer, a smile warmed her face. "Hey, Elena." She walked past without waiting for a response, heading to the restroom. Elena was quiet. Slowly, she turned around as if in a daze and followed her.

"Hi, Meredith."

Standing at the mirror, she jumped, her hand flying to her throat. "Oh, God, Elena! You scared me." She smiled, and then her brow rose quizzically. "I thought you just came from the bathroom."

Elena smiled. " Yeah, I just," she paused, throwing out an artful laugh. "I was curious. What are you doing here with Damon?" She tried to make her voice light, her question casual.

Laughing, Meredith rolled her eyes. "Oh, he's auditioning to become my boy-toy." Grinning, she turned away and looked into the mirror, smoothing her brows. "Trying to convert me to his bad boy ways and see what I've been missing."

The room narrowed, that jealousy from moments before returned, amplified a thousand times as a vision of Damon and Meredith entwined in passion flashed through her mind. She saw red and very desperately wanted to make sure that her vision never came to pass. Without a sound, she launched herself at Meredith, her teeth sinking into her neck as the delicious taste of blood filled her mouth.

"Elena!" Someone stronger than her ripped her from Meredith, red nails gripping into her arms. Elena fought, struggling to escape her captor's hold. "Elena! God, stop it! Elena, stop it!"

The red haze retreated as her veins smoothed out, her fangs receding. Horror filled her as she took in Meredith leaning against the sink, her hand desperately clutching at her bleeding throat. Tears began to fall. She looked away, facing Caroline who finally loosened her hold, her voice soft as she captured Elena's gaze. "You're OK?"

Trembling, Elena nodded. Turning to Meredith, she was filled with self-disgust seeing the fear in the doctor's eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Caroline let go and moved to Meredith. "Here, let me help you, Dr. Fell."

"I'm fine," Meredith responded with a shake of her head.

Sympathy colored Caroline's face. "You can barely stand. She took more blood than I think you realize. Let me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Elena whispered, falling back to lean against the hard door.

Not tearing her gaze away from Elena, Meredith nodded, speaking to Caroline. "OK, yeah."

Biting her wrist, Caroline offered Meredith her blood, trying to explain. "She's a baby vampire. She can't really control herself yet. It's a work in progress."

Meredith took a small sip of the blood, and then another, her face twisting in distaste. She gave a quick nod. "I'm good." Looking towards Elena, she spoke, but there was a touch of guilt, if not conviction, in her voice. "It's fine, Elena."

Caroline grabbed a paper towel and wet it. She handed it to Meredith, who wiped at her healed neck. Looking over at her friend, Caroline moved to her. "She will be fine. She just needs some time, some help."

Convulsively still wiping at her now-cleaned neck, Meredith nodded jerkily. "Yes, she does."

Elena looked away from the doctor's eyes, filled now with a mixture of anxiety, guilt and pity. Reaching up, Elena wiped at her mouth, trying not to savor the taste of blood that remained. "I'm sorry," she offered once more before walking out.

Stefan was standing at the table when she entered the main dining area, looking at her. There was concern on his face. Try as she might, she couldn't not look past him to Damon. He was watching her as well, the same concern on his face.

Elena took a deep breath, fighting desperately to not crumple and fall to the floor in tears. She managed to stay upright with just one thought keeping her steady. If she fell, it would be Stefan who would catch her.

She wanted it to be Damon.


	13. This Is Your Wake-Up Call

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 13 – This Is Your Wake-Up Call [Featured Characters: Elena, Stefan, Caroline, Tyler, Damon, Meredith, Tyler, Rebekah, Matt, Bonnie and Jeremy]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 5,273  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Bonnie/Jeremy, Caroline/Klaus)).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

**Chapter 13: This Is Your Wake-Up Call**

* * *

Elena and Stefan were already leaving when Meredith exited the restroom. Elena looked at her, regret haunting her expression. Caroline sighed, softly saying her friend's name, and captured her attention. Once Elena met her gaze, Caroline offered up a smile of a reassurance.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Elena was still for a beat and then she nodded. Without turning to Stefan, she headed toward the exit. Caroline couldn't help but notice the distance between them as he trailed a few steps behind, and how Elena had her hands deep in her pockets away from Stefan's hold. Sitting back down next to Tyler, Caroline looked over at Meredith as she moved to Damon's side at the bar. His body was tense, on alert, his gaze still locked on where Elena had just stood. Tyler said her name, but Caroline shook her head. "Ssh," she whispered, focusing on Damon and Meredith's conversation.

"I'm gonna go, Damon." The doctor told him; her voice was shaky.

"You haven't even finished your first drink," he muttered, his gaze flitting between her and the empty entrance.

Meredith sighed and glanced over at Caroline with a wary gaze. "I—I have a headache."

"Really? A headache? Come on, what happened, Dr. Fell?"

She tried to laugh it off, but if Damon heard the strain, he didn't comment. "Nothing, I just have a headache. I want to go home and go to bed. We can go over all that stuff later." She pulled her keys from her purse. "I'll see you."

Damon stood up, tension still radiating from him. "Fine. A headache, sure." He gave her a wintry smile. "I'll finish up your drink." His tone was biting, but already walking away, Meredith didn't bother to respond, and instead she just waved a goodbye over her shoulder. Caroline looked over at Damon… who was looking her way suspiciously. Downing the drink in one swallow, he was at their table in two strides.

"Blondie, spill."

"Damon," she sighed, biting her lip, but didn't say anything further.

Damon pulled out a chair and spun it around, sitting down backwards. He cocked his head slightly to the side as he gazed at her. She met his look squarely, but after a few seconds, her eyes slid away.

"What do you want, Damon?" Tyler asked, exasperation in his tone.

Damon stared at Caroline a moment longer and then looked to Tyler. "So you're back. I guess that's good. Makes Carol happy. Still, gonna have to have a talk with Bonnie. Later." He smiled coolly and returned his attention to Caroline. "Now. Caroline?" She was silent. "I didn't follow Elena in there because you went first and I *figured* you could handle it."

"And I did. They both came out mostly fine, right?"

"Mostly." He bit out the word. "And now they're both gone looking like their favorite puppy just got hit by a Mack truck."

Her voice was soft in dismayed accordance. "Yeah." Caroline sighed, capitulating. "When I got in there, Elena was all," she lowered her voice, giving a quick look around her before meeting Damon's gaze again, "chomping on Dr. Fell." Shaking her head, Caroline let out another sigh. "I don't know what set her off."

Damon looked down, his expression hard. "I can guess." He glanced up at Caroline, frustration clear on his face. "I'm going to her."

"What? Elena? No!" Caroline burst out, her eyes wide.

"Yes." He stood up, turning the chair back around.

"Damon, no." She pleaded with him. "Wait, just sit down. Please?"

He looked away with a grimace and then after a moment sat back down. "What?"

"I know you want to help her. I know, OK, but Damon she needs her space. You know that. She's freaking out and," she paused, rolling her eyes slightly. "I know that *something* happened with you two." She ignored Tyler perking up next to her. "I just don't think she can deal with whatever this thing is with you right now."

Damon's gaze bore into her. He was silent.

"I'm not trying to warn you away, I just—I think it's not what Elena needs right now. OK?"

He remained quiet, and then narrowed his eyes suddenly. "Why are you not being a snitty little thing with me?"

Shrugging, she sighed. "I promised Elena I'd be nice. And you are like my mom's only friend." She took a deep breath and met his gaze earnestly. "And I know that we'd probably all be dead a hundred times over if it wasn't for you."

"I was a complete asshole to you."

Her eyes widened in surprise. That he would even acknowledge that shocked her. "Yeah."

"I guess that sucked." Pausing, he let out a sigh. "Sometimes I do things I don't have to do. Maybe that qualifies," he offered with reluctance in his tone and a quick grimace. _Is that Damon Salvatore's way of saying 'I'm sorry?'_ He waited a beat, holding her gaze with something closer to sincerity than Caroline had ever seen from him before. And then he shrugged, rising to his feet. _OK, then._"Fine, I'll stay away from Elena. For now." Bending down, Damon captured her gaze once more, intensity darkening the blue. "But you keep watch over her because Stefan sucks at it."

He walked out. Caroline watched him leave, worry filling her. "This is such a mess."

"What happened with Damon and Elena?"

"What?" She turned to Tyler. "Oh, they like made out or something. Elena's all hot for him. I wasn't gonna say, but I think that's why she attacked Dr. Fell. Because she was with Damon."

"But Elena's with Stefan… right?"

Sighing, Caroline leaned back in her chair, gazing up at the ceiling. "Yeah, but you saw how they were together. Not exactly the picture of young love."

"Like us." He grinned at her. "And now we're together again, no Klaus in the house." She nodded, but her smile faded as she suddenly remembered something that Bonnie had said before they got to the clearing. She and Tyler hadn't done much talking earlier, but hearing him say Klaus' name now, it triggered that memory. Caroline looked to Tyler, frowning.

His own smile dimmed. "What's wrong?"

"Did you know what Bonnie was gonna do? With Klaus' spirit, whatever? I know you don't need permission or anything from the host, but Bonnie said something that made me think... I don't know, it sounded like you knew, like you agreed to it." She turned to face him, disappointed to see that he couldn't meet her gaze. "You did." Seeing the expression on his face, it wasn't even a question. She folded her arms over her chest. "And you didn't tell me?"

"Caroline…" Tyler began, then trailed off.

"What if he hadn't told me who he was? I would have *been* with him, thinking it was you." She shook her head. "Tyler, I could have had sex with Klaus."

"No, you would have known it wasn't me. Just because it was my body, we're two totally different people." He reached out and grabbed her hand. "Caroline, you would have known."

She shook her head. "Maybe, I don't know."

Tyler pulled back, anger flitting across his features. "You don't know?"

"No, Tyler, I don't know because it's not like it's something you expect. Your boyfriend to be taken over by his thousand-year old hybrid-maker."

"But it's me."

"Yeah, it was you, Tyler. Your face, your body."

"His personality." He let out a humorless laugh. "Or maybe that was OK. I mean, you liked him giving you drawings and stuff."

"Tyler!"

He rose to his feet quickly, the chair scratching loudly on the floor. "You don't know? Wow. I don't know, Caroline, maybe you were disappointed that Klaus told you the truth cuz you didn't have the chance to *be* with him."

Her mouth dropped open in shock, her eyes widening in hurt. "Tyler," she cried.

Shoving his chair, Tyler looked away. "I don't believe this." He shook his head. "You know what, I'm outta here. Maybe you can give Klaus a call, have him keep you company. Just make sure he brings his sketchbook," he finished sarcastically.

He walked away, leaving Caroline sitting there, speechless. She opened her mouth to speak, but really could find no words. Finally, she grabbed her purse and stood up. She shook her head and stomped away from the table, her entire body shaking with anger. That he had just turned that all around on her infuriated her. And if she felt a teeny bit guilty because she didn't exactly hate Klaus as much as should have, she refused to give it any credence right at this moment. Because Tyler had reverted to jock-jerk Tyler form. _I hate jock-jerk Tyler!_Not paying any attention to where she was going, Caroline bumped into someone entering the Grill.

"Excuse you."

Rolling her eyes, Caroline bit back a snarl as she faced the blonde someone... Rebekah. _I so do not have time for you_, she thought in annoyance. "Excuse yourself." Caroline walked out, not sparing a glance back for the Original blonde bitch. _I have a boyfriend situation. And if that proves impossible to deal with, a pint of Häagen-Dazs calling my name._

XxxxX

Looking around, Rebekah pouted when she didn't see Matt. He was the only reason she bothered coming to this dive. Her shoulders slumping in disappointment, she bit her lip, and glanced over both shoulders, hoping that she had missed him at first glance.

_Ah!_, she thought with delight when he entered from a back room. Plastering a smile on her face, Rebekah headed to him. Her smile dimmed slightly when he caught sight of her, his expression turning bitter. She sighed, but then squared her shoulders, her smile becoming determined. _I will get to him, I will._

"Matt?" Rebekah kept her voice light and friendly. He met her gaze for a moment and then with a shake of his head, looked down without a response as he began clearing the table in front of him. Twisting her hands behind her back, she leaned towards him slightly determined to strike up a conversation. "So, I kept the Maserati for myself."

He remained quiet. She forced a smile. "You know, if you ever want to take it out for... a spin, is it?" He nodded, and then as if catching himself, his lips quirked upwards before straightening into a hard line.

"You're welcome," she added drily.

"You're welcome," he muttered under his breath. "Really?" A humorless laugh escaped him before he turned to look at her. "Do you even know how to drive?"

"Well, no." She smiled coquettishly. "But it can't be that hard." Reaching out a finger, she ran it lightly over his arm.

He stilled, lowering his gaze. "Rebekah…"

She dropped her hand with a sigh. "Matt?" She said his name softly and after a moment he looked up at her once more, his face going for blank, but not quite disguising his emotions. Rebekah smiled, a cajoling note in her tone. "You could teach me?"

"Yeah, right." He stepped away from her, pulling out a rag and began to wipe down the other side of the table.

She tried a different angle. "Is the truck better than the sports car?"

Matt paused, and then with a sigh looked up at her. "Not better, just more… practical." His eyes narrowed. "And I'm only keeping it because it's your fault that my old one is at the bottom of Willow Creek."

"Of course."

Shaking his head, he laughed in disbelief. "No one's even questioning it. They just think I have kick-ass insurance." He looked at her defiantly. "I'm not gonna thank you."

Rebekah shrugged. "That's fine. You're talking to me."

He began to respond and then stopped, bewilderment on his face. When he spoke, it was as if he was talking to himself and not her at all. "What is wrong with me? I *should* hate you. I shouldn't even *be* talking to you."

Pulling the chair out in front of her, Rebekah sat down and looked up at him, her tone matter-of-fact. "What's done is done."

Matt threw his dishrag down and glared at her. "This is so hard for her, you have no ide—"

"I know," she interrupted bitterly. "I went through it myself, but I had no one who knew what was going on. Elena has help." She reached out and captured his hand, imploring him to not turn away. "And she's still here. Elena is *still* here." He was silent for a moment and then jerked his hand away. Controlling a surge of annoyance, she rose to her feet, muttering under her breath. "Why do I have to keep reminding you of that fact?"

Suddenly, Matt turned around, his expression open now, not even bothering to hide his confusion. "Rebekah, what do you want?

"You to not hate me?" She answered promptly.

He shook his head, speaking softly. "What you did…"

Rebekah rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. In your little band of friends who hasn't done something terrible?" Raising a brow, she held his gaze. "Come now, you don't live in a moral world of black and white anymore, do you?"

"No, no, but—"

"Yes, you still care. You still know the difference between right and wrong," she finished for him, a light strain of sarcasm dancing in her tone. Reaching out, she touched his arm again, her fingers curling, and she turned earnest. "You think I don't care, that I don't think about other people. You're right. But what you don't see is that I haven't had to in centuries, but..."

He didn't pull from her hold, nor did he look away. She was silent, unwilling to finish until he prompted, his voice soft. "But?"

Equally as soft, she finally spoke. "You make me want to. And that is something... no one else ever has."

Matt didn't move. He didn't speak, but his eyes widened, surprise lighting their blue. And they were so warm and soft, she found herself melting into them. It was a beautiful feeling.

"Rebekah," he whispered.

"I like you," she whispered back, her voice low. He blinked, his lips parting to speak, but she rushed ahead. "Look, if I hadn't done what I did—I know, you can't forget, but just put that aside for the moment. Am I wrong? I think that you maybe liked me a little too… before?"

He bit his lip, looking down. And then quietly, grudgingly. "Maybe."

"That's something too," she whispered softly.

Sighing, he glanced up at her. "Rebekah…" He trailed off, but his reticence wasn't a bother at all. She was quite pleased at having finally, _finally!_made some real headway with him.

A smile spread across her face and she gave his arm a light tap before releasing it. "If you want to take that spin, or give me a lesson…" He rolled his eyes, but there was the hint of a smile fighting its way onto his lips. Rebekah moved away, but stopped to look over her shoulder and she captured his attention once more.

"You know where to find the car... and me."

XxxxX

Elena shut the front door quietly. The image of Stefan's dejected face lingered in her mind. She hadn't told him what happened with Meredith in the bathroom on the ride home because she knew that he would figure out easily enough what had set her off. Instead she lied and told him she felt weak from not enough blood in her system. Stefan had, of course, offered to go hunting.

She managed to put him off by telling him it was more her emotions than physical weakness, alluding to her freak-out earlier at the boarding house. He had been quiet for a long time, long enough that she wondered if he would call her on her lie. Finally, he just offered a small smile and took her at her word. Or at least pretended to. And then he had told her what a great job she was doing. She hadn't known whether to laugh at his pretense or cry at his ignorance. Worst of all, she didn't know which was the case, the knowing or the not.

Leaning against the door, Elena shut her eyes for a brief moment, glad to be home and alone. Bonnie's giggle suddenly pierced the air. _Or not._

"Hey! Stop!" Jeremy cried out, laughter breaking from him.

Hearing the joy in their voices, Elena smiled. Following the sound, she found them in the living room, jostling each other on the couch, playing one of Jeremy's games. They were both grinning, looking more relaxed than she'd seen either one in what felt like forever.

"Hi."

"Hey, Elena." Bonnie smile widened. "How was your double-date? Oh, wait, is Tyler acting normal?" She asked in quick succession as she moved away from Jeremy.

"It—I left early. It was fine. Tyler was… Tyler, I guess." She gestured to the two of them on the couch, her brow raised. "So you two are… uhm?"

Bonnie rose to her feet, anxiously smoothing down her skirt. "We were just playing a game. I was gonna go, but Jeremy talked me into staying. I figured why not? It'd be fun." She looked down at Jeremy. "We could all use some more fun."

"Yeah," Elena responded, but after the initial rush of seeing the two happy, her own misery began to weigh her down again and she couldn't summon any enthusiasm. Bonnie's face fell and Elena immediately felt guilty so she forced at least the ghost of a smile. "You two go on, have your fun, I, on the other hand, am going to bed. Night, Jere." She turned to go.

"Elena?" Bonnie called out, worry in her voice. "Are you OK?"

The words 'I'm fine' were on the tip of her tongue. She heard them run in a loop in her mind, but couldn't bring herself to tell one more lie. _Maybe I'm just tired of playing pretend._"I attacked Meredith Fell in the bathroom."

Jeremy and Bonnie stared at her, shock written all over their faces. "Night." Elena tried to leave it at that and turned once more to go.

"Elena!" Jeremy called out. "What—what happened?"

Stopping again, Elena rested her hand against the stair newel. _Why didn't I just lie?_ She asked herself, regretting her moment of honesty. _I won't be doing that again._"I'll be fine," she managed tiredly.

"No, you won't, Elena," Bonnie told her as she reached her side. "You can't do this. You can't keep living like this. Half-vampire, half-human. It's not working."

Elena shook her head. "It is. Stefan was saying how great things are going."

"Was this before or after you attacked someone else?"

"Bonnie, I'm not doing this."

Her fingers curled around the wood as she heard Jeremy surge to his feet behind them. He let out a long, frustrated breath and Elena closed her eyes, so not wanting to deal with him right now. Ignoring her words to Bonnie, and her back still turned to them both, he refused to remain silent.

"Elena, Bonnie's right. You can't keep doing this. Pretending you're fine. You're not."

She took a deep breath and forced herself to turn around and face them. "It's not going to happen overnight. It hasn't even been a week." Her tone took on a pleading note. "I'm just gonna need time." Gathering from her dwindling reserve of strength, she kept her voice from breaking by sheer force of will. "Just give me some time." Without giving them a chance to respond, she turned and hurried upstairs. She hoped desperately neither would follow.

Before she even reached her room, she heard Bonnie's footsteps behind her and bit back a curse. Sitting on the bed, she waited for her friend to enter, which she did tentatively a few moments later.

"What happened tonight, Elena? You were doing better, no more attacking classmates." Bonnie tried for a smile, but it was forced.

"Damon happened."

"What did he do?"

Elena closed her eyes, frustrated with herself for automatically putting it on Damon when this wasn't his fault at all. "Nothing, Bonnie, he didn't do anything." She sighed, and met Bonnie's troubled gaze. "He was with Meredith and I got jealous. So I followed her into the bathroom and she, God, I think it was a joke, she said something about the two of them and I just— I attacked her. Caroline came in, took care of her and then I left."

She gave a tired smile with a shake of her head. "And on the drive home, I lied to Stefan..." She couldn't go on. She was just so tired. Meeting Bonnie's gaze, sadness filled every fiber of her. "And Damon—I just need to stay away from Damon. I can't be around him. Not now, not until I have this under control. Every time I see him, some *thing* happens. He just makes me *feel* so, so much."

Bonnie was quiet for a moment. She moved to the bed and gingerly perched on the edge; her voice was hesitant when she spoke. "Elena, why are you with Stefan if Damon makes you feel this way?"

Laughing, Elena ran her hands through her hair and looked at Bonnie. "Because Stefan *doesn't* make me feel this way!" As the words flew from her mouth, Elena felt sick. Because she knew it was wrong. She knew it was wrong to be with Stefan if she felt, or didn't feel this way. But she didn't know how to just walk away. She had fought so hard to get Stefan back, *her* Stefan and to just give up on them without really trying? _What does that say about me? But…_ her thoughts trailed off and she met Bonnie's searching gaze. _I'm not being fair to Damon either._Elena took a deep breath and refused to look away. "I slept with him, Bonnie."

"What?"

Tears began to fall. "I had sex with Damon. The night I turned. I had sex with him. And I can't be around him because every time I am, I just want him again." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And I don't feel that way about Stefan anymore. Everything's just so twisted and I feel so guilty and so terrible…" She was too choked up to continue.

Bonnie's eyes were wide in shock, her mouth falling open. She was silent, and then with a quick shake of her head, she reached out and grabbed onto Elena's hand. "You need to end things with Stefan."

"I can't just end things."

"Elena—"

"No, Bonnie, after *everything* that Stefan and I have been through…"

"I don't think that matters anymore. I know you, Elena, vampire or not, you wouldn't do *that* unless things had changed with you and Stefan. It's OK." She gave a sympathetic shrug and a small smile. "Sometimes you fall out of love and you move on."

"But," she cried, tears streaming now. "Stefan and I are meant to be together. Forever." _Forever_, she repeated the word like a mantra in her mind because that is what she had believed in so long and it made things so much easier. With everything else falling apart, as long as she at least had the certainty of Stefan, she would be fine. "We have forever now."

"But you're having sex with his brother."

"It was once, it was just once..." she whispered brokenly.

"Elena…"

She couldn't do this. She needed to think, clear her head. "I need to figure this out on my own. Bonnie, can you just go? I wanna be alone."

"Elena, we should talk—"

And just like that it was too much. Seeing Damon yesterday, finding herself in his arms once again. Hearing Stefan's lies this morning. Unable to be with him. Attacking Meredith. Lying to Stefan. Admitting what had happened with Damon. It all began to whirl in her head like a tornado and she wanted to scream.

"Stop." She cut Bonnie off. "You need to go." _I don't want to hurt you, Bonnie, but I'm so close. God, I'm so close. Just go. Please go._

But she shook her head. "Elena, I'm not leaving you like this. You can talk to me about this—"

"No, I can't, Bonnie! You don't understand. You *can't* understand. You are not a vampire. You don't know how I feel, why I feel how I feel. All of these emotions clawing inside my brain, making me want to burst out of my skin!"

"Elena," Bonnie cried out, but the words rushing out of Elena like a torrent.

"There's so much hunger inside of me and I can't control it. It makes me want to to hurt somebody. I want to do so much damage and it feels like I'm fighting it every single second. And Damon makes it all worse. And Stefan... I can pretend with him. I can pretend it's not that bad."

"You can't pretend anymore, Elena! That's the problem. It's not Damon. It's you. Pretending to be something you're not!"

Elena shut her eyes, shaking her head back and forth. "You don't understand, you don't understand, you don't understand," she mumbled over and over.

"Elena—" Bonnie tried to talk over her.

"You don't understand!" She finally shouted. "Get out, get out! JUST GET OUT!"

Bonnie stood up, shaking as she began to cry, backing away.

"Bonnie," Elena rose, regret and sorrow written all over her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just—" She broke off, a sob breaking free. "Bonnie, I need to be alone. I'm sorry." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I just need to be alone right now."

Wiping at her tears, Bonnie stilled. "OK. OK," and then she managed a teary smile. "But if you need me..."

"I know. Thank you. I just—"

"Yeah, I get it. You need to be alone. I'll go." She turned to leave and accidentally knocked over some trinkets, and a picture. Bending down to pick them up, Bonnie set everything down except for the picture, she looked at it for a moment and back to Elena. "When did you take this?"

Elena couldn't help but smile when she saw what Bonnie was holding. She and Jeremy had been raking leaves while Ric kept them from making a mess of the piles. Off to the side, but still in the frame was Damon. He was leaning against a tree, watching them with half a smile. Elena stood up, reaching out to take the picture.

"Last fall, we were doing yard duty and Jeremy, see that pile there he's in front of?" Bonnie nodded. "He swore it looked like Yoda and Mr. Fairley was taking pictures of birds in the next yard so Jere asked him to take a picture."

Bonnie laughed lightly. "That looks nothing like Yoda."

Wiping at her nose, Elena laughed too. "I know. Damon told him he was an idiot and as punishment had to watch _Phantom Menace_again."

Bonnie smiled at her. "It's nice."

"Yeah."

Sighing, Bonnie handed the picture to Elena. "OK, I'm going really." And then suddenly she reached out and pulled Elena into a hug. "I love you," she whispered fiercely.

Elena wrapped her arms around her best friend, smiling through her tears. "I love you too."

Releasing Elena, Bonnie stepped back. She wiped at a few stray tears and nodded. "OK, I'm going. I'm going." Turning to the door, she pulled it open, then paused and looked back to Elena, her eyes wide. "Oh, wait!"

Elena manages a watery laugh. "Bonnie..."

"Just real quick. I thought it was important. I just wanted to say about Mr. Saltzman's funeral, I think it will be good for you."

"What?"

Wincing, Bonnie bit her lip. "Oh, I thought you knew. Anyway, yeah, Damon set it up." She gave a brief shake of her head. "Jeremy'll fill you in... when you're feeling better." She smiled. "I'll go now. For real. You take care of you."

Elena was quiet after Bonnie finally did leave. She stood at her dresser for a long moment, her mind blank. Glancing down, she took note again of the picture in her hand. An honest-to-goodness Polaroid shot. Mr. Fairley was definitely not living in the here and now. Tilting her head to the side, she brought it up close.

She smiled as she took in the laughter on Jeremy's face, and her own. At Ric standing there, arms crossed, trying to be the stern father figure. At Damon, the smallest quirk to his lips as if he wasn't willing to go full-tilt, but even in two-dimensional form, she could see the smile in his eyes, and the relaxation in his stance. The love… as he looked at her, at being a part of their 'family.'

With a sad sigh, she shook her head, banishing the thought and set it back down on the dresser. As her eyes rose, she found her gaze caught by a different picture: She and Stefan right after they began dating, before she even knew that he was a vampire. Back then, he represented everything that was good and possible again. After her parents' deaths, she'd given up on ever being happy and along had come Stefan giving her everything she wanted.

_You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure and even a little danger. _Damon's words from that night, before her parents died, drifted through her mind. Yes, that is what Stefan had been. The fantasy Damon prescribed made real in the form of his brother. And she was holding onto that fantasy so tightly… because that is what it was, what they were. A fantasy.

So many lies, so much between them unspoken, the embodiment of who they wanted to be in a perfect, pretty package. Whenever reality crept up on them, they deferred, they looked away, they buried their heads. Yes, Damon was right in what he had said yesterday. She and Stefan loved each other, but you could love a fantasy. That didn't make the love any less real. It just didn't make it lasting.

Bonnie was right too. She couldn't be with Stefan just because he didn't make her feel that intensity, that passion while Damon did. That she didn't feel that way about Stefan anymore was exactly why she *shouldn't* be with him. Drifting away from the dresser, she lowered herself back onto the bed. Reaching out she looked at the koala bear that he had won for her months ago. Elena held it to her, but it didn't feel right, didn't smell right. She set it to the side. And grabbed Mr. Bear who had been with her for years. She hugged him close as an unexpected peace began to fill her.

Elena took a deep breath as she finally admitted the truth to herself. There was no trying anymore with them. Whatever she had once had with Stefan, it was gone. It was time to let go. With a sigh, she looked over at her dresser where the picture Bonnie had found was resting against the mirror and her gaze found Damon's smile.

She couldn't help but return his smile, even as heaviness threatened to drown her once more. Just because she was letting go of Stefan didn't mean she was ready to deal with what was happening with Damon. She needed to deal with what was happening with her first. But it was OK because Damon understood. He would stay away, respect the choices she was making. He understood. Damon understood.


	14. Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 14 – Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings [Featured Characters: Caroline, Klaus, Damon, Jeremy, Ghost!Ric, Elena]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 5,310  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Caroline, Matt/Rebekah, Jeremy/Bonnie, Stefan/Rebekah, Caroline/Klaus).

After I had finally digested the season 03 finale, I began to think up where they could go from there, especially with regards to Damon and Elena. One narrative stuck in my head and as I continuing weaving it I became so fixated with two major turning points in the story that I just had to try and write it. I've immersed myself in this for the last two and half months, trying to avoid spoilers or even read other fic. I have a head-start of sorts on the story and am hoping that I can stay at this pace so that I can deliver chapters at a steady pace. I can't promise that will stay the case, but I'm going to try. :)

* * *

**Chapter 14: Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings**

Caroline sat in her car. She had been sitting there for five minutes. Give or take. She shut her eyes and gave herself a very stern mental talking to. _Caroline, get out, march right up to the front door and just do it._She opened her eyes, turned to look at the box sitting in the passenger seat. She nodded firmly. She had to do this.

Spending a sleepless night tossing and turning because of her fight with Tyler, she'd finally given up, made some cocoa and done some serious thinking. Sure, Tyler had been an ass, but she had finally admitted to herself that there was a reason for his attitude. It wasn't exactly unwarranted. Klaus had given her gifts… and she had accepted every single one. Klaus had played her protector more than once… and she had let him.

_God!_ She threw her head back and banged it against her seat. Whatever this *thing* was between her and Klaus, it ended today. She was returning his stuff; she was cutting all ties. And she would apologize to Tyler the next time she saw him. _And he damn well better say he's sorry too,_she thought vehemently.

"OK, Caroline, let's do this." She opened her door, walked around the side, grabbed Klaus' stuff and with a firm nod began to march around that circular driveway.

Halfway through her first knock, Klaus opened the door.

"Caroline, I'd say what a lovely surprise, but you've been sitting in your car for the last three minutes so there goes the surprise. I was just wondering when you'd actually come to my door."

"Well, I'm here."

He smiled. "Yes." Stepping back, he extended his arm. "Do come in." She didn't move. His smile dimmed.

"No. I'm just here to return your things." She held out the box. "I should have returned them right away. I don't- I don't know why I didn't."

Klaus dropped his arms and let out an annoyed sigh. He did not take any of the items from her. "Darling, you kept them because you wanted them."

"Number one, I'm not your 'darling.' And number two, no. No, I don't want them. I don't want anything to do with you. So here." She thrust the box forward.

Throwing his head back, he let out a laugh and moved closer, leaning against the doorjamb with a sweet smile. "Whatever am I going to do with a dress? It's yours, Caroline. Your size, your color. Plus, you've worn the thing already."

She lowered her arms and offered a wintry smile. "Well, I'm never going to wear it again!"

His smile faded, but his lips still quirked upward just the slightest. He looked down, but raised his eyes to glance at her from beneath his lashes, a seductive heat entering his gaze. "You should. You looked resplendent in it."

_Resplendent? Really? Who talks that way?_ Caroline thought, trying to not be affected, but the word echoed in her mind. _Resplendent. He thinks I look resplendent._ She straightened her shoulders and forced her lips into a hard line. _Focus, Caroline!_She pushed the box towards him again.

"Just take it, OK? I don't care what you do with it. You can play dress-up or toss it in one of your gazillion massive fireplaces for all I care, just take it. I don't want it."

He was quiet, still gazing at her but he had yet to take the damn box.

"Klaus—" she began, then cut herself off, not liking the note of entreaty there.

"You know," he began and his voice was low, that sweet accent plucking at her romantic's heart. "I picked the color because it matches your eyes. Such a lovely shade of blue, like the sky after the rains have cleansed the earth. So pure."

A sigh escaped her. She was struck frozen, not even reacting when he reached out a finger and lightly grazed her cheek. "Heavenly," he continued, the word nearly a whisper. He smiled again then, soft and gentle, while his eyes blazed an inferno of emotion.

Caroline fell a step back. "No," she managed with a quick shake of her head. She tried to look away, but he held her trapped by his gaze. "I—I—I have to go," she breathlessly managed.

He straightened up. "Of course."

They both stood, still staring at one another and Caroline forced herself to look down. At the box. "No," she repeated. "Take the box." She held it out. "Take it!"

He gave a slow shake of his head.

Nearly vibrating with frustration and suppressed emotion, she let out a whimper of a scream. "Fine! You know what? Fine, then." She took a step back and just let go. The box fell to the ground. "That felt good." She smiled coolly. "I am done."

She took a few steps backwards. "We – this thing, whatever – is done." Caroline made a great show of washing her hands off. Klaus just stood there watching her, that quirk of his lips still there.

"Good day." It felt right to say goodbye that way to him, Klaus and his old-world mentality. Turning around, she walked away, her heels clicking impressively on the driveway. She stood at her car, her fingers on the door handle when she found herself unable to not look over her shoulder to see if he was still watching her.

He was. And instead of just the mere quirk of his lips, a wide smile stretched across his face. When their eyes met, he tilted his head to the side. "Oh, Caroline." She didn't want him to talk. She wanted the last word. She *wanted* to look away!

But she didn't. And he got the last word.

"You are glorious!"

And it was glorious. She hated it; she hated him. Because he made her feel glorious.

Because she *didn't* hate him.

XxxxX

Looking through the refrigerator for something to munch on until Elena and Jeremy were ready, Damon sighed at the sad, sad contents in front of him. "Seriously, have either one of you ever heard of a food pyramid that doesn't involve junk food?" He turned to face Jeremy entering the room as he shut the refrigerator behind him.

"Uh."

"Yeah, I thought not." Damon rolled his eyes. "On a scale of one to ten, just how badly have you been eating since Ric bit it?"

Instead of answering, Jeremy turned from Damon and looked towards the door.

"You've been watching us eat?"

"No."

Jeremy turned to Damon. "I wasn't talking to you."

"Well, who you were talk—" His eyes widened, his mouth dropping open. "Ric? Is he here?"

Jeremy smiled. "Yeah." He turned slightly and pointed to the entrance. "He's standing right there."

Damon looked at Jeremy a moment longer. Gulped. And then slowly slid his gaze to where Jeremy had indicated Ric stood. There was no one there. _Of course,_ Damon mentally slapped himself. _As if I could see him. Stupid._He forced a smile. "Hey, Ric." Then he spared a quick glance to Jeremy. "Am I looking at the right place?"

Jeremy laughed. "Yeah."

Damon turned around, bracing his hands against the countertop. "Ask if he likes his body's new digs," he managed, trying to keep his voice casual.

There was a pause, and then Jeremy responded. "Yeah. He figures if he couldn't live in style in life, at least he's doing it in death."

Damon choked out a laugh. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

Silence filled the room as if no one, not even a ghost, knew what to say. And then Jeremy spoke up, his voice soft and Damon figured that maybe Ric did. "He misses you."

Nodding, Damon forced himself to turn around, looking once more to an empty doorway. "Yeah. Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Where's Elena? She dealing OK after attacking Ric's ex?"

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you—wait, yeah."

Damon narrowed his eyes in confusion, but then quickly realized Ric had asked Jeremy a question.

"He meant Dr. Fell." Jeremy continued, casually having a conversation with a ghost. "Elena bit her last night, but she's OK. Caroline was there and helped, I guess. I don't know why she did it. Who knows why she does anything anymore? She's a whacked-out vampire." He paused. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Be nice, she's my sister. But sister or not, she's still kinda psycho right now." Jeremy looked at Damon.

"That's why I want to talk to you—" He broke off again, this time with a frustrated sigh. He shook his head. "He's gone. I don't know how it works. But he's gone."

Damon's lips quirked up in a half-smile. "Didn't get to say goodbye," he murmured.

"You hate it, don't you?"

"What?"

"That you can't see him or talk to him?" Jeremy walked closer, a sympathetic look on his face.

Damon was silent for a moment, emotions twisting inside. He bit off a cool smile and stepped back, increasing the distance between him and Jeremy. "You wanted to talk about Elena?" He asked, bluntly changing the subject.

Shaking his head, Jeremy sighed and then just nodded. "Yeah. Elena. Last night she said she's fine, that Stefan told her how *great* she's doing, then she just kinda blew us off and went upstairs."

"Who's we?"

"Bonnie. She went up and talked to her, but she wouldn't tell me anything other than that it was girl stuff and that I just needed to give Elena space." He scoffed. "But this Stefan thing… Damon, he's gotta stop this shit. She's *not* doing great. She's so doing the opposite of great."

Damon walked over to the island and pulled a chair out, sliding onto it. He was quiet, looking before him. He wasn't quite sure how to respond. A part of him wanted to tell Jeremy that he was absolutely right and that his brother was a fucking idiot. However, another part of him wanted to tell Jeremy to shut the fuck up about his brother. He shook his head and settled for a compromise.

Turning to Jeremy, he let out an aggravated sigh. "Yeah, my baby bro's course of action is not the best remedy, but she could be doing worse, and as long as she believes that this is the way to go, all we can do is sit back and let the pieces fall where they may." He spread his arms expansively, unable to resist a saccharine smile. This was complete bullshit, he knew that. But he could only tell Stefan and Elena that so many times before they completely shut him out. _And God only knows how those two crazy kids would do without any sane supervision._

"Do you really think that's the best thing to do?" Jeremy asked incredulously as he moved to sit down opposite Damon.

"No. I don't. But what I think doesn't hold much sway with your sister." _Because she's an idiot._

"Because she's an idiot." Jeremy spit out.

Damon's brows raised in surprise. _Great minds… dare I think?_He let out a short bark of laughter. "Yeah, she's an idiot. But she's an idiot who is sticking to her guns. Those of us with working brain cells on our side just have to wait out the idiots of the world."

"Including your baby bro?" The disgust was palpable in Jeremy's tone. Damon laughed again, this time in a nearly genuine fashion.

"Yes, Jere, like my baby bro."

Jeremy smiled, but with a shake of his head, it faded as he met Damon's gaze. "It's really hard not to hate him right now."

Damon's smile died. Jeremy, more than anyone else, got it. He loved Elena completely, unselfishly. Just like Damon did. _Well, not *just* like Damon did_, he couldn't help but amend with a smirk.

"What?" Jeremy asked.

"Nothing." He reached out and gripped Jeremy's shoulder, surprising himself but if today wasn't a day to connect with someone who loved the same people he did, then when? "I get it, you know. About Stefan. I get it. I beat the shit out of him when I found out what he did. Elena pulled me off of him." He laughed harshly, dropping his hand. "Good thing she did. I could've killed him. Really, truly staked the shit out of him. I was that pissed off."

Jeremy nodded.

"But he does love her. And she loves him. And, God help me, I love them both so… not much else I can do."

"But what about you and her? I mean, I saw you two in Denver…" he trailed off.

Damon laughed with a shake of his head. "You're a big boy, Jere. It's called lust."

"I don't mean that." Jeremy smiled wryly. "I mean, I don't mean just that. The two of you, the way you talked, the way she was always looking at you when you weren't looking at her. The way, you know, she said your name. It's not one-sided. It goes both ways. I know my sister."

Eyes widening in surprise that Jeremy would admit such a thing, Damon looked down, his voice low. "I know." He raised his head and met Jeremy's gaze. "But she doesn't. Not yet. She's not ready. She needs Stefan right now. Hell if I know why, but she thinks she does."

"So you're backing off?"

"I have backed off. I'm only here now because of this burial. Whatever is going on between me and Elena, neither one of us is going to deprive the other of saying goodbye to Ric."

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, but—" He broke off, and Damon tilted his head slightly, a question in his gaze. "You know what you said about Stefan? I get it too. I'm pissed at her. That she made that choice without thinking of what it would do to me if she died. I'm pissed off, yeah, but mostly I'm worried about her. I'm afraid she's gonna lose it again. That student at school. Dr. Fell. Who's next? Bonnie, Matt? Me? She's—I'm just worried."

"I'm fine."

Damon looked to the door, his breath stolen for a moment as he took in the sight of Elena. She was dressed in the same black dress she'd worn for Jenna and John's funeral, but her hair was down, flowing in waves around her face, unlike the straight line she usually wore. There was very little make-up on her face, but she didn't need it. She was beautiful. She met his gaze and for a moment, everything else disappeared, that connection firing up on all cylinders between them. He could feel the emotions emanating off of her with a ferocious energy.

"Elena…" Jeremy spoke up beside him. He rose to his feet and walked towards her. "I'm just worried about you." He reached out and took her hands. Elena finally looked away from Damon and smiled at her brother. If Jeremy noticed how fake it was, he didn't say anything.

Damon cleared his throat and stood up, forcing his own smile. "Let's get this show on the road. Ric's ever-decaying corpse isn't gonna bury itself."

Elena looked over at him, but didn't speak. She just glanced down, then away as she took her brother's arm. "Let's go," she murmured softly and walked out without looking back.

Waiting a beat, Damon looked upward and let out a long exhalation of breath. _I could really use you right about now, buddy._ He straightened his tie and followed the siblings out, knowing that no matter how much he wanted Ric back, he was all alone right now.

XxxxX

Miracle of miracles, Elena had not cried once all afternoon. Not when she arrived at the Salvatore crypt. Not when she saw Ric's name carved on the slab of stone carrying his 'ever-decaying corpse.' Not when Mr. Davis – Mystic Falls' funeral director – spoke glowingly of Ric. Not when Jeremy broke down. Not even when Damon looked away, the shine of tears in his eyes, a hand reaching out to grip Jeremy's shoulder.

No, she was stoic, holding herself together by sheer force of will. She knew that if she let herself grieve, that if she opened herself up to the emotions filling her, she wouldn't be able to hold any of it in. Not just her grief, but her guilt over what she had done to Meredith Fell, her guilt over Stefan. Her… every feeling about Damon.

Finally, she was home, safe in her bedroom. Jeremy was quiet in his room and Damon was hopefully gone. Now she was alone. Now she could cry. As if her body had been patiently waiting for permission, the moment the thought appeared, tears began to fall. She dropped down onto her bed, grabbing at Mr. Bear, holding tightly as harsh sobs began to shake her. And it suddenly was so much, too much. Her whole body felt heavy. Her heart was full to bursting with the agony of it. So many people she loved were lost and gone, and she was still here, forced to bear the burden of their loss, of her life taken, but she was still here... dead, but not. Still dealing with the weight of it all. It was too much. She didn't think she would, could ever stop this torrent of tears from falling.

"Hey, hey, hey." His voice was soft, soothing… as soft and soothing as his hands as he smoothed down her hair, beginning to pull her into his arms. Elena turned into his embrace, her fingers clutching the lapels of his suit jacket. "Ssh, ssh, it's OK. It's OK, I got you, Elena."

Just like the last time he was in her room, when Damon said her name, reality splashed over her like cold water. She jerked back, springing to the headboard and flattening herself against the wood. "No," she cried softly, her face wet with tears still falling. Through that film, she saw frustration and pain on his face. And suddenly, unfairly she was furious with him because she thought he understood.

He had told her that at the Lockwood caves. He had told her he understood. _Why are you here? Why are you doing this to me, Damon?_she screamed in her head. But it was Damon. She didn't have to hold back with Damon. He could take it. He would take it.

"Why are you here? I thought you understood." She cried to him. Rising to his feet, a hand roughly drew through his hair. He let out an exasperated sigh, but she kept on. "I thought you knew, Damon, that I can't— I can't be around you." Elena rose to her knees, looking at him, drinking in the sight of him before her. He was so beautiful, so beautiful it hurt to look at him, it hurt with the longing to just *be* with him.

A sob shook her. _I thought you understood. I thought you understood_, the lament continued in a loop in the back of her mind. "I want too much," she whispered. "I want you too much."

He shook his head and looked to her, anguish on his face. . "Elena, you're hungry. That's all it is. It's not me, not this. I just thought today... You, we shouldn't be alone. We need to—" She shook her head violently, cutting him off without words, barely taking in what he said. _I thought you understood. I thought you understood._

She crawled across the bed, crawling towards him. The agony ripping through her gave way to a different emotion at the sight of him. He took a step back. She rose to her knees again and then stood up, her words nearly a cry of despair, of desperation and of desire. She wanted him; she wanted him so much. "Is that what you want? Is that what you want to hear?" The tears were drying up, but the feelings welled within her like a tidal wave. She moved closer, closer to him. Elena reached out, pulling lightly at his tie, looking at the floor, unable to look at him even as the words kept flying out of her mouth like bullets ricocheting in her heart. "That I want you so desperately that I can't think straight around you?"

Agony danced across his face. He shook his head, trying to deny her words. "That's not why I'm here. Ric, what happened today, I saw you. I watched you. I knew how bad it was for you. I just wanted to be here for you." She closed her eyes slowly before opening them again, wondering if she could see a lie on him. "Elena, just take it easy, OK? Calm down—"

"I can't." She smiled, laughter erupting along with a fresh welling of tears. "I can't calm down." She let go of his tie, her laughter fading as she reached out, running her hands up and down his chest. "With you here, standing in front of me, me feeling so much. I feel so, so much, Damon," she cried. "Don't you see? I can't be in the same room with you without wanting to tear into you, wanting you to tear into me. I can't resist you, Damon." Lowering her arms, she moved a step closer, pressing up against him.

"Elena," her name escaped him like a breath. His mouth crashed down on hers, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She moaned into him, her lips parting, her tongue sliding, slipping, dancing alongside, against, with his. It felt like heaven. He was heaven. Without breaking free, she jerked at his jacket, tugging it off of him. Next came his tie and then she was ripping at the buttons of his shirt. He slipped his hands under her dress, lifting her up and then dropping her onto the bed, his body covering hers with a glorious weight that made her breathless in anticipation.

Her hands ran wildly through his hair, she began nipping at his jaw, his neck, her fangs dipping out as she bit into his throat. He shuddered on top of her as he cupped her breasts through her dress, his thumbs tracing her nipples with increasing intensity. She thrust upwards, feelings his erection press into the vee between her thighs. She hated her dress, hated his slacks. She wanted flesh against flesh. She wanted flesh in flesh.

"Damon," she cried out his name, gripping him tightly.

And then all she felt was air. He was across the room, leaning against her bedroom door, breathing heavily. His shirt hung loosely from his shoulders, his hair was standing up wildly, shooting off in different directions. There was blood on his throat. Elena lay sprawled on the bed, her legs splayed apart, her dress bunched up around her waist, her panties tugged down on one side.

The only sound in the room was their heavy panting. Moments passed. The silence between them built as their breathing eased. Mortification rose within her. Elena looked away from him as tears began to fall again as the realization of what she had almost done again filled her. She gasped as uncontrollable, unreasonable, terrible emotions took hold. Heavy guilt for betraying Stefan again before she even had the chance to tell him they were over. Repugnance at herself for wanting Damon more than wanting to take care of herself. Fury with him for not staying away, for not understanding when he said he did. She rose up, practically yelling at him. "Get out."

"Elena," he began, but she couldn't hear him, didn't want to listen. _I thought you understood_was now screaming in her head. "Get out!" she did yell this time.

Her bathroom door burst open. She turned. Jeremy stood there, his mouth hanging open in shock. Red flooded through her. She tugged her dress down, ran a hand through her hair. She couldn't think, couldn't speak, everything was spinning like a roller coaster gone mad and she just wanted to get thrown off.

As if from far away, Elena heard Damon speak to Jeremy. "I'm not helping her. I'm making things worse." And then he was gone. She didn't look up, didn't see him leave, but she felt his presence go.

However, Jeremy remained.

"Elena, you can't keep doing this." She shook her head, trying to block him out.

"Just go, go, go." He was quiet. She looked up at him, barely seeing him through her veil of tears. "God, Jeremy, just get out. Leave me alone. I can't deal with you right now." She wasn't angry with him, she was angry with Damon, she told herself but in an instant knew that to be a lie. Damon was completely blameless. She was angry with herself. Too angry to deal with her brother and his teenage angst. She needed him to leave; she needed to calm down and just get under control.

The room was quiet, but Jeremy didn't leave and his refusal to just listen for once sent a fresh wave of frustrated fury through her. Swiping at her eyes, Elena glared at him. She didn't care that he was mourning Ric all over again, that he was still trying to deal with her vampire-state. She just didn't care right now about anything but her pain, her rage. "Get out, Jeremy!"

"No, I won't!" He yelled at her, breaking through her wall of chaos. She looked up at him. His face was red, splotchy and wet. "You think you're the only one in pain? You think you're the only one suffering? I'm suffering, Elena. I'm in pain! And I'm sick of this. I'm sick of everything being about you! I loved Ric too and I lost him too, and I needed you. I needed you to be there for me today, but you were all stuck up in your own world. Damon was the one to comfort me! Not you. No, not you. Elena's too busy feeling sorry for herself."

She flew off the bed, standing right in front of him. "Feeling sorry for myself? Thinking about only me?" She cried. "Where have you been? Ever since mom and dad died, I have been trying to be *everything* for you. Mother, father, sister, friend. Everything. And you just keep pushing me away."

He laughed in her face. "Me? What about you? You're so wrapped up in your drama, you have no time for anyone else. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you being so fucking selfish—"

"I'm selfish?!" Her mouth fell open in shock as disbelief coursed through her.

"Yes, Elena, selfish! You're the most selfish person I know. Sacrificing yourself over and over again, not thinking about me and the people who love you. Who need you. *I* need you! But, no, you're too busy playing the martyr."

Elena took a step back, anguish and rage filling her. _How could he? How *dare* he?_"I have tried to so hard to take care of you, and I'll I ever get back is ATTITUDE!" She leaned forward, shoving an angry finger into his chest. "You have no idea what I've been going through. How hard all of this has been—"

"See, there you go again! Always thinking about poor, poor Elena. Never mind what the rest of us have lost. If you weren't so selfish, you would still be alive. You'd still be human. My sister."

"I am still your sister!" She yelled.

"You're a vampire!" He fired back.

A sob, not of despair, but of rage escaped her. "I. Am. Still. Your. Sister!"

"I wish you weren't," he muttered.

She was quiet, gasping, this time in pain. He looked at her, boiling resentment in his gaze.

"Everything is always about you. It's *always* about you. You're so important. All about you, all about the *doppelganger.*" He shook his head in disgust, his voice dropping to a low murmur. "I wish my parents had never adopted you. That your *real* mom had kept you away from us. That you were never a part of my life."

Every word he said was like a dagger, the pain consuming her. She knew he was in agony. Somewhere in the back of her mind where reason lay, she knew that he didn't mean any of it, not one word. Everything, all of his pain and anger over the last week – losing Ric, losing her – all of the pain and chaos over the last year and a half and so much of it he had kept bottled up… that was where this was all coming from. She tried to breathe. She tried to calm down.

"Shut up, shut up," she whispered, but he ignored her and kept on and on and on. He leaned forward, biting the words off in righteous anger. "If they'd never taken you, *my* mom and dad would still be alive. Everything would still be normal." Tears began to stream down his face, and his voice was choked with sobs as he continued, sounding like the baby brother she remembered when he was hurting so badly. "It's all your fault," he cried. "I hate you!"

His voice was ringing in her head as he screamed over and over. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Then it was too much. Elena exploded, his vehement declaration igniting a firestorm of fury within her, blazing so hot and incendiary that she could only see the flames burning her up. She reached out for him.

And she snapped.

Her hands around his neck. She snapped.

Jeremy fell to the floor with a sickening thud, his face frozen in hate and horror.

All of the rage drained from her in an instant. A keening wail escaped her. She fell to her knees, reaching out for him, but she couldn't touch him. If she touched him, it would be real.

"No, no, no, no, no, no." She backed away. She stared at his still form. "Nooooooo," she cried quietly, so quietly that even another vampire wouldn't hear her. Rising to her feet, she couldn't tear her eyes away. She drifted to the dresser as if in a trance, her hands sorting through the contents lying there.

"No, no, no, no, no," she cried again and again. Her fingers curled around her phone. Without looking, without thought, she dialed a number, the only number that mattered. Bringing the phone to her face, she stared and she stared and she stared at her lifeless brother lying on her bedroom floor. "No, no, no, no," she cried again and again.

"Elena?"

"I killed him." She closed her eyes, the words finally making the image of her dead brother too much. "I killed Jeremy."

* * *

**Author's Note**: Just gotta say, the end of this chapter is the number #1 reason I had to write this fic. Needless to say, this was not an easy chapter to write. It went through a lot edits. I hope it works for most.


	15. Acceptance is Your Path to Growth

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 15 – Acceptance is Your Path to Growth [Featured Characters: Damon, Elena, Jeremy, Stefan, Caroline]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 5,716  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

Just a heads-up, obviously TVD has returned, but nothing in this fic - despite some similarities you may note - is inspired by anything seen in season 04. Nor will it be - if I start adding things from the show it might wind up messing my planned story!

* * *

**Chapter 15: Acceptance is Your Path to Growth**

The door was unlocked when Damon arrived. Without bothering to knock, he entered and sped upstairs. Standing in the doorway of Elena's bedroom he had a moment of déjà vu. There lay Jeremy, lifeless in front of Elena's bed. And kneeling at his feet with tears streaking her face and horror in her eyes was Elena. The big difference here was that he hadn't snapped Jeremy's neck. Nope, this time it was on Elena.

She looked up at him, desolation in her gaze. "Damon," she cried brokenly. "I can't check, I'm afraid… I don't know—" She didn't complete the sentence, breaking down in sobs. Moving forward, Damon knelt before Jeremy's still form, understanding what Elena wasn't saying. _I hope to God the kid listened to me_, Damon silently prayed as he reached out to Jeremy's hand.

The ring was on his finger. A wave of relief swept through Damon, and he didn't honestly know how much of it was for Elena and how much for Jeremy. Without realizing it, Jeremy had wormed his way into Damon's affection.

He held up Jeremy's hand. "Elena, he's wearing the ring." Her eyes widened, hope flaring in their depths. "He's wearing the ring," he repeated. "He's going to be fine. Give it a few minutes." Damon nodded reassuringly.

She was still for a moment, and then like air being released from a balloon, she sagged against the bed. "He's going to be fine. He's going to be fine," she whispered again and then suddenly launched herself at Damon, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. "Oh, God, Damon. Thank you, thank you. He's going to be fine. He's going to be fine." She buried her face in the crook of his neck.

Smiling, Damon slid his arms around her and gave a tight squeeze. He let her cry it out on his shoulder, but his eyes didn't stray from Jeremy. He had to get her out of there before Jeremy woke up, probably freaking the ever-loving fuck out. Mentally doing the math, Damon realized time was growing short. Reluctantly he pulled back.

Reaching up, he cupped her face in his hands. "Hey, I'll take care of him, OK?" She nodded, but he could tell it was without comprehension. "Elena?" She met his gaze, her eyes glowing, her face suffused with relief. "Listen to me." She nodded again, and this time it seemed to hold some understanding. "Go take a shower, clear your head. I will take care of Jeremy when he wakes up."

"No," she shook her head. "I need to be here for—"

"No, you don't. I'll be here." He smiled. "When you're done, we'll both be waiting."

"Damon…"

"Trust me?"

"Yes," she responded without hesitation.

He nodded. "Good, go take a shower. I got this." His tone brooked no argument.

Elena frowned, but then with a quick nod, she withdrew her arms and rose to her feet. She took a few steps, then stopped and looked back down at her brother. "He's going to be fine?" Her voice was small, like a child, and it broke his heart.

Damon offered up a reassuring smile. She returned a fleeting one and then went to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Sighing, Damon looked down at Jeremy's lifeless body. _How am I gonna handle this? Fuck._Rising to his feet, Damon stilled at the sound of the shower starting. Quickly, he pulled his phone out and scrolled for Caroline's name.

"What do you want, Damon?"

"Always a pleasure. Now shut up and listen. I need you to get and keep Stefan somewhere, anywhere away from the boarding house for a few hours, more if you can."

"Why?"

Damon bit back a curse. He really didn't have time for twenty questions, but he figured he owed her an explanation. "Elena did a big no-no, and no, I'm not telling you what, if she wants to she will later. I need to take her to the boarding house and… deal with it. Stefan's presence will not help matters."

There was a long pause, and then a drawn-out sigh. "Fine. I'm trusting you here, Damon, for Elena's sake. What am I supposed to do?"

"Just get him gone and keep him occupied. Go bunny-hunting, braid each other's hair, recite the _Twilight_ series to put him to sleep, I don't care. Just do something, anything to keep him away." He looked down at Jeremy with a shake of his head. _Unfuckingbelievable. She pulled a me._"Can you do that?"

"Yeah—I, yeah, I'll get him to my place."

"Good." He hung up and knelt back down. It was perfect timing because in the next instant Jeremy jerked up with a loud exhalation.

"Wha—?! Elena!?" His eyes were wide, his breathing heavy. He met Damon's worried gaze and Damon could tell the moment that Jeremy remembered what happened. Horror washed over his face, his mouth flopping open like a dead fish, no sounds coming out.

"Jeremy? Jeremy, listen to me. Listen!" Jeremy nodded, gulping hungrily for air, his body beginning to tremble and shudder. "I know you really, really want to freak out right now—"

"She snapped my neck," he managed on a horrified breath.

"I know, listen."

"She—"

"Jere! Focus. I know she did, but you can't freak out." He reached out and grabbed his chin, forcing Jeremy's gaze to remain locked on his. "You can not freak out. Breathe." He waited a beat, and then again. "Breathe." Jeremy let out a thready breath. "Good." Damon nodded. "Now go downstairs, make Elena a hot cup of tea, then come back up here and act as normal as possible." He gave a sharp smile.

Jeremy shook his head, jerking out of Damon's hold. "I can't."

"You can."

"No, no. She killed me." Jeremy sat up straight, anger, pain and fear dueling on his face. "Damon, my sister killed me!"

"Ssh," Damon shot a quick look to the bathroom, focusing on the sounds coming from the shower. He just heard water, no flurry of movement as if she'd been listening. "I know. I know she did. But you can't react to it, not right now."

"I can't," and Jeremy's voice broke, tears beginning to wet his face. "We were fighting, saying horrible things to each other. I told her I hated her, I wish our parents had never adopted her. And she—Damon, she snapped my neck." He let out a sob and, as if the weight was too much, fell forward into Damon's arms.

Looking up, Damon bit back an oath. He put a hand on Jeremy's back and gave it a few comforting pats. He felt for the kid, he truly did, but his bigger concern was for what this absolutely understandable reaction would do to Elena. Bending his head slightly, he spoke low. "I know this sucks, Jeremy. But if you love your sister, and I *know* that you love her, you will do this."

He was quiet, letting his words settle. After a few moments, Jeremy sat back up and looked at Damon. He didn't say anything, just shook his head soundlessly.

"Jeremy, she can't see you like this. Seeing you like this could add weeks, months to her dealing with this whole vampire thing. Hell, it could be an underlying issue that haunts her forever. Jeremy, forever. Literally. For. Ever." He captured Jeremy's gaze and held it tight. "Do you love her?"

"Yes," he nodded. His voice was quiet, but the response was immediate.

"OK. Listen, you had a bad fight, it happens. Siblings have bad fights. You love her. She loves you. You'll be fine. Jeremy, look at me. You have to do this."

Jeremy shook his head, "I can't, I don't—I don't think I can." He looked towards the bathroom and this time pain had overtaken the anger and fear. Then he jerked suddenly and turned to Damon, hope in his eyes. "Can you compel me to do it? To be OK?"

Damon paused for a moment, thinking and then he nodded even though he didn't want to. If he had more time, he knew that Jeremy could do this without compulsion. Damon figured that in the long run it would be better for Jeremy if he did, and Damon wasn't sure he could lie to Elena if she asked him about it. He looked down at the bracelet on Jeremy's wrist and a sudden idea struck him. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the package he'd brought with him before the funeral, but had forgotten to leave behind.

"Yeah, but take this. I meant to drop it off earlier." Jeremy looked confused, but took it.

"What—"

"Never mind, we gotta hurry." He pulled Jeremy's bracelet off and threw it down between them. "OK, Jeremy, look at me." The younger Gilbert did, nodding as a look of peace fell over his face. _Please, if you're up there, God, let this work_.

"You're going to go make your sister some tea and when we come downstairs you're going to tell her you understand she's under a lot of stress. Hey, you've died plenty of times before, no big. Elena and I are gonna head out, and you are going to tell her she doesn't have to go. I'll insist. You give in. We leave, and then you can go ahead and freak the fuck out after we're gone. Got it?"

Jeremy nodded. "Make tea, I understand, died lots of times. She leaves, I don't want her to, you insist. I freak out when you go."

"Good boy." He stood up, and then jerked a thumb towards the door. "Go, make the tea."

Jeremy rose to his feet and headed to the door. He stopped at the entrance and gestured to the package in his hand. "What is this?"

"Just put it on the counter. I'll explain later." He offered a swift smile and Jeremy nodded, hurrying out of the room.

Timing again was on his side. Just after Jeremy left, the water turned off and a few moments later, Elena walked out, dressed in the same dress she'd worn to the funeral, her hair wet, hanging down her back. "Where's Jeremy?"

"He's downstairs, making you tea. Come on."

She shook her head. "He won't want to see me."

"Come on, just see that he's OK and then we'll go."

Leaning against the door, she began to play with the handle. "Where are we going?"

"To the boarding house."

"No, no. I don't want to see Stefan. He's gonna— No." She shook her head, emphasizing her denial.

"Stefan won't be there. I took care of it."

Her eyes widened in horror. "Did you tell him?"

"No. Just the three of us know, I didn't tell anyone else. Come on, let's go." He kept his voice low and soothing, treating her like the wounded animal she was, tentative and skittish.

Elena was still for a moment, and then nodding, she followed him out of the room. Downstairs, Jeremy was pulling out some mugs. He froze when he saw his sister but then with a determined look, he straightened up and forced the world's most awkward smile on his face.

"Elena, I made you some tea." His voice was practically robotic. Damon rolled his eyes, but at the same time a huge sense of relief filled him because it seemed like he was right about the younger Gilbert. "And don't worry about killing me."

Elena flinched, her face losing all color. Damon winced. That awful smile faded away into natural anxiety. "No, it's OK. I've died lots of times. It's no big." And back came the smile.

"We'll pass on the tea," Damon interjected before Elena could. "I'm taking Elena to the boarding house."

Jeremy's looked away from them and towards the not-yet boiling tea kettle. "Uhm, OK." And then his eyes jerked back to Damon. "I mean, no, it's not OK. Elena, you should stay here. With me. It's cool." He nodded, the smile growing into some freakish-Chuckie-nightmare-looking thing.

"No, we'll go." He turned to Elena. "Hey, you, go to the car, I need to talk to Jeremy."

She looked between the two. "Wha—what?"

"About Ric."

"Oh, OK." She glanced over at Jeremy, and tears began to fall, her voice breaking. "I'm so sorry, Jeremy. I'm so…" she trailed off, unable to speak.

"I'm OK, Elena." He gulped, and then spoke thickly. "I'm sorry too. What I said. I'm sorry. I love you. You're my sister."

"Jeremy," she cried and Damon knew any second she was going to throw herself into her brother's arms, and yeah, that wasn't gonna happen. He reached out and touched her shoulder. Elena stiffened and looked at him.

"We should go." He raised his brows, and then smiled softly. "Come on."

She managed a small smile back and nodded. "OK." She spared another quick glance her brother's way and then headed out.

Damon was quiet, waiting until she was halfway to his car before walking into the kitchen. Looking around, he saw his package and picked it up, tossing it to Jeremy.

"What is this?"

Smiling, Damon leaned against the counter. "Some more vervain for you, for tea, sprinkle on your spaghetti, whatever."

"Oh," he nodded and set it down behind him. Damon waited, watching Jeremy. _One, two, three…_ Jeremy's eyes widened and he jerked his head back and forth between the vervain and Damon. _There it is._

"I was holding it. When you—when you compelled me, Damon. I—how? I don't understand."

Damon shrugged. "I knew you could do it, and I figured free will was the way to go. She scared the ever-loving shit out of you, but you love her, you were just too freaked out. So I gave you an excuse to not freak out."

Shaking his head, Jeremy leaned back against the counter. "But what if you were wrong?"

"Let's just be happy I wasn't and call it a night." Damon walked over and squeezed Jeremy's shoulder. "For all your annoying faults, you're pretty tough. I figured you could handle it." He shrugged. "And you did." He met Jeremy's eyes and held his gaze. Damon winked. "Good job." Stepping back, his arms spread out expansively. "And now I have to go make your sister get with the program so this," he clicked his tongue, "doesn't happen again."

Damon spared one more look for Jeremy's wide-eyed stare, then headed out. "See ya, kid." Turning around, he waved farewell over his shoulder as relief once more coursed through him. _One Gilbert down, one to go._

XxxxX

Caroline looked up when the doorbell rang. She let out a breath, really hoping that Stefan wouldn't ask about Damon or Elena because she hated lying to him… especially for his brother.

She opened the door with a smile. "Hey."

"Hey," Stefan responded with a quick smile of his own as he stepped inside. "What's up?"

"Thank you for coming over. I just—I needed to talk."

"About?"

Caroline shut the door behind them and sat down on the couch, inviting Stefan to join her. He did so. "It's, uhm, boy trouble."

Stefan raised a brow and looked around. "Uh," he let out a confused laugh. "Don't you have two best friends… that are girls?"

She sighed. "Yes, but I can't talk to them about this, well, one of this'es."

"This'es?"

"Shut up," she cried with a laugh. "Just, yeah, it's Tyler, but it's also Klaus."

Stefan was silent, and then nodded. "Yeah, I imagine you can't really talk to anyone else about him. Did something happen?"

Caroline shook her head and leaned back against the couch, gazing at the ceiling. "Tyler and I got into fight and he started throwing Klaus-stuff in my face."

"Like what?"

"That I kept the picture he drew of me."

"Oh," Stefan drew back, surprise lighting his features. "He drew a picture of you?"

She rolled her eyes. "What he never drew a picture of you? All decked out in your 20's tux, soulful eyes gazing into the distance."

Shaking his head, Stefan grinned. "No. And I wasn't exactly into soulful gazing at the point in my life."

"Right, you were the Ripper." She frowned. "What was that like?"

"Lots of killing, lots of feeding, lots of cruelty. And worst of all, lots of fun." His lips twisted bitterly. "No wonder Klaus and I were such pals."

They were both quiet, and then Caroline reached out, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

He smiled softly at her. "It's OK actually. I can't…" He trailed off with a sigh and the continued, a laugh of surprise escaping him. "You know, I can't really talk about this with anyone else. I'm too ashamed to let Damon know just how bad it got." He laughed again, this time harshly. "I can't tell Elena at all. She'd never look at me the same. And Klaus and Rebekah, well, they were there, right alongside me. They understand the fun, but not why that was the worst part.

But we were talking about you and Klaus..."

She leaned back with a wry smile. "Right. So Tyler and I had a fight, and he was *totally* a jerk, but... he did kinda have a point. Klaus did more than draw me a picture. He gave me a diamond bracelet. A *really* nice one. And that beautiful blue dress I wore to that ball his family threw? Yeah, that was a gift from him too."

Stefan's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. And you wore it."

"Yeah." She offered up in a small voice, and then defensively added. "I didn't have anything else to wear!"

"Caroline, come on. Mystic Falls has a ridiculous amount of fancy parties and dances, you had something to wear."

"OK, fine, I did, but nothing new. And it was really beautiful." She pouted. "I couldn't resist."

Stefan rolled his eyes with a teasing smile. "You couldn't resist. Of course. So Klaus has been lavishing you with gifts and Tyler wasn't too happy about that. Caroline, he doesn't 'kinda' have a point. He definitely does."

She was quiet for a moment and then her shoulders slumped. "I know. But he really was a jerk about it. Like really jerky."

"OK, fair enough, we all know that Tyler has his moments. What about Klaus? Where does he come in? You didn't call me over here over gifts he gave you months ago."

Biting her lip, Caroline squelched a pinch of guilt. _Damon said this was for *Elena.* I can trust him when it comes to her at least._"I went to his place to return it all. I had a speech and everything."

"So you did or you didn't return it?"

"I did. I actually dropped it all at his feet."

"Oh, I'm sure he didn't like that," Stefan grinned.

Her lips twisted. "He didn't care. He was too busy teasing me, too busy flirting and being all European and romantic and stuff. 'Like the sky after the rains have cleansed the earth.' Really." She looked at Stefan, shaking her head. "That's what he said about my eyes. How can I not melt a little?" She threw herself back again, throwing an arm over her face. "I know, by remembering that he's a completely evil psychopath." Her voice dropped to a low murmur. "Why do I forget that sometimes?"

Stefan was quiet for a long moment, and then she felt his touch as he pulled her hand into his and gazed at her, his eyes all soulful. "Sometimes it's easier to forget what we don't want to remember. When we want to feel loved, it doesn't matter where it comes from. It just matters that it's there and reality…" He trailed off, a wry smile tilting his lips. "Reality is a bitter pill to swallow."

Caroline squeezed his hand, realizing he was talking specifics. "What's your bitter pill?"

Releasing her hand, Stefan rose to his feet and walked over to the window. He was silent as he gazed out into the sunset. "I thought that despite everything that happened with Klaus, whatever happened here when I was gone, that all Elena and I had to do was just be together again and it would all just melt away. That our love was strong enough that we could just go back." He turned around to look at Caroline again. "Sometimes you can't go back. Sometimes you can't pretend that everything is OK."

Caroline smiled sadly. "Sometimes you have to take your pill no matter how bitter?"

"Yeah." He looked down, his voice low. "I don't know if we're gonna make it. How can we when she feels what she," he paused, shaking his head, "feels for him?"

Looking away, Caroline frowned, guilt once more attacking her. She was on the verge of confessing why she had called him over when she caught sight of a picture of her and Tyler from the 20's decades dance. And in the next moment, the memory of dancing in Klaus' arms at that very dance, his passionate gaze holding her captive. She gave a quick shake of her head, sending a sudden sharp look Stefan's way. His words resonated through her - _I don't know if we're gonna make it. How can we when she feels what she feels for him?_ - and she was shaken by how they could be applied to her and Tyler … and Klaus just as easily.

XxxxX

Elena was quiet as they walked through the front door, as quiet as she had been the entire ride to the boarding house. Damon spared her a quick glance, but he was focused more on the sound of any movement in the house. After a few moments of silence beyond the two of them, he breathed an inner sigh of relief. _Blondie came through._

He turned to Elena, a crooked smile curving his lips. Her hair was a tangled, heavy mess, still wet from the shower. There were dark smudges under and at the corner of her eyes where her make-up had smeared through passion, tears and scalding water. She'd missed a button on her dress, and it hung awkwardly on her frame. And with all of that, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

"What?" she murmured, managing a small smile.

He shook his head, on the verge of telling her nothing when he decided on the truth. "You're beautiful."

"I'm a mess," she laughed shakily.

"Yeah, a beautiful mess." He reached out, running a light finger across her cheek. "Come on, let's go upstairs. Stefan's not here, but no need announcing your presence if he shows up."

Her expression fell, and she nodded tiredly. "Yeah."

Less than a minute later, they were in his room. Elena sat gingerly on the edge of his bed and he hurried into the bathroom. "Don't move," he told her as he grabbed a towel. Moving quickly to her side, Damon held it out to her. "Your hair is still wet. Don't want you laying down on my nice, dry sheets."

She raised an eyebrow. "Am I laying down?"

"Well, since you look like something the cat dragged in, I'm thinking a little rest isn't entirely a bad idea." He pushed the towel towards her again. "So, dry your hair, lie down. I've got an idea."

"About Jeremy?"

He shrugged. "No, about you. Jeremy's fine. Trust me." He stilled and captured her gaze, his tone sincere. "Trust me?"

"You know that I do."

Damon smiled. "Good, so dry your hair, lie down. I just need to do a little more research."

Ten minutes later, she was lying down, but not sleeping. He could hear her sniffling and her breath catching as she tried to control her tears. Damon shook his head, looking down at the notes he'd managed to translate from the pictures that Jeremy had taken of the latest Original-related graffiti in the Lockwood caves. He hadn't figured out the whole thing, but context very well could be key here. It certainly tracked with what the Original daddy dearest had told him once upon a time.

_"I'd offer you a drink-... but Katherine tells me you're more of a "vampire on the rocks" kind of guy." Damon glanced over at Mikael, undisguised curiosity in his gaze._

The much-older vampire smiled. "Well, technically you could still offer."

Unwilling to drop the subject just yet, Damon prodded. "Why feed on vampires?" Mikael gazed blandly at him, and Damon added a snarky afterthought. "Don't tell me it's for the smooth after taste."

Mikael was quiet for a moment, and then offered up an explanation of sorts. "I had a hand in creating vampires, but bloodlust was never my intention. Over the centuries I learned to feed from the predator, not the innocent."

Damon tapped his pen on the desk, reading the words he had deciphered. Vampire. Blood. Innocent. Feed. It was possibly a stretch, but he wondered if Mikael had begun his journey to vampire-dieting from the get-go, but due to normal human blood consumption it had taken him those centuries to master it. If that was the case, maybe Elena could do the same, and get a head start on the mastery.

Hesitating for one moment longer, Damon set the pen down decisively. _Might as well give it a try._Biting into his wrist, he grabbed a tumbler and dribbled a generous amount of his blood into the glass, pulling at his skin to keep the liquid flowing. When it was more than half full, he pulled back with a grimace and watched as his flesh healed immediately.

Damon stood up, glass in hand, and walked over to the bed. Elena began to sit up and he placed the tumbler on the bed stand beside her. Reaching behind her, he fluffed the pillows. "Here, sit up."

Wiping at her tear-streaked face, Elena complied. "What are you doing?"

He perched on the bed next to her. "I told you, I had an idea." Reaching over, he picked up the glass. "Here, I want you to drink this blood."

Elena's eyes widened in horror. "No, Damon, I told you– I already tasted too much, Dr. Fell, Beverly, even that first taste from Jeremy. It wasn't much, but it was more than I wanted. If I drink more, God, Damon if I drink more, I don't know if I can stop myself from wanting more and more."

Damon was quiet. His brows raised. "Are you done?"

Confusion, and a brief flash of welcome annoyance, flitted across her face. "Am I– what?"

"It's not human blood. I know how you feel about that. Trust me, you've made yourself *abundantly* clear on that score."

"It's not human?"

"Did I stutter?"

Frowning at him, she rolled her eyes. "Damon." He held the glass out to her without responding. "So it's animal blood? I don't like the animal blood."

He sighed. "Elena, take it."

She hesitated a moment longer and then took it. Bringing the tumbler to her mouth, her eyes started to darken, veins popping out beneath her eyes as the smell hit her. She took a sip, and then another, her eyes closing rapturously. Both hands wrapped around the glass and she tilted her head back, swallowing the contents in one long swallow. Her vampire-face faded, and it was just Elena again, but the pallor that had haunted her since she'd turned had faded as color bloomed in her cheeks. Her eyes were bright as she looked at him.

"What was it? Do you have more? I want more. I'm so hungry. That was so— oh my God, that was so good. What animal was that?"

A smile played around his lips as he took the glass from her. "It wasn't an animal."

The smile on her face faded and before he could explain, she lashed out at him, horror, anger, pain lacing every word.

"You lied to me! I trusted you!"

"Elena—"

She backed away, pushing herself into the pillows behind her. "Damon you said it wasn't human! You knew…" she trailed off, tears began to fall again as she continued to rail at him, talking over his attempts to calm her down.

"You knew I didn't want this, I never wanted to know, to— to *savor* the taste of human blood." She began to sob and threw the glass angrily across the room.

He winced as it shattered, thinking of the clean-up job awaiting him. _OK, now I'm pissed._"Elena!" He reached out and held her shoulders. "Look at me. It is NOT human blood. I wouldn't do that to you." She stilled. "So much for trusting me," he muttered, his hands dropped to the bed. "I wouldn't do that to you," he repeated.

"You said it wasn't an animal… so what was it, Damon, if it wasn't human?"

"It was vampire blood."

Her mouth dropped open with a pop. Her lips moved wordlessly. She shook her head. Finally she managed one word. "Vampire?"

"Mine to be exact."

Elena let out a long breath, confusion clouding her face. She looked up at him. "I don't understand. How does that work?"

He shrugged. "I told you I was digging around in the Lockwood caves. There was another one with pretty pictures that included what I figured was a reference to Papa Original draining one of the newbie vamps that his offspring created. It reminded me of a conversation me and the old man had once upon a time. You remember Klaus' non-daddy?"

She nodded, but remained silent.

"He drank vampire blood. That's how he survived. I asked him about it, he gave enough information paired with what I found in the cave that I thought it might work for you. We have to try something. You're starving yourself, Elena. You're losing it."

"No, I'm—" She started to protest, but he cut her off with a shake of his head.

"You snapped your baby brother's neck tonight. You attacked Meredith Fell yesterday, and a classmate a day or two before then. You've been barely feeding because even snacking on bunnies makes your empathetic heart break. Tell me again that you're fine. I dare you."

"I–" she began, and then shook her head helplessly. "I'm losing it."

"How do you feel now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've only had a few sips of the awesome human blood so you can't really compare, and judging from your reaction, mine tops the icky animal stuff?"

She nodded. "It was delicious." Damon couldn't help but grin. "Honestly, Damon, it tasted so much better than bunny blood. It was stronger and richer, and this way I'm not hurting anyone."

"What about all those helpless bunnies?" She looked down, and Damon was surprised to see shame on her face. "Elena, I was kidding."

"I know, but I did—I felt guilty because even if I wasn't hurting humans, I was still hurting innocent animals."

Damon couldn't help but laugh. "Right because before you turned, you were a vegan."

"Hey!" She cried, smacking his arm, but she was laughing. He grinned, happy to see the first genuine smile he'd seen on her face in what felt like forever. Moments later, even though it faded, contentment remained. She ducked her head slightly, and looked up at him from beneath her lashes. "Damon?"

"Hmm?"

"The thing about your blood that was weird—" She broke off, her brow crinkled in thought. "It was definitely better than the animal blood, but it felt… flat, I guess?"

He nodded. "That makes sense. It's probably like human blood." Elena shook her head slightly in bewilderment. "The blood bags do the trick, but we're not taking it from the source, feeling the heartbeat thrum in our veins when we drink, so there's a flatness. That wouldn't be there drinking from animals because you get that heartbeat, if not the rich taste."

Elena was quiet. She looked at him, her eyes wide. Gingerly she bit her bottom lip, and Damon found his gaze drawn to her mouth. It suddenly struck him that Elena Gilbert was lying in his bed. And he wasn't dying from a werewolf bite. He released an unsteady breath, stilling himself, determined to control the lust that thought spiked in him. "Damon?" She said softly, almost shyly, obviously unaware of his less-than-pure thoughts. He dragged his eyes back up to her face. She looked so hopeful.

He raised a brow.

"Can I—can I drink from you? I mean, directly from the vein? I'm still hungry. Would that be OK?"

Desire ratcheted up to a thousand at the very thought of her fangs piercing into his skin, her lips pressed against his flesh, drinking his blood. He cleared his throat, managing a steady tone. "Yeah." He cleared his throat again. "That would be fine." A smile bloomed across her face, and this time it was his heart that flooded with feeling. He couldn't help but smile back.

Rising to his feet, he walked around the bed and settled in comfortably. He pulled his sleeve up and presented his wrist to her. Elena looked at him, not moving. "Go for it. Dive in." She grinned and reached out for his arm. Veins darkened and spread under her eyes as her fangs descended. Wanting to close his eyes in anticipation, he none-the-less kept them open, wanting even more to see the moment when she bit... _Ah! Oh God._The sweet pain pierced him as she tore into his flesh, her lips were moist upon his skin and lust coursed through him at the first pull of his blood into her mouth.

Damon threw his head back, as his other hand clenched at the sheets, his fingers furiously digging into their Egyptian cotton. As she sucked harder and harder, each pull tugged at the pit of his stomach, heat spreading through him. He shifted in glorious discomfort, his jeans growing constricted.

It was hell.

Elena paused between sips of blood, a sigh of the most unbearable sweetness escaping her lips.

It was heaven.


	16. Coming to Terms

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 16 – Coming to Terms [Featured Characters: Damon, Elena, Matt, Rebekah and Stefan]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 7,748  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

Just a heads-up, obviously TVD has returned, but nothing in this fic - despite some similarities you may note - is inspired by anything seen in season 04. Nor will it be - if I start adding things from the show it might wind up messing my planned story!

* * *

**Chapter 16: Coming To Terms**

Less than thirty minutes had passed since she began drinking Damon's blood. He'd gotten up about ten minutes in to grab some blood bags for himself. "Replenish the source material," he'd quipped. Elena had been too lost in the glorious sensation of not only the taste of him, but in getting her fill after almost a week of near-starving herself that she couldn't even summon a smile, she just needed more of his blood.

At last satiated, she threw herself back against the pillows, feeling a completeness that she hadn't thought possible before this moment. She marveled at how *great* she felt, from the delightful tingling of her senses to the clarity of her vision to the energy that surged through her blood. It was amazing. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before releasing the breath in a long, satisfied sigh.

Opening her eyes, Elena turned her head Damon's way. He was tearing into another blood bag. "I'm sorry I drank so much."

He shrugged. "I'm good," and began sucking from his bag with a relaxed air. "As long as you're good?"

"Yeah," she offered with a slight nod.

"Good."

Pulling herself up slightly, Elena arranged the pillows behind her. "I feel full. The first time since I died—" And like that the pleasant feeling went away. Her eyes shuttered closed, the words reminding her of what she couldn't believe that she had forgotten. Elena brought her hand to her mouth, a horrified whisper escaping her. "Jeremy."

"He's fine."

"Damon, what I did to him—"

"He's fine, Elena. I promise you. It was a shock, but not to put it too finely, it's not the first time he's had his neck snapped."

"Damon!"

"What?" He looked at her, eyes wide. "It's true. I know. I was there. I did it the first time." Reaching out, he nudged her shoulder slightly. "By the way, Jeremy told me how you got around to forgiving me for that. Thank you for that."

Elena shook her head with a weak, sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, sure, you're welcome." The smile dropped, a sigh escaping her as she remembered that conversation. "He would've been dead or a vampire himself if you hadn't…" She trailed off, and then shook her head again, with more force this time. "It doesn't matter what you did, what happened before. What I did tonight–"

"Won't happen again."

She sat up sharply and turned to face him fully, tears shimmering at the corner of her eyes. "How can you be so sure? How do you know I'm not gonna lose it again?"

Damon was quiet for a moment, then he set his bag down and turned to face her. "Because you're not going to do what you were doing. This whole starving yourself thing? You get how stupid that is now, right? It won't work. You can't live like that."

Biting her lip gently, she couldn't look at him. Her head dropping, she closed her eyes as the word he chose – 'live' – resonated in her mind. It was like a light bulb flickering on, the word sparking a revelation within her. Elena looked up at him and her voice was soft. "Maybe that's the problem, Damon. Maybe I don't want to live."

He let out a short bark of laughter. "Maybe? Elena, I figured that out five seconds after you offered yourself up for sacrifice... the first time. With Matt, that crash, you just finally got the opportunity to follow through." He leaned in and lightly caressed her cheek. "Maybe it's about time you start accepting that someone up there is just not ready for you." Damon smiled, but she couldn't return it. Turning her face away, his hand dropped and he sighed in the silence. "Elena, you do know that desiccation and dying? Not the same thing. You can starve yourself until time runs out and you still won't die. You saw Katherine in the tomb after a handful of weeks. And Pearl, right? She was in there for almost 150 years. Still alive, just in complete agony. That was desiccation."

"Not death." She said quietly.

"Right, not death. But you knew that. So maybe, maybe you really don't want to die, you just think you should want to. I never saw you take a walk out in the sun without your ring. That would do the trick."

Elena shook her head. "I don't know. I don't— I didn't ask Stefan to save Matt... to save Matt. Yes, I wanted him to live, but..." She trailed off as tears began to slip more steadily down her cheeks. Finally, with a nod, she spoke, her voice barely audible. "I did, Damon, I did want to die." Sobs began to shake her and she looked up at him, barely seeing him through her tears. "I wanted to die." She felt, rather than saw, him pull her into his arms. She shook her head even as she buried it into his chest, her words muffled. "I was supposed to die with my parents. I was supposed to die with them that night in the creek."

"No, no you weren't." His voice was soft, soothing, as soothing as his hand drawing circles on her back with infinite tenderness. The ache of her cries began to dissipate, her tears slowly drying up as her thoughts, these words that she had held so tightly wrapped up inside of her began to spill out.

"Since then there's been so much pain, so much death. So many people dying." Her eyes were wide staring blankly ahead.

"It's not your fault." He sounded so sure, so confident.

Elena pulled away from his hold, but not out of the circle of his arms to look up at him. "But isn't it? If I had died, Bonnie would still be laughing at her Grams, the so-called witch. And she would still be alive. Bonnie wouldn't have gone searching for her mom and she wouldn't be a vampire." She shook her head as more and more names and tragic circumstances kept flooding through her mind. "Caroline wouldn't be a vampire. Tyler probably would never have become a werewolf, and if I was gone, Klaus wouldn't have come back to Mystic Falls, so he wouldn't be a vampire either." The tears that had run dry began to fall again as a cry escaped her. "And Jenna. Jenna would be alive." Her eyes shut tight in pain. "Ric would be alive. They would be alive."

He pulled her back into his arms, holding tightly. "Sssh, ssh," he whispered but the names just kept coming.

"Chad and Dana and Tyler's dad, and Caroline's dad. John," she managed on a harsh, ragged breath before the steady stream continued. "Everyone, everyone that Stefan killed when he was with Klaus. Andie Starr, and that girl, I don't remember her name, the girl that Katherine killed at the party. God, Damon, I don't even remember her name. So many people died. All of these people, Damon! All of these people are dead because of me!"

He pulled free from embracing her and moved to grip her arms lightly. He lowered his chin, capturing her gaze with the intensity in his own. "No." His voice was quiet, but firm.

She shook her head. "Yes, they are."

Damon looked away for a moment. Elena could read exasperated anger on his face, but when he looked back at her, he'd tamped it down and instead there was just conviction there. Conviction and love.

"No, they are not. They are dead because of me. Because of Stefan. Because of Klaus. And Katherine. Doing bad things. Giving into our vampiric nature. None of those deaths are on you. It happened. It sucked. But I never killed anyone because of you. Stefan didn't, Klaus didn't. Even Katherine didn't."

Her voice was small. "Jenna." Silent tears began to fall as she remembered her aunt in that clearing, flames dancing around them both, her eyes wide in fear. "Jenna died because of me."

Damon was quiet. Finally he let out a soft sigh. "Would it make you feel better to own one of those deaths? Put it on you?"

Elena shrugged lightly, thinking, wondering if the guilt would ease just the bit if she could take on that burden. If it was possible that anything could. "No, I don't know." She looked down, and then back up at him. "Maybe?"

Nodding, Damon squeezed her arms gently. "Fine, you and Stefan shouldn't have left Jenna alone. Not with everything going down." Her eyes widened, an inaudible cry escaping her because he was right. Whatever she was going through, dealing with her impending fate, she never should have left Jenna alone.

As that guilt began to build anew, Damon shook her lightly and brought her focus back to him, his words cutting off the emotions threatening to swamp her. "But I shouldn't have forced my blood on you. And Jenna shouldn't have forgotten everything she'd been told in the last day." Elena shook her head, looking down. She wanted to deny him; she did not want to blame Jenna. As if reading her thoughts, he continued. "I'm not blaming Jenna. But I'm not blaming you either. Elena, people screwed up. It happens. If anyone is to blame for what happened to Jenna, it's Klaus, and by extension, Katherine."

He lifted one arm and laid a finger under her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Not one single person who died has died because you wanted it, you caused it, you were responsible."

"They're still dead."

He nodded, his eyes still locked on hers. "Yeah, they're still dead. But you're not. And just about every person you named would give up their life to keep you around. You don't repay them by trying to die. You live, Elena. You live."

She swallowed and found herself nodding without conscious thought. He pulled his hand back and turned his wrist to her, the veins catching in the light. "Vampire blood may be what you need. It could do the trick. No humans or animals will be hurt in the healthy production of this vampire."

A small laugh escaped her. It wasn't much, but it was something and it was real… and it didn't hurt.

"I'm just afraid," she nearly whispered.

"Of what?"

"I'll feel too much. That I can't handle it. I'll go too far. That's what happened, just a few hours after I turned, we were fighting and then we were… *not* fighting." She bit her lip gingerly and then took a deep breath. "I don't know how to deal."

He shook his head even before she finished speaking. "You were starving. You needed blood, you were out of control, on emotional overload. Hunger was taking over everything, *has* been taking over everything and that hunger has pushed every emotion to sky-high levels. A seasoned vampire would have difficulty keeping control and you're a newborn. Hell, you've seen what Stefan's like when he goes awhile without the good stuff. He's off his rocker." Shrugging, he released her and laid back against the headboard. "He rips people's heads off, you have hot, forbidden sex." He smirked. "It takes all types."

She couldn't help it. She blushed, memories of that hot, forbidden sex flashing through her mind. The darkening of the blue in his eyes made her think that he was going there too. Sitting up straight, she cleared her throat. "Damon…" there was a warning note in her voice, and she went suddenly still, recognizing that chiding note, one of exasperation and so different from the desperate pleas she'd been leveling at him since her turn.

Whether he caught the significance or not, he sat up, reassurance in his tone. "The thing is you're not hungry anymore so you won't be on that emotional overload. You'll be in control and you won't feel driven to do *things* anymore without pulling back. Things like, oh, the burning desire to have sex with me every time we're in the same room." He smirked and she fought a grin. "Consider tonight."

She shook her head. "What do you mean?"

"We've been lying in this bed for almost an hour and you haven't tried to jump me once." This time she couldn't stop the grin from forming. Damon smiled in return. "Look, we'll figure out some way of you getting your daily dose of needed vamp-blood. It's not like you don't have plenty to choose from." His smile dimmed. "Including your boyfriend. You should talk to him about… all of this. Spill your guts to him, not me. Maybe it will ease the tension. For now."

Elena nodded. She paused, about to tell him that she had decided to end things with Stefan, but she stopped herself. It wasn't fair to Stefan to tell his brother before she broke the news to him. And she didn't want Damon to get the idea that just because she was ending things with Stefan, she was going to jump into a relationship with him. She needed time and space for herself now even if a future with Damon was almost definitely in her horizon.

Right now, though, she wasn't ready, but she didn't have the heart to see his hopes raised in even the short space of time between telling him that she was breaking up with Stefan, but not heading into something with him right away. So she remained quiet on the details. "You're right. I need to talk to Stefan." Elena sighed at the flash of disappointment on Damon's face. _I'll tell him tomorrow,_ she promised herself, but first she owed it to Stefan, to what they had, to let him know that there was no future for them.

XxxxX

The Grill was fairly quiet and that was just how Matt normally liked it. However, the gorgeous blonde vampire, centuries old, casually leaning against the bar while she buffed her nails made things less than normal. Bustling customers adding lots of noise and chaos would make it a lot easier to ignore her. Swiping his rag against the bar top, he glanced over at her. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

Rebekah paused mid-buff, pursing her lips and then threw a bright smile his way. "Really, I don't." Matt sent a hard look her way. She raised a brow. "Well, it's not like I can just call up a girlfriend..." He rolled his eyes and took another vicious swipe at the now-gleaming surface. _I could just walk away,_ he thought, not quite sure why he was still standing right there, next to her. With that realization in mind, he made the decision to just walk away.

"I did get a computer." She suddenly announced proudly.

Matt stayed put, confusion sweeping his expression. "You didn't have one?"

She shrugged. "Well, they weren't exactly around in the 20's." Giving her nails a once-over, she slipped her file into the back pocket of her impossibly tight jeans. Yeah, he'd noticed. He hated himself for it, but he had definitely noticed. Forcing his gaze back up to her face and those impossibly big, blue eyes, he met her sunny smile and forced his attention back to the conversation at hand.

"Yeah, but you've been up and about for a few months now."

"And I've been busy."

"Yeah, I've seen your kind of busy," he scoffed, finally about to turn around when something occurred to him. "Wait, what about school?"

"What about it?"

"How did you do homework if you didn't have a computer?"

She laughed, a sweet tinkling that seriously sounded like bells. He groaned inwardly. _How could someone who looked and sounded and…_ His thoughts froze as she leaned in slightly and he breathed in a whiff of her perfume, _*smelled* so perfect be so… not?_

"Homework? Oh, Matt. You're so silly." She gave his cheek an affectionate pat and he found himself leaning into her touch. He held himself still, really hoping she hadn't noticed. The glint that suddenly lit her eyes made him think otherwise. He tightened his lips. Rebekah pulled away, leaning back against the bar once more, her pale blue top stretching taut across— Matt jerked his eyes up, but she was looking upward with a roll of hers, still smiling.

"I didn't do any homework. I only attended history a few times." Her tone took on a musing note as she added, "mostly just to get under Elena's skin." It was his turn to roll his eyes, but he wasn't smiling. "What? Should I lie to you?" She asked.

Matt took a deep breath but let it go, because, yeah, at least she didn't lie to him. "I don't get it though, you were at school. You were on committees!" He suddenly wondered if he was so interested in her explanation because he was genuinely curious or if it was just an excuse to keep talking to her. The fact that he was even questioning it gave him his answer, but that wasn't something he was about to admit.

Rebekah sighed, waving a hand casually in the air. "Oh, I just compelled teachers, administrators and what-not. I told them I was there every day and handing in grade-A work." She beamed at him.

"Huh," he muttered, thinking how nice that would be and wondered if he could talk Caroline or Elena into– _What am I thinking? Stop, Donovan. Hang out with the morally deficient long enough and you lose all sense of right and wrong. Man._ He shook his head and fixed his gaze on her, going back to the start of the conversation. "So you got a computer?"

"Yup, and the...," she paused with a frown, snapping her fingers a bit before continuing with another smile. "The tech guy who set it up said that when I got the cable for my television– oh and I love that." She interrupted herself with a grin. "I like the funny shows."

"Sitcoms?" She gave him a blank look. "You know, _Big Bang Theory_, _Parks and Rec_…"

"Oh, yes, those."

He nodded. "Yeah, they're called sitcoms."

"Oh." Rebekah looked confused for a moment, then shrugged it off. "Well, they make me laugh."

"That's kinda the point," Matt offered dryly.

She looked at him with annoyance, and then shrugged that off as well. "As I was saying, when the tech guy hooked up my computer he said that my cable package included the internet."

His mouth falling open in disbelief, Matt looked at her incredulously. "You've never been on the internet?"

Shaking her head, she grinned. "Nope, not before this last week. It's wonderful!" And there she went beaming all over the place again. "Ooh," she reached out and tapped his arm a few times in excitement. "Have you been on the youtube?"

Matt laughed. "Uh, yeah, everyone has."

She looked mildly disappointed as if she had wanted to share something new and exciting with him. Seeing her pleasure fade, he wished for a split-second that he had lied and told her that he hadn't. Grimacing at the thought, he scolded himself. _This is Rebekah, Matt! Rebekah! The one who drove your truck into Willow Creek with you and *Elena* in it._ He shook his head and clenched the rag tightly. That was it, he was walking away.

But she was still talking.

"Did you see the one with the cat playing the keyboard?" She was smiling again, looking so damn happy as she stood there and actually mimicked the cat playing the keyboard. It didn't matter how many times he reminded himself of who she was and what she had done, she was charming the hell out of him all over again. Despite himself, he smiled at her, at her happiness.

"Oh, oh, and the dramatic chipmunk!" He grinned when she turned around and acted that one out too. Laughing, Rebekah clapped delightedly. "It's so much fun," and then her eyes narrowed, her smile fading. "But people are so rude. They leave these comments and they're just nasty. NO decorum at all."

Matt shrugged. "Yeah, well, that's the internet." He paused and gave yet one more half-hearted swipe at the bar top. "So that's what you do all day?"

"Yes, I'm watching the youtube and the... sitcoms." She shrugged. "It passes the time." She sent a sly look his way. "When I'm not courting your favor." A smile danced on those full, pouty lips and he stood there unmoving, caught up in that beautiful smile.

"Hey Maattt…"

He jerked up as Bonnie's voice trailed off. Taking a step back, he met her questioning gaze. "Hey, Bonnie." He cleared his throat, feeling guilty at getting caught… not hating Rebekah.

He heard the Original sigh heavily beside him and found his gaze returning to her. "I suppose that's my cue to leave," Rebekah muttered. She flashed him another quick smile, then turned away with a flip of her golden hair as she walked past Bonnie.

Once Rebekah was out of view, he looked to find Bonnie staring at him, her eyes wide and brows raised. She didn't say a word, but he could read her every thought in the look on her face. "I know!" He offered up in weak defense.

"Hello! She's the reason Elena's what she is," she exclaimed.

"I know," he repeated. "OK, I know. It's just… she was protecting her family. Who's to say that none of us wouldn't go to the same extremes to protect the people we love?" Yeah, he was defending Rebekah. _She is so getting to me_, he admitted to himself with an inner sigh.

Bonnie was quiet for a long moment and then she shrugged. "Yeah, I get that, I guess. But, still, that's not exactly her only bad."

"True," he conceded, "but, hey, as long as I give her the time of day she isn't trying to kill Elena." He tried a winning smile.

Bonnie frowned in response. "Yeah, just keep telling yourself that."

"Well, it's true."

Her lips quirked up slightly. "The only reason?"

Sighing, Matt ran a hand over his face, groaning. "I know I shouldn't like her, I get that. It's just that I forget I'm not supposed to sometimes." He laughed. "What can I say? She's this really hot, crazy mix of a teenager and someone..." He trailed off, not quite sure how to put her charms into words.

She had no problem completing his sentence. "Who's really, really, really old?"

"Yeah. There's so much she knows, and… so little at the same time." He leaned against the bar, shook his head slightly. "Bonnie, she... she takes my mind off of my crappy life." He straightened up. "And she got me a car!"

She rolled her eyes, "Oh well, then."

He lowered his voice, going for the maximum effect. "A Maserati, even."

Her eyes widened, Bonnie looked appropriately impressed. "No, she did not."

"She did." He grinned, unable to control it as the memory of that beautiful black beast filled his mind. Then his grin died. "I didn't accept it. Well, I mean, I did, but then I returned it the next day." The words were as painful to say as was the memory of doing so.

"Good call," she offered sympathetically. "That'd probably get some attention." Bonnie smiled, and lightly punched his arm. "People would wonder who your sugar mama was."

"Bonnie!" She laughed, and he just shook his head with a smile. "She gave me a truck instead."

Her eyes narrowed. "That truck I saw you driving to school yesterday?"

"Yup."

She nodded. "Keeping that one?"

Grinning, Matt ducked his head and looked up at her through his lashes. "Yup." He straightened, throwing his hands up. "Hey, she's the reason my last one is at the bottom of Willow Creek. It's only fair."

Shrugging, Bonnie took a moment to consider, then, "true." She smiled, and then laughed. "My God, the lives we lead, Matt."

He laughed himself. "Yeah."

They were both quiet for a moment. Matt looked around, and then back down at Bonnie. "So, what brings you here? Meeting Elena and Caroline?"

She shook her head. "Uhm, no, Damon actually."

"Salvatore?" He was surprised. As far as he knew, Bonnie hated him as much as Caroline did.

"Do you know another Damon?" She asked drily and he had to laugh again.

"True enough, but why?"

Shrugging, she turned and looked behind her before returning her attention back to him. "I dunno. He texted, said we needed to talk."

"He's another one, isn't he? We should hate him. I mean, Caroline does. Don't you?"

"I used to, but who am I to judge?" She sighed, laughing without a trace of humor. "No, I don't. Not anymore. Most of the awful stuff he does these days, it's the lesser of evils. He's the one stuck making all the tough choices. I mean, he still can be a total jerk, but he's not the worst thing ever. "

Matt nodded. "Yeah, but try telling that that to Caroline."

"Hah," Bonnie responded. "Who treats Klaus like a wounded soul."

"And Stefan like the second coming." Matt added.

"Yeah." She shook her head. "Don't get me wrong, Damon was terrible to Caroline and I get why she hates him. He's not my favorite person, but he's changed. He's not the same guy he was when he first showed up. Only a blind person wouldn't see that. Frankly, if it wasn't for him, we'd probably all be dead by now. Say what you will about him, but Damon gets stuff done."

"That I do."

Matt looked over Bonnie's slight form, taking in the arrival of the older Salvatore brother. As he got closer, his eyes narrowed as he sized Matt up and down. "Donovan, still alive. Elena? One of the undead."

"Blame your brother for that," Matt spit back at him.

A cold smile curved Damon's lips. "Oh, I do." Then he shrugged. "I'm getting over it. At least Elena had my blood in her system. Thank God for concussions and the good Dr. Fell, huh?" That bitter smile returned in a flash before fading away as he turned his attention towards Bonnie, effectively ignoring Matt. "Speaking of concussions, did you hit your head since we last spoke?"

Bonnie's eyes narrowed in confusion. She sent a quick look Matt's way before returning her gaze to Damon as she shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

Stepping over, Damon hopped up on a barstool and leaned back slightly. "I seem to recall the two of us in agreement that keeping Klaus in wolf-boy's body was the plan. After all, Tyler's weak comparatively and that gives us the upper hand over Klaus as long as he's trapped in there." Damon's lips twisted in a bitter smile as he pinned Bonnie with a hard gaze. "Then I find out that you reached into your bag of magic spells and plopped a vengeful, psychotic millennium-old hybrid back into his practically indestructible, incredibly powerful body. So, concussion?"

Bonnie let out a frustrated sigh, looking away for a moment, but Matt couldn't help but be surprised that Damon had bothered even coming to an agreement of any kind with Bonnie at all. Even more was the fact that although he wasn't too happy, Damon also didn't seem that pissed off. He showed up, coming to Bonnie to get the information instead of going off the deep end without getting all the facts.

"I couldn't do that to Tyler, or Caroline." Bonnie finally said. She looked at Damon, defiance in her gaze.

Damon was silent for a moment, and then he rolled his eyes. "I was hoping you were cooking up some dastardly plan, maybe put a pox on Klaus' body when it was… uninhabited. But nope, just feelings." He clicked his tongue. "Nothing more than feelings."

"What if it had been Stefan? Would you have wanted me to keep Klaus in his body?"

"No," Damon scoffed. "But he's still my brother. Tyler, on the other hand?" He rose to his feet with a sigh. "Whatever. What's done is done." He gave Bonnie a look. "I don't suppose you put any kind of witchy juju on him that would help us out at least?"

"I–" she broke off with a shake of her head. "I didn't even think of doing anything like that."

"Of course you didn't," Damon muttered under his breath. "Well, next time you're making a big move, give me a call, I can do the Machiavellian thinking for both of us."

He turned to Matt, who was still watching them, genuinely surprised at how… cool Damon was being about the whole thing.

"You?" Damon pointed at him, and Matt straightened up.

"Yeah?"

He glanced down at his watch, and then shrugged. "I don't care what time it is. Get me a Scotch on the rocks." Damon sat back down on the stool and swiveled to face the bar.

Matt turned to Bonnie, his mouth working wordlessly. Finally he looked back to Damon. "I don't do the bar. I'm underage."

"Lord spare me the ridiculous laws of the 21st century." He gripped the edge of the bar top and let out a long-suffering sigh. "Then go get me someone who can. I'm hoping to achieve at least a mild buzz sometime before you *are* legal."

"Right. I'll get the manager." Matt gave Bonnie a look. "You staying?"

She shook her head. "Nah, I'm heading over to see Jeremy." She raised a hand in farewell. "Bye."

Matt gave her a smile. "See you later."

"And I would like to see my drink now." Damon broke in with a sarcastic smile.

"Later, Matt." She paused. "Damon… later."

He raised a hand in acknowledgment. "Sabrina."

She left, and Matt looked at Damon. "Why do you call her that?"

He was quiet, and then slowly swiveled the stool to face Matt. There was a smile, practically friendly, on his face. "Do you want me to rip your heart out or do you wanna get me a drink? The choice is yours, Donovan."

"Drink, definitely getting the drink. I've already nearly died a few times this year."

"And yet you're still here. Bravo." Damon looked at Matt, and his eyes were narrowed, not with annoyance, but rather in observation. When he spoke, the sarcastic bent was gone, he was all seriousness. "I know it wasn't your choice, Donovan, but do something with your life. Make Elena's stupid sacrifice worthwhile."

Matt went still, taking in Damon's words. Then he nodded. "I'll do my best."

"Good." He looked away. "Now go get my drink before I threaten to remove another body part."

XxxxX

Elena paced back and forth, anxiously rubbing her hands together. She looked towards the entrance of the foyer as if that could make his arrival come any sooner. And just at that moment it did. As the front door opened, Elena let out an unsteady sigh and stilled. Stefan walked in the room, a welcome smile on his face.

"Hey. You called?" He questioned as he moved forward and reached for her hands. She let him take them and her lashes drifted shut when he pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek. As he pulled away, she met his gaze, and her anxiety must have been obvious because his smile dropped away. "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you. About… everything."

"OK," he said quietly, confusion in the two syllables.

"I mean, everything, not just the parts we want to talk about." She nodded firmly and pulled her hands free. Walking over, she sat down on the couch. "Do you want to sit?"

"No, I'll stand for now. What's going on?" The unease that she was feeling appeared to radiate from him as well now.

"I snapped Jeremy's neck."

His mouth fell open. She squeezed her eyes shut, not quite able to believe that had popped out. "I'm sorry. That was blunt. But, yeah I did."

"Is he...?" Stefan's voice was low, his eyes wide in shock.

"He's fine. He was wearing the ring. Damon had told him to wear the ring just in case."

"Just in case," Stefan repeated in a whisper.

"Just in case I lost control. And I did."

"I didn't know that Jeremy listened to Damon." He managed as he finally did walk over and sit down.

"Well, they've been spending time together. Something about Ric." Stefan nodded, eyes still searching the room in surprise. "Anyway, I did it, and I called Damon and he—"

"You called Damon? Why? Why didn't you call me?"

And this was it. This was where the words she was going to say were going to start hurting him. But it had to be done. "Because I trust him. Because I know he'll do what needs to be done. Because he understands."

"And I don't?" His voice was incredulous, and that was yet something else showing that he had no idea what she'd been going through.

"No, Stefan, you don't. I've been completely falling apart and you've been slapping a happy face on it because you can't deal with the fact that I'm not sweet, human Elena anymore."

"That's not true—"

"It is," she insisted, and then held up a hand. "But that's not what this is about."

He ran a hand through his hair, but it remained perfectly coiffed. Confusion battled with the vaguest signs of resignation.

"I snapped Jeremy's neck, I called Damon. He handled everything, took care of Jeremy. I don't know what he said to him, but when we left, he – that is, Jeremy – was OK. Considering." Elena let out a long breath, fidgeting in her seat slightly. "Then we came here, me and Damon, and he figured out that if I wouldn't drink human blood, and if animal blood didn't taste right, there was one other option."

"One other—what are you talking about?"

"Vampire blood. He fed me his blood."

Stefan shot up, his eyes wide, betrayal darkening the green. "You drank Damon's blood?!"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you call me?" He burst out, going back to that. "I—you could have told me? We could have…" He trailed off. Stefan looked at her, his gaze searching. "What's going on, Elena? You're right, you're not the person I fell in love with. You're keeping things from me, you're avoiding me. Every time I turn around, you're with Damon, or talking to Damon, or doing, saying things… how could you be so far gone that you would kill Jeremy and I didn't know?" He threw his arms out, his voice rising. "How could you not let me in?!"

"I don't know." She shook her head, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"You don't know? You know. You know, Elena."

"Because I stopped doing it."

"What does that even mean?" He cried.

"I stopped doing it because you were gone and everything was falling apart all over again and you were gone. You left. You chose— you left, Stefan. And Damon was here. And I could turn to him. He was here for me. And I got used to it. I got used to him always being here for me. No lies, no half-truths, he didn't spare me because he was afraid I wouldn't like what he had to say—"

"And I do?"

"Yes!" She burst out with. "All the time. You only tell me what you want me to know. You paint situations better or worse than they are depending on how it makes you look."

"How can you even say that?" He turned away, practically talking to himself. He laughed harshly. "This is Damon. This is all Damon's doing. It's his influence."

"No, it's not. It's— it's who I am. Now. I'm not the girl you met. I've changed." She took a deep breath, and even though she was aching to see the pain he was in, she knew that she had to tell him everything. She had to be honest; they needed this honesty finally.

"I had sex with Damon." She squeezed her eyes shut, honest or not, she wasn't quite able to believe she had stated that so baldly. He turned to look at her, and if she'd thought she'd seen betrayal in his gaze earlier, that was nothing compared to the devastation there now. "I'm sorry," she choked out. Rising to her feet, she held out her hands, clutching at the air. "I tried to tell you before, but euphemisms weren't cutting it and I just let it go, and I didn't tell you. So, I'm telling you. I'm telling you now."

He looked at her, his lips parting, but no words came out. Blinking rapidly, he walked over and sat down again, heaviness in his every moment. They were both quiet for a long while, and then finally he looked up at her, his voice soft. "That's why you wouldn't… why you won't sleep with me?"

Elena looked away, wiping at her wet cheeks. Finally she gave a partial nod. "That's part of it. But it's not— I know you don't want to hear this, but it's not about Damon. It's not about the two of us, I mean, me and Damon. It's about you and me. Mostly. It's what I'm trying tell you, Stefan." She moved closer to him, and knelt down in front of him.

He closed his eyes.

Biting her lip, she took another deep breath, continuing. "Everything between us, it's so… different now. It doesn't feel comfortable or right."

Looking upward, she could see the wet rim of his eyes and her heart shuddered a little at the sight. "Stefan," she whispered his name softly.

He nodded. "I get it. No, it's OK, I understand." He managed to look down at her and even forced the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Being a vampire, it changes you. It makes you do awful things. When you first transition, you're not in control. It takes time to figure it out, find yourself again." He edged to the side, away from her and stood up, running his hand through his hair again. Talking to himself, he continued quietly. "You never would have been with him before you turned."

Elena was still, disbelief running through her. She couldn't believe he was doing this, just compartmentalizing her actions, blaming her vampirism and not dealing with it. _It's not about me being a vampire. This is about us, damnit!_ She surged to her feet. "No, why can't you be honest? You're doing it again. You're pretending it's OK, putting some sort of band-aid on things so that we don't have to see them or deal with them—"

"I'm not. I'm trying to understand."

"But you're not being honest with me, Stefan. God, get mad. I slept with your brother!" A flash of anger crossed his face, but it was quickly subdued. She sighed heavily. "Stefan, I know that you hate that I have feelings for Damon. I heard you and Caroline talking about it. I am trying to be honest with you. Can you please try and be honest with me?"

He shook his head, surprise lighting his features. "I am. I just—it doesn't matter, Elena. I told you, when you're a vampire you can't control things. In the long run, we'll figure it out and it won't matter and Damon doesn't matt—"

"Yes, he does!" She interrupted fiercely. "Stefan, this had been going on before I turned. When Damon and I were in Denver—"

It was his turn to interrupt her, shock practically turning his face white. "You had sex with Damon in Denver? That's when..?" His voice was hoarse.

For a moment, she was ready to just deny it and let it go, but she realized as she looked at him, getting what he was listening to and what he was discarding, she knew that she couldn't. "No. I didn't have sex with Damon then."

Relief flashed over his face and it was exactly as she thought. He didn't get it; he didn't get what she was trying to tell him. "No, I didn't then, but…" she trailed off, waiting for him to look at her again, to get that there was more.

He looked up, concern filling his eyes. "But?"

"I might have, maybe if Jeremy hadn't interrupted us. I wanted to. I wanted him. I tried to tell you that, I mean, that things happened between me and Damon, but you didn't want to hear it—"

"No, no I didn't then, and I don't want to now!" He shouted. Turning around suddenly, he reached over and shoved a bunch of books off the desk. "God, this is so Damon, screwing with me by screwing with your head. He always does this. He moves in and worms his way into my life trying to make me miserable. He never changes. Everything he does—and you? You just forgive him. Why? Why!?" He asked without giving her a chance to answer. "He's done so many horrible things and he just gets away with it, every single time."

"Stefan?" Her voice was high in disbelief.

"What?" He barked out, turning to look at her.

"How can you say that? After all you've done?"

Surprise flew across his face. "What I've done?"

Elena shook her head. "Stefan, I let it slide because... because we were never going to last, but you did things. You lied to me, you practically stalked me for months."

"I didn—"

"You did, and you lied to me about Katherine. First about who she was to you, and then that I looked just like her. And this whole ripper thing, Stefan, you downplayed it to such a crazy degree when I saw what being a ripper really was? It nearly tore me apart. I had *no* idea. Despite all you had told me about how terrible you were because you really didn't. You didn't tell me at all."

"I didn't want to scare you."

"No, Stefan, you didn't want me to think badly of you. You didn't want me to know the truth." She stopped and took forced herself to take a breath, calm down. She looked at him, ready to continue. "But I let it all slide. I let it slide when you kidnapped me and forced your blood down my throat. I let it slide when you threatened to kill me on the bridge where my parents died. I let it go, Stefan." Tears were once more falling and she couldn't stop their steady flow as the words kept pouring out of her.

"Why? Because I love you. I do love you, Stefan. I—everything you are to me, everything you've done for me, I will always love you. You were my anchor, and you brought me back to life after my parents died." Elena paused and took another deep breath. "But, Stefan, I always knew it wasn't forever. Just like you did. Remember the career fair, everything you did to make me realize you would be moving on? I never forgot that. I just chose to be with you for as long as we had.

"I wanted to appreciate the good and not dwell on the bad, but now..." She reached up and wiped at the tears, damning their fall. "Now, Stefan, there is forever and I can't ignore it."

He leaned heavily against the desk, devastation writ upon his face. She hated to see the pain there, but she could see that she was finally getting through to him. Squaring her shoulders, Elena looked at him, knowing she wasn't through hurting him.

"Just like I can't ignore what I feel for Damon."

His eyes drifted close, a tear slipping out. "Always Damon," he said, and there was resignation in his voice. "It always comes back to Damon."

Elena shook her head. "No, Stefan, this is coming back to me, what I want, what I feel and what I have to figure out because…" She smiled sadly. "I have an eternity now. I have the time to figure it out. So I'm going to take it."

His eyes remained close, his voice strained. "What does that mean?"

"I think it's time we… I'm breaking up with you."

Without missing a beat, he laughed harshly. "To be with Damon?"

She shook her head before she spoke. "No, to figure myself out, figure out what I want. This, what we've been doing isn't working." She stepped closer to him, daring to reach out and touch his arm. He looked at her, his face striving for blankness. "Stefan, we're pretending, just pretending and it's not working."

Her head tilted to the side, her eyes pleading with him to understand. "You hate that I'm a vampire, and I can't let all the things you did slide. Not anymore." He turned his head away, but she reached up and rested a hand on his cheek bringing his gaze back to her. "If we ever want a true chance to be together, we have to come to terms with who we are." She took a deep breath. "And I have to figure out what I feel for Damon."

She dropped her hand, but he didn't look away. "Or is that what you want? Us together, but with the question of Damon always there between us? Because that's what's happening now, and I don't like it. I don't want it. It's not making any of us happy. Not me, not you and not Damon."

He grimaced, but remained silent. "Stefan, be honest, you know this isn't working?"

She was quiet now, waiting for him to respond. She needed him to understand. After a long pause, he finally nodded. Sighing heavily, he sat down on the desk. She moved a few steps back.

"So that's it? We're over?" His eyes were red, and tears tracked on his face.

Biting her lip, she looked away, but then forced herself to meet his gaze. She nodded. "For now, Stefan. Yeah, we're over." Elena waited a beat, waited for him to say something else. He just sat there, and then his head bowed.

Uncomfortable silence filled the room. Elena almost took a step towards him, almost reached out once more to touch him, hug him, maybe even give him one last kiss. Instead she closed her eyes for a moment and then slowly turned and walked out.


	17. Turning Corners

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 17 – Turning Corners [Featured Characters: Elena, Bonnie, Jeremy, Caroline, Klaus, Tyler, Damon and Meredith]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 4,983  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

Just a heads-up, obviously TVD has returned, but nothing in this fic - despite some similarities you may note - is inspired by anything seen in season 04. Nor will it be - if I start adding things from the show it might wind up messing my planned story!

* * *

**17: Turning Corners**

"Wait, so Elena and Damon were having… sex?" Bonnie's eyes were wide with a mixture of shock and a feeling that could only be described as _eww_!

"It's not like I saw them or anything cuz I'd still be traumatized," Jeremy muttered. "But, yeah, something so not PG was going on."

Bonnie gave a quick shake of head, still reeling and a little surprised that seeing his sister having sex was more traumatizing to him than his sister killing him. _Typical Jeremy._ She shrugged. _I guess that must come from dying every other week._ Sighing, she gave him a grim smile.

"OK, so maybe sex, and then he left and you and Elena got into this big fight and she…" she trailed off, still not quite able to wrap her brain around what Jeremy had told her. Taking a deep breath, she tried again. "She…" but Bonnie couldn't finish. _Oh my God! Seriously, oh my God!_

"Yeah," Jeremy finally filled in for her. "My sister snapped my neck."

Looking around the room, Bonnie's eyes fell on a picture of Elena, Jeremy and Jenna from sometime before the Salvatores arrived in Mystic Falls, but after their parents' death. Despite the sorrow that clouded their eyes, the siblings were standing close with their arms around each other. And now barely a year later, Elena was snapping Jeremy's neck.

"Oh my God," she said aloud this time and met Jeremy's totally at peace gaze. "And you're OK with it because Damon fake-compelled you?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, uhm, I guess."

"How?" She asked incredulously.

Leaning back, he stretched his arms out and actually smiled. "It's like once I realized that I'd sucked it up and put Elena first," he interrupted himself, his voice rising. "Everything she's going through is crazy!" Bonnie nodded half-heartedly, just not blasé about what happened like Jeremy appeared to be.

_And blasé is sure enough how he's acting_, she thought as he smiled *again* before he continued. "Bonnie, I got through it without freaking out and without being compelled. And so it's OK because I can handle it. I'm pretty tough," he told her, a touch of pride in his voice. Shaking his head, he reached out and laid a quick hand on her leg. It was a measure of how shocking this all was that Bonnie barely reacted to his touch, so focused was she on his words.

"I mean come on, Elena is not herself right now. We all know that." He scoffed. "Except for Stefan, of course." Rolling his eyes, his smile faded, but his expression remained unruffled. "Still, the rest of us know." He continued. "That *is* why Damon wanted me to wear the ring. I don't blame her, Bonnie, I blame the situation. But I trust that Damon's gonna do right by her. He called a little bit ago and said he thinks that she's gonna be OK."

"How?" She repeated, shaking her head skeptically.

"I dunno, something about a new diet that looks like it's gonna work."

"And you trust Damon?" She prodded.

"When it comes to doing what's best for Elena?" He nodded. "Yeah, I do."

Bonnie was quiet, mulling over the surety in his voice, the confidence in his reply when the front door opened. She and Jeremy both quickly rose to their feet.

It was Elena.

"Hey," she said softly, guilt written all over her face. Bonnie looked over at Jeremy, trying to gauge his reaction. He was fine. Totally relaxed, and his smile was natural and welcoming.

"Hey, Elena," he stepped forward and then suddenly stopped, his eyes narrowing, but his smile remained. "Can I hug you or will you freak out?"

"Oh Jeremy," Elena cried, and she flew to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I love you. I love you so much," Bonnie heard her whisper.

"I love you too, sis." He pulled back after a few moments and looked at her. "Damon called, said you might be good?"

Elena nodded. "Yeah, we, uhm…" she trailed off with a light laugh. "I was starving and because I was so hungry, that's why I was so out of control. You guys remember Mikael?"

Jeremy looked blank, but Bonnie did. "Yeah, that's Klaus and Rebekah's... the Originals' father. Right?"

"Right. Well, he drank vampire blood and it worked for him. So Damon gave me his blood, and I drank a lot. And it was so good, you have no idea," she practically moaned.

Bonnie's eyes widened. "And you think it's gonna work for you?"

"I don't know, but I'm not hungry for the first time since I turned, and I feel… I feel like me. I'm not crawling out of my skin. I don't feel like I'm gonna explode." She shrugged, a smile of genuine happiness brightening her face. "Yeah, I feel like me."

Reaching out, Jeremy pulled her into another hug, and since the siblings had already shared one, Bonnie didn't hesitate to join the two this time. After a few moments, Jeremy laughed, and began pulling away. Bonnie gave Elena one more quick squeeze and then stepped back herself. She wiped at sudden tears, and then laughing herself, reached out and swiped at the moisture on Elena's cheeks. Letting out a sigh of relief, she took in her best friend, so happy to see peace radiating from her.

"You look like you," Bonnie finally said. "You also look like a huge weight has been lifted." Surprisingly then, Elena's smile dimmed. Bonnie reached out, holding her shoulders. "No, no, what's wrong? That's good."

Offering up a bittersweet smile, Elena nodded. "It is, it's just…" she trailed off and pulled away. Walking over, she slumped down on the couch and looked up at Bonnie and Jeremy. "I didn't just drink my fill." Biting her lip, Elena looked down and released a heavy sigh. Looking up, she kept the two of them in her gaze. "I broke up with Stefan too."

"Yes!" Jeremy exclaimed.

Bonnie shot him a look of exasperation and then looked to Elena who was wearing an identical expression on her face. Then it dropped with a slight smile. "I know you're not exactly his biggest fan," Elena said drily.

"Well, he let you die. I'm not gonna just get over that."

"Jeremy…" Bonnie offered warningly.

"What?"

"Just… stop. Not the time." She pursed her lips and raised her brows, adding emphasis to her words.

"Fine," he responded with a roll of his eyes. He flopped down next to Elena. "What happened? What made you finally come to your senses?"

"You." Elena looked up at Bonnie.

Surprise filled her. "Me? What did I do?"

"Go, Bonnie," Jeremy muttered _sotto voce_, earning another glare from both girls.

Elena held it for a beat before facing Bonnie. "Last night, you made me see that I wasn't being fair to Stefan or Damon or myself. I shouldn't be with Stefan if I…" She trailed off.

"Want to bone Damon every time you see him?"

"Jeremy!" Both girls cried out.

"What? I'm not blind. I know what I saw."

Elena frowned, and then reluctantly nodded. "Yeah, that's kinda part of it." She looked to Bonnie. "And it's what you said. Sometimes you fall out of love and that's just what happened with Stefan. So we broke up."

"And what about Damon?" Bonnie asked as she moved to sit next to Elena.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I mean, obviously, yes, I have feelings for him, but I have to focus on getting me back on track before anything happens there. I need to figure out this whole vampire thing… and that includes figuring out my blood supply since Stefan is out of the question and, well, it would make things weird with Damon." She paused, a contemplative look flitting across her face. "I could check with Caroline."

"Why would it be weird with Damon?" Jeremy asked, his face knit with confusion. "He's the reason you're OK." He paused. "Right?"

"Yeah, yes, he is. But…" she trailed off, her eyes downcast suddenly, and a slight blush lit her face. Bonnie's brows raised, a smirk forming. She looked over Elena at Jeremy.

"Jeremy, why don't you go order a pizza?" _Time for some girl talk._

"Now? We're talking."

Elena sent him a quick glance. "Yeah, pizza sounds good. I'm starving for actual food this time." Relief flitted across her face, _no doubt at the change in conversation_, Bonnie thought, her smirk stretching into a grin.

"OK, but first what are you talking about with Damon and the blood and stuff? Why is it weird?" Rolling her eyes, Bonnie's grin faded and she sighed at Jeremy's obliviousness when Elena once more looked down, the blush returning, even brighter now.

"Jeremy, please." Bonnie said through gritted teeth.

He shook his head and then looked to Elena, starting to protest and then, _Hallelujah!_, he seemed to take in the discomfort in her body language. "Yeah, OK, you two… talk." Standing up, he headed out, muttering under his voice in a high falsetto, "about Damon."

Bonnie rolled her eyes, but was quiet until Jeremy left the room. "So, yeah, why is it weird with Damon?"

Turning to her, Elena hesitated then burst out. "You're not gonna judge me, right? Not get mad at me because—"

"You like Damon?" She interrupted with a snort. "Elena, that ship sailed when you told me you kissed him, and then made out with him when you guys got Jeremy. Oh, and yeah, when you had sex with him."

"OK, fine, fine." Elena laughed, and buried her face in her hands. She was quiet for a few moments, before straightening and turning to meet Bonnie's curious gaze. "When I fed from him, it—" She broke off, biting her lip with a slight wince. Finally, her shoulder slumped and she spilled. "I was totally, unbelievably, oh my God, turned on."

"Really?" Bonnie figured it was some weird vampire thing because drinking blood being a turn-on? _Eww._

"Yes, it was so hot." Elena exclaimed, oblivious to the taken aback look on Bonnie's face. She waggled her brows. "And it was definitely the same for him." She looked at Bonnie, and she frowned. "Is this really gross to you?"

"Kinda?" Bonnie admitted, and then she laughed. "But, hey, as long as you're happy and not hurting anyone, then, go for it. I guess." She closed her eyes and grimaced. "But, yeah, eww. It's blood!"

"I'm a vampire!" Elena shot back with a grin. Then her eyes widened, and her grin faded as her jaw dropped. "Bonnie, I just said…" she trailed off as a smile spread across her face. "I just said that like… like it was OK. It's OK that I'm a vampire." She straightened up. "I am a vampire." Grinning, she repeated it. "I am a vampire." Elena laughed. "I think I'm gonna be OK, Bonnie."

Bonnie was silent, fighting back tears. It had been so long since she'd seen happiness on her friend that she'd almost forgotten what it looked like there. Finally, she nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I think you are."

Falling back against the couch, Bonnie laughed and let the tears fall because they were happy ones. "Jeremy!" She shouted. "Did you order that pizza? You've got a witch and a vampire hungry for food in here!"

XxxxX

"No, no, it's fine. Come by my house later, 7-ish? And we'll do it again. Hey, I know where my mom hides the alcohol." Caroline maneuvered her phone between her chin and shoulder as she finished up her conversation with Elena, and opened the door to the Grill. "We can give it another try. Maybe, it'll get less weird." She paused as Elena ran through a fresh litany of apologies. "Elena! It's fine. I'll see you later. Love you, bye!"

Shaking her head, she dropped her phone in her purse, her mind still going round in circles with the massive amount of stuff that Elena had unloaded on her yesterday. Killing Jeremy, breaking up with Stefan, feeding from Damon and the whole vampire-blood thing, it was… a lot. The only thing crazier than hearing all that Elena had been going through while keeping them mostly in the dark was Elena feeding from her. _Talk about super-weird. And kinky._

Caroline entered the dark interior, hoping to see Matt, and pulled up short. Sitting at the bar, his gaze locked on her and a smile curving his lips, was Klaus. _Just what I need_, she thought with an inner sigh. Caroline straightened up and attempted to walk right past him, but he stood and was in front of her before she took a few steps.

"Now what could you and Elena have been doing that's… weird?" He inquired as he moved to her left and began walking alongside her.

Tightening her lips, Caroline stared straight ahead, purposefully ignoring him.

"Caroline? You and Elena… I'm most curious." That lilting quality to his voice was like music and she hated that every word he said sounded so good. "Caroline?" He tried again.

"I'm ignoring you," she bit out without looking at him.

He was silent next to her and remained so as she moved to a booth table. Slipping in, she rolled her eyes in a huff when he slid in opposite her. "What part of ignoring you do you not get?"

"The part where you're speaking to me and reacting to everything I do."

"God," she muttered. "I hate you."

Klaus shrugged, and slowly began to ease out of the booth. "Alright, I suppose I could go ask Elena…" He trailed off because sure enough the bastard knew that she wouldn't just send him Elena's way.

"Fine, fine. OK?" She paused, waiting for him to settle in. She set her purse down and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Clearing her throat, Caroline finally looked up at him. "She figured out that drinking vampire blood works for her. And so she's been feeding from me."

"Really?" His brows rose as genuine surprise seemed to filter across his face.

"Yes. Really."

"I'm surprised she isn't feeding from Stefan, or even… Damon," he finished slyly.

"If you must know, she and Stefan broke up." Caroline sighed, her annoyance with Klaus fading as she was hit with a fresh wave of sadness. "I knew they were having problems, but I thought they'd work through it. He really loves her."

"Yes, *he* really loves her. And she…" He trailed off again.

Caroline sighed. "She loves Stefan, she does. It's just—" she sighed again. "Sometimes, you know, you fall out of love. I guess that's what happened with her and Stefan and OH MY GOD! Why am I even telling you this?"

"I'm easy to talk to."

"No, no you're not. I don't like you. Go away."

A wide smile stretched across his face. "Ah, two seconds ago you hated me, now it's merely dislike. I must be doing something right." His eyes twinkled. _Seriously, they actually twinkled like stars in the night sky or something. Great, Caroline, now you're talking like him._ She glared in his general direction, refusing to meet his *twinkling* eyes and tried to pretend that she wasn't even remotely enjoying a moment in his company.

"What about Damon?" He asked smoothly.

"What? What about him? He's a jerk." And then, thinking of Elena, she admitted with another roll of her eyes. "OK, he's not as bad as he was. But I still don't like him."

"Why doesn't Elena drink from him?" Klaus explained, ignoring her commentary on Damon.

"She did, I mean, that's how they figured it out, but just because she and Stefan broke up, it doesn't mean she's just getting together with Damon. She's having some me-time." _Why am I telling him stuff that is so not his business? Geez, Caroline! He's not your diary!_

"Ah. 'Me-time.' One of those 21st century girl-slogans."

"Ugh." She grabbed an old receipt from her purse, crumpled it up and threw it at him.

He laughed. "I *am* from the 10th century."

"I *am* from the 10th century," she repeated mockingly. And couldn't help but smile at him smiling at her. Sighing then, Caroline realized that she was doing an extremely bad job of not enjoying his company. She looked at him earnestly, determined to stop doing so. "Klaus, what do you want? I told you, I don't want to do this."

His smile faded, and that little boy hurt shone in his eyes, and she had to force herself to harden her heart against it. "Please," she said, desperately wanting him to just give her some space.

"Wow."

Caroline stiffened as a mischievous grin returned to Klaus' face and he looked up. Slowly turning around, Caroline met Tyler's fierce glare.

"Am I interrupting a lunch date?" He smiled bitterly.

"No, Tyler. No." She turned to Klaus. "Can you just go? Please."

"Oh, no, don't go on my account." Tyler offered sarcastically.

She turned back to her boyfriend. "It's not what you think. I just came here to see Matt, and he was here. And he sat down. I didn't ask him to. I didn't, Tyler." She slid out from the booth and moved to face him. "I returned all the stuff. All of it. I'm done."

His eyes narrowed as he cocked his head to the side, confusion lighting his features. "All the stuff? What do you mean *all* the stuff?"

"Oh," she squeaked. "Uhm…" Caroline gave a faint smile and glanced away, her eyes searching for a better answer than the truth.

"That would be the thousand dollar dress, mate." Klaus sidled up beside Caroline, a broad smile on his face. "And the jewelry, the diamond bracelet, I mean." His voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, "you don't want to know that price tag." Straightening up, he snapped his fingers. "Oh, and, of course, the sketches." He turned to Caroline, the picture of innocence. "That about covers it, right?"

He looked once more to Tyler. "Oh, she made a grand show about it." Laughing lightly, he took a step back, and raised a contemplative eyebrow. "It brought to mind Shakespeare." He winked at Caroline, and walked around the two, heading to the exit. There he paused and turned to face them. "You know the one about the lady doth protesting too much."

Caroline was silent, her fists clenched as Klaus disappeared from view. Finally, she looked up at Tyler. His face was like stone, but when he spoke his voice was soft, the hurt there sending a painful beat straight to her heart.

"He got you a thousand-dollar dress? And a diamond bracelet?" She didn't say anything. His voice dropped to near-whisper. "And you kept them, Caroline?"

She couldn't say anything.

"He's… Caroline, he's a psychopath. He's evil." Tyler shook his head, more than confusion on his face, but also a thin measure of disgust. "Are you that desperate for someone else to adore you? Because clearly I'm not enough."

"No, Tyler. I'm sorry." Her face crumpled. She reached out, holding onto his jacket. "I'm so sorry. You're right. You are right. I should have never accepted any of it. I should have never *anything* with him."

He looked away, still and silent. Finally, he looked back at her and gave her a sad, sweet smile. "I don't know, Care, you say that, but I see you with him and I see something there and it doesn't seem to matter what you should or shouldn't do, you do it anyway."

Caroline bit her lip, fighting back tears. "I'm sorry." It was all she could think of to say. "I am. I'm so sorry."

Nodding, he disengaged her hands from him jacket. "Yeah, me too."

Turning around, he walked out and Caroline helplessly watched him leave. "Tyler," she whispered, tears beginning to fall. "I love you."

And then she wondered why she hadn't said that to him when he was still standing in front of her.

XxxxX

Another night and again, Damon found himself back in his usual spot at the Grill without his buddy by his side. _Stupid Esther. I really hate that bitch,_ he thought suddenly, deciding in that moment emphatically that of all the annoying witches in the history of witchery, she was by far the worst.

He looked down into the quickly-disappearing contents of his glass, a sight he was all too familiar with since he'd left Elena to re-affirm her epic love with his brother yesterday. Between the Grill and Ric's loft was a short distance, but one he was traversing quite a bit. At least he was putting his time at the bar to good use, he figured with a glance to his very own personal bartender, one Matt Donovan, quarterback-not-so-extraordinaire. Getting to the bottom of just what made Donovan so worthy of dying for was his latest mission. OK, and yeah, the manager had some serious bug-eyes going, so, he'd compelled said bug-eyed manager to let the kid serve him. Thus far, the wonder of Wonder Boy was still a mystery to him.

"Do you ever get drunk?" The stupid questions weren't helping.

"Yes." He held his glass up. "Pour."

"So, have you talked to Elena?" Matt asked as he complied with the order.

Damon raised a brow, pulling the glass to his mouth for a quick swallow before answering. "Why?"

Matt shrugged. "When I talked to her a few days ago, she was… confused. I figure part of the problem is that she keeps focusing on Stefan when you're the one she can't get off her mind. I suggested she try focusing on you instead. So, have you talked to her?"

Taking another drink, Damon looked at Matt over the rim of his glass, hiding the surprise he very deeply felt in that moment. Maybe there was actually something to the kid after all. Not many people seemed capable of reading Elena correctly aside from him. It looked like Matt Donovan wasn't as clueless as the rest of her loved ones.

He set his Scotch down, narrowing his eyes as Matt patiently waited for a response. Damon shrugged. _Why not? I'm almost impressed._ "Yup."

Matt's eyes widened, clearly awaiting further insight. Damon grinned.

"And?" The kid finally asked.

"She and Jeremy had, uh, let's call it an altercation—"

Matt cut him off with a wave of his hand. "I know all about that. The fight, what she did, your... blood. I mean, how's she doing after all of that?"

"Oh." Damon shrugged. "In that case, no, I, haven't talked to her since all of that. Sounds like you've spoken to her more recently, so maybe I should be asking you about her?"

"She..." Matt paused, considering. Absently, he wiped the bar top and then looked to Damon with a sigh. "I think she's OK. She's not all the way there, but she seems more like... Elena." Matt paused. "So you think this whole vamp-blood thing is gonna work?"

Damon nodded. "It seems too so far." He threw back a quick swallow, then gave Matt a tight smile. "We'll see how it goes long-term, and if Stefan gets with the program. That could help move this along, but knowing my dumb-ass brother that's not always a safe bet."

Matt scoffed. "Tell me about it." Then he looked at Damon, his lips tightening into a hard line. "Would you have saved her or me?"

"Her. Pfft. As if." Damon picked up his glass and downed it. Matt picked up the bottle, but Damon shook his head and set the glass back down. "I guess it worked out. She's still around, you're alive and so she's not drowning in guilt. Haha, drowning. See what I did there?" Matt rolled his eyes, not bothering to respond. Damon cleared his throat and looked at him. "But, yeah, no offense, I would have saved her."

"Yeah, that's the call I would have made." Matt shrugged and then paused, giving Damon another opportunity to appreciate the fact that Matt Donovan was not completely useless. He shook his head, giving Damon a look of bewilderment. "I don't get your brother. I don't get what he did. How do you do that if you love someone? Just let them die?"

"My brother, the martyr. Ah, Dr. Fell." Damon swiveled around, abruptly ending the conversation with Matt and faced the incoming doctor.

"Meredith. I told you you can call me Meredith." She offered with a smile and claimed a stool to the right of him. She set her purse on the bar top. "Can I get a drink?" She asked of Matt as she sat down, then paused. "Wait, aren't you too young to be serving?"

Damon nudged her slightly. "I had a *talk* with the manager. We're good."

Matt poured her a drink, and then set the bottle down with a soft thud. "Actually, uh, I have clean-up to do, so I'll just leave this for you two." He walked away without waiting for a response, leaving Damon alone with a visibly anxious Meredith in the quiet restaurant.

"So are you upset with me?" Meredith asked softly, surprising him because he'd put down her nerves to many things, but his hurt feelings were not on the list.

"No, I get why you ran out of here. " Damon shrugged. "Caroline told me what happened." He paused, considering stopping right there, but, hey she opened the door. He looked at her. "You could have, you know? Told me."

"I was—I was shaken. And I felt stupid. I know she has feelings for you, and I said something… Like I said, I was stupid."

Damon reached for the Scotch and poured himself a generous drink. "What did you say? Naughty, naughty Dr. Fell, you've got me curious. "

She shook her head. "Some stupid joke about you auditioning to be…" she trailed off with an embarrassed laugh, "my boy-toy." She sent him a sideways glance. "Needless to say, she didn't take it well."

Damon was quiet for a moment before responding. "Yeah. Caroline fixed you up though. And it's been 24 hours, so you're good. No vamping-out for the good doctor."

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm good." Meredith reached over and picked up the glass that Matt had poured her and took a deep swallow. She turned to him. "How's Elena? Have you seen her?"

He let loose an uneasy bark of laughter. "Yesterday. She was bad, then worse, but now, I think she's good. I think she's gonna be fine."

"Really?" Her voice was, understandably, incredulous.

"Really." He set down his glass and looked at her. "We're trying an alternative to the blood she so does not want to drink, and I think it's gonna work."

"That's good." He nodded. She was quiet and then took a deep breath. "Look, Damon, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Running out on you, not explaining. You're right, I could have told you. I should have. You came to me in good faith, and I was a lousy friend." She offered an apologetic smile.

He shrugged. "It's OK. I know we're not friends. Loyalty to Ric only goes so far, I get it. You guys did only date for like two seconds. You don't have to be nice to me on his account." He waggled his eyebrows, his voice dropping to a near-whisper. "I'm a big boy, I can take it."

Sitting up straight, Meredith set down her glass with a sharp thud, her eyes flashing. She shook her head. "Don't do that: sell yourself short. I'm not here, I'm not apologizing or having a drink with you because of Ric. I like you. You're amusing, good company. And despite how you try to be all bad-ass, I think you're a nice guy."

"I'm so not."

She laughed. "OK, maybe not a nice guy, but not as bad as you pretend to be."

"No, really I am." He assured her.

"Damon…"

"Hey, I believe in full disclosure." He frowned with a slight cock of his head. "Sometimes." He finished his drink and poured himself another.

Meredith tried once more. "OK, fine, you do have a heart."

He paused, thinking, and then shrugged. "Yeah, I'll give you that." Damon turned to her, smirking. "And I don't *try* to be bad-ass. I just am." He held up his glass. She grinned and held hers up to for him to clink. "Cheers."

"I'm just saying that I know I'm not Ric."

"You're much better looking." He observed, running his eyes down her seated form with an exaggerated leer.

Shaking her head, she laughed again. "I'm not Ric, but if you want a friend, you've got one."

He was still for a moment, all expression wiped away by her statement. And then the moment passed, and genuine emotion overtook him. _Call it gratitude, relief, pleasure, take your pick._ Damon looked away, looking down. He didn't want her to see his face, see any, all of those feelings laid bare. He would be lying if he didn't admit to being shaken. This was so not him, not his life, not how others reacted to him.

Damon Salvatore was not the guy whose side other people saw. And Damon Salvatore was not the guy someone, anyone wanted to be friends with. He was the guy everyone blamed, the one that everyone hated. Shaking his head, he muttered under his breath, "I hate this town. Just sucks you right in." Having people care, caring about those people… it would just hurt that much more when he screwed up again. Because he always screwed up.

Meredith was quiet. He looked up at last, looked at her. Her sincere smile, her warm eyes. _What the hell? Maybe this time I won't._

"What the hell?" He said, and turned to her with a smile, a real one stretching across his face. "OK. Friends."


	18. Make Me Smile

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 18 – Make Me Smile [Featured Characters: Elena, Caroline, Stefan, Rebekah, Damon, Jeremy and Ghost!Ric]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 5,026  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

* * *

**18: Make Me Smile**

Elena's fangs descended and she lowered her head, taking in the sweet taste of her friend's blood. And it was sweet and delicious… and weird. Pulling back, she sent an apologetic look Caroline's way. Caroline just sighed and offered up an uneasy smile.

"It's OK, Elena." She pushed her wrist forward a bit. Frowning, Elena leaned forward and once more sunk her fangs in. After just a handful of seconds, she withdrew, feeling sated enough.

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks." Her face flushed red, and she let out an unsteady breath as her heartbeat slowed down and her temperature cooled. She wiped at the corners of her mouth.

Caroline walked to the sink and ran some water over her wrist, grimacing slightly. She turned around and met Elena's self-conscious expression. "I'm sorry. It's just—

"Yeah, I know." Elena shook her head. "Maybe this is too much trouble."

"No, no. Don't be silly. What's a little blood-sharing among friends?" She sighed and then leaned forward and pulled Elena into a hug. _And now that feels weird_, Elena thought as both girls pulled away quickly. Their eyes met and both flushed slightly. Silence filled the air before they finally burst out laughing.

"We'll figure it out, Elena. The important thing is that you are feeding, you're not going crazy, you're not attacking people and you know, maybe as things get kinda closer to normal, you and Stefan…" she trailed off suggestively.

Elena shook her head. "I don't see that happening, Caroline."

"You don't know…" Elena couldn't help the annoyed glare that crossed her face. _God, I really don't need this._ Caroline trailed off again, and held her hands up defensively. "OK, I recognize that look. I will back off. It's your life, if you don't want to be with a guy who loves you and I know you love him—"

"I slept with Damon."

"You did what!?"

"After I turned, when I said things happened, that's what happened. I didn't tell you yesterday because I didn't want you to get all judge-y."

Caroline opened her mouth to protest, but closed it quickly at a look from Elena.

"I love Stefan, you're right, I do, but I'm not in love with him anymore. When he left, things just… shifted. Between me and Stefan, *and* me and Damon. Look, I don't know what I feel for him. I just know that it's not like anything I felt for Stefan or Matt. But it's enough that I can't be with Stefan any more. So, please, be my friend, and don't judge me."

Caroline was quiet, her mouth still hanging slightly open, her eyes wide. Elena continued to gaze intently at her. Finally, Caroline pursed her lips together tightly and nodded. "OK, fine. You and Stefan are done." She faked a smile. "And you had sex with Damon." Rolling her eyes, she sighed with a hint of laughter. "Yay, we have something new in common," her voice dropped a low murmur. "Although, I've mostly blocked that out because he was an evil jerk to me."

"Caroline…"

"I know. He's changed. He's not like *that* anymore. Fine. Fine. I'm good, we're good." Caroline let out a low breath and then a genuine smile spread across her face. "Really, we're good. What is important is that you are better. And you are and I know that Damon is part of that." She clapped her hands together. "I'm gonna go see Stefan, I haven't had any luck reaching him since you told me about you two. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty," she rushed in with. "I just— I'm his friend too and he needs one right now."

Elena nodded. "I'm glad he has someone. Especially you being that someone."

Heading out to the foyer, Caroline paused at the sound of the doorbell. "Want me to get that?"

"Mmhmm," Elena murmured while she followed a few steps behind as Caroline opened the door.

"Damon." Caroline's voice was flat.

"Always a pleasure." He smiled and smoothly slid around her, stopping at the sight of Elena. She stood still, her face flushed anew.

"Damon," Elena managed, clearing her throat. "What are you doing here?" She could hear the breathlessness in her voice, and saw Caroline roll her eyes behind Damon.

"I'm gonna go. You two—" She broke off with another roll of her eyes. "Whatever. Bye, Elena."

"Bye," Elena responded, not taking her eyes off of Damon. "Hey," she said because she didn't know what else to say.

He shut the door behind him, his eyes softening along with his smile. "Hey." Leaning back, concern flitted across his face. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Caroline was— I've been feeding from her."

Straightening up, his brows rose in surprise. "Why Caroline? Why not— how could Stefan have a problem with this?"

"He doesn't. I mean, I don't know. I— why don't you come and sit down."

Looking perplexed, he followed her into the kitchen, settling himself in a stool.

She moved around to the other side, nervously sitting down. "I talked to Stefan—"

"Yeah, I figured. And, of course, the two of you made up and the angels sang and all is right in the universe." His voice turned sharp. "So why aren't you feeding from him?"

"I talked to Stefan," she repeated, an edge in her voice at his interruption. "I told him everything. About what happened with Jeremy, and Dr. Fell, you giving me your blood, that it worked." She smiled, and then it faded as she lowered her eyes and let out a long, low breath. Giving a quick nod, she forced herself to look back up at him. "I also told him about us, what happened when I turned."

Damon was silent, his expression unreadable. "Huh." He finally offered. And that was it.

"I don't know what this is with us. And I know it frustrates you when I say that, but it's true." He remained silent. "But I do know that things aren't working with Stefan, and after some talking, he agreed."

Leaning forward, Damon rested his arms on the countertop, his eyes narrowed. "Are you saying…" he trailed off, but his question was clear.

"Yes." Elena took another deep breath. "We broke up."

His eyes widened as he straightened up, the ghost of a smile flitted across his lips and then once more his expression went blank. His jaw hardened. "It's OK. Give it a few days, you'll get back together again."

"No, we won't." She didn't look away from him this time; she couldn't. And so she saw every rush of emotion fly across his face – hope, joy, uncertainty – before he finally stood up and turned his back to her.

"OK." He stood still and silent for a few moments longer. She waited. "So now what?"

"Now, I figure out me. I'm still trying to deal with this whole vampire thing. It's too much right now, still. I'm all out of whack, things are, you know… off."

Damon turned back to her. "What do you mean?"

"I've fed from Caroline three times now and it's weird every time. It's not going away. I get all flushed and uncomfortable, and I know that she is too, and I think it's because she's embarrassed and she's feeding off of my emotions," she laughed nervously. "No pun intended."

He shrugged. "You're turned on."

Elena's eyes widened. "What?"

"How you're feeling from feeding from Caroline has nothing to do with being a new vampire, you're just turned on."

"What do you mean?"

"When you fed from me, things got a little… hot."

She nodded. "Yeah, but I thought that was… you know." She shrugged. "Because I was so hungry and mostly because it was," she shook her head with a laugh, her face flushing red, unable to look at him. "You."

"As flattering as that is, no."

"No?" She did look at him then, confusion outweighing her embarrassment.

"When vampires feed on each other, it's sexual. It's always sexual." He sat back down. Waggling his eyebrows, he grinned. "Next time you and Caroline have a go at it, I'm more than happy to watch, make sure you two are doing it right."

"Ugh, Damon."

His smile grew wider and she couldn't help but smile in response even as she rolled her eyes. And then sighed. "So it's always gonna be weird when I feed from her?"

"If by weird you mean hot?"

She frowned.

"Yup."

Elena sighed. "Well, in that case… even if it's not from the vein, the vampire blood is better than the animal blood and I don't want to drink human blood even in blood bag form. So… would you mind saving some of your blood for me and just dropping it off every few days?"

He was quiet, and her breath caught as he looked at her, no doubt realizing just as she did that if she wasn't drinking from the vampiric source, there would be no sexual high so it didn't really matter whose blood she was drinking. Damon's, Caroline's or whoever's. _But I want it to be Damon's blood,_ she admitted to herself, refusing to retract her request.

Almost as if aware of her thought process, he smiled slightly, one corner of his lips quirking upwards as his eyes glittered with restrained glee. "Sure." He nodded, rising to his feet. "Let me grab a couple of ziplock baggies and I'll donate to the Elena Gilbert wing of the Red Cross."

As he turned around, rummaging through kitchen drawers, Elena couldn't help but smile as she watched him move. Maybe she wasn't ready to put a name on what she felt for him yet, but she did know one thing. Damon Salvatore always knew how to make her smile.

XxxxX

Stefan was silent as he stared into charred remains of the last fire lit two days ago by Damon. Stefan hadn't seen him since. Where he was holed up, he had no idea, but he had a suspicion that his brother was with Elena. He closed his eyes, hating the image of the two of them entwined that appeared in his mind.

"Stefan?"

His eyes snapped open. Turning slightly, he looked up at Caroline as she entered the room. "Hey," he managed. His voice sounded dry from lack of use.

She smiled, but it was a sad one and he knew that she knew. Without speaking, Caroline moved to where he was and sat down on the opposing sofa. She sighed heavily.

"How are you?" _Oh, yeah, she knew._

Shrugging, he asked the question anyway. "You know?"

Hesitating just a moment, she finally nodded. "Yeah, I tried to text, call. You didn't answer."

"My phone's…" he trailed off and gestured randomly, realizing in that moment that he didn't remember where he'd put it last. "I don't know. Not with me." He lowered his head, his voice low. "Have you seen her?"

"Mmhmm, we're— she's feeding from me. It's kinda weird. We might have to figure something else out." She laughed shakily, but it petered away in the silence.

Stefan shook his head. "Doesn't matter, she'll go to Damon soon enough."

"She's not with him, Stefan." Caroline immediately countered.

He laughed harshly and looked back up at her. "Did you know?"

"What?" And she looked genuinely confused.

Fuming silently, he bit it out. "That she was *with* him?"

She was quiet, long enough, that he knew she understood what he was asking. Finally, she nodded. Anger suddenly burst to life in him at yet another person betraying him. She must have picked up on that because she shook her head fiercely, her voice rising and her eyes wide in apology. "No. I swear I just found that out today. Stefan, I didn't know before."

"Would you have told me?" he asked her bluntly.

"Maybe. No. I don't know. I—Stefan, I don't know. I'm sorry. I know you're hurting right now. I don't know what to say. I wish I knew what to say. Everything's a mess. I've screwed everything up with my love life, trust me, I would've just made things worse for yours. I promise you that."

He shook his head, making little sense of her rambling or even caring to at the moment. But he was glad she was there. He'd been alone for the last two days, doing nothing but stewing. Caroline's presence was… soothing. _I should have called her_, he thought, and then suddenly some of what she said registered.

"You and Tyler? Klaus getting in the way?"

"Doesn't matter. We had a little fight. It's… it's nothing. Stefan…" She trailed off, and then rose to her feet. She sat down next to him. "What can I do for you?"

"Nothing." He turned to look at her, managing a ghost of a smile. "I've just been thinking about it, everything she said. So much was on me. 'You left,' that's what she said. And I did, I left her and things changed. That's when I lost her."

Caroline reached out and laid a gentle hand on his arm, rubbing lightly. When she spoke, her voice was soft, understanding. "You left to save your brother."

"Still."

Her hand tightened for a moment on him and he looked at her. "Still? Stefan. Would you change it? If you could go back would you not save Damon just to keep Elena?"

He gave her the same reason he'd told himself that he had done what he did. "I... I wouldn't be the guy I want to be for Elena if I didn't save my brother."

Caroline shook her head, her eyes flashing with emotion. "That's not what I asked. Was losing your girlfriend worth your brother not being dead-dead?"

Pulling from her grasp, Stefan stood up and moved across the room. He was quiet, thinking about the day of the funerals, Damon telling him about the fatal werewolf bite. And then the next day, Damon standing in the sun, burning up with his ring lying on the ground before Stefan threw him into the shadows to save his life. He shook his head. He couldn't let Damon die. He could never have forgiven himself if he'd let his brother die.

"If there was a way to save him, I couldn't... not do it."

"OK, then."

Striding forward, vehemence lit Stefan's voice. "But I had the chance. After Homecoming, I was free. Klaus freed me from the compulsion, but, Caroline, I kept the switch off." He shook his head, nearly in disbelief at his own remembered actions. "I couldn't deal with the guilt."

Caroline cocked her head to the side, thinking on his words. "Wait, so, you had the choice and you chose to stay away?"

He was silent, and then bowed his head, fresh guilt sweeping through him. "Yes."

"And when you came back, you were..."

"I came back to get revenge on Klaus. Not for Elena. The switch was still off."

She was quiet for a moment, looking in his direction, but not at him. Finally, she spoke. "Well, Stefan, that was your choice." She took a deep breath, and then rose to her feet with a sharp nod, facing him. "I think you two breaking up was the right thing."

Surprise flooded through him. "What?"

Caroline shook her head, a tight smile on her face, but her eyes were filled with compassion and apology. "Stefan, saving your brother is one thing, but not wanting to deal with the guilt? Don't get me wrong, I get it." She closed her eyes briefly. "I still think about Carter, and Deputies Flynn and Marshall. I made sure to learn their names. I've made sure not to forget them. But sometimes I want to because when I think of them, I feel so terrible. So, I'm not judging you, Stefan, I do get it."

Stepping forward, she made sure to capture his gaze. "But escaping that guilt was more important than fixing things with Elena? She should have been worth the guilt."

A flash of heat curled in him at her blow, and it hurt. He strove to defend himself. "But how could she be with me after what I did?"

"Have you met Elena?! She's a forgiver. She forgives everything, everyone, all the time."

"But I couldn't forgive me!" He yelled. "I couldn't be the guy I want to be with her."

Stepping close to him, Caroline's eyes were wide as she looked at him. "What about the guy you want to be for you?" She threw her arms out. "God, Stefan, you keep making this about Elena." She shook her head. "It's about the choices *you* make. Not Elena's or Damon's or anyone else's. It's about you." He shook his head, trying to deny her words, but she kept talking. "What Elena did wasn't about you or even Damon. It was about *Elena.* She was doing what was best for her."

Reaching out, Caroline poked him in the chest. "You, Stefan Salvatore, need to start doing what's best for you and not have it all revolve around a girl! Oh my God!" She stepped back, her eyes wide in shock. "Listen to myself, I can't believe I'm even saying this." She looked at him, and her lips twitched just before a bubble of laughter burst out. "Look at what you're making me say? It's just wrong."

She kept smiling, and even though she'd been yelling at him two seconds ago, her eyes were warm and her smile was for him. Despite his pain, he couldn't but smile back.

But it didn't last. There was too much pain.

Hers faded as well. "But it's true, Stefan. You can't only be about the person you love. You have to be about you."

"Bravo, someone should stitch that on a pillow."

Stefan swung his head to the entrance, letting out a huff of annoyance at the sight of Rebekah smiling. "What are you doing here?"

Tossing her hair back, she entered the room. "I was bored, thought we could have a little chat."

Caroline stiffened beside him. "Stefan doesn't want to talk to you. Neither do I. Or anyone else in this town." She cocked her head to the side. "Probably on the planet."

"Don't you have a werewolf to tame?" A sly smile curved Rebekah's full lips. "Tyler… or Niklaus. Not much of a difference to you, huh?"

"I really don't like you," Caroline hissed, and then turned to Stefan. "You can throw her out any time."

Remembering that flash of connection barely a week ago, Stefan shook his head slightly. "She's harmless. And she's right, you should go see Tyler."

"Or Nik…" Rebekah murmured softly.

Stefan ignored her, and smiled at Caroline. "He's more important than me. And thank you."

She shook her head. "For what?"

"You. Coming over. You made me smile." He reached out and gave her arm a light rub. "So thank you."

Caroline was quiet for a moment, then nodded and threw him a bright smile. "OK. And you're welcome." Turning to throw a glare Rebekah's way, her voice grew frosty. "But she's *not* harmless. Don't forget that." And then she pouted. "Seriously, Stefan, just don't even talk to her."

"I'm fine, go." She didn't move. "Caroline, go. Fix things with Tyler. She won't do anything."

With a quick shake of her head, her shoulders slumped. "Fine." Walking past Rebekah, she gave her a final cool look. "If you mess with him…"

"You'll what? Throw me off the prom committee? You certainly can't hurt me."

"Ugh." Caroline stomped off, and Stefan couldn't help but smile at her dramatic exit. The smile still played along as his lips as Rebekah sauntered further into the room.

"Hmm…" she murmured.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing."

His smile fading completely, he walked back over to the couch and sat down. "What are you doing here, Rebekah?" he asked again.

"I need you to do something for me." Stefan let out a bark of laughter. She looked appropriately offended. "It's the least you could do."

"You killed Elena."

"And saved your brother. Didn't we already go over this? And, my God, she's still here. You'd think she was six feet under the way you all go on about it."

"Fine, you saved Damon and she's still here. I still don't owe you anything."

"You broke my heart."

Her words, simple and quiet, moved him in a way he wouldn't have thought possible. He didn't know if it was because he had loved this girl once or because his heart had just been broken by the girl he loved now, but she moved him.

"What do you need?"

"Tell your girlfriend to tell Matt that she forgives me." She waved her hand carelessly. "I really don't care if she actually does, just ask her to do it for you."

He looked at her incredulously. "Are you kidding me? Again, you killed Elena, nearly killed Matt. She's not gonna do it, and he's not gonna care."

"His near-death was an accident and I saved his life." She sniffed. "So you just remind her of that and make her do it. And he does care. I know he does. He feels something, and, Stefan, I like him. I haven't liked anyone like this since… you."

"For you that would be like two months ago." He laughed bitterly. "Wow, I feel loved."

"Will you do it?"

"No."

A flash of hurt lit her eyes before anger hardened her face. "Of course not. Why I even bother…" she trailed off and turned her back on him, silently fuming.

"She's not my girlfriend."

Rebekah froze, and then slowly looked to him. "What do you mean?"

"You're out of the loop, Rebekah. She broke up with me two days ago." He tightened his lips, fighting a fresh surge of pain.

"Why? I thought she was the love of your life." She offered airily with a smirk.

"Well, apparently I'm not the love of hers." His eyes were dry, but the threat of tears stung.

She sat down slowly, any sign of amusement fading. "Is she with Damon?"

Stefan's head bowed, and he laughed. It was a harsh, aching laugh that hurt. Barely in play, and yet even Rebekah knew to ask that question.

"No," he answered truthfully, and then seeing a glimpse of genuine sympathy on her face, he allowed himself one more truth, a brutal, painful one. The very one he had told her after Damon was tortured by the woman before him. The one he'd heard in the cadence of every word Elena had said two days ago. The truth that he'd refused to think upon in the time since.

"But she's in love with him."

XxxxX

Damon turned the ignition off as he parked in front of the Gilbert home. Hopping out, he grabbed the cooler of blood he'd been steadily building up for Elena over the last twenty-four hours. It was as good an excuse as any to stay in his room and avoid his brother.

Since Stefan was avoiding him too, that made it doubly easy.

The front door opened as he reached the steps. And there stood the reason for the sibling avoidance.

"Elena." He smiled, as his heart beat just a little faster in joy at the sight of her. As always. _I am so far gone for this girl, it's fucking ridiculous._ Everything about her generally just made him happy. Elena Gilbert just made him want to smile for days on end.

"Hey." She shut the door behind her, her gaze flitting nervously from him to the side, back to him, and then the sky, the ground, but always back to him. She cleared her throat, and gestured to the bag in hand. "What's that?"

He held it up. "Cooler, some blood for a slightly cannibalistic vampire I know."

Her eyes widened and she let out a bark of shocked laughter. "Damon!"

"Well, when you think about it…"

"No, no. Just— no." She laughed again, her eyes dancing in merriment. "But thank you." She rolled her eyes. "Says the slightly cannibalistic vampire."

Damon grinned. "Aha, you see it now, don't you?"

"Stop." Reaching out, she grabbed for the handle even as she spoke, suppressed laughter in her voice. "Give me that."

"Hungry?"

"No, I just.. ate. But the ziplocked blood is all gone. So, really, thank you. I didn't realize just how badly I was starving myself until I stopped."

He took a step back and to the side, leaning against the column. "Glad to be of service." He paused then, sending her a considering look, feeling her out. "Uhm, I packed enough for a few days, but I was thinking maybe… as a treat, if you want, you could just feed directly from the source every now and then."

Her eyes widened, a blush immediately lighting her cheeks. "I…" she trailed off, as a tentative smile curved her lips, and he could hear her heart race just a bit faster. Then the smile died and she gave a quick shake of her head, her voice firm. "No."

Damon stiffened, and his lips formed a tight line. He ruthlessly tamped down the disappointment, and looked away. "Sure." The carefree mood that had filled the air moments before completely disappeared.

Taking a step forward, Elena sighed. "It's not that I don't want to, Damon."

His gaze flew back to hers.

"I do. That's… that's the problem. I want to a lot. Just the fact that it's your blood I'm drinking, it's what I want, but…" she trailed off with another sharp shake of her head. "I can't, Damon. I can't. It's still too much. Trying to deal with everything, coming to grips with it all. It's just that being around you, and, wow, feeding from you… it's just too tempting." She smiled softly, a sweet yearning in her eyes. "I just want you too much."

He was silent, a lightness filling his chest, but not at her words. He'd heard those before, plenty of times, but the way she said them, the look in her eyes, on her face, that beautiful smiling curving her lips, those were new. Her voice was soft, so sweet. The pain and the misery that had dragged down every syllable of those very same words before was gone. She wanted him. She could say that she wanted him, and it didn't hurt anymore to say it. It didn't hurt to want him.

"OK." And then he smirked, a mischievous spark in his gaze. "I get it. I can't help it that I'm irresistible."

Elena laughed. Stepping close until she was only inches away, she reached out with her free hand and lightly touched his chest, her eyes never leaving his. "Yes, you are."

His eyes widened and he clenched his fists at his side, suddenly fighting every instinct and urge in his body to drag her inside, find the nearest bed and take her fast and hard.

Her smile faded and her lips parted as she gazed at him. They were both still, then she slowly, carefully pulled her hand back, stepped back until they could both breathe again.

"I'm gonna go." Her voice was barely audible. She lifted the cooler slightly. "Thank you."

He remained frozen as she moved past him. A car horn finally roused him, and he turned to see Elena slip into Bonnie's car, her eyes still locked on him. He raised a hand in farewell and watched them drive away.

"Hey." Damon turned back to see Jeremy step out. "Can you give me a ride? I forgot some groceries the other day. Left milk in the car overnight. My car does not smell... good."

"What? Oh, yeah, fine." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. "You ready?"

"Yeah, I was gonna catch a ride with Bonnie, but I saw your car and figured it'd be cooler to drive up with you instead of my sister and my ex." He paused, his eyes widening before a smile broke out across his face. "Hey."

Damon looked behind him, and of course, saw nothing, but he spoke anyway. "Ric?"

"Yeah." Jeremy answered for his dead best friend.

Damon smiled and again raised a hand in acknowledgement, but dropped it quickly because he figured he looked like an idiot waving at thin air. He turned back to face Jeremy who clearly didn't have a problem looking and sounding like an idiot as he casually conversed with a ghost that no one but him could see. Damon tried to make sense of what they were talking about, but a one-sided conversation that was mostly comprised of "uhm" and "yeahs" wasn't very revealing.

After a minute or two, Jeremy looked at Damon. "Ric says 'hi.' He's gone now."

Nodding, Damon dug his hands in his pocket.

"Yeah." Then Jeremy frowned. "He wanted me to tell you something."

Damon looked up. Jeremy was quiet. "Well? Spill, kid."

He took a deep breath and then with a decisive nod, looked Damon square in the face. "He said that he's been hanging around, keeping tabs and he wanted me to tell you that he gives you and Elena his OK. I mean, his blessing. He gives you two his blessing to be, you know, together." He winced. "You know what I mean. Like a couple."

"Oh." Damon was quiet, digesting Jeremy's words. Or rather, Alaric's blessing. A small smile curved his lips and he looked upwards, knowing that if there was a heaven, fuck this ghost purgatory where Jeremy saw him now and then, Alaric Fucking Saltzman was in that heaven.

He glanced over at Jeremy. "Thanks." Turning, he headed to his car, but Jeremy's next words stopped him cold.

"Me too."

Slowly, Damon turned around to look at the kid. "What?"

"I give you my blessing. Elena loves you, she just needs time to figure it all out. But she loves you, and you love her. You take care of her. So, yeah, me too."

Swallowing heavily, Damon was still and silent for a moment. Then he gave a measured nod. "Thank you, Jeremy."


	19. Misconceptions and the Heart

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 19 – Misconceptions and the Heart [Featured Characters: Matt, Elena, Caroline, Damon, Tyler, Stefan and Rebekah]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 6,309  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

* * *

**Chapter 19: Misconceptions and the Heart**

Taking a final swipe at the table, Matt glanced up just as Elena entered the Grill. She looked around, her eyes searching. When she spied him, she headed his way.

"Hey." She called out as she moved closer

"Hey." He grinned, and slipped the rag into his apron. "How you doing?"

"I'm good. I'm really good actually." Brushing her hair behind her ear, she smiled. "I feel more or less me."

"I'm glad to hear that." He paused, narrowing his eyes slightly and looked at her. "And you and Stefan? I mean, I know it must be weird. It's been only a month or so since you guys broke up and Ms. Richards assigned you two that project together."

Slipping her hands in her pockets, Elena nodded. "Yeah. I was worried at first, but we've gotten together three or four times already and it's been cool. No drama. Honestly, I—" She broke off with a rueful laugh. "I'm beginning to think I make a much better ex than girlfriend. I feel closer to you than I ever did when we were dating."

Matt's grin grew. "Ditto."

Shaking her head, Elena leaned forward, pressing against a chair slightly. "I don't know. It just feels like Stefan and I are really meshing in a way we didn't before. It's like we're getting to know each other... and I like him."

"Like *like* him?"

"No, that's the thing," she offered, a musing note in her tone. "That's why it's kinda great. There's none of that tension. I do still love him, but it's like you and me. It's not romantic. We're friends. And I think it's good."

She looked at him, and there was a light smile on her face, and Matt couldn't help but respond. She really did look better, at ease in her skin, comfortable, almost happy… more the girl he knew before her parents died, even before their relationship status went from friends to dating. It was nice seeing her this way. _But it's still… almost,_ he couldn't help but think, and he was pretty sure he knew the reason.

"And Damon?"

Her smile didn't die, but some of the light definitely faded and Matt felt a stab of remorse for opening that can of worms.

Sighing, Elena pulled the chair out and sat down. "I haven't seen him much lately. I asked him to give me some space and he's been really great about it. He gets how hard this is for me." She looked up at him. "So he just drops blood off every couple of days and sometimes I see him and it's just 'hi and bye.' Other times I don't, and he leaves it with Jeremy." Elena shook her head with a quick laugh. "And when that happens, they hang and play video games."

Matt laughed, trying to imagine the two 'hanging.' "OK, then."

"It gets better. Sometimes Ric is with them..."

Eyes wide, Matt looked confused. "Mr. Saltzman?"

"Yeah, it's weird. My brother, the vampire and the ghost… playing video games. Although, Ric can't play and Damon can't see him, so he just apparently gives Jeremy tips on how to beat Damon and trash-talks him which Jeremy then translates?" She laughed again. "Yeah, crazy."

"Wow."

She grinned and slowly it faded into a smile of contentment. "But I think it's good for Jeremy. Actually, I think it's good for Damon too. Things are still... awkward with him and Stefan." Her smile did die then. "Thanks to me."

"Elena—"

"It's true, I played a part. A big one." Releasing a deep breath, she gave a determined nod. "But I think things are going to work out. I do."

"So what's gonna happen with you and Damon?"

"I don't know." She buried her head in her hands, and continued speaking, her voice muffled. "He makes me feel a lot and I do want to go there with him…"

Reaching out, he gave her shoulder a quick rub and finished her sentence. "Eventually."

Elena straightened up and looked at him. "Right, I'm just not ready. What if I lose control again? What if what he makes me feel is too much?" She bit her lip. "Or maybe I'm just scared of what it would be like being with him? What I feel for Damon is… it's not like anything I've ever felt before." Her voice dropped to a near-whisper. "It scares me."

"Maybe you should talk to him? The fear of the unknown and all that?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, Matt." She forced a smile on her face. "Anyway, forget about me, what about you? How are you dealing with Rebekah?" Reaching out, she placed a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry that Ms. Richards assigned you with her."

"Uh," he began and smiled tightly. "It's OK."

"Really?"

Taking a slight step back, her hand fell away and he raised his own to rub the back of his suddenly warm neck. "Yeah." Pausing, he looked around, but there were no tables to clean, no refills to give out. Matt sighed. _Aww hell, I might as well deal with it now._ He looked down at Elena.

"Look, the thing is, I don't hate Rebekah exactly." He held himself still, waiting for her reaction.

She smiled. _Didn't expect that._

"Of course you don't, you're you."

"No, I mean—" He broke off with a sigh and then steeled himself to lay it all out. "Elena, I kinda like her."

Her smile faded. _That's more like it._

"Like *like* like?"

Exhaling, he nodded. "Yeah?"

Elena looked away, her eyes widening. "Wow," she muttered.

"I know, I know what she did—"

She interrupted him with a wave of her hand. "She was protecting her family. I get that."

"I know, but still, I'm sorry." He shoved his hands in the pocket of his apron and winced. "I feel like such a jerk."

Shaking her head, she rose to her feet. "No, don't. I will not judge falling for someone that maybe you shouldn't. Hello, have you met Damon Salvatore?"

Matt couldn't help it, he laughed. It was sharp, but genuine. "Yeah, she gets under my skin."

She raised her brows. "No matter what she does?"

"Yeah." He frowned. "I'm sorry. After what she did…"

Elena reached out and patted his arm with a smile. "It's OK, Matt, I mean, hey, if you can forgive her after what she did to your truck," she tried to joke, but then turned serious. "She had reason to hate me."

"Elena—"

"I befriended her. I used her to help us and then I staked her. Right before Homecoming." Her voice turned thoughtful. "She really wanted to go." She looked at him. "You were supposed to be her date."

"Yeah." He smiled and then clapped his hands together. "Speaking of dances..."

"Hmm?"

Matt leaned back, gauging her reaction. "I kinda wanna ask her to go with me to the Decade Dance."

"Right, that's next week. I forgot. That's why Caroline's been MIA." Elena shrugged. "You know what, Matt? I think you should ask her. Not that it should matter what I think."

"But it does." He met her gaze, holding it with sincerity.

She nodded. "Then, go for it. And hey, maybe you'll be good for her. If anyone can bring out the best in her, it's probably you." Elena smiled brightly.

"Thanks, and I promise whenever you do whatever with Damon, I will not judge."

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

Matt smiled and then glanced past at her as a customer walked in. _Ah._ "And here comes the other Salvatore."

Elena turned around, and threw a wave Stefan's way with a smile. As she swung back to face Matt, he noticed how Stefan's gaze seemed to warm and linger on Elena. Matt narrowed his eyes slightly.

"I'll talk to you later then?" Elena asked, recapturing his attention.

He looked back to her. "Yeah, sure." She flashed him a quick smile and headed to the booth where Stefan was already waiting for her. Matt walked over to the bar and leaned against it. Unable to help himself, he found his gaze returning to Stefan and Elena. He noticed how Stefan kept reaching out to lightly touch her hand at every opportunity, how he kept leaning towards her. _Oh, boy._ Elena might think they were just friends, but Stefan clearly thought they were headed back into each other's arms.

"Donovan, get me a drink."

Matt straightened and turned to see Damon settling himself in his usual seat.

"I can't…" he started to say, and then shut up. If he hadn't gotten in trouble yet for serving alcohol to Damon Salvatore on a near-daily basis for a month now, it probably wasn't going to happen anytime soon. "Fine."

Reaching the other side of the bar, he rummaged for Damon's favorite brand, not even bothering to make conversation. If Damon wanted to talk, he'd talk. If he didn't, he'd just deliver some scathing retort if Matt spoke first. Instead of taking offense, Matt had finally just decided it was their thing… and more often than not, Damon did strike up a conversation. Especially if Dr. Fell wasn't around.

Matt pulled a glass out and poured Damon a generous amount, but the vampire wasn't paying attention. He'd swiveled his stool slightly and was looking over his shoulder at Stefan and Elena.

They were laughing, heads bent close. Matt knew Elena, and he knew that the laughter and attitude she exhibited was an Elena in friends-only mode. But judging from the hard glint in Damon's eye, Matt figured that as well as he knew Elena, Damon didn't yet know her quite as well as Matt. With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, he realized that Damon was probably thinking the exact same thing as his brother. Stefan and Elena were headed for a reunion… and he wasn't happy about it.

_Yeah, this is gonna be fun,_ Matt thought as he glanced over at Elena, guessing that her break from drama was about to end.

XxxxX

"I need refuge!" Caroline exclaimed as she practically fell through Elena's front door. "Do you have blood? Or chocolate? I think I want chocolate."

Laughing, Elena shut the door behind her. "I have both, but I don't think you'll want the blood."

Caroline paused as she opened the refrigerator. "Why?" Then she wrinkled her nose as she realized exactly why she wouldn't want it. "Ew, it's Damon's blood, isn't it?" She went on without waiting for a response knowing that she was right. "Yeah, definitely the chocolate."

Following her friend into the kitchen, Caroline watched Elena sit down at the island, reaching for her warm glass of, _Ick!_ Damon-blood.

"It's pretty good, thank you very much."

Struck silent at the sight of Elena drinking the blood, she tried to figure out why the idea of it was so wrong. Aside from the whole Damon-ness of it. She drank blood all the time, and … _I drink human blood,_ she realized. Her eyes widened and she turned to face Elena. "How can you—Elena, it's gross! It's vampire blood. That just feels…" she trailed off, searching for the right word.

Smiling wryly, Elena rolled her eyes. "Cannibalistic?"

"Oh my God! Yes!" _That was totally it!_ she thought as she headed towards the refrigerator.

"That's what Damon said."

Caroline frowned, not liking that she and Damon had anything in common. Which was stupid really when she thought about it because she and Damon actually had a lot in common. She just didn't like to acknowledge it. _Eh._ She shrugged. "He's not wrong. And you won't hear me say that very often." Caroline made sure to remind her with a saucy grin.

Elena rolled her eyes and took another sip. Caroline closed the refrigerator and opened the freezer. A dreamy smile spread across her face, followed by a whispered, "yes." She reached for her treasure. "Success is mine!" Turning to Elena, Caroline grinned. "I love Häagen-Dazs chocolate chocolate chip *so* much. Do you mind?" she asked even as she pulled open a drawer for a spoon because Elena so would not.

Sure enough, she gave a casual wave of her hand. "Help yourself. What's up with the need for refuge?"

Settling herself down, Caroline flipped the lid off and took a bite of ice cream before responding. "Mmhmm. So good." Closing her eyes, she was quiet for a few moments, savoring the creamy frozen goodness. Then with a quick shake of her head, she looked at Elena. "The Decade Dance is two days away and there is so much to do. I am going crazy!"

"And you love it." Elena grinned knowingly.

"Yes," Caroline conceded with a smile, but it faded with a sigh. "I'm still going crazy, though. And I want to KILL Rebekah!"

"Why?" Reaching out, Elena picked up the extra spoon that Caroline had brought over and dug in to the ice cream. Pausing, mid-scoop, Elena's eyes widened. "Oh, did you hear about her and Matt?"

"Her and… what?" _I so did not just hear that. I did NOT just hear her say Matt and—no. Absolutely not._ She directed her own wide-eyed stare Elena's way. "What are you talking about?!"

Elena winced and Caroline cringed at the movement knowing it was totally admission of her fear. "Nothing really, it's just…" she trailed off with a sigh and stalled by taking her bite of ice cream, but Caroline's unyielding gaze did not waver. "OK, fine, I was talking to Matt the other day and he… just don't judge, OK?"

Closing her eyes for a brief second, Caroline exhaled slowly and deeply. _Calm, Caroline, be calm._ She looked at Elena's nervous face and she couldn't be calm, and she couldn't control the rising timbre of her voice. "Oh my God, he likes her, doesn't he? He does! I knew it. I knew it! After the car wreck, which *she* caused, he was all defending her and I just knew it!" Slamming her spoon down, she stood up. "Ugh. I hate that Original bitch."

"Caroline…"

"No, don't 'Caroline' me. You should hate her too."

Elena was silent for a moment as if considering and then she shocked the hell out of Caroline. "I don't really." Without explaining more, Elena reached over and pulled the mini tub of ice cream closer to her and took another bite.

"She killed you, Elena. Like literally."

"I know, but I'm here and Matt's alive. She saved his life. And, yeah, she did kill me, but then possessed-evil-Ric died, so he couldn't kill Damon. Considering everything, there could have been way worse outcomes."

Caroline was silent for a moment, and then with a sigh, she sat back down and pulled the ice cream over to her. _Of course Elena would forgive her. Why am I even surprised? It's Elena. She's a forgiver._ She looked to her friend, loving her, but as always slightly bewildered with how she just let things roll off her back sometimes. _Bizarre._ "Fine. Whatever. I still don't have to like it. Or her."

"Of course, you don't. Just don't make Matt feel bad about it. He's had it pretty rough, and if he forgives her…"

"Yeah, yeah," Caroline rolled her eyes and went in for another bite. She did not want to think about her ex and that… creature.

"So, if you didn't know about Matt and Rebekah, why do you want to kill her? Is there a specific reason or just general Rebekah-hate?"

Forcing her mind away from awful mental images of Matt and that blonde slut, Caroline gave a quick shake of her head and looked at Elena, explaining. "Our last Decade Dance was the 60's."

"No, it was the 20's," Elena pointed out.

"Yes, but I mean our last correct Decade Dance—"

"Correct?"

"Yes, because we had the 20's only because *Rebekah* convinced everyone else to go with the that over what should have been the 70's." Caroline took a deep breath, still rankled over Rebekah hi-jacking the dance's theme last year. "So I was getting everything prepped and researched for this dance which will *finally* be the 70's. Guess what she did?"

Elena shrugged. "Compelled everyone to go with the 20's again?"

"No. Think a decade earlier."

"The 1910's? What'd they wear then?" Elena scooped another bite, and then took a sip of Damon's blood. She looked down, murmuring. "Hmm, I like this mix. It's cold and warm, sweet and tangy all at once. Yum."

Caroline shook her head. "Eww. Anyway, the 1910's, you know like _Titanic, Downton Abbey_?"

"Ooh, Kate Winslet had some pretty dresses in _Titanic_. Nice."

"Well, there is that, but, Elena, it was supposed to be the 70's." Pouting, Caroline set her spoon down. "OK, fine, to be fair, I don't think she had to compel anyone. You hear 70's fashion and everyone's mind goes straight to bell-bottoms." She clenched her fists and lightly pounded on the counter. "Ugh! Damn the bell-bottoms!" She threw her hands up and looked at Elena, full of exasperation. "Hello, Halston created great fashion in the 70's!"

She took a deep breath and dipped back into the ice cream, once more searching for calm, and with the help of chocolate chocolate chip, succeeded this time. "Anyway, I had to change my whole concept and time is running away from me now."

Elena flashed her friend a sympathetic look. "You'll get it all done."

"I know." Caroline sighed. "I just needed to vent." Then a bright smile lit her face as she switched gears, determined to not think about things that annoyed her… like Rebekah. "So, we should call Bonnie and head to Decades Design."

"Ugh," Elena threw her head back. "That place is so big and stuffed, it takes forever to find anything in there."

Caroline shrugged, not seeing the problem. It was her favorite clothing store. "Well, when you have a hundred years worth of fashions to satisfy tons of students dressing up for the dances…"

Rolling her eyes, Elena grinned. "Only in Mystic Falls would someone make a killing with a vintage clothing store."

Caroline leaned forward, always ready to share gossip, no matter how innocuous or old. "Did you know that the owner was the head of the dance committee back in the 50's and she came up with the whole decades dance thing. Like five years after she graduated, she opened the store and she's totally raking it in. Pretty smart, huh?"

"Impressive." Elena smiled and the two girls fell silent as they went back and forth dipping into the ice cream. "This should be weird," Elena said through a mouthful of ice cream, gesturing to the tub with her spoon.

Shrugging, Caroline took another bite. "Eh, you drank my blood, we got turned on. This ain't nothing."

Elena grinned. "This is true."

"So…." Caroline began, thoughts of the dance bringing dance partners to her mind. Specifically Elena's potential dance partner.

"So?"

"You and Stefan are working on that project together, right? Spending a lot of time hanging out. How's it going?" She waggled her brows, and Elena laughed which Caroline took as an encouraging sign.

"Fine. We're getting along very well."

Caroline made sure to tamp down her smile, not wanting to push Elena too hard, instead she want for casual. "Things aren't awkward?"

"Nope, they're good." She put the lid on the ice cream and licked her spoon once more. "It's been nice actually. No secrets between us. I think we're developing quite good communication skills." She grinned.

"Uh huh, uh huh. Well, that's good to hear." _Very good!_ Caroline reached over and pulled the lid back off the ice cream and took another bite. "You know I talked to Stefan after the break-up, and I get now that you guys had problems before that didn't have anything to do with Damon. And, of course, there's the whole Damon situation."

"True."

"But, it sounds like you're figuring things out." Her tone was encouraging.

Elena was quiet and Caroline was hopeful that her friend was thinking about Stefan, what they had and what they could have again. She turned to Caroline with a smile, and it was full of such eagerness that Caroline could barely resist the urge to clap. "Yeah, I am." Elena finally offered, and that smile was there in her voice.

This time Caroline couldn't stop herself, she clapped lightly. "Good, so the dance?"

Elena narrowed her eyes in confusion and then she shook her head slightly with a grin. "Yeah, sure we'll get together."

"Yay!" _Finally, some things could get back to normal._

Elena grabbed the ice cream, replaced the lid and headed to the freezer, muttering under her breath just as Caroline's phone rang so she didn't catch what Elena said. "What?" Elena turned and Caroline looked at her in confusion, her hand over her phone.

"I didn't say anything," came that oh so annoying, haughty British or whatever accent.

Caroline seethed. "I'm not talking to you, Rebekah. Hold on." Caroline looked at Elena. "Elena, what did you say?"

"Just that the three of will go pick out dresses and, OK, yay!"

Caroline was confused because of course they would get their dresses together, duh. _No need for a memo._

"Caroline, I called you for a reason."

Putting Elena's comment out of her mind, she hissed into the phone. "Fine, just give me a second. And don't do anything yet. I will be there. I am the head of the dance committee, not you. Do not make any more decisions without me." She hung up the phone sharply. "Or I swear to God, I will find that white oak stake and I really will kill you," she bit out between gritted teeth.

Plastering a smile on her face, she turned to Elena. "Thank you for the ice cream, the peace and quiet, but I have to go now before Rebekah destroys my last Decades Dance." Without waiting for a response, she stood up and hurried out.

Fifteen minutes later, Caroline glanced down at her watch as she hurried into the Grill, hoping that she hadn't made Tyler wait too long. She was on enough thin ice as it was. Thankfully Rebekah's emergency hadn't been an emergency at all and had taken only one call for Caroline to sort out. Which was immediately followed by a text from Tyler to meet him here. _Now where is he?_

"Whoah! Watch where you're going, Blondie." Caroline stilled, looking up at Damon and then sending glares on either side of her at his hands on her shoulders.

He pulled away. "You were two seconds from running into me."

Frowning, she looked past him, but still didn't see Tyler. She looked back at Damon then, a sudden bright smile lighting her face as she saw the solution to another problem right in front of her. "Damon, what perfect timing! I wanted to talk to you."

"Whatever it is, no." He started to turn away, but she grabbed his arm and moved in front of him.

"Listen, the Decade Dance is on Saturday. You should totally chaperone!" She smiled, trying to inject into her expression just how much fun he would have doing so.

"Another one?" Damon frowned. "Do you guys have like five of those a year?"

Caroline shook her head. "No, we only have two. So, will—"

"No." Damon turned around and this time managed to make it to the bar before she caught up with him. "Please! Ms. Richards bailed on us."

Holding up a finger, Damon ignored her as he indicated another drink.

"Damon!"

He looked at her. "No."

She leaned against the bar and set her purse down, her shoulders slumping. He continued to ignore her. Suddenly, a light bulb went off. "Elena!" Like clockwork, his head jerked up. She smiled brightly. "Elena will be at the dance."

He paused, drink in mid-air and then shrugged. "With Stefan, I'm sure."

Thinking of her conversation with Elena earlier and that grinning admission that she and Stefan would be going together, Caroline considered lying. She looked at Damon and opened her mouth to do that very thing, but he cut her off.

"Save it. I saw him tenderly tucking the flyer into a scrapbook of memories. So, yeah, no."

"Please?" He looked at her, and she tried to look as un-irritated with him as she was possibly capable of, but he didn't bite. Shaking his head, he tipped his glass in a salute and then downed it.

"Scram. Your wolf boy is here."

"Wha—?" Straightening up, she turned around and saw Tyler coming towards her. With a glare Damon's way, she headed to her boyfriend, pasting a smile on her face. "Hey."

"Hey." He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking uncomfortable.

Her smile faded. "What?"

"Can we go outside? It's suffocating in here." Tyler looked intently at her, and she had a moment of foreboding. With a determined nod, she shook it off.

"Sure," Caroline smiled brightly and followed him out of the Grill. He moved to stand by the alley, giving them some privacy. "So, what's up?"

"Caroline," he began, and he sounded hesitant, nervous. The apprehension returned. He took a deep breath and met her worried gaze. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

She shook her head. "What—what do you mean?"

"It's just that every time I think of you now, I think of you with Klaus and I can't get the image of you two out of my head." His voice rose with every word, and by the end his teeth were gritted, and his fists were clenched.

"Tyler, listen to me. You have to know that what *ever* I feel for Klaus—"

"Oh my God." He stepped back, his eyes growing wide pained shock. "You actually do feel something for him?"

"No, I—" She broke off unable to continue because she had been about to tell him that she didn't and that was a lie, and she knew it was a lie. She fell silent.

Tyler shook his head, an angry sneering curling his lips. "I'm done, Caroline. I'm done."

"Tyler!" She reached out, gripping the lapels of his jacket.

"No!" He pulled away, stepping back. "I came to tell you that I need a break. That I'm going back to my pack for the rest of the school year." He looked away, bitterness on his face. "My mom is setting everything up." He laughed harshly. "I thought maybe we could try the long-distance thing, maybe that would help, but..." He trailed off, and turned to look at her, his eyes glittering.

"Did you ever even love me?"

"I did—" Caroline began, and then with a small gasp, she realized immediately what she had said, and tried desperately to correct herself. "Tyler, I do."' Tears began to fall at the hurt on his face. "I just... I'm confused. There's you and Klaus. And I can't talk to you anymore, you get upset and—"

"It's my fault?!" He was incredulous.

"No, I'm just saying that I don't know what I feel." She tried to reach for him again, but her hands fell to her sides as he moved even further away. "I'm sorry, Tyler. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, whatever. I can tell you really mean that."

Reaching up, she wiped at the tears slipping down her face. "Tyler, please, don't give up on us."

"You're kidding, right?" Caroline stepped closer, thankful, hopeful when this time he didn't pull back. Tentatively she reached out and laid a hand against his heart. He held still, looking at her, his gaze so intense, but then he gave a quick shake of his head, pulling away from her once more. "Goodbye, Caroline."

"Tyler..." She tried again, but he just walked away.

Caroline stood there, frozen, tears drying on her face.

"Caroline?"

Her head jerking up, she quickly swiped a finger under each eye and took several deep breaths. Turning around, she saw Matt coming towards her. It was dark, and he couldn't see her clearly, but she could see the bright smile on his face.

"Hey, are you excited about the dance?"

She sniffed. "Oh, yeah, thrilled. Tyler just broke up with me." His face fell, but she carried on. "Klaus is a psychotic mass murderer, and you're going with his psychotic sister, or so I assume. Please tell me I'm wrong."

"I haven't asked her yet, but…" He reached out and rubbed her arm lightly. "Care, I'm sorry about Tyler."

"Don't." She stepped back sharply. "Just… go away. I can't even look at you right now. God, Matt, Rebekah?!"

He smiled sadly. "Caroline… I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't, but I like her."

Thinking of Rebekah's brother, Caroline exhaled deeply and sniffed some fresh tears back. "Yeah, yeah, know that song and dance but I just can't right now, Matt."

Turning around, she headed for her car and then stopped at the door realizing that she didn't have her purse… or her keys. "Damnit!"

"Hey!"

Throwing her hands up, she bit back a more profane oath. "What now?" She spun around, and a wave of relief swept through her. It was Stefan. _Thank God, it was Stefan._

"I ran into Damon in the Grill, he had your purse?"

She nodded and took it from him. "Yeah, I was asking him to chaperone and, I left it there." She grimaced. "He said no."

"Of course."

"I'm sorry you had to talk to him." She offered, knowing that things were definitely still strained between the brothers.

Stefan shrugged. "I'm OK. But… you're not?" He reached over and gently wiped at a streak on her face.

Shaking her head, Caroline forced a bright smile on her face. "I'm fine. Tyler and I are done and I have no one to go to the dance with." Her smile faded and then her eyes widened as she took in his concerned gaze. "We can go together!"

"Uh—"

And then before he could get his refusal out, she remembered why he'd refuse. "Oh, wait, you're gonna ask Elena. Of course you are. And she'll say yes. And Bonnie is going with Jeremy, Matt is gonna ask Rebekah and Tyler won't go, and there's Klaus—" She broke off at Stefan's raised brow. "Ugh, don't give me that look! I'm NOT going with him."

She sighed forlornly. "My life sucks. It's the last Decades Dance and I'm going stag." A cry escaped her and she squeezed her eyes shut. A moment later, Stefan pulled her into his arms and surprised her then.

"We can go together," he assured her.

She laughed against his shirt, a real smile blooming on her face. Shaking her head, she pulled back and looked up at him with a soft laugh. _What is wrong with Elena? He's so wonderful._ She sighed, because Elena deserved to have a wonderful guy on her arm. "No, you go with Elena. Just because I'm miserable, you don't have to be miserable with me."

"Caroline…"

"No. It's settled." She reached out and patted him gently on the chest. "Thank you, though. I appreciate the offer."

"You've been there for me, I'm here for you." He paused and gave her a comforting smile. "I didn't know about Tyler. I'm sorry."

Caroline shook her head. "It just happened, like, literally. I'll be OK. But thank you." She leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, lingering longer than she should have. She should pull away, she knew that, but it felt so safe and right in his arms. And once that thought popped into her head, it felt as if something shifted. And it was weird and suddenly so not right. Pulling away, she told herself that she had only done the whole lingering thing because she was depressed, therefore understandably clingy. _Still._ Caroline cleared her throat, feeling nervous because depressed or not, she *had* lingered that tiny bit and so there *was* this unexpected charge in the air.

"Thank you."

She withdrew her arms from around him and Stefan took a step back, not quite meeting her gaze. _Yeah, he totally felt it too. Great._ Out came another forced smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home and lose myself in last minute preparations for the dance, and some more Haagan-Daaz. And _The Notebook_." She nodded decisively.

Now he looked her square in the eye and she felt a small rush of relief. He was still Stefan and she was still Caroline, and they were still good. He smiled, the one that she was beginning to recognize as the smile he put in place just for her. It never failed to elicit an answering one in kind from her. Just as it did now.

"I already feel better, I promise."

"Caroline…" He tried again.

She laughed lightly. "No, really I do." She reached out and pushed at his chest lightly. "Go, go on. I'm good."

Stefan gave a nod. "OK, night, Caroline."

She watched him walk away, decidedly not thinking of that lingering moment, instead focusing on his sweet offer, his warm comfort and how he'd made her smile. She smiled again. Exhaling softly, Caroline pulled out her keys, definitely feeling better and ready for a night of lists, ice cream and Ryan Gosling.

XxxxX

Matt paused before the front door. _Do I really want to do this?_ He looked down thinking hard and an image of Rebekah doing an impression of the dramatic chipmunk flashed through his mind. He grinned. _Oh yeah, I'm doing this._

He knocked on the door.

A few moments passed. Not surprising considering how big the place was. Fidgeting nervously, he dug his hands in his pockets. _If she's not here, I'll take it as a sign,_ he decided.

The door opened. _OK, then._

"Hello." Rebekah looked at him warily. "This is a surprise. We already met over this ridiculous school project." She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "Wait, what am I being accused of doing now?" She smiled sweetly, but her eyes were hard.

Still, the girl was really, really hot. And the tight sweater and short skirt she was wearing certainly helped. He gulped and tried to smile. The look on her face made it clear that the smile looked as awkward as it felt.

"Hey," he managed. "I mean, you didn't—do you want to go to the dance?" Matt just blurted out, figuring the question would account for his presence and his nervousness better than any rambling explanation.

Rebekah's smile faded and her eyes widened, a sweet vulnerability filling them, a softness shifting across her face. The corners of her lips turned up just the slightest. And then her expression froze and she stood straight, her shoulders squared.

"What is this about?" Her words were clipped, without a sliver of warmth.

"I—" he broke off and looked away, confused. With a shake of his head, and a wry laugh, he looked back up at her. "This is about me asking you to go to the dance with me." He raised his brows, and tried another smile.

Rebekah was quiet, gazing at him with suspicion. Finally, she relaxed her stance just the slightest and spoke one word. "Why?"

"Because I want to go with you." He told her.

"No, you don't." She shot back. "You hate me."

He sighed. "I don't hate—"

"Alright, fine, you don't hate me. You're coming around, yes, but you don't like me."

He grinned sheepishly, his hand rising to rub the back of his neck. "No, I…" Trailing off, Matt sighed and straightened up. "I do like you. And I wanna go to the dance with you because, I don't know, I figured maybe we can finally get it right. Your brother tried to kill me the first time, and you were unavailable for Homecoming—"

Letting out a bark of laughter, Rebekah looked away. "Unavailable? Really? Your precious Elena stabbed me in the back. Literally."

His smile faded and he threw his hands up. "That's what you're doing? I'm actually asking you out on a date and you're taking shots at Elena?" He shook his head, talking almost to himself now. "I thought you wanted this?" He began to back away. "Forget it. I never should—"

"No, Matt, wait!"

He stopped, glaring at the pavement.

"I'm sorry. I just can't believe that there's not some ulterior motive here." He looked at her. "Can you blame me?"

Quiet for a moment, he finally looked up at her. "No. But there's not."

She cleared her throat. "OK, let's start over then?"

"What do you mean, Rebekah?" He sighed, seriously regretting ever coming. _Why did I even consider this?_

"I'll close the door, and you come and knock again. I'll open it and smile. And you'll ask me to the dance and I'll say yes."

"Rebekah…"

She looked away, and when she spoke there was the slightest catch in her throat. "I've never been to anything like a high school dance just like a… normal girl." She turned back to meet his gaze. "I think I would like it. Especially if I was with a normal boy… like you."

Rebekah smiled, her heart shining in her eyes, her hope in that tentative smile. She was so beautiful. He couldn't breathe for a second. _That's why._

Nodding, he stepped nearer to her again and offered up a slow smile. "Close the door, Rebekah."

Her eyes widened, that hope moving to light them. "And you'll—"

"Just close the door."

With a slight nod, she shut the door. Matt waited a moment, shook his head with a silent laugh. _Yeah, I'm doing this._

He knocked on the door.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

We're in the homestretch now, the goal is to post the rest of the story before the show returns. If you're reading and enjoying this, please leave a review and let me know. I would really appreciate it. :)


	20. Testing the Waters

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 20 – Testing the Waters [Featured Characters: Elena, Bonnie, Stefan, Caroline and Damon]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 3,866  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

* * *

**Chapter 20: Testing the Waters**

"Too bad Caroline couldn't come with us to pick out dresses," Bonnie said as she lowered herself onto Elena's bed.

"Yeah, she just had too much dance stuff to do. She called, said that she went this morning and she can't wait to see what we're wearing." Elena fluffed the pillows behind her and settled down. Grinning at Bonnie, reached out and tapped Bonnie's knee. "So, I overheard Jeremy talking to Matt… he said something about the two of you going together?"

Unable to help the smile that spread across her face, Bonnie dipped her head slightly, just knowing that she was blushing.

"Come on, spill!" Elena threw her stuffed bear and Bonnie caught it just before it hit her in the face.

"Hey!"

"Sorry." Elena frowned. "Did I throw it too hard?"

"No, you threw it at my face!" She laughed. Then with a roll of her eyes, Bonnie set the bear down and sighed. "Jeremy and I have been spending more time together and it's been nice. I know he's really sorry about what happened with Anna. And I kinda get it, I guess? I mean, they never broke up. She just… died."

Standing up, she walked to the window and looked out. Elena remained quiet, and Bonnie thought back to when he'd asked her to the dance. She turned to look at Elena. "He was so sweet when he asked. He was shy and blushing. He was smiling and stumbling over how much he wanted to spend the evening with me." She shook her head and sat down on the windowsill. "I've been pushing him away a lot lately and it's just been getting harder and harder because even though he hurt me, I still love him."

Elena nodded. "So when he asked, you decided to stop pushing?"

"Basically. The feelings are so still there and I can pretend that they're gone or I can face them head-on and see if we're on the same page this time, you know?"

Frowning in thought, Elena slowly nodded, and then her eyes widened and she sat up straight. "You are so right. How can I ever figure out what is going on with Damon if I don't actually try to figure it out?"

_I thought we were talking about me and Jeremy?_ Bonnie crossed her arms, and raised a brow in her friend's direction. "Elena?"

"Matt said I should talk to him, and I've been thinking about it, how I miss him and… what you said makes so much sense." She looked up and met Bonnie's gaze. "And we weren't talking about me or Damon. So, yes, you are making the right call with Jeremy." She squeezed her eyes shut and winced. "I'm sorry. God, that big fight Jeremy and I had—"

"When you killed him?"

And she winced again. _OK_, thought Bonnie, _I shouldn't have gone there._

"Yeah. He told me I was so selfish, I only thought about myself." She buried her face in her hands. "Ugh. He was right."

"No, he wasn't. OK, yeah, a lot of times you think about you, but, Elena, you've got a lot to think about."

Elena peeked up at Bonnie. "We were talking about you—"

"And it reminded you of your situation with Damon—which is really kinda weird, but whatever. So you mentioned that then like two seconds later you got back to me." She grimaced. "And I'm sorry about the whole 'killing him' thing."

Elena waved a hand. "It's fine. Whenever he wants to do something or get out of doing something, he reminds me of that one time I snapped his neck." She shrugged. "Jeremy is getting his way a lot."

"Bad Jeremy."

Elena shook her head. "No, still bad Elena. He holds the cards for a bit longer." She smiled. "He forgives me, doesn't hate me for it. That's what matters. But enough about me and Jeremy, we are talking about you and Jeremy. So, you're not officially back together, you're just… testing the waters?"

"Yes." Bonnie stood up and moved back over to the bed. She picked up the discarded bear and began playing with its ears, suddenly not wanting to talk about her and Jeremy. It wasn't even that it was Elena, his sister, but it all felt so fragile. She knew that what she and Jeremy had was special, but it had been tarnished and worrying it over too much would send her into overdrive. _I just need to see where this goes, let it play out._ Bonnie looked up at Elena and smiled reassuringly as she met her friend's worried gaze. "And what will happen, will happen. OK, done, no more Jeremy-talk. What about you and Damon?"

"Are you sure? I'm OK with talk about you and Jeremy as long as it not too... detailed."

"First, I wouldn't do that to you." She paused, thinking. "Or me." They both laughed. "Secondly, I am done with Jeremy-talk. Time to talk about you and your," Bonnie waved her hand in the air, "whatever with Damon."

Sighing, Elena threw her head back and looked up at the ceiling. "It's just what you said. How can I know where we stand if I'm pushing him away? The last month I've been working on me and I'm even spending time with Stefan, finding new ground with him," she paused and lowered her head, meeting Bonnie's gaze. "But I'm still pushing Damon away."

"Why?"

"Because what I feel for him scares me. And honestly I'm not even sure what I feel, which I know sounds really lame, but I didn't feel this way about Matt and I was so sure I loved him. Then I met Stefan and I fell in love with him and it was nothing like what I felt for Matt. So I was sure that was it. That was Love, with a capital 'L.'"

Seeing the frustration and confusion on Elena's face, Bonnie couldn't help but be grateful that her relationship issues were comparatively so much easier to process. _Poor Elena._

"Now, there's Damon and what I feel for him and it's not what I felt for Stefan."

"So you're confused."

"Yes. And now I'm thinking that if I don't try and spend time with him, figure it out, I'll never know."

Bonnie was quiet, contemplating if she should tell Elena what she was really thinking. With a quick shake of her head, she took a deep breath and went for it. _After all, that's what friends are for._

"Elena, I think you know. I think you're just too afraid to admit it, afraid of what will happen when you do."

Bonnie nodded, watching Elena, waiting for her response. Finally, she did, taking a deep breath and nodded. "Maybe you're right. I don't want to choose Damon and lose some of the other people in my life. I mean, Bonnie, would be you OK with it?"

Reaching out, Bonnie grabbed her friend's hands and smiled, looking at her intently. "Elena, it doesn't matter whether I am or not, it's what you want and if I'm really your friend, I will support what you want. And I am your friend!" She shrugged and released Elena. "Besides, I told you before, I'm mostly OK with him now. If he makes you happy, then that's what makes me happy." She laughed. "Plus, you know, Jeremy's all Team Damon."

"Yeah, I know." Tearing up through her smile, Elena leaned over and drew Bonnie into a hug. "Thank you."

Returning the embrace, Bonnie gave her a quick squeeze. She pulled back and met Elena's happy expression. "You have nothing to thank me for. It's what friends do."

XxxxX

Elena pushed strands of hair behind her ear and Stefan looked fondly at her as she sighed again. There was a wistful expression on her face, one she'd been wearing all during their work session. Stefan had an idea he knew what she was thinking about. He didn't want to rush her, but the dance was tonight and if he didn't ask her right now, there would go his chance. They had been spending a lot of time together working on the project and things had been so good, better than ever. Taking a look at her soft smile, her shining eyes, he figured it was now or never. "I think I know what you're sighing about over there," he teased.

"What? I'm sorry. I was thinking about—"

"The dance?" He grinned.

Elena nodded with a smile. "I know we're almost done with this stupid project and I should be concentrating…" She trailed off and then rolled her eyes. "I can't believe of all the decades, we got one before you were born."

Stefan shrugged. "It's all good and hey, I'm learning more about the Lewis and Clark Expedition of 1804 than I ever thought I would."

Elena laughed and then she sat up straight, looking adorably studious. "Regardless, I am sorry and I am at full attention now."

He took a deep breath. "Maybe it would be easier to concentrate if I just got it out there?"

"Hmm?"

"I know I've cut it close, but I've been going back and forth. Is it too soon, is it OK, but things have been going so well with us that, yeah, I think we're good." He smiled, and he hoped that in that smile, she saw that he still believed they had a chance.

"We are good," she smiled back, and if it was more friendly than romantic, he reasoned that she was holding back herself right now. _It's up to me to make the first move._

"So…" He clapped his hands together. _This is it._ "The dance. You're going?"

Elena nodded and dipped her head as her face began to heat up and a smile bloomed. Stefan's hopes soared. "Yeah."

A wide grin spread across his face, _yes, I was right_, and he leaned forward confidently. "So what time should I pick you up?"

Elena froze and her smile died. She looked up at him. "What?"

"For the dance?" He kept the smile on his face, deciding that she was surprised. Elena was quiet, and her eyes widened. With growing alarm he realized that it wasn't surprise on her face, but rather something more akin to dismay. His smile faded. "Elena?"

"Stefan…" she began and then trailed off. A sick feeling began to fill him. He looked away and cleared his throat. _I was wrong._

"I see, you're going to the dance, but not with me."

Elena shook her head slowly. "No, I'm sorry, Stefan. " She reached out and covered his hand. "I didn't think—" He looked down at her hand and she quickly pulled away. There was a placating note when she spoke and he tried to read in her expression, between the lines for what she wasn't saying. "I didn't think you would think that. We're friends now and I like that, but I'm not ready." She paused and seemed to give herself a mental shake. "I mean, I'm not going *there* with you." Elena looked at him anxiously.

Stefan managed an understanding nod. He shrugged. _OK, they weren't there yet. He could handle friends, anything could blossom from friendship. Let's try that._ "We could go as friends?" He smiled softly. She sighed again, but it wasn't the dreamy sigh from earlier. His stomach clenched.

She was quiet then. For a long time. Long enough that he was about ready to jump out of his skin at the awkward tension filling the room. Finally, Elena took a deep breath and met his gaze. "I'm going to ask Damon."

His smile died. His heart dropped, even as she rushed forward to explain… whatever.

"I'm never going to figure out what I feel for him unless I actually try and actually figure it out."

He stood up, nodding jerkily. _Fucking Damon._ He began gathering up his stuff, not looking at her, muttering in a low voice. "Right, right." Stepping back, he threw one bitter look her way. "Well, have fun."

Elena stood up and called out his name as he headed to the door. He gave a quick shake of his head, shutting her down with a tight goodbye as he walked out. "I'll see you later." He didn't look behind him, not wanting to see the pity on her face. The door slammed shut and he angrily strode away, burning inside. He stopped at his car and stood still, forcing himself to calm down. With an expletive, he threw his bag through the car window. Bending down, he gripped the door and breathed heavily.

His phone rang.

He almost ignored it, but if it was Damon, he really wanted the petty pleasure of answering just to tell him to 'fuck off' before hanging up on him.

It was Caroline. Some of his anger receded. _Caroline._ Stefan let out another low breath and answered. "Hey."

"Hey there!" came her bright, cheery voice and it made him smile for a second. "I was just calling to make sure that you save me a dance tonight since there's a good chance that no one else will give me the time of day," she finished sulkily. Then she sighed. "That sounded awfully bitter, didn't it? Whatever. I got dumped, it's allowed. So, you'll save me a dance?"

A calculating grin spread across his face. "I'll do you one better."

"Oh?"

"Elena is going to the dance with my brother—"

"What?!" He took a moment to take satisfaction in her appalled reaction.

"Yep. So, I'm free to take you."

There was silence on her end. "Wow, second choice to Elena Gilbert, like that's never happened before." She sighed heavily. "Whatever, beggars can't be choosers. Absolutely. I would love to go with you, Stefan. And I'll look fabulous and you'll look totally handsome and we will make Elena and Tyler sick with jealousy!"

He laughed. And then he grinned because despite how beyond pissed off he was two minutes ago, Caroline was able to make him laugh. "Sounds like a plan. I'll pick you up at seven."

"Prepare to have your socks knocked off."

Stefan grinned again. "Will do. See you later."

She chirped a goodbye and they hung up. Stefan looked over his shoulder at the house behind him and his smile faded. Knowing what he knew of the players involved, he figured that Tyler probably would be seeing green. As for Elena? He wasn't so sure, but he damn well was going to do his best to get her there.

XxxxX

Elena ran down the stairs and flung the front door open, her heart beating frantically. Damon had just stepped off the last step when she called his name. Turning to look back at her, the left corner of his lips quirked up slightly. Elena leaned against the doorjamb and couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

"Hey. I'm glad I caught you before you left."

He stood still, digging his hands in his pocket and gazed at her without speaking.

Elena cleared her throat and took a step forward. "You know you can say 'hi' when you drop the blood off, I don't bite—" she broke off with a laugh, flushing slightly. "OK, scratch that. Just… you don't have to avoid me."

He was quiet for a moment and then nodded. "Duly noted." His eyes twinkled and he offered up another half-smile. "Hi."

Laughing lightly, Elena stepped forward. "Do you have a minute? I wanted to ask you something."

He raised a brow, not speaking. Elena took a deep breath, not quite sure how to broach it. Damon sighed exaggeratedly and crossed his arms. Rolling her eyes, Elena took another step forward. "Do you have whatever guys wore in the 1910's in your attic?" Before he could respond, she rushed on. "The Decade Dance is tonight and—"

"No." He smiled tightly. "Goodbye." He turned and began to walk away.

Elena watched him for a moment in surprise before she frowned and rushed down the remaining steps. "Damon, wait!"

He stopped and shook his head. Swiveling around, he sent her a piercing look. "I already told Caroline I wasn't doing it. Just because you're the one asking isn't gonna make me change my mind."

"What are you talking about?"

"Caroline wants me to chaperone. I already told her no." He paused then, looking confused, no doubt at *her* confusion. "Wait? You're not doing her dirty work?"

"No. I'm asking you…" She trailed off and then sighed. "Look, I know it's short notice and all, but I wasn't even sure I was gonna go and then I was planning on going with Bonnie but she's going with Jeremy, so then I thought I'd go by myself and hang out with them, but… ugh!" She groaned and looked down. "I'm rambling. I know, I'm rambling. I'm sorry."

Taking another deep breath, she looked back up at him. "Damon, I want you to be my date. And the theme is the 1910's, so you need to wear whatever guys wore in that decade. That's why I asked you." She smiled in what she hoped was a winning way. "So will you go with me?" His eyes had widened during her long-winded speech and now he just stood there, blinking at her. Elena's smile faltered and she bit her lip gingerly. "Damon?"

He shook his head slightly and her heart fell. He took a step forward and Elena steeled herself. When he finally spoke, what he said surprised her although it really shouldn't have. "But you're going with Stefan."

She frowned. _God, he hadn't even phrased it as a question!_ "No, I'm not." She laughed nervously. "I'm asking *you* to go with me."

"Why?" There was a bit of confusion in his tone, but mostly wariness. Elena couldn't blame him and her heart broke a little at how she had so terribly played him, even if it had not been deliberate at all.

Straightening her shoulders, she prepared herself to just let it all out because it was time to let Damon in. "I keep saying that I don't know how I feel about you." He offered up a flash of a bitter smile and she paused, wincing slightly, but took another deep breath, determined to say this. "The thing is that I haven't just been trying to stall or frustrate you, I swear. I really don't know how I feel, but I do know that whatever it is, it scares me, Damon."

He was silent, but the confusion had faded from his expression, even if a hint of the wariness remained. Still, he was listening.

"To be honest, it freaks me out a little." She allowed a small smile. "OK, a lot… because I've never felt anything like what I feel for you. But I know that it's real and it's there and I realized that I'm never going to figure it out if I keep my distance." He cocked his head slightly, his expression now unreadable. Elena took a deep breath. "So, this is me trying to figure it out. Starting tonight. Maybe. It's up to you."

She pasted a bright smile on her face and looked at him hopefully. "Will you be my date to the dance?"

Not even a heartbeat passed before he spoke. "What about Stefan?"

Elena bit down a groan of frustration. Although she had broken up with Stefan a month ago, the two of them had been spending time together while she had kept Damon at arm's length. Of course, he wasn't aware that her feelings for Stefan were strictly platonic now. _Or that I rejected him a few hours ago._ Meeting his gaze head-on, Elena spoke as assuredly as possible, determined to make him understand.

"This is not about Stefan. This is about you. I want you to come with me, Damon. Will you?"

He looked away, his eyes searching. Tapping his foot suddenly, he shot his gaze back to her. "This is what you want? You know that this is what you want?"

She nodded.

"This is not about making Stefan jealous or testing your feelings for me versus him or any of that bullshit like in Denver?"

Guilt flashed across her face, guilt at pushing him away then and for all the times she had before and since. Guilt for making him question her sincerity now because she'd been unable to see that she and Stefan had ended the day he left Mystic Falls with Klaus despite that reality right in front of her eyes when he returned.

Elena took the final steps remaining between the two of them, never taking her eyes from his. When they stood just a breath apart, she reached up and cupped Damon's face in her hands. "There is no me and Stefan anymore. There is only you and me. Us."

He was quiet; she waited. And a genuine smile lit his face. Unable to stop herself and realizing that there was no reason to do so, she leaned forward and erased that breath between them, her lips touching his. Damon was still in her arms at first, even as his mouth parted beneath her kiss, and then his hands dropped, wrapping around her waist. Pressed tightly against him, she raised her arms and slid them around his shoulders, clasping her fingers together as her lips parted. The ever-present passion that played around the edges of their every interaction rose to the surface. A few, heady moments later, Elena drifted away, her eyes slowly opening to see a look of pure contentment on his face.

"Hi," he whispered, and a bubble of joy grew within her.

She grinned. "Hi."

They stood still in each other's arms, just looking into one another's eyes and it felt so good, so right that Elena never wanted to move. A whooping holler and long beep of a horn passing by broke into their moment and with a roll of his eyes, Damon released her, but didn't step back.

He was still smiling.

"So tonight. You and me, the dance. I can do that. I'll pick you up at seven?"

Elena nodded with a grin.

His faded and a look of concern settled on his face. "One more question."

Fighting a rise of anxiety, Elena forcibly kept that smile on her face. "Yes?"

"Do you put out on the first date?"

Her eyes widened and she pushed him away with a burst of laughter. The joy flooding through her not dimming at all, she shook her head slightly and backed away. Turning around, she practically skipped back to the porch and up the steps. Elena stopped at the door and spun around to face him. He stood there, hands in pockets, a happy grin on his face.

"Damon?"

He raised his brows, "hmm?"

Shrugging lightly, she reached behind her and turned the door, pushing it open. "I guess you'll find out tonight."

He looked confused for a moment and then his mouth fell open, his eyes wide. Elena hurried inside and the last thing she heard as she shut the door was his bark of laughter.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	21. The Clear Understanding

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 21 – The Clear Understanding [Featured Characters: Elena, Bonnie, Jeremy, Damon, Caroline, Stefan, Klaus, Matt and Rebekah]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 3,920  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Jeremy/Bonnie, Klaus/Caroline).

**Chapter 21: The Clear Understanding**

Humming slightly to herself, Elena walked down the stairs, a smile on her face. At the bottom, she paused, surprised to hear game play and laughter coming from the other room. Following the sounds, she found Jeremy and Bonnie practically cuddling on the couch even as their eyes were glued to the road race on the television screen.

"Uhm, guys?"

Bonnie let out a soft shriek and Jeremy dropped his controls, turning to look at Elena, his eyes wide.

Quickly pausing the game, Bonnie shifted and looked to Elena as well. "You scared us!" Then she jumped to her feet. "Ooh! You look fantastic, Elena. Mrs. Hardy's suggestion was perfect for you."

Glancing down, Elena took in the sleeveless gown of burgundy, a line of pearls adorning the v-neckline and the long black gloves encasing her arms. Reaching up, she carefully smoothed the line of her upswept do. "I looked at some pictures online on how to do the period hair. Is it OK?"

"Great." Bonnie nodded appreciatively. "It looks so pretty all up and classic like that."

Elena smiled. "Thank you." She paused, raising an eyebrow as she fully took in Bonnie's jeans and blouse. "Are you gonna get ready anytime soon?"

Grinning, Bonnie shook her head and flounced back over to the couch, making a point to snuggle up against Jeremy again. "Nope."

"Nope?"

Jeremy laughed and slipped an arm around Bonnie's shoulders. "We decided to skip the dance and whatever crazy's probably gonna happen there."

Bonnie nodded. "Yup, we're just gonna stay in, order pizza, play video games… and, you know." She grinned and flashed a heated glance Jeremy's way.

Looking down, Elena cleared her throat, feeling quite uncomfortable all of a sudden. "OK, then. Have fun." And then feeling that she should probably say something guardian-like, she added sternly, "but not too much fun."

"Hey, Elena?" Jeremy smiled sweetly at her.

"Yeah?"

"Remember that one time—"

"Jeremy!" Bonnie reached out and smacked him. "Don't do that to your sister."

"What? I was just gonna remind her about Denver and a certain motel…" he trailed off with a smirk and Elena blushed. As if on cue, the doorbell rang. With a narrowed look at her brother, Elena turned without a word, ignoring Jeremy's voice following her to the door. "And Damon! He was there too."

Stopping, she looked back and glared in his direction. "Jeremy, ssh!" Elena held still for a moment and exhaled slowly, and then she nodded. Turning back to the door, she opened it, a smile on her face. It was Damon… and he looked ridiculously good, wearing a black tuxedo, the bow perfectly tied.

"Hey."

He didn't respond, and she laughed nervously, taking a step back.

Damon cleared his throat and entered the house. He was still, looking at her for a moment, his eyes warm. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." She looked down at her dress briefly before taking in his finely-dressed form again. "So do you."

A grin lit his face. "I know." And then he did that eye-thing of his; she felt a flutter in her stomach.

"Hey, Damon!" Jeremy called out with heightened cheer as he came up behind them. Elena's mouth tightened into a grim line, the butterflies momentarily quelled. Damon rolled his eyes, but didn't look away from her. "I think I should know what your intentions are for my sister." It was Elena's turn to roll her eyes at the exaggerated deepening of his voice.

"Jeremy, stop!" Bonnie hissed, laughter dancing along the words.

Still without looking away, Damon's smile widened and he reached out, snagging one of the fake, fuzzy oranges on the shelf by the stairs. Lazily, he lobbed it in Jeremy's direction. When she didn't hear anything more pained than an indignant "Hey!" she figured Jeremy had enough time to sidestep the flying fruit.

"Jeremy, go away," Damon said quietly.

With a laugh, Jeremy and Bonnie headed back to their game. Elena exhaled in relief and looked to Damon. He was still for a moment and then his eyes traveled from her face, down her body and then slowly back up again. The temperature in the room felt like it rose twenty degrees in those twenty seconds and her heartbeat sped up like crazy.

He held out his hand and she took it without hesitation. Stopping at the door, Damon ducked his head slightly. "I don't have a corsage." He looked up at her. Her eyebrows were slightly raised. "Elena, just because I'm going to a lame-ass high school dance doesn't mean I'm doing the lame-ass corsage thing." Shrugging lightly, he smirked. "I have a reputation."

Elena grinned. "Thanks for the reminder."

"Of my reputation?"

"No, about the corsage." She smiled cheekily. "I'll be right back." Laughing at the wary look on Damon's face, she skipped away and rushed to the kitchen. Seconds later she was back with a dark red rosebud. Damon straightened up and Elena lightly ran her hand down his lapel before reaching for the button-hole. Carefully, she placed the rose in place, concentrating on getting it perfect. She could feel Damon's heated gaze on her, but she didn't look up until she was satisfied.

"There." She gave his chest a few pats and met his gaze. "I didn't take you for the corsage type, so I took care of the… floral arrangement."

Lightly fingering the rose, Damon smiled. "Good call." He took a step back and bent his arm. A smile spread across Elena's face, so wide and radiant that she could feel it all the way to her toes. She took his arm with a slight nod of her head.

"Shall we?"

XxxxX

Caroline glanced around the packed auditorium. Half of her was trying not to cry because she hadn't seen Tyler anywhere. The other couldn't help but be thrilled at how smoothly the dance was running and how perfect it all looked. Turning to the entrance, hoping against hope that Tyler would walk through the wide doors, she was instead rewarded with the sight of Rebekah entering on the arm of Matt.

With a sigh, Caroline shook her head, still in disbelief that Matt, _Matt, of all people!_, was into Rebekah. Narrowing her eyes at them, she noticed Rebekah sending an assessing eye around the room, followed by a proud smile. Caroline couldn't help but follow suit. _We do work well together_, she admitted to herself with another glance at the beautiful decorations.

Looking back to the entrance, she grinned as Elena walked through the door… and then frowned at the sight of Damon with her. _Ugh! She *actually* came with him? Elena, what is wrong with you?!_ Caroline took a deep breath and forced a bright smile back on her face for her best friend's sake and made her way towards them.

"Hey, Elena!" She cried out as she drew closer, sparing a wary glance Damon's way. Then her mouth dropped open as she took in Elena's dress. "Yay! You look beautiful!" She reached out and gave her a quick hug, and then stood back, still holding Elena's arms as she looked her up and down. "Oh my God, you look just like Lady Mary when Matthew *finally* proposed!"

"What? Who?"

With a shake of her head, Caroline was silent for a moment, staring at her aghast. "Lady Mary Crawley? Hello, _Downton Abbey_?! Elena, priorities!"

Elena laughed. "Uh, I'm sorry?" She looked up suddenly as a new song started, its pop beat filling the gym. "Ooh, I love this song."

"Then let's dance," Damon offered smoothly. Caroline looked to him and saw that he was looking at Elena with the most disgustingly devoted smile on his face. She rolled her eyes, but Elena was gazing blissfully back at him, sending a hurried "See you later!" Caroline's way as she followed him into the crowd, quickly wrapping herself around him. Caroline watched them go, her heart melting just the tiniest bit at how happy Elena looked.

"So they're here."

Turning to her left, she sighed at Stefan's glum expression as he watched his ex and his brother practically dirty dancing. "Uhm, yeah."

He finally looked to her, wearing a bitter smile.

"I'm sorry, Stefan." She gave a quick shake of her head. "If you want to leave, I totally understand."

"Nah, I'm good." He plastered a broad, not quite genuine, smile on his face and held out his hand. "You wanna dance?"

"OK?"

His smile faded slightly into something more real and he laughed. "You're not sure?"

"No, I mean, yeah, OK, if you want to. Let's dance."

"I do," he declared right before he spun her onto the dance floor with a flourish. Caroline let out a quiet whoop of laughter, winding her arms around his neck.

"Everything looks great," he complimented with a smile. "You did great."

"Thank you." And then she sighed, knowing that she had to give credit. "Ugh, I can't. OK, fine, Rebekah really did help, but I still don't like her."

Stefan laughed. "It's very big of you to share the glory."

"I know, right?" She giggled.

Swinging her around to a pulsating drum beat, Stefan grinned down at her and she smiled, relaxing in his arms. They were quiet, dancing in sync to the rhythm when gradually Stefan slowed down, barely moving at all. He was looking past her, his mouth a tight line. Caroline's smile faded. They turned slowly and she wasn't surprised at all to see Elena and Damon in their line of sight and completely lost in each other's eyes.

"Stefan," she murmured softly. He didn't respond; he just continued glowering at his brother and Elena.

Caroline sighed, her shoulders slumping as the fun of their dance began to fade. Looking away, she caught sight of Klaus at the punch bowl. _When did he get here?_ she wondered even as he found her among the dancing crowd. A smile began to form before his eyes darkened and he frowned instead, his gaze moving between her and Stefan.

"Great," she muttered as she tore her eyes away. Stefan didn't respond. _Shocker!_ Slowly, they spun around the room again, not in time with the fast beat at all, and Caroline noticed Matt and Rebekah at the far end of the dance floor. They weren't totally wrapped up in each other like Damon and Elena, but they were definitely close. _Too close._

Eyes narrowing, Caroline glowered at the two, surprised when Rebekah met her gaze and returned the glare. They locked eyes for a few seconds before Caroline finally shook her head and broke contact. _Tyler's not here. My ex-boyfriend is. And he's dancing with my semi-stalker's sister while I'm dancing with her ex. Who's also the ex of one of my best friends. Who's with his brother._ She sighed. "Stefan, why is love so complicated?" Her voice was soft and she didn't expect an answer.

"I don't know," he responded, surprising her. His tone was low. He was looking at her now and there was pain mixed in with his anger.

She smiled sadly as they made another slow circle while the music played a frantic beat. Her gaze fell on Damon and Elena again. They were still in their own world, looking completely, absolutely and totally in love. Caroline let out a long, steadying breath and closed her eyes. She opened them and they still danced, still lost in each other's eyes, still looked… happy.

_I give up_, she thought. _Elena is my best friend, I love her and if Damon is who she wants, then OK, fine, I give up. Someone in this town deserves happiness and Elena is overdue._ Caroline looked up at Stefan, regret hanging on him like a second suit. _We all are due for some happiness._

"It'll get better, Stefan. It will."

Tilting his head slightly, Stefan managed a smile. "How do you do it, Caroline? Stay positive in the face of all of this?"

She shrugged and smiled. "Dunno. Lucky, I guess."

Stefan slowed down even more and captured her gaze. His voice was heartfelt. "No, really. How do you do it? You're amazing. In the face of everything, you are... like this, I don't know, like a beacon of sunshine. You smile and," he paused, shaking his head slightly, a smile lighting his own face. "Caroline, you smile and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad."

"Oh." She was quiet, her eyes wide as they gazed into the sincere green of his. An unexpected warmth pooled in the pit of her belly and for a moment, all she could hear was the echoing sincerity of his words, all she could see was the light green of his gaze. "Stefan..."

"Do you mind if I cut in?"

Caroline's head shot up, and she and Stefan froze.

"I don't think Caroline wants to dance with you, Klaus." Stefan's voice was hard.

Klaus was silent, his gaze boring into Stefan's. His lips curved into a small, cold smile and then he looked at Caroline. "I think we should let Caroline decide that. Caroline, shall we dance?"

She shrugged, not wanting to give Klaus an excuse to do something... Klaus-like. "It's OK, Stefan. I'll dance with him."

"You sure?"

Caroline looked at him, warmed by the concern in his eyes. She smiled. "I'm sure. I'll be fine. He won't hurt me."

A small grin lit his face. "Harmless, huh?"

She laughed. "Yeah, just like his sister."

Stefan laughed too.

"Any time this century." Klaus's voice was biting, impatience layering every word.

Caroline sighed and stepped back from Stefan, her arms dropping to her side. She gave him a small nod of reassurance and turned to Klaus. "Let's dance."

She watched Stefan walk away, worry still lighting his features as he moved to just the edge of the crowd, his gaze not leaving the two of them even as Klaus drew her into his arms. They were silent as the song ended and a new one, a slow ballad, began.

"Where's Tyler?"

Caroline's eyes drifted shut, and pain squeezed her heart. "He's not here. I think he left town already."

"Really?"

She pulled back slightly and looked at him, taking in his wide smile, his bright eyes and she was suddenly too tired to play this game with him any longer. "It doesn't change anything."

"Well…"

"No, Klaus, it doesn't." They continued dancing, but his smile faded, a tightness entering his frame. "I'm not gonna lie, OK? I do feel something for you, but I really hate that I do. I don't like you. I don't like what you do, who you are. What you've done to the people I love. But, no, I can't deny that I'm attracted to you and that you, I don't know, intrigue me."

She stopped and looked him straight in the eye. "But I hate that. Who I am right now, I can't see myself not hating it, and me going anywhere like *there* with you. Not anytime soon. Like the next century soon. I *like* like you. I do. But I can't be with you now. It's just not gonna happen, Klaus."

His eyes glittered; his jaw trembled, but he didn't say a word.

Caroline gripped his arm a little tighter, tears clogging her voice. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but, I'm sorry. I actually am. I look at you and I'm sorry that I have to say this, but I do. I just—"

"What about the next millennium?" And even if there was frost in his tone, there was still just the hint of a plea hidden in its cool.

"What?" She nearly cried.

"You said you couldn't see yourself pursuing us in the next century, what about—"

"I don't know, Klaus—"

He pulled her close to him suddenly, cutting her off and their faces were barely inches apart. "We do have centuries, millennia. We have forever, love." Klaus paused and took a deep breath; the cold was gone, leaving only longing heat. "I will wait, Caroline."

Her breath caught, and he closed the distance between their lips, stealing a kiss that lasted only seconds, but reverberated deep inside. "But I won't wait the length of that forever."

Klaus held her gaze for one moment longer and then he released her. Turning around, he walked away, leaving her on the dance floor.

Alone.

She stood still among the moving dancers, closing her eyes to a few questioning stares.

"Hey."

Caroline's eyes flew open. It was Stefan.

He laid a comforting hand on her arm, squeezing gently. His head cocked slightly to the side as he looked at her, concern written across his face. "What did he say to you?"

Shaking her head, she forced a smile. "Nothing, nothing important. We should just go."

Stefan took a step back. "No, he doesn't get to do that. You did most of the work setting this thing up, you get to enjoy it. Don't let Klaus or Tyler or anyone else take that away from you. We're gonna dance–"

"Stefan–"

"We are going to dance. And smile and laugh and have a good time because you deserve it."

She sighed.

"Caroline..."

Smiling, a genuine one this time, she finally nodded. "OK, one dance."

"And we will smile and laugh."

She laughed. "Done and done."

It was his turn to smile as he drew her into his arms for their one dance. Caroline's eyes drifted close again as she buried her head in the crook of his shoulder. They swayed in time to the music slowly and she felt the tension ease out of her body. Pulling away slightly, she looked at Stefan, her voice in a near-whisper. "Thank you."

He was quiet, and his eyes were warm. He didn't speak, merely gave a slight nod and wrapped his arm just a little tighter.

XxxxX

Damon hummed softly, swaying to the music, feeling the weight of Elena pressed against him, her breath dancing on his throat. Bending down slightly, his eyes closed, he pressed a light kiss to the crown of her head.

She sighed. A happy sigh that made him smile. Pulling away just the slightest, Elena looked up at him at the same time and their gazes met. "Hi." Her voice was soft, slightly husky.

"Hi," he whispered back, dipping his head to capture her smile with his lips and breathe in her happiness. Their bodies came to a standstill as he cupped the curve of her jaw in the palm of his hand, as he kissed her and she kissed him.

They drifted apart, and she still wore a smile, but it matched his own. He felt like he was living in a fairytale and it was fucking fantastic! He got the girl, and he was only now beginning to truly believe it.

The car ride had been filled with talk of her recovery and it had been easy-going, tension-free. And then because he was him and he couldn't go five minutes without destroying his any shot at happiness, he told her that Stefan was going to be at the dance with Caroline. To his surprise, she'd simply shrugged and reached out to grab his hand. "Stefan has nothing to do with us."

And for the first time, he fully believed her because here they were in the middle of her high school, Stefan about twenty feet away – yeah, he'd noticed him sulking across the room – and yet Elena was in his arms. She was dancing with him. Smiling at him. Kissing him.

_Stefan who?_

Damon had been so sure, so confident after that incident in her bedroom that he would get his shot, that they would have a chance. Or at least he'd told himself. And he'd believed it, really, because Damon didn't lie to himself. But tonight, picking her up, seeing her look at him like he'd only dreamed of, he realized that he was indeed nothing but a big, fat liar. The whole confidence game he had played that she would leave Stefan and they'd be together had just been a band-aid, a salve for his aching, broken heart.

After all, there was only so much pain a man could take before he just decided to chuck his magic ring and take a walk out in the sun. So Damon had lied to himself, convinced himself that the sex meant something, that her cruelty meant that she loved him, that they had something and it was gonna happen. _And glory be to all the saints in the universe! It was happening._

"This is nice," she murmured as she snuggled up against him, swaying once more.

"You're nice."

She laughed and pulled back again to look up at him. "I know we've only been here for like ten minutes, but…" She trailed off, biting her lip.

"You wanna blow this joint?"

Grinning, she nodded. "I just want to be with you," she paused and glanced around at the horde of writhing teenagers, "not with everyone at my school."

"Including Stefan?"

Her voice was light and her eyes danced. "Stefan who?"

It was silly. It didn't mean anything. He knew that. He knew that she still cared for Stefan, probably always would and he was OK with that. But hearing those words from her mouth, even as a joke, was beyond incredible.

Damon grinned and didn't care that it was almost certainly the dopiest grin a man could wear. "Let's go."

Giggling, she followed him without protest as they wound their way quickly through the other dancers. Reaching the entrance, she did stop and look over her shoulder. "I should say something to Car—" Elena shook her head. "Never mind." She looked back to Damon with a smile. "I'll just call her tomorrow. Let's go."

Moments later, they stood by his car and Damon pulled out his keys. "Where to?"

"Is there any place around here from, you know, before when you were human that… was special to you?" She reached out and ran a finger along his cheek, her smile soft. "I'd like to see some place like that."

Leaning against the car, he thought about it. "Have you been to the grounds of the plantation where—" he broke off, deciding that his brother's name would not pass his lips one more time that day. "Where I grew up?"

She nodded. "Yeah, once. I mean, there was no house left, it was outside the gate."

"So you haven't been on the grounds then?"

"Nope, I guess not. But the house is gone."

"I know, it's not the house. There was this watering hole. I used to go there and read." He puffed his chest out. "Think, erm, deep thoughts." He grinned, and then that grin faded into a somewhat shy smile. "No one knew about it, or at least knew that I knew about it."

Elena smiled. "Let's go then."

Damon opened the car door for her and she slid in. His hand on the frame, he hesitated. "Your dress is probably gonna get ruined. Water. Dirt." He raised his eyebrows. "Equals mud."

She shrugged. "I don't care. I just want to be alone with you, somewhere special."

Damon nodded and swung the door shut. Slowly, he walked around to the other side and paused with his hand on the door handle. He looked up into the night sky, the stars shining and he smiled. For the first time in over a century, he believed in heaven.

Because he felt blessed.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

* Title from the song "Shall We Dance?"


	22. Here With You

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 22 – Here With You [Featured Characters: Rebekah, Matt, Caroline, Stefan, Damon and Elena]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 3,968  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Stefan/Rebekah, Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Bonnie/Jeremy).

**Chapter 22: Here With You**

The door swung wildly behind her as she flung it open, giving Matt enough time to slip through before it shut all the way. "Rebekah, what is going on?"

She spun around. "What is going on? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I'm blind?" He genuinely looked confused, opening and closing his mouth, looking like a gaping guppy. "Caroline!"

"What about her?"

"You have feelings for her. Caroline! As if Elena wasn't enough, you have some sort of thing for Caroline." She turned away from him, replaying the intimate look the two had shared while Matt was dancing with her. Rebekah looked to the heavens, throwing her hands up. "I need to leave this town," she muttered to herself.

Moving to stand before her, Matt sighed and reached out to take her hand. She stiffly bore it. "Caroline and I dated."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I figured you knew."

"When? Why— how would I know?" She managed, looking at him with incredulity.

"Last year or so, and, I don't know, you seem to know everything."

Rebekah pulled her hand back. "Important. I know everything important. Not the make-ups and break-ups of Mystic Falls' most incestuous couples. Because really, the way you all… intermingle, it's—" She broke off, just done.

"Rebekah—"

"Last year or so?"

"Yes."

"And why did you break up? What ended it?" She tapped her foot, her arms crossing over her chest.

"She became a vampire and started acting weird and all crazy jealous, then when I thought maybe we could work it out, she and Tyler—"

"So you didn't end things with her, not really? And you still care about her?" She felt so stupid. So incredibly stupid. _What was I thinking? Just because he's technically my age, he's a child. A stupid, feckless child._ Turning away, she swiped angrily at an errant tear.

"Of course I care about her, but she's moved on."

"And have you?" Rebekah let out a short bark of laughter, completely lacking in joy. "And here I thought it was Elena you hadn't let go of."

"Elena and I are friends. So are me and Caroline. But no, things didn't end with much closure, I guess."

"Closure? Yes, I hear about that on those talk shows where people go on and on and on about their feelings. It's pathetic. Just man up and move on."

Matt took a step back, suddenly glaring at her. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm here with you, aren't I? I asked you!" His voice was bitter, those blue eyes of his spitting sparks. "I didn't have to. Hell, I wasn't even sure I wanted to, but you wanted it so much and I thought 'why not?' Well, maybe here's why not."

Rebekah drew in a sharp breath. "I wanted it so much?" Her voice was low. "And what? You felt sorry for me?"

Shaking his head, a look of regret crossed his face. "Rebekah, I meant—"

"No, no, I get it." She drew herself up to her full height and despite the inches he had over her even in her heels, she looked down her nose at him. "You don't have to worry about me wanting you anymore. Wanting this."

"Rebekah—"

She cut him off with a cool look. "I am done groveling. I am done trying to make you *like* me." Moving a few steps until she was standing right next to him, Rebekah met his gaze, her eyes blasting him with her rage. "I am a thousand-year old Viking and I do not need a boy such as yourself acting as if I am beneath you."

Gulping heavily, Matt tried to look away but couldn't. She held him caught in her stare before she finally stepped back. Looking him up and down dismissively, Rebekah spared him one final glance. "I am not."

And then she walked away, her head held high.

XxxxX

"You were quiet on the ride home," Caroline said softly as she shut the door behind her.

Stefan didn't respond, instead, he headed to the liquor stand and poured himself a generous amount of Damon's best booze. Things had actually been going well at the dance. He had genuinely been enjoying himself with Caroline. Dancing, laughing, and yeah, he had to admit it, being her knight in shining armor. It was a suit he wore well, the role he was born to play. And it was real with Caroline, he didn't have to keep any secrets from her. It didn't matter about his past, she accepted him, Ripper and all. And so it was easy to make her smile, easy for her to do the same for him. And then… Stefan squeezed his eyes shut for a quick moment, trying to banish the memory that had ruined his night.

"Stefan?" Caroline tried to get his attention again. He swallowed deeply and slammed his glass down and turned to look at her. She stood at the entrance of the room, looking unlike herself, self-conscious. Her voice was small. "I'm sorry. You should have just taken me home."

Stefan shook his head. "No, you didn't want to be alone." He poured another glass. "It's fine." He laughed harshly. "I don't want to be alone either right now."

"Stefan, what's wrong? You were fine earlier. You were… I thought you were happy, having fun at the dance. We left and now you're, well, you're definitely not happy. What happened?" Caroline stepped into the room and leaned against the desk, her blue eyes full of concern.

Stefan finished his drink and immediately filled the glass again. "Elena," he bit out. She was quiet, just watching him, waiting for him to continue. "She and Damon were dancing."

Caroline nodded.

Stefan looked down angrily. "Whispering, caught up in each other. Kissing. I don't think she even realized I was there. She only had eyes for my brother." His lips twisted in a bitter smile. "So much for making her jealous."

Setting his glass down, he rubbed at his face, once more shaking his head. "I don't know—I just… I thought…" He trailed off, not even sure anymore what he thought. But he sure as hell knew now that it was over between him and Elena.

Silence filled the room and Stefan just stared at the floor. Finally, he heard Caroline move towards him. He didn't look up. Even when she stood just a foot away.

"Stefan…" He could hear pity in her voice and his fists clenched. "Stefan, I'm sorry."

"I don't need an apology. And I don't want your pity."

"It's not pity, I'm just... sorry." She reached out, gingerly rubbing his arm. "She loves him, Stefan. I know that's not what you want to hear, but… she's moved on. She's with Damon now, and Stefan, she's happy. It's been a long time since I've seen her happy."

"What about me?" Stefan finally looked up at her. He could feel the burn of tears behind his eyes, but refused to give into the ache. "When do I get to be happy again?"

"Stefan…"

He pulled away from her touch, nodding his head vigorously. "You're right." Stefan looked up at her, moving closer. "She's happy, right?"

Caroline nodded tentatively. "Yeah."

"She's moved on and that's good." He nodded again and looked at Caroline. "Maybe it's time I move on too." Truly looking at Caroline, he allowed himself to take in her beauty, take in how good she made him feel. And he refused to pull back from those feelings. "Yeah, maybe it's my turn," he whispered right before he reached out and cupped a hand behind her neck, his mouth capturing hers.

Caroline froze in his arms, and then a small whimper escaped as her lips parted beneath the onslaught of his kiss. Stefan wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her tight to him, her body molding to his, her hands gripping his shoulders. As Caroline melted against him, her mouth tasting of cherry lip gloss and smiles, any thought that didn't center around her flew from his mind and he decided he wanted to keep on kissing her forever because it felt damn good.

And then her lips were gone and she was out of his arms. She shoved him. Hard. Stefan stumbled, his hand rising to touch his mouth.

"Stefan!" Her eyes were wide, with glazed passion, yes, but it was fading. The stronger emotion there was shock… and hurt.

Caroline shook her head, her face flushed. "Number one, we are friends. Number two, I will *not* be some stand-in for Elena—" She thrust her hand forward angrily when he opened his mouth to argue. "Number three, I will *not* let you bring this crazy situation with Elena and your brother into my relationship with Elena and mess things up with us." She narrowed her gaze, her hands falling to her hips as she continued glaring at him. "Got it?" She was breathing heavily and her entire frame was shaking.

"Got it," he managed quietly, shame filling him. He looked at her, trying to tell her how sorry he was for taking advantage of her friendship without words. But it wasn't enough. "Caroline—" his voice broke slightly and he took a step forward. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"No, you shouldn't have. Not cool, Stefan!" She exhaled heavily. "I just— I can't deal with this right now. I'm not going to deal with this. No, you know what? I am going home." She nodded furiously, talking to herself now. "Yeah, I am going to go home and cry over my crazy, depressing love life!" Caroline took a deep breath, met Stefan's gave and gave him one final glare before she turned around, flouncing out of the room.

Stefan stood still for a moment, unable to comprehend what had just happened. _I kissed Caroline! What was I thinking? Caroline?!_ He shook his head and moved to the couch, sitting down heavily.

"You're a sorry sight. What happened with Caroline?"

Stefan looked up at Rebekah. He ignored her question. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "Looking for Damon." She stepped into the room and lowered herself beside him.

"He's with Elena."

"Really?" Rebekah raised a brow in surprise. "I figured he would have ticked off the perfect princess by now and that their romance would be over before it began."

He smiled bitterly. "No." Then looked at her with a sideways glance. "Why would it matter?"

Pursing her lips slightly, a flush suffused her cheeks and she looked away. Stefan laughed wryly. "If you think that Damon will ever go near you again after what you did to Elena. Wow, that'd you even be interested…" he trailed off. _All those stories about Damon in the sack must be true,_ he thought with annoyance.

Rebekah simply shrugged. "The sex was good." She paused, a smile curving her lips. "No, the sex was fantastic."

Rolling his eyes, Stefan leaned forward slightly. "What about Matt? You showed up to the dance with him. I thought he was your new boy-toy."

Her smile faded, that vulnerability she was unable to hide flashing in her eyes. "He's hung up on Caroline still." Rebekah looked at Stefan. "I won't be second-place. Not to Elena. And definitely not to Caroline Forbes."

Hearing her name was enough to bring the memory of her in his arms, the feel of her kiss flooding back. Stefan gave a sharp shake of his head, forcing himself to concentrate on Rebekah's words. He replayed them back and found himself confused. "Not to Elena? Then what are you doing here?" He sneered. "Damon's all about Elena or did you miss that memo?"

Rebekah shrugged again, ignoring his lack of sympathy. "It's just sex with Damon. I know that." Her lips twisted with frustration. "Fine, I admit it. I'm lonely, OK? And any intimacy would be welcome tonight... even if it's just sex."

She pouted, slumping against the cushions and turned to face him. "I was so happy when Klaus undaggered me and you were there. The last time I saw you, it'd just been a few hours and we were so in love." Rebekah cocked her head slightly, a curious glint in her eyes. "Did you know that you were the first boy I truly loved?" She shook her head, looking away with a roll of her eyes. "Of course you didn't. But you were."

Sighing, she gazed back at him again, her voice once more soft and full of nostalgia. "I was happy, Stefan. We were so happy, weren't we? You remember that, don't you?"

He nodded.

Reaching out, Rebekah ran a gentle finger across his jaw, suggestion in the curve of her lip, the glint of her eye. She moved closer to him. "You're lonely too. I see it written all over you." Letting loose with a gentle sigh, she smiled. "Maybe we could pretend we're in love again." She shrugged once more, her shoulder brushing against his, her breath whispering against his skin as she leaned in, close to his ear, her words dropping to a murmur. "Or, maybe it could just be sex for us too."

As their gazes met, Stefan was quiet, seeing the promise in hers. She was right. He was lonely and he was tired of being the good brother, the one who remained chaste and pure, waiting for a woman who didn't love him any longer, finding himself rejected by another. His eyes drifted close as his lips met hers, trying to recapture what he felt when he had loved *this* woman.

XxxxX

Damon and Elena walked down the path that had once led to his human home, holding hands, eyes peeled to the ground as they dodged weeds and holes. He made small talk, describing how manicured the lawns once were, how gleaming the gate had been, how it has been over a century since he'd been here when the moon came out from behind a cloud and he glanced up, looking straight ahead. He froze. Nothing of the Salvatore Plantation remained. The foundation was completely gone. Mortar, bricks, wood, concrete, all had been broken down by time, torn down by weather, scavenged, sold off. Nothing was left.

He stood still and could only stare, trying to swallow over the lump in his throat.

"Damon?" Elena's voice was quiet as if not wanting to intrude, as if sensing that he was having a *moment* here.

Raising his arm, he pointed to the large expanse of nothing. "Right there. That's where I grew up." He looked down at her. "That's where I was born. The third floor." He smiled, sorrow in the curve of his lips. "My mother's bedroom."

"It's…" Her expression was sympathetic, and Damon knew what she was thinking even as she trailed off.

"Gone. It's all gone." He nodded, his voice was thick. "Yeah." Clearing his throat, he finally dropped his arm and turned to the left. "I don't know if the path is still there, it might be too overgrown, but it was this way. Come on."

She followed his lead quietly, holding on tight as he headed into the woods. Despite the long passage of time Damon remembered exactly where the turn was and although there was enough undergrowth to mask the trail, amazingly he was still able to trace the path he had walked so many times in his youth.

After a few minutes, the weight of humidity and the scent of fresh water hit him. A smile broke out across his face. "It's here. It hasn't dried up." Pushing some low-hanging branches out of his way, Damon pulled Elena through and he heard her gasp behind him.

"Damon—" she broke off as she let go of his hand and spun slowly around, taking in his spot.

Looking up, he savored the light of the moon raining brightly down upon them. Upon the small pond, beams shining like diamonds on its surface. Upon the delicate pink swamp milkweed plants nestled amidst the deep green foliage. Damon turned to Elena, his breath caught at the sight of her standing in the moonlight, her eyes glowing and a smile radiant upon her face.

She gazed at him. "Beautiful."

He stared, knowing it was a complete cliché, but he took Elena's compliment and applied it to the sight of her before him because it was the truth. "Absolutely." Walking over to a thick tree, he leaned against the trunk, looking her up and down, and sighed. Damon noted the stains and dirt on her dress with a quick gesture. "I told you it'd get ruined."

Shrugging, she moved closer to him. "And I told you that I didn't care, I just want to be here with you. It's not like I'll ever wear it again." Leaning up, she pressed a light kiss on his lips. Damon smiled and then lowered himself to the ground, relieved to find the ground not damp. He reached up for Elena's hand and tugged her down. She immediately curled up beside him.

"So you would come here and… write poetry? Read books?"

"Think deep thoughts."

She shoved her shoulder lightly against him. "I'm serious."

"So am I. I came here with a jug of water, block of cheese, an apple or two and just contemplated life." Elena looked a tad skeptical. "Really, I was very moved by Thoreau's Walden. This was where I learned to cherish the pleasures of the simple living he wrote about."

"Really?"

He was quiet for a moment, and then shook his head with a wide grin. "Nah. I snuck out here to enjoy Parisian art." Damon waggled his brows expressively.

"Parisian art?"

Damon let out a short bark of laughter at the utter cluelessness on her face. "Porn of the 19th century for young lads like me. Very exotic. And very, very arousing."

Shaking her head, Elena's face scrunched up and she rolled her eyes. "I thought you said you were different in 1864."

"When did I say that?"

She was quiet for a moment and then with a sigh, "on your deathbed."

Damon smirked, not even slightly melancholy over the memory since he was still here after all. "Oh, when you kissed me for the first time."

"Because you were dying." She reminded him, her prim tone belied by her own smirk. Elena's expression faded to an easy smile and she snuggled against him. "Remember? You said I would have liked you in 1864 and it implied that you were… different than you are now. Not that I don't like you now. I do, very much, but sneaking off to, ahem, enjoy porn? Sounds like the now-you, Damon."

"No, it sounds like any teenage boy once introduced to porn," he corrected with a sly grin.

She rolled her eyes, but very quickly her gaze grew soft and she looked at him. "OK, fair enough. So then tell me why you said that. Tell me what you were like in 1864 that would make me like you. The only stories I've heard of your human self were from Stefan and, well, I kinda get now that he's not the most reliable narrator."

Damon was quiet and then nodded slightly. "Yeah."

"So…"

"I was nicer then. I cared about people, not just those who mattered to me." He glanced at her and she was looking at him, completely focused, her eyes open and trusting, just a bit of a curve to her lips as she gazed at him. Searching through his memory, he tried to think of something he had done, something not just nice, but good. Something that Elena would have done just because it was the right thing to do. He closed his eyes, thinking back, and then he remembered John Wardley. Damon sighed and opened his eyes, but didn't look back at Elena, he just stared straight ahead.

"OK, there was this kid… I was wealthy, old Southern money and all that. John, Johnny Wardley, he was a few years younger, and from the other side of town, dirt-poor. Nothing special about him, just one of like eight kids in his family."

Damon paused and Elena reached out and slipped a hand in his. He squeezed it gently, looking down at their entwined fingers, hers still encased in the black gloves.

"It was the same today as it was then. He was picked on, bullied, whatever. But they didn't have afterschool specials and counselors then, so it happened and that was it. Until I stuck up for him. Because I was who I was, they left him alone and his brothers and sisters too after that."

"What made you do it?"

Silent for a moment, Damon released his grip on her hand and began tracing the line of her gloves from palm to finger, circling around each one. Elena shivered against him with a thready sigh.

He shrugged. "I don't know, there wasn't some big moment. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I knew it had been happening, but I guess, yeah, I'd never been there when it did happen. This time I was and it was wrong so I said something. I did the right thing… just because." He smiled down at her. "It was the right thing to do."

Elena smiled and turned towards him, stretching up to face him. "Yeah, I would have liked you then." Still quiet, Damon continued playing with her glove, his fingers now trailing up her arm, playing around the edge before sliding back down to her fingers. Elena let out another shaky sigh. "But I really, really like you now." Leaning up, she kissed him and it was soft and gentle and his heart skipped a beat because, yeah, Elena Gilbert did that to him.

His eyes remained closed for a moment, savoring the taste of her on his lips. She pulled back and he finally opened them, gazing at her, well aware that every bit of love he felt for her was all out there. She didn't look away, taking it all in and it struck him anew. He got the girl. The _Hallelujah_ chorus rang out in his head. _Damn, I'm happy._

Grinning, he pulled her arm up, her hand held between them. "Do you have any clue how sexy your gloves are?"

She smiled, but bemusedly so. "No. None at all."

Running his hand up the length of the glove and then back down, he circled her ebony-encased fingers again, his voice low and velvety as he explained. "In my time, women wore gloves quite frequently because the hand had to be covered up. It was an intimacy to touch a woman's bare hand."

"Ohh…" Her voice was shaky as he began to pluck the tips of each finger, pulling the material loose.

"Oh, yes. Flesh to flesh was very erotic. The sensitivity, the heat, the frisson of hand to hand… utterly delicious." Damon tugged at her glove, pulling it clean off and lowered his head as he brought her hand to his mouth. He kissed her pinkie, and then her ring finger and then slowly, seductively brought her middle finger in between his lips, nibbling gently before sucking lightly.

Elena's eyes drifted shut as she fell against him. He took her finger into his mouth deeper and her eyes popped open, wide and glazed over with desire.

"Damon?" She said his name shakily, quietly, the sound barely audible in the night. Her finger slipped out of his mouth and he pressed a lingering kiss to the middle of her palm.

"Yes, Elena?" He met her gaze, his eyes hooded with wanting.

She swallowed heavily, her breathing coming faster and heavier than it had moments ago. "I'm so gonna put out."

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	23. New Beginnings

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 23 – New Beginnings [Featured Characters: Caroline, Matt, Bonnie, Jeremy, Stefan, Rebekah, Damon and Elena]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 5,046  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;)  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline, Bonnie/Jeremy).

**Heads-Up**: I will be participating in an upcoming fanfiction auction. Would you like to as well? It will support the development of TumblCon USA (a fan convention to be held in Chicago Summer of 2014), particularly the _Vampire Diaries_ event? You will be able to either auction off your own writing talent, or bid on an other writer to write a story for you. If you are interested in signing up for TumblCon's FanFiction auction for _Vampire Diaries_, then drop an ask in the tvdtumblcon blog on tumblr (or pm user xallowspuffybuff) with your name, email, and that you are interested in the auction. You can ask them for any additional information. Follow them and stay up to date to know where and when bidding will start!

* * *

**Chapter 23: New Beginnings**

Caroline let out a sigh as she shut the door behind her. Leaning against it, she banged her head and then stared up at the ceiling. As blank as she tried to keep her mind, thoughts of the evening kept exploding in her brain. Notably two things, OK, notably two kisses. One from Klaus. _And it was… nice_, she admitted to herself. _OK, really nice._ But if her socks were blown it was more from the surprise rather than the kiss itself. Of that she was totally, totally sure. Besides, even if it was nice, she hated herself for not hating the kiss. Despite this *thing* between them, he was still Klaus. And he had plenty of redemptive fires to walk through before she could seriously allow herself to even consider any possibility of a them. She let out a huff of laughter. _But hey, if Damon can change, then I suppose anything is possible._

Giving herself a stern shake, Caroline straightened up and headed to her bedroom, grateful that her mom was at work. Dropping her purse, she lowered herself onto her bed and squeezed her eyes shut, unable to block out that second, more worrying kiss. She shook her head, still in a state of semi-disbelief. _Stefan, really? Really?!_ Her eyes still closed, she couldn't help but relive every moment of that kiss. And unlike Klaus, there was no self-loathing along with her enjoyment.

There was no guilt either. Sure for the longest time Stefan had come with a "property of Elena" stamp on his furrowed forehead, but it had been a month since they broke up, and after tonight? The way Caroline had seen her friend with Damon, any idea that Elena would reunite with Stefan had been pretty much destroyed. And that whole hooking up with a friend's ex being off-limits? _Hah! I had Damon first, so Elena started the guy-swapping!_ Caroline paused, reconsidering since she had technically started it with Matt. _Still..._ She rolled her eyes. _Whatever, been there, done that, water under the bridge._ The key was that Stefan was totally available, absolutely free for the taking and Caroline refused to feel guilty because *he* had kissed *her* after all.

So nope, no way, it wasn't guilt that was getting her all worked up, it was anger. She was furious with Stefan for putting her in this position because it wasn't just anger at play. There was an undeniable, infuriating bubble of elation that would not go away. She so did not want to get in the middle of this. _Whatever "this" is._ Caroline shook her head. _If there even is a "this."_

She threw herself back on her bed, grabbing her pillow and pressing it against her face to scream. She was already dealing with Tyler. Even if he was gone, her heart still ached at the thought of him. There was Klaus and whatever the hell *that* was! And on top of those two, seeing Matt with Rebekah had definitely rubbed her the wrong way. And now… Stefan. _Stefan, Stefan, Stefan._ "My love life is ridiculous." She informed herself, deciding honesty was the best policy. _Might as well go for broke._ "And stupid. Really, really stupid." _God! Stefan, why did you go there!?_

She laid still for a moment not moving, enjoying the silence in her room and in her head before it all came swirling back. His hands, his lips, the way he had made her feel when he kissed her. She should not be feeling this way. Stefan was her friend. Just a friend. Throwing her pillow to the side, Caroline sat up, pouting. "Yeah, a friend who just happens to be a really, really good kisser who kissed me! Ugh!"

There was a sudden knock at the door and Caroline froze, wondering if it was Stefan. Or Klaus? Maybe Tyler was still here?

"Caroline?"

Or Matt. Caroline sighed and rose to her feet, heading to the front door. _It could be worse_, she thought, figuring that of the four he was the least of her frustrations.

"Hey."

"Hey." He looked anxious. "Can I come in? Is it a bad time?"

She shook her head and stepped back, allowing him to enter. Looking him over, she couldn't help but smile. "You look good. All nice and dressed up."

A slight red flushed his face and he rolled his eyes with a smile. "Thanks. You look pretty." He laughed lightly. "You always look pretty."

Caroline shut the door behind her and leaned against it. "What's up, Matt? I figured you'd be with Rebekah."

He frowned. "We need to talk."

"We do?"

Nodding, he looked away and moved to the sofa, sitting down. "The thing is… I like Rebekah." He put his hands up as if to ward off her disgust, _and it so was coming, yeah_. "I know you don't like hearing that. I get that. I just—I do. Right or wrong, I like her. She makes me laugh. She makes me smile and I haven't had much of that in a long time, Caroline."

Feeling a little guilty for intending to bash Rebekah when he was absolutely right, Caroline sank down next to him and kept quiet. Considering the fact that she'd let Klaus kiss her and had, even guiltily, enjoyed it, she had no business giving Matt a hard time because he liked Klaus' less evil sibling. She forced an understanding smile his way.

"But then there's you," he began and then stopped, looking away from her.

"What do you mean?" But she knew. It was why despite her love for Tyler, her feelings for Klaus… _and, yes, Stefan, damn him and his kissable lips!_, there was still Matt in her heart.

"It's like Elena all over again. We didn't let go—" He broke off again and sighed, but quickly continued. "I didn't let go of us for a very long time." He looked at Caroline, his blue eyes so sincere and still filled with that youthful innocence that had gone missing from the rest of them with their supernatural change. "And I realized tonight, when I saw you and Klaus, and you and Stefan—what's up with that?"

"Matt, you're not here to talk to me about Stefan." She pierced him with a warning gaze.

He opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, clearly re-thinking and got the hint. "No, I'm not. It's us. We never stopped being an us. We just fell apart because of the lies and the whole vampire thing and we just kinda faded, but there was, you know, no closure."

"We never said goodbye to us." Caroline looked down, a sad smile lifting her lips. _He's right._

"I know we're over, Care. I know that we've both moved on, but we haven't let go of the us. It's like we're each other's back-ups in case… whatever. I did that with Elena. I kept thinking that things wouldn't work with Stefan and I would be there waiting." He ducked his head, flushing a slight red again. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair to you."

Caroline was quiet. She had known that. She had always known that when they were together, Elena was still there in the back of his mind. To hear him actually voice that, well, it hurt, but it was a good hurt. A healing hurt. She knew for sure now that it wasn't paranoia. It was a truth and so she could get over it now.

"But then she talked about Damon and I realized, even if things didn't last with Stefan, someone else had captured her heart. We were done. And I let go. But I had you still in my back pocket. I knew Tyler, I figured he'd screw up and I could maybe pick up the pieces there. Tonight, I knew he was gone, you told me and it shouldn't have mattered. I was with Rebekah. And, Caroline, I wanted to be with her. But I saw you and there was no Tyler and for a moment I looked at you and thought… maybe. You know?"

She nodded. "I know."

"And that was wrong. Because a thousand years old or not, crazy-psycho or… no, she's pretty much just crazy-psycho, but Rebekah looks at me like Elena looked at Damon tonight, the way I saw you look at Tyler. She makes me feel good. She makes me feel good enough. I like that. I like her. I really like her and I might have completely ruined it tonight."

"What happened?"

"She saw me looking at you, saw everything I've been telling you. I was still holding on. And, you, Caroline, you were looking at me too." Matt leaned forward slightly and took her hand. "We have to let it go. We have to move on, give it all and not hold back." He shook his head. "Look, I'm not saying that you and Tyler broke up because of me. I know that's not it. I just—God, I don't know what I'm saying."

"I do." Her voice was quiet. "I was thinking the same thing earlier. Well, sorta. I was thinking of Klaus—I know, I know, but if you don't want me to call you crazy over Rebekah, respect my own brand of crazy."

Matt laughed. "Oh, I respect it. I'm very familiar with it."

Grinning, she shoved against him. "Shush." She grew serious again. "I was thinking of Klaus, and Tyler, and, yes there's some weird, new thing with Stefan but I'm not going there right now so don't even ask, and I was thinking of you and you're right. I didn't like seeing you with Rebekah because I guess a part of me still thinks of you as mine."

He nodded. "Yeah."

"But we are over. I really don't even see you that way anymore. I just didn't want to see you not as a possibility, I guess? And that's not fair to you or me or anyone we're with. We do need closure. We need to say goodbye to Matt and Caroline." She gave a firm nod. "So, I hate Rebekah."

"Caroline…"

"Hear me out. I hate Rebekah and she is crazy and evil, but if her liking you is why she's been kinda sane and less, well, evil recently, then that's a very good thing. I just worry about you, but it's your life, and your heart and if she ever hurts you, Elena, me and Bonnie will join together and destroy her. Somehow. We will avenge you. Because we all love you. I love you."

She reached out and squeezed his hands. "As a friend." She pulled back and smiled at him. "And as your friend I want you to be happy, and if Rebekah makes you happy then I will be happy for you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Go for it. I mean, love can change anyone, right? Look at Damon. Elena was practically glowing tonight because of him." She laughed incredulously. "Damon!?" Sighing, she leaned back against the sofa. "Seriously, Damon Salvatore gets his happy ending." She looked at Matt. "What about me? I want my happy ending. I want someone who loves me... because of my crazy and who I can love without feeling like I'm betraying everyone." Caroline rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm talking about Klaus." She rushed on. "Not that I love him, because I don't, it's just—"

"You feel something."

She sighed and nodded dejectedly. "But I don't want him. I want my good guy. I want a hero, that shining knight. I don't want to fix someone, make them better. I want the good guy, Matt." She sighed and reached out to hug him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. He squeezed back and she knew he was smiling. "You were my good guy, Matt."

"I wasn't that good," he whispered. "Not to you, not how you deserved." He pulled back and looked at her, capturing her gaze. "But you will find him. You will be happy. You will get that hero who deserves you. OK?"

She brushed a sudden tear away and smiled. "OK." She stood up. "You should go and find Rebekah."

Matt nodded and rose as well. "I will. Right now."

Reaching out, Caroline pulled him into another quick hug. "Pull out one of your grand, romantic gestures. You're good at those."

He laughed. "What about you?"

Quiet for a moment, she sat back down and lightly bit her lip, thinking. Then a bright smile spread across her face. She looked up at him, her smile radiant.

"Ice cream."

XxxxX

"What do you think is happening at the dance?" Bonnie turned to Jeremy as he switched the TV off.

He paused, considering. "Definitely some jealousy. Probably some fighting, bloodshed. A few snapped necks, a few stakings maybe. Possibly a flood."

Bonnie shook her head. "Nah, flood was Homecoming."

"Right, thank God I missed that. Ric and I watched some college football. Popcorn, soda, not a vampire in sight. It was great." He reached over and lightly caressed her face. "But this dance? It's the best one I ever missed."

Bonnie smiled and looked down with a slight nod of her head. Raising her eyes, she met his gaze, determination in hers. "I'm really glad we stayed in." Her voice was soft and looking into her eyes, Jeremy couldn't believe what he was seeing. Or rather what he *wasn't* seeing. That thread of hurt, the betrayal that had lingered in her gaze whenever it was just the two of them, alone, like this… it was gone.

"Bonnie?" He managed and he wanted to lean forward. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to tell her that he was still in love with her, crazy in love and way more than he ever was before. But he didn't want to rush her or make the wrong move.

Or any move. Jeremy had to follow her lead, he owed her that and so much more.

She nodded faintly. And then she laughed. "I feel kinda silly."

He laughed too. "Why?" And he couldn't help it despite his best intentions, he moved in just a little bit closer.

"Because I want to kiss you," she admitted, and he did a mental victory dance that was pretty awesome. "But it feels…" And there went the awesome. _Don't say wrong, don't say wrong. Please, please don't say wrong._ "It feels like… I'm nervous, Jeremy!" She shook her head, but she was smiling, that big, gorgeous smile that he loved. "It's like it's our first kiss."

"Well," he began, his brow furrowed. "When we did that whole Klaus heart-stop thing, I died, so it's kinda a first kiss. Sorta?"

"No. No, it's not. Jeremy, no," she laughed, and reached out to lightly hit him on the arm. "At the rate you're going, we'd have a lot of first kisses."

He smiled, his voice quiet and very sincere. "I'm OK with that." Jeremy paused, rethinking his words. "I mean, the 'a lot of kisses' part, not the whole… you know."

"I know." She exhaled and met his gaze. "So?"

"So?" _It's her move, it's her move, Jere._

"Are you gonna give me that second first kiss anytime soon?"

He grinned. "I can do that." He laughed. "I can definitely do that." Taking her face in his hands, Jeremy leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. A heaviness that had sat atop him so long that he had gotten used to it lifted like a breeze. Pulling back, Jeremy looked at her, her beautiful face, her shining eyes. "I'm crazy about you, Bonnie Bennett. And I will never, ever hurt you again. I promise."

She was quiet for a moment, and her smile faded a bit as she took in his words, but the light in her eyes remained bright. Leaning up, she gave him the sweetest, softest kiss.

"I believe you."

XxxxX

Stefan remembered the taste of her. It was different than when he had kissed her in Chicago just a handful of months ago. Then he had been playing her, trying to throw her off of his deception. This kiss almost tasted like the ones from ninety years ago. But it was just a kiss. The magic was gone.

Rebekah pulled back, her gaze met his and her eyes were soft. "Nostalgia can only carry one so far, I suppose." She sighed, and leaned back. "You're still a great kisser. I just…" She shrugged.

"The magic is gone." He said.

"Exactly." Rebekah sighed again. "I should have kissed Matt when he picked me up tonight. Before our stupid fight. His fault."

"Of course." Stefan rolled his eyes.

She sat forward indignantly. "No, really, it was. All moony-eyed over Caroline Forbes of all people. Honestly."

At the mention of Caroline's name, Stefan straightened up, clearing his throat. He wiped at his lips, acutely remembering the other blonde he'd kissed tonight and the magic he had definitely felt then.

"What's that?" She asked suspiciously.

"What's what?" He cleared his throat again and strove for an easy expression.

Rebekah narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. "I saw you two dancing. You and Caroline. Hmm, I for one do think she's much better suited for you than your precious Elena."

The false easiness faded like that and Stefan grimaced. "She's not my precious Elena."

"Well, that's for sure," Rebekah replied flippantly.

Shaking his head, he looked at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I wouldn't want to burst your little bubble since I'm not mad at you anymore, Stefan." She rose to her feet. "I'm going home."

He stood up as well. "No, burst my bubble. What did you mean?"

Rebekah sighed and flopped back down, managing to look graceful even as she did so. She looked up at him. "It's just that… well, I've read your diary you know." She grinned. "Quite amusing, but that's neither here nor there." She waved her hair airily. "Stefan, I've heard you talk about her and I am sorry, but this Elena you talk of is not the girl I know."

"Well, you don't know her."

"No, I actually do, Stefan. We had quite a few heart-to-hearts." She smiled prettily and then patted the seat next to her. "I don't want to look up at up you, sit."

He sat, slightly perplexed at her words. And then he understood. _Of course._ Smiling, he met Rebekah's amused gaze. "Elena is different now since she turned. Come on, she's with Damon."

The older vampire was quiet for a moment and then gave a slow shake of head. "No, that's not it. I'm talking about when Elena was still a human. She pretended to be my friend and then literally stabbed me in the back. The sweet girl you speak of could never have done that. Oh, and the lusting for your brother, tsk, tsk."

"No, you're wrong." He insisted.

"No, I'm not. Stefan, look, I don't know what she was like before I met her when you two had your epic love, but obviously things changed when you took off with Nik. I don't know, maybe she just grew up. But she changed. The Elena I met—the *human* Elena—was not the girl you went on and on and on about in your little journal. I promise you that."

"No, I—" he began, but broke off, not wanting to believe her, not wanting to see that because if she was right- _But, she's not. She can't be._

"Stefan, I think it's a good thing." He shook his head, not wanting to meet her gaze. "Stefan, it's good for you that she's moved on. Think of it… Stefan, look at me."

Reluctantly, he turned to face her. "With Elena, you're always trying to be the good brother to Damon's bad instead of just who you are without the contrast. Besides, did you see her tonight with your brother? Trust me, she's moved on." Rebekah reached out and placed a hand on his arm. "I'm not saying this to hurt you. I think you should take a page out of her book. You need to move on too. I am sure that there is someone else out there. Someone for you."

He laughed drily. "Really? I don't suppose I met her in the 20's in a white dress?"

With a roll of her eyes, Rebekah shook her head. "The magic is gone, remember? But…" she began with a speculative gleam. "I have seen you with someone else and you're more fun with her, more at ease. A lot like when we were together, but without the… ripping." She grinned.

Stefan looked away in distaste.

"Really, Stefan, you're not so brooding and serious." Rebekah smiled and smacked his arm, getting him to look at her again. "I'm talking about the afore-mentioned Caroline."

He forced a cool laugh. "Right, and that has nothing to do with you wanting Matt?"

Leaning back, Rebekah let out a measured sigh. "Maybe," and then a wicked grin lit her face. "But it's mostly due to the fact that you've got her lipstick on your collar."

Stefan's hand instinctively rose to his white shirt, and his eyes shut briefly on a sigh. "Fine, we kissed. It didn't mean—" he broke off because he knew it would be a lie. He didn't know what it meant, but he kissed Caroline and he felt it. It meant something.

"You know what your problem is?" Rebekah asked, ignoring his abrupt stop. "Never mind, don't answer. I'll tell you." Sitting up straight, she met his gaze. "You think that a man can't be friends with his lover and a lover with his friend."

"That's not—that's not true."

"No, no, it is. You and I, we weren't friends. And you and Elena were never friends—"

"We are. We are friends now."

"Oh, I see and those looks that could kill you were throwing at her and your brother tonight, those were friendly?" He didn't reply. She prodded at his knee with her own. "Hmm, Stefan, I'm waiting."

"Fine, OK, look Elena is friends with me. I'm…"

"A work in progress?"

He rose to his feet and ran a hand through his hair. "Something like that," he spat out.

"Look, I've been watching you and Elena this last month—"

"Why?" He turned to her, truly bemused as to why she would do so.

"It was entertaining."

Stefan nodded. "Nice. Real nice, Rebekah."

"I watched you two and anyone with eyes could see that, yes, she was your friend but you thought it was more." She grinned. "Really, it was quite entertaining what with my residual anger towards you."

"You can leave."

Rising to her feet, Rebekah stood before him, her smile fading. "I'm trying to help you. Look, you kissed Caroline and it meant something obviously, and you care about her. So, take a chance. That's all I'm saying. Stefan, I've seen you two together and I think she makes you better. No, not better, just… you, I suppose."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "What's that's supposed to even mean?"

"You're not trying so hard. Trying to be Saint Stefan. Caroline actually brings out the best parts of you, the good in the saint and the fun in the sinner, or rather, Ripper." She smiled and it appeared genuine. The look in her eyes felt real and he found himself taking in what she was saying instead of just dismissing it out of hand.

"Rebekah—" he began, but her phone rang.

She held up a finger. "Yes?"

_"Hey, Rebekah."_ Stefan could hear Matt over the line. "_Can you meet me at the grill? I need to talk to you._"

Rebekah was still, not responding, and that vulnerability that she wore so easily fell over her. Paired with the inevitable longing. Stefan smiled.

"Go to him." She looked at him and he nodded. "Go."

"Does it include an apology?" She asked of Matt.

"_Yes._" Her eyes closed for a swift moment and then with a glimmer of a smile, she swept them open.

"Fine. I'll be there when I get there." She hung up. "I won't let him break my heart."

"Of course you won't. You're stronger than that." Stefan grinned. "You got over me."

Rolling her eyes, Rebekah let out a bark of laughter. "That I did." She slipped her phone in her purse and gazed at him. "What are you going to do?"

He shook his head. "Don't know."

She smiled. "You should figure it out."

He laughed lightly as she left. Silence filled the empty house once she was gone and he sighed. "What am I gonna do?" Stefan looked down and shook his head, thinking, thinking. _Caroline. I need to make things right with Caroline._ Switching the light off, he stepped out into the foyer when the front door suddenly opened. Damon and Elena walked in, their eyes on each other, neither even seeing him standing there. She was giggling and it would take a blind man not to see how happy she was with his brother.

And his brother… Stefan looked at Damon and froze. He honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd seen that open smile on Damon's face, such ease and happiness a stranger to his brother this last century and a half. Damon turned slightly and saw Stefan. That smile died and the guarded look that Stefan thought was Damon's natural state as a vampire returned. The smile was replaced with a smirk. "To state the obvious, you're home."

"I was just leaving."

But he didn't move and neither did they. Stefan looked back to Elena and that joy that had been flowing from her only moments ago was gone. She looked suddenly drained and Stefan felt an uncomfortable ball of guilt in his stomach. He had done that. He gave a quick shake of his head. _No more. It's time to move on. Time for all of us._

"Elena, could you give me a moment?"

She sighed and looked to Damon before returning to meet Stefan's gaze. "Can we just save it for tomorrow?"

He almost agreed, but he didn't want this hanging over the three of them one more moment. He didn't want the words left unsaid ringing in his mind. "It won't take long." He paused, a pleading look in his eyes. "Please?"

Damon released Elena's hand and took a step around her. "I'll be upstairs." His tone was slightly bitter and Stefan knew that Damon no longer expected his night to end as he'd clearly anticipated. Stefan looked at Elena who was looking after Damon, frustration on her face, mingled with such palpable love that he wondered how he could have so blinded himself to that reality before.

She was still for a moment, watching until Damon's figure was out of sight. Finally, she turned to him. "I don't want to fight."

Stefan shook his head again. "That's not—I know the answer, I do, but I have to ask… do you love him?"

Looking down, Elena sighed. "Stefan, don't."

"Elena…" She was quiet a moment longer and then finally she nodded. He nodded in turn. "He makes you happy. I saw that at the dance." Shaking his head, he laughed wryly. "It pissed me off."

"Stefan…"

His laughter faded and he took a step closer. "I know that's not good. Your happiness should come first, and he makes you happy." Stefan shook his head. "I don't." She didn't say anything. He looked up with a light shake of his head, another wry laugh. "But you don't really make me happy either anymore." Her eyes widened. Stefan nodded again. "It's gone, isn't it?"

Despite everything, Elena looked confused. Probably more that he was the one saying this and not her. "What we had? It's gone." She was still for a moment and then gave another small nod. "I do love you, Elena." He told her and he meant it completely.

A glimmer of wet shone in her eyes. "I love you too, Stefan, I just—"

He interrupted before she could say the words. Instead he said them for her. "You're just not in love with me. I know. You're in love with my brother."

"Stefan, I'm sor—"

"No, you were right." He spread out his arms out. "In this very room, you were right. We don't work, not anymore." Stefan shook his head. "I don't know, maybe things could have been different if I hadn't left, if Damon hadn't ever come to town. Who knows?" He took another step closer. "But things happened... as they did. And we are done."

"Yes."

Stefan nodded with a sigh, but it was one of peace, rather than frustration. "OK, then."

Elena offered a small smile. It was a sad one and a tear fell down her cheek, but there was relief in her eyes also. "Goodnight, Stefan." She turned towards the stairs, but he stopped her because he was unable to get Damon's smile, _he'd just looked so damned happy!_, out of his head.

"Elena?"

She looked back towards him, wariness in her gaze.

"I love him too you know."

She caught her breath, her eyes wide and Stefan felt an ache of sadness that she was surprised to hear him say that. That he'd so discounted all his brother meant to him in an effort to keep Elena from seeing all that his brother was just so that he could keep her to himself.

"You have the power to destroy him." He held her gaze. "Don't."

Tilting her head slightly, she appeared to take in the full measure of his words and her voice was strong when she responded. "I won't." She nodded, her eyes locked on his, and he could see the promise she was making there. Elena would keep her word and protect his brother's heart.

Stefan watched her walk up the stairs to Damon's room. He heaved a heavy sigh. It hurt. It did, but it was a dull pain, the regret of letting go of a cherished memory. He had made his peace with Elena. Stefan turned and headed to the door, opening it with determination.

Now, he needed to make it right with Caroline.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	24. The Right Choice

**Title**: How To Make A Better Vampire  
**Chapter**: 24 – The Right Choice [Featured Characters: Rebekah, Matt, Stefan, Caroline, Elena and Damon]  
**Author**: JenniferH (Arabian)  
**Rating**: M (For future chapters/language, sex, violence)  
**Summary**: Post 3.22 - Elena grapples with who she is as a vampire, struggling for control as she tries to find herself and accept who she loves (spoiler: it's Damon!) while her friends and enemies grapple with their own choices in this new world.  
**Word Count**: 4,296  
**Disclaimer**: _The Vampire Diaries_, and all her characters as presented, belong to Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, the CW, etc., etc., so on and so forth. ;) The song quoted is "Let Me Call You Sweetheart," written by Beth Slater Whitson with music by Leo Friedman.  
**Notes**: Thank you to my group of wonderful beta-readers who made this fic a ton better than it would have been otherwise. Following canon here, so there will be Stefan/Elena and as portrayed on the show, but fear not, this is very definitely a Damon/Elena story (with other pairings referenced, and some featured (Matt/Rebekah, Stefan/Caroline).

**Heads-Up**: I will be participating in an upcoming fanfiction auction. Would you like to as well? It will support the development of TumblCon USA (a fan convention to be held in Chicago Summer of 2014), particularly the _Vampire Diaries_ event? You will be able to either auction off your own writing talent, or bid on an other writer to write a story for you. If you are interested in signing up for TumblCon's FanFiction auction for _Vampire Diaries_, then drop an ask in the tvdtumblcon blog on tumblr (or pm user xallowspuffybuff) with your name, email, and that you are interested in the auction. You can ask them for any additional information. Follow them and stay up to date to know where and when bidding will start!

* * *

**Chapter 24: The Right Choice**

The first thing Rebekah noticed was the melody out of place in this century, and then the lyrics, _Let me hear you whisper that you love me too/Keep the love-light glowing in your eyes so true/Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you_, came to her mind moments before they were sung.

"Let Me Call You Sweetheart," she murmured as the scent of burning candles and a floral blend assaulted her senses. She wasn't positive, but she believed that the song had come out in 1910. "The Decades Dance," she made the connection with a whisper, a smile blooming on her face. Walking into the Grill, she took in the transformation, her eyes wide with surprise and delight. The entire bar and every table was covered with flowers—bouquets, single-stems, corsages—and thick, golden candles. Silence momentarily filled the room and then the song repeated.

_"I am dreaming, dear, of you  
Day by day  
Dreaming when the skies are blue  
When they're gray…_"

Matt stepped out from the shadows. His jacket was off, his tie undone, hanging loosely against his white shirt. He smiled when he saw her.

"You did all of this?" And she couldn't keep the wonder out of her voice.

His smile deepened. "I found this song on the internet, thought you might recognize it."

"Let me call you 'sweetheart,' I'm in love with you," she sang softly along with the singer, and then laughed lightly. "Yes, yes, I do."

"The candles were in the back and the shop across the street had a massive sale on all of their leftover flowers for the dance. I thought it would be a shame to let them go to waste."

Spinning around, she spread her arms, taking in how beautiful the restaurant looked. "I can't believe you did all of this." Rebekah stopped and faced him as he moved closer to her. "It's wonderful."

"You're wonderful and I'm an idiot."

Her gaze softened. "Matt, I've done horrible things. I can't expect you to—"

"But I forgave you. I can't say I forgive you and then continue to hold those things against you. Act like I'm better than you. I didn't just ask you to the dance because I knew you wanted me too. I asked you because I wanted to. To be with you, to see you smile when you attended your first high school dance." Rebekah caught her breath as he reached out and picked up a single red rose, wilted at the edges, but the most beautiful rose she had ever seen. He held it out to her. Silently she took it. "I wanted to give you that experience and instead I let my past get in the way of your happiness. I am sorry. You deserve better."

She sniffed the rose and then gave a gentle shake of her head. "You don't have—"

"No, I do," he interrupted. "See, I have this bad habit. I don't let go. It kinda screwed things up with Caroline for a while, I couldn't let go of Elena. And I talked to her tonight, Caroline, and I realized I was doing the same thing. Holding onto a memory, I guess, because I was afraid that the future wouldn't or couldn't be better."

Matt let out a humorless laugh. "I haven't had it very easy. I've tried to stay cool, keep my head, but I screw up just like every other stupid kid. I've had to grow up, be the adult, but yeah, I can still be a stupid kid. I was stupid to not appreciate you. I'm sorry, Rebekah."

She let out a shaky sigh, feeling incredibly stupid herself because it was taking everything in her not to cry. She laughed instead. "I forgive you, you stupid boy."

A slow smile spread across his face and his blue eyes were filled with such warmth they were a burning blue now. He put one arm behind his back and then held out his hand to her. "May I have this dance?"

"Yes."

_"When the silv'ry moonlight gleams  
Still I wander on in dreams  
In a land of love, it seems, just with you  
Let me call you 'sweetheart'  
I'm in love with you _

She took his hand and Matt pulled her into his arms. Gentle and swaying, they spun slowly around the space, weaving in and out, around and about the candlelit tables.

_"Let me hear you whisper that you love me too  
Keep the love-light glowing in your eyes so true  
Let me call you 'sweetheart'  
I'm in love with you_"

On a buoyant note, Rebekah twirled away from him and then slowly danced back into his embrace.

_"Longing for you all the while  
More and more  
Longing for the sunny smile I adore  
Birds are singing far and near  
Roses blooming ev'rywhere  
You, alone, my heart can cheer  
You, just you_"

The music played in the air, but they were still now, lost in each other's eyes. "Rebekah," he whispered her name softly and for the first time in nearly a century she felt her heart leap in her throat as a wave of joy swept through her. His eyes closed and hers followed suit as his head bent, his lips meeting hers.

_"Let me call you 'sweetheart'  
I'm in love with you"_

Her hands rose and circled around his neck as her lips parted beneath the growing passion of his kiss. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling him to her tightly and there was nothing else. Just this boy. His kiss. The music. This moment.

_"Let me hear you whisper that you love me too  
Keep the love-light glowing in your eyes so true.  
Let me call you 'sweetheart'  
I'm in love with you"_

XxxxX

Hair down, make-up off, comfortably garbed in a tank, pajama shorts and bunny slippers, Caroline headed into her bedroom, noisily slurping on her spoon. She dipped into the tub for another bite of Rocky Road and sighed as the cool ice cream hit her tongue.

"Heaven," she whispered dreamily. Stopping at her DVD collection, she snagged _The Notebook_ and then set her treat down on the dresser to open the case. Her eyes fell on the wilting corsage sitting there and Ryan Gosling was momentarily forgotten. Caroline sighed. Setting down the movie, she reached out for the flowers and brought them to her nose, inhaling the fading scent.

When Stefan had picked her up, she hadn't expected him to arrive with a corsage in hand and a genuine smile on his face. But he had, acting like it was a real date. _And then he kissed me_, she reminded herself. Throwing her head back, she found herself remembering when he first came to town. Her first glimpse of his cool stride down the halls of Mystic Falls High, his charming, mysterious demeanor at the Grill after school and how she had shamelessly tried to capture his attention at the bonfire. Crazy to think that it was barely a year ago.

All night she had waited for the new guy to show up and when he had, she'd waylaid him, determined to make her move.

_"Hey! There you are. Have you been down to the falls yet? Because they are really cool at night. And I can show you. If you want."_

God, the memory of it was just embarrassing. She'd all but flashed him! And Stefan, ever the gentleman, had tried to politely brush her off.

_"I think you've had too much to drink."_

Hah, of course she'd had. It was the annual bonfire, booze and s'mores all around. And she'd told him so and then he hadn't been so nice, just honest.

_"Caroline. You and me, it's not gonna happen. Sorry."_

At least he'd apologized for shooting her down. But that was like forever ago and if anyone had told her that she would have hooked up with Matt, and Tyler in the following year, she never would have believed it. But… _Never say never._

Holding the corsage, Caroline moved over to her bed and sat down. "Am I crazy?" She had to ask herself. "I mean, me and Stefan?" It wasn't just that kiss—although it had been a pretty spectacular kiss—it was how close they were, how well he treated her and how much she just liked him. It was how he had made her feel better after Tyler broke up with her, and that he made her laugh and danced with her tonight after Klaus had gotten her all turned around.

It was because he was Stefan and through everything and how they had all changed inside and what they were to each other, he was the only one who was still the same to her. He was still that mysterious, cool boy that she'd seen walking down that hallway who made her smile. Caroline closed her eyes and then with a swift shake of her head, opened them, stood up and threw the corsage away because absolutely not! "No, no, no!" She was not going there. "God, Caroline, you *just* broke up with Tyler! What is wrong with you?"

She looked down at the flowers in the trash and sighed again. She loved Tyler, she totally did, but if she was being honest with herself she had never felt those butterflies with him that she had with Matt, and Klaus… and Stefan. Tyler had been her friend, one she had sex with, and whom she loved, but she had never been in love with him. That tingling attraction that consumes you had never been there with Tyler.

"I suck."

A sudden, sharp knock on the door grabbed her attention and she was quite grateful. She'd been having way too many pity parties of late. Pulling on a robe, she picked up her ice cream and went to see who else was showing up on her doorstep tonight.

She peeked between the window curtains and then dropped it with a squeak. _Stefan!_ There was silence on the other side and then another tentative knock.

"Caroline?" She heard him sigh heavily. "I know you're mad at me—"

She opened the door.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm—OK, I am a little mad at you, but I'll get over it." Raising her brows, she frowned at him. "A few more hours would help though."

"I know, I'm sorry. I want to explain myself. I want to apologize. I want to make it better." His eyes were soft and green and pleading and so earnest and adorable. _Ugh!_

"Fine, explain yourself, apologize. Make it better, Stefan. You have five minutes. Ryan Gosling is waiting and my ice cream is going to melt."

"Ryan Gos—? Never mind. I'm sorry."

"You already said that." She tapped her foot and crossed her arms, ignoring the cool tub against her sleeve.

"Yes, I did. OK, I know it's not an excuse, I know, but I…" he trailed off and looked away for a moment. He huffed and then finally turned back to her, and she could swear that his face was kinda red. "The thing is, Caroline, I've never actually been… rejected before."

"Oh, boy!" Her eyes widened and she couldn't help it, she burst out laughing. _Talk about first-world problems. Poor Stefan, fawned over and adored for the last century and a half!_

He held up a hand trying to stem her laughter. "I know, I know, but, it's true. It is. And I handled it, Caroline, I handled it badly. I am sorry."

Clearing her throat, she rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help the tiny smile that fought its way onto her lips. He was kinda cute all flustered and embarrassed, she had to admit.

Stefan took a deep breath. "I want to make it up to you."

"How?" Her foot started tapping again.

"The Spring Falls Fair is coming up. I'll take you? If you want." He pasted a charming smile on his face, a hopeful light in his eyes.

Caroline paused and softened enough to unfold her arms. She was quiet, thinking and took the time to take a bite of ice cream. _So good._ She sighed, still thinking. _I really do love the Spring Falls Fair and not going solo would be a lot more fun than stuck with Bonnie, Elena... and their boyfriends._ Narrowing her eyes, she pointed her spoon at him.

"What about Elena? I will not be used in some attempt to break up her and your brother."

He shook his head. "Nope. I made my peace with Elena, with them being together." Taking a deep breath, he met her gaze, clear-eyed and firm. "I'm moving on."

Biting her lip lightly, she wondered how horrible it would make her to go out with her best friend's ex two seconds after said best friend hooked up with her ex's brother and she, Caroline, broke up with *her* ex. _Caroline, it's not like he's proposing! It's the Spring Falls Fair!_

"Will you win me all the stuffed animals I want?"

Without missing a beat, he responded with a grin. "Every one in the whole place if that's what will make you happy."

She made him wait a few more moments and then finally gave him a full smile. "OK, it's a date."

His grin melted into that smile that he only gave her, the one that made her heart flutter just a little bit. "It's a date, Caroline."

Clearing her throat, she gave a small smile. "OK, then. Good night."

"Good night."

He continued to look at her, not moving and then his head cocked slightly to the side. He opened his mouth to speak, she waited. He remained silent, and then took a step forward. Caroline straightened up, her eyes widening a bit.

"Stefan?"

He didn't say anything and then with a decisive nod, he took one step closer and reached out, capturing her face in the palm of his hands. A light gasp escaped her and his eyes were warm, and just then a darker shade of green. "I'm going to kiss you again."

"OK?"

"Because I want to kiss you. Caroline."

She blinked, and her voice was a whisper. "OK."

And he did. His head lowered, his lips were soft as he captured her top lip between his. As his breath whispered into hers. As his fingers caressed her skin.

_Heaven._

Stefan pulled away slowly, and he was smiling and she was smiling. He nodded once more and then turned and walked away. She watched him for a moment and then shut the door, turning to lean against it. With one hand loosely holding her Rocky Road, the other on her rapidly beating heart, she thought of that bonfire forever ago and she couldn't help but wonder again.

"Never say never?"

XxxxX

Elena paused outside of Damon's room. The entire walk up the stairs she had been listening and hadn't been surprised to hear restless footsteps and low mutters that finally crystallized into one phrase as she got closer, "Where is she?" She realized with relief that despite his fear that whatever Stefan wanted to say would change things between them, he was still waiting for her. And now Damon would know that it was only him.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes, and reached for the door knob when a sudden flush swept through her body, heat pooling in her belly. This wouldn't be the first time that she and Damon would be together. It had happened in this room, barely a month ago, but everything had been different. _Or maybe not. The heart of who they were and what they felt, those things hadn't changed. Just the circumstances._

And now she couldn't help but remember the mad passion she had felt in his arms then, his kiss consuming her as his hands wandered possessively over her body, lips trailing down her throat, her chest. As he came into her and everything she had ever known before exploded into a thousand pieces. How completely he had undone her. Elena's eyes drifted open. Her heart beat faster and she couldn't stop the joyful smile that burst across her face. She didn't want to stop it. She wanted the joy. She wanted Damon.

And he was waiting for her. Elena opened the door.

"I didn't eavesdrop. I do have some manners." His voice held a practiced ease and he was turned away from her. His back was naked, his feet bare. His shoes were no doubt neatly put away and his shirt and socks in the hamper in his closet. Everything in the room was spotless, even the undone bed was turned over neatly. _Damon, the neat freak-slash-vampire_, she thought affectionately.

"Damon," she said his name softly, confidently.

He turned around and in the second between seeing her face and seeing the *look* on her face she watched the nonchalant air designed to hide his aching heart fade. His eyes widened and there was just the slightest lift to the corner of his mouth, but it was enough. She could see that he saw the truth.

"I love you," she said.

"Elena…" His voice was barely a whisper.

Her smile grew and she could feel the heat of it lighting her whole being. "I love you, Damon. I love you so much. You, Damon." Her gaze was clear, her voice was strong. "Only you Damon. Always you. You."

In the next moment she was in his arms. Whether she had flown to him or him to her, she couldn't recall. His mouth captured hers in a devastating kiss that left her breathless, gasping for air even as she clutched him to her, trapping his lips between hers, biting, piercing the lower one, tasting his blood and loving every drop. Their tongues danced and then on an exhalation of breath, he licked a moist trail down her chin, over the curve of her throat.

His hands moved to the front of her gown, creating space between them and with one solid tear, he ripped the fabric down the middle. At the very same moment, his teeth sank into her neck. She fell against him, her knees growing weak as dampness pooled between her thighs with each suck upon her flesh.

"Damon," she cried as he suddenly swept her up into his arms. Her heels dangled and then slipped from her feet as he swung her around. A wicked smile lit his face and he captured her mouth in a quick kiss before throwing her onto the bed. Her eyes widened in surprise as she bounced on the soft mattress. "Damon!"

"We're doing it on the bed this time," he informed her as he unbuttoned his trousers and unzipped his fly. "And we're getting all the way naked."

Elena grinned and looked down at her tattered dress. She shrugged and pulled off what remained, throwing it to the floor. She couldn't help but snort when Damon sent a quick wince its way, but seconds later his lips parted and the blue of his eyes darkened when she rose to her knees and reached behind her back.

"Elena…" He said in a hoarse whisper.

She paused with a playful expression. "You did say we were supposed to get naked, right?" And then before he could respond, she unhooked her bra and flung it across the room. This time, his eyes did not follow her discarded clothing. Leaning forward, she swung her legs around and lifted up her rear to remove her pale panties.

Damon audibly gulped.

"You're still dressed," she pertly informed him, a wide grin curving her lips as her eyes fastened onto the prominent bulging of his boxers. Two seconds later he was no longer dressed and her smile faded into blissful anticipation. She relaxed onto her elbows and began to inch her way backwards up the bed.

Just as her head reached the pillow, Damon zoomed over and lay on top of her. His grin was nearly feral, his eyes rimmed with red and the faint tracing of veins appeared. Elena could see the pointy end of his teeth between the parting of his lips. She breathed his name, desire flooding through her like nothing she'd ever felt before and as the heat surged inside of her, she felt her own fangs pop out, the blood pooling under her eyes.

Damon suddenly threw his head back with an exultant laugh and a grin danced upon her lips in response. He looked back down at her, his vampiric face falling away. "I love you, Elena Gilbert."

So overcome with emotion, lying in his bed, naked in his arms, seeing such openness, such happiness on his face, Elena could only nod. Her fangs receded, the dark veins fading. She reached up and entwined her arms around his neck. On a breathy sigh, she pulled him to her. "Make love to me, Damon."

His next kiss was the sweetest she had ever known. His next touch, the softest, as his fingers trailed down her arm, entangling with hers. Rising slightly, his other hand drifted over her chest, dancing upon, circling around her breasts before he bent down and took one puckered nipple between his lips. Suckling lightly, he released her hand and traveled over her hip bone, fingers grazing the curve of her thigh before skimming underneath. Damon lifted her leg up, his knee nudging her other leg farther apart as he moved from one breast to the other, tracing the pale areola with his tongue.

A gasp escaped her, her back arching when he slipped his finger and then thumb inside of her, quickly finding the nub at her center. He lifted his head from her breast and swooped down to capture one more kiss, his tongue sliding in between her lips. Her nails dug into his back and she spread her legs wide when he finally entered her with one glorious thrust. She wrapped her legs around his hips. Pulling from his kiss, she threw her head back as he buried himself deep inside of her, moving in and out steadily and then with faster, harder, deeper thrusts. Elena screamed, the sound ripped from her throat as wave after wave of a most astonishing orgasm exploded inside of her.

And it felt right and she was torn apart and came undone. The waves receded, she returned to herself as Damon gave her a kiss. Soft and sweet, gentle, nearly chaste. And just like that everything came back together and she was complete.

"I love you," she whispered. His eyes shone and he mouthed the three words back to her before pulling out and settling beside her, cradling her in his arms. The room was quiet, their breathing returning to normal and she felt peaceful. A calm filled her to such a degree that she honestly couldn't remember the last time she had felt this good. This right. He was right. And everything that had happened from the moment she had met him crystallized into this moment, all of the wrong turns, the curves, the back roads, all of it led here, now, to this moment.

"I was wrong," she said to him. "I mean, I made the wrong choice, but I'm glad I did."

"Hmm," he muttered, contentment in his voice.

"Matt and I were heading out of town when we thought that Klaus was dead. We knew what that meant." She pulled away slightly and met Damon's confused gaze. "He told me to choose. We were halfway between Mystic Falls and where you were. I chose Stefan. I chose wrong."

Her eyes were clear when she met his and she hoped he understood what she was saying.

"Elena, it's OK."

Of course he didn't. It had all just come together for her now. Every choice. Every decision. Every declaration. Elena raised herself up and looked down at him, determined to say this right, determined that he understand.

"No, don't you see? Because I chose Stefan I went back to Mystic Falls. I ran into Rebekah on Wickery Bridge. Damon, I died because I chose wrong. But if I had never done that, I don't know if I would have ever had the courage to love you. To be who I'm supposed to be. To be with who I'm meant to be with. You."

She reached down and ran a finger lightly over his face. "It's like you said before. If you hadn't chosen to turn for Katherine, we never would have met. It was the wrong choice, Damon, she was the wrong choice, but it led you to me. I did the same thing. I chose the wrong person, but it led me to you. And now I'm here. And I have forever."

Elena met his loving gaze and a smile so open and sweet was upon his face. Reaching out, he captured her hand, entwining their fingers. With a smile of her own, she watched him watching their interplay. Damon looked back up at her and there was just the slightest catch in his voice when he spoke. "We have forever."

With a nod, Elena gave him another quick kiss. "Yes, we do."

She smiled. He grinned. She settled back down against him, squirming to get comfortable. He shifted with a slight groan. They were quiet, and then... "Elena?"

"Hmm?"

With breathtaking speed, Damon let go of her hand, wrapped his arms around her and rolled her underneath him. "Now that I finally have you where I want you, I intend to take full advantage." A wicked grin lit his face. "We're vampires, babe, we can go all night."

Elena grinned joyfully and held nothing back. Because he was right.

**THE END**

So here we are at the end. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with the story and thank you so, so, so much to those who have taken the time to comment, even if it was just a comment to let me know you were reading it. If you have read up to this point, and you have enjoyed it, even if you commented earlier but haven't since... it would mean a tremendous amount if you would let me know that you read this and that it worked for you. I've been working on this for 10 months and I've spent a LOT of time trying to make it right. So please let me know if you think I did. Thank you. :)


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